Floater's diary

As long as they close up and don't get infected you're generally good. Scar tissue can be annoying or unsightly and sometimes restricts flexibility (I know this is a metaphor but it works!) but with practice we can usually regain proper function.

It's a perfect analogy. Mental and physical trauma are more similar than most people know. :)
 
Today's foods have been, well, it is what it is. Half a sleeve of popcorn cakes, 200g of ham, and a small bowl of leftover kung po chicken. It was still food, and I'll try to eat more before bedtime.
 
Not enough calories for a grown woman of course but good choices for a bad day!

I managed to cook towards the evening - potatoes, chickpeas with sun dried tomatoes, and broccoli. I ate the whole broccoli, but I still have a big batch of potatoes and chickpeas left, they'll stay good in the fridge for 4 days and I can make them into different meals by adding different proteins and veggies. I'm currently heating some up in the oven with tuna.

I was supposed to go for a walk with a friend today, but I still don't feel OK so I had to cancel. I had horrible stomach cramps throughout the night. I don't think it can be covid though, because I don't feel sick constantly, it comes and goes. If this doesn't go away in a couple of days I'll probably have to get tested.


The autism assistants sound invaluable. I'm glad that they make such a difference in your life.

Thank you! They are great people. <3
 
I managed to cook towards the evening - potatoes, chickpeas with sun dried tomatoes, and broccoli. I ate the whole broccoli, but I still have a big batch of potatoes and chickpeas left, they'll stay good in the fridge for 4 days and I can make them into different meals by adding different proteins and veggies.
Cooking a whole meal from scratch while not feeling great sounds like a win to me, even if you didn´t eat all of it. Fingers crossed that your stomach will accept the tuna offering :)
 
Fingers crossed that your stomach will accept the tuna offering :)

Haha, the tuna stayed down! :)

When the assistant came over, we discussed my symptoms and decided that it's best to get me tested for covid just in case. I have to say that as much as the testing itself sucks, we were in and out of the process in 30 minutes. I have to self-isolate until the results come, but they usually take 24hrs max and I'm allowed to walk my dog, so all things considered...
 
Better safe than sorry, I guess. Do you not have the option of a quick test or are the slow tests just to make sure when you have symptoms?
 
Better safe than sorry, I guess. Do you not have the option of a quick test or are the slow tests just to make sure when you have symptoms?

Sadly, we only have the old fashioned swab-in-brain test available at normal testing stations. I think that airports have quick testing, but I'm not sure.

I'm a little bit worried. Not a lot, but a bit. Because I can't go to the grocery store before getting a negative result, I ordered a sandwich and a croissant from a donut place and they didn't taste anything like they should have. I noticed earlier today that tuna, potatoes and chickpeas didn't taste very good to me but oatmeal with jam went down easier. I still have two mini came donuts left for later, maybe sugar will taste less gross to me? GI issues continue, thankfully no vomiting, but everything else. I have a headache and some muscle pain too, but it might be because I'm nervous about the test result!

Food diary from 8pm yesterday to 8pm today:

Late dinner: 300g of broccoli, chickpeas and sun-dried tomatoes, boiled potatoes
Breakfast: potatoes, chickpeas and tuna
Lunch: instant oatmeal with soy protein, PB and fig jam
Dinner: chicken and goat cheese toast, a ham and cheese croissant

I'll try to eat at least one of the mini donuts before going to bed. Even if this is just a scare, I don't want to run on empty because that's a surefire way to feel even worse.
 
Sadly, we only have the old fashioned swab-in-brain test available at normal testing stations.
Same here, but the results only take 15 minutes.
I have a headache and some muscle pain too, but it might be because I'm nervous about the test result!
Quite possible, the nocebo is just as real as the placebo one.
I'll try to eat at least one of the mini donuts before going to bed. Even if this is just a scare, I don't want to run on empty because that's a surefire way to feel even worse.
I hope the donut stays down and it turns out to be a false alert :grouphug: Take care.
 
the nocebo is just as real as the placebo one.

I hope the donut stays down and it turns out to be a false alert :grouphug: Take care.

Thank you! I do have a penchant to somatize, so fingers crossed. :) I'll have that donut now with a cup of white tea and watch some nonsense on YT until I fall asleep.
 
Fingers crossed for the test. Hope you feel better soon xo

Yay, the results are in, and negative. I feel a bit silly. But then again: better safe than sorry.

I had weird nightmares. At first I was hiking and met a fellow hiker, who turned out to be my "real" father. At first I was excited, but he turned out to be a horrible person. Next, I was sentenced to prison for unfair drug charges and tried to get human rights organizations to help me. I was very happy to wake up to reality :D
 
Congratulations on the negative test! Good thing you woke up before your nightmares took it even further :) I spent all night trying to get to the airport in time :ack2:
 
What is it about dreams and liminal places? I was stuck at a train station last night. Airports, boats... They become so haunting in dreams.

I had a mini donut and my usual oatmeal for breakfast. I can't afford a big grocery haul until 1.4., but I decided to add in sugary treats like chocolate and pastries. I'm not that into sweet foods usually, but I do notice that they have a pleasant effect on my mood when I eat them in moderation with stuff that takes longer to digest and prevents my blood sugar from spiking and crashing. The only way to find out if I can keep a sugar stash at home is to try, and judging by the amount of spoiled chocolates, dried out candy and crystallized ice cream I have tossed out in my lifetime I doubt it's going to be an issue. (At least for as long as I don't restrict which will make anyone binge.)

An assistant came over (I'm so glad that the test result came back early!) and I managed to clean up! I still have some finishing touches to do, but the biggest stuff is out of the way. :)
 
My most common nightmare as an adult is trying to get to a place where I need to be punctual and everything in the universe conspiring to make me late. So stressful!

I hope I'll one day be able to only have a little bit of a sweet food and really enjoy it. For me it's much easier with savory things, although I love those as well.
 
Ugh, I feel heavy and bloated. After breakfast I've had a protein bar for lunch and a mini can of tuna with most of the oil drained for a snack with my short effect meds (the drained weight is 85 grams, but of course the oil sticks to the fish; I just can't stand tuna in water). I have a friend coming over and we plan to eat together, so I wanted to keep my blood sugar steady. The issue is that if I eat small portions often, I get more GI issues than when I eat only twice or thrice per day. I know I ingest less calories this way, but I get so sore and my clothes don't fit and I just feel "fat". On the other hand, the side effects from my meds get horrible if I eat less frequently. I just can't win...

I don't know why I feel so sad and tired now. I have cleaned up, been active today, I'll get to see my friend soon... Everything should be so nice. But here I am obsessing about how my body feels and looks and wanting to be small and fade away completely.

Just getting that out of my system. I think I'm feeling this bad because the last time I saw my friend I was working out hard at the gym. Well, covid restrictions got stricter, so now I feel like she's celebrating my birthday with me in a "worse" body than I wanted and planned to. Sucks to be mentally ill, huh.
 
Just getting that out of my system. I think I'm feeling this bad because the last time I saw my friend I was working out hard at the gym. Well, covid restrictions got stricter, so now I feel like she's celebrating my birthday with me in a "worse" body than I wanted and planned to. Sucks to be mentally ill, huh.
Definitely sucks, but I think you´re doing very well putting words to it all and doing what you can to make things work.
I never buy tuna in oil because unknowable calories but I often add a little mayo to the (drained) watery version to get the right texture.
 
Definitely sucks, but I think you´re doing very well putting words to it all and doing what you can to make things work.
I never buy tuna in oil because unknowable calories but I often add a little mayo to the (drained) watery version to get the right texture.

For some reason I can't stand mayo, so I'll just stick to the oily tuna :D The packaging seemed true to the actual stats, stating it has 9g of fats out of which 1,2 are saturated per 100g. The water version has 0,5 and 0,1 respectively. Besides, oily tuna just keeps me sated for longer, so I'm happy enough with it.

After writing all that previous stuff down I took a break and lied down for a while. It helped with the bloating. I'm so happy that the apartment is squeaky clean, I've been lazier than usual with my cleaning routines and as a dog owner that piles up quickly.
 
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