Emily Rose: The Reboot

Good luck on the date Em. I bet you look gorgeous. As the others say it's how you feel and not look.
Regards the instant gratification I think we all have a bit of that going on. Even regards dieting we have one good day and expect a 10lb loss !

Have a great time
 
Thanks for all the words of encouragement guys.

I'm back from the date. It went well! He's a very good-looking guy.

I rooted out this comment from February that I made:

Emilyrose said:
And the thing about my life situation right now is that I'm always someone who wanted to go off and travel a lot, meet loads of different people from different backgrounds and with different nationalities, have loads of romances, and I actually may as well be married with a mortgage and two kids for all the adventures I'm having. I never wanted to be here at this stage of my life, I never wanted to be stuck, and that's exactly what's happened.
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I think basically this guy has come along to fulfil the part I've bolded and underlined above. He's cooking me dinner next week in his place. I'm excited. He kissed me on the corner at the end of the night with the rain bucketing down, and I realised how much I missed kisses. And romance. And that it doesn't have to be Mr Amazing and Ticks All The Boxes. It can be Mr Hot Spaniard who is what I need for right now! I think he's come along at the perfect time. I am happy about this! And I also haven't started building a future for us because he's pretty much laid his cards on the table, which is great. I don't mind not being his perfect girl. It's just nice sometimes to have drinks and a chat and have a connection but it not to be the be all and end all. I am delighted. I had a happy little smile on my face on the bus journey home. I am finally making progress! Also, I realised on the date that I am not the insecure shy girl I used to be anymore. I am well able for anything. That crept up on me, I didn't notice the evolution. But I can feel it now. And I am pleased.
 
Emilyrose said:
Also, I realised on the date that I am not the insecure shy girl I used to be anymore. I am well able for anything. That crept up on me, I didn't notice the evolution. But I can feel it now. And I am pleased.
Click to expand...
This is so incredibly great!!! And really wonderful you had such a good connection and romance in your life again!!!
 
Emily good for you. I'm glad you are relaxed with it and not taking it seriously . Go out enjoy it and have some fun . Sounds like you had a great time . Thst rain was horrendous and not much better this morning .
 
Thanks a million guys. He texted me today so that’s a good sign.

It’s actually great cos I’m so busy living my life that I don’t have the time to be sitting around thinking about him.

Weighed in this morning, disappointing, but I am going to try to just get back into going to the gym this week. I want to be relaxed and happy next weekend so the exercise is so important for that. It’s boot camp tomorrow morning - eek - but it’s 30 minutes so it should be fine.

My parents are away so I spent some time by myself in my home house today, it was glorious. We have such a beautiful home. I really feel this sense of love and peace when I walk in the door.

I feel like a really lucky woman right now. :) I am finally taking the time to smell the roses!

I had a cigarette tonight and I was thinking to myself, ‘I don’t need these anymore.’ So while the going is good, I might try to quit again. I was worried about my breath when my date kissed me. He vapes. So no stinky breath from him. But yeah. Let’s try it again. I am sick of being a broken record about this.
 
Nice you get to savor your parents' house and be surrounded in happiness. And I hope you don't believe those thoughts that because you have tried to quit cigarettes many times that it isn't worth trying again. You are a different person with all that data of what doesn't work and why to draw from. If you look at the lives of inventors (to bring up a total cliche of what I mean) you see they tried thousands of times and used the data to finally find what they were looking for. We aren't any different. I am convinced that the main difference between people who succeed and people who fail is usually the critical step of not giving up. I know because I have this uncanny desire to give up just before I succeed at things, and have learned from experience (a lot of very painful experience actually!) not to trust those thoughts!

And so great he texted you - yay for things going so well!!
 
Em I think we all become broken records . I know I have about my weight over the years. I have told very few people what I am going this time . Can't bear to see the eye rolls saying here we go again. Is there anything g we can do to help with the cigarettes ? Happy you heard from the chap. That's great .
 
Hi LaMa. I had maybe 1 cigarette yesterday and then today, I didn't have any, and nearly had a complete breakdown in work, was crying and everything. This is apparently a normal reaction, but I am so busy that I don't think I can cope with giving them up just yet. So I bought more this evening. :(

Yes it will Cate, I am inching closer all the time, I swear.

I love what you said about the inventors Marsia. I am just trying to find the right timing + motivation + energy required. It's tough.

Thanks Amy. I called home tonight and spent some time with Dad. He told me about his recent holiday with my mum (they got back yesterday). The main takeaway from it is that she lost her fancy new glasses, so it's a disaster. Lol.

Petal, I feel the same about so many things. I talk the big talk, but never follow through. It's annoying, but I guess that means we're both optimists when it all comes down to it? Not sure how you can help with the cigs, unless I start up some kind of live feed where you all can follow me and give me supportive comments whenever a craving hits? Lol.

Very tough few days. I want to feel fresh for the weekend, but I went home tonight, and even my dad commented on how tired I look. So overwhelmed with work right now, really sick of it. Mo' money, mo' problems. I am not doing any more overtime this week. I need some rest.

We had a big work disaster today and I wanted to go to yoga but I couldn't leave. It was so annoying, I was crying a small bit and everything. I wasn't smoking and I felt that being taken away from me was adding to the pain. I know that sounds crazy but the mind works in mysterious ways. I don't know what to do. I just want a break from the hectic days.

I am also not getting enough exercise and it has suddenly turned to winter here over the space of a week. The evenings are dark so early, there's so little light, loads of rain. It's all too much. I did manage a 20 minute walk at lunchtime, but I honestly felt like screaming when I got back to the office. My colleague told me it wasn't worth crying over. He's right, of course, but we have weekly deadlines, and I just felt like it was all TOO MUCH.

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and all that. Spanish guy texting me every day. I don't really know what to make of him. I think we have a connection though. I guess we'll see. It's nice that someone is thinking of me. I just wish I wasn't feeling as burnt out and down on myself as I am today.

I also had a bit of a strop at the rehearsal on Monday, really felt like I let myself down. That is bothering me bigtime. One of the actors completely flopped his lines because there was just bad energy that I had created, and I really don't want that to happen again. I need the date to go well! Get rid of this tension!!!!
 
Hi, Em. G keeps talking to me while I'm trying to post! I'm sorry you had such a bad day at work & at the rehearsal. Maybe it would be better to start trying to give up smoking when you have a week off. Getting something from a doctor to help you with withdrawal symptoms is probably a good idea. I found this article on quitting & depression, which may help http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/0886
I'm glad the Spanish guy is keen & it is nice to think that he is thinking of you. Just take it as it comes & enjoy yourself, Em xo
 
It's a huge thing to do, to break from cigarettes, and it's no wonder if it takes many attempts, a bit like running partway up the side of a mountain, and then down and catch your breath, and then run again, a bit further that time, until at last you are triumphant on the peak. You held off for the whole of a tough day, and only crumpled in the evening (and no wonder, with such work-stress!). So that is not a failure, it's an achievement in itself.
Yes, maybe we can try to be a round-the-clock support team - I think between us we circle the globe pretty comfortably! ie someone should be awake at any time, I think?
Please don't be down on yourself - you are absolutely amazing to be doing all you do. Hugs, if you're up for them! :)
 
Oh, really sorry you had such a hard day. I hope after a lot of great sleep you feel refreshed and like you can start over. I agree with everyone, trying to quit on a day that totally stressed you out is just bad timing. Terrible conditions to try to start anything!

Nice the Spanish guy is texting so much and keeping a connection going. I really hope you can rest up and take care of yourself so you can thoroughly enjoy your date with him!!
 
Em you need to do as your mum said with the lovely gift she gave you , focus on the good things .

I pointed out to my husband recently the amount of money he spends on cigarettes. It was scary as I didn’t realise they were over 12 Euro a packet . I’m pretty sure he buys 5 packets a week but he won’t admit it . Perhaps if you add up the cost and say well I could buy something nice with it it might incentivise you . Hard to give up everything all at once though isn’t it .

Good that chap is texting you .

Your parents sounds really special . Have you any siblings ?

Hope today is a lot better for you x
 
Thanks Cate. I did well this week in that I survived two full days at work without them and I didn't smoke at all yesterday, but it's not the right time for me to do a full quit. Still, all these mini-quits have to start adding up. I'm sure there must be some rewiring going on in that frazzled brain of mine. Right?

Aw Amy, that is so nice. I don't feel very amazing, I feel so flawed right now. But anyway, I have to keep going, regardless.

Thanks Marsia, I'm resting up tonight. :cool:

No siblings Petal, so it's all on my shoulders. They are genuinely kind people and I get away with murder because of it. Haha. Although I am of the opinion that nature is stronger than nurture. I would always be this headstrong and independent regardless.

Right. Today turned into a bit of a yucky day. I work with this guy and we were really close for a long time, then things went a bit wrong, and it's all been back to normal more or less for the last while. But today, I felt like he was off with me again, and then we had this talk at lunchtime, and he was saying all this stuff that in a roundabout way was kind of giving out to me about what's happened. He also talked about people 'not coping' with stuff and that's not his fault and it was all very strange and annoying and I felt really deflated after it. Like, I know he pays a lot of attention to the things I say and some days I think we are so on the same page it's ridiculous. But then it's like there's this massive disconnect all of a sudden and I don't understand where it's come from. I hate being upset about this and about other people's actions, and wanting them to like me too much. It's hard to explain. Our boss told me she was wondering if something was going on. Sometimes I think there's something going on. But maybe that's because I'm crazy about him, even though he's not available. Anyway, it's all very stressful at times.

I don't feel bad about being upset this week, I tried not to take it out on anyone or him really, I just cried to myself at my desk. But I guess people can pick up on the vibes. It's very tricky. I don't know what to do. I just know I don't cope well with working extra hours and I also felt so sad about the play as well. Hmm. Anyone got advice on how to keep on keepin' on and not get overwhelmed?

I went to the gym last night and felt fantastic after it. So I guess the answer is exercise. I just feel so tired in the mornings that I can't drag myself out of bed, and Monday and Tuesday evenings are impossible to fit in time for exercise. Sigh.

Anyway, I know I am complaining about small things, I just feel a bit... I don't know. I feel like that man pushing the boulder up a hill. I can see progress but it's so slow.

Date night tomorrow. I guess I should focus on the new guy instead. He texted me today asking if I like honey and mustard. I think he's making us dinner. Haha, that was nice. I really hope it goes well. I need this! Please send positive vibes my way. I want to come in here on Sunday feeling like a million dollars!! :D
 
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