Emily Rose: The Reboot

Your walk sounds wonderful! You are more understanding than I am when it comes to people waking you up at night. I turn into a grizzly bear, lol.
 
Haha, thanks Cate.

Yeah, things have settled down again LaMa.

I've been a grizzly bear more than a few times with them Jenni, waste of time and energy. They are not so bad really.

Still on the sober train! Day 9 today. It has not been easy. But totally worth it.

Went to yoga this morning, just having a coffee and scone now before my training session at 1pm.

I'm going to a Sunday Cinema Club meetup later today, bit nervous about it as I don't know anyone, but not giving myself hangovers means I have a lot more energy and a lot more time on my hands.

When I walked into the hotel where I'm having my coffee just now, I saw the first boy I ever kissed in the lobby. Memories! Hope it's a good omen for more kissing to come!!

Beautiful day here, enjoy your Sundays everyone.
 
Oh, Em. You are doing so well & should be very proud of yourself!
I hope the Sunday Cinema Club was good. I like how you are trying different things that don't include alcohol. Kudos to you, hon xoxo
 
Still going strong, getting less sleep but feeling far more fresh and alive in the mornings. I probably only drank a few days a week but it definitely affected most of my week in terms of energy levels.

Very busy few days ahead, weight has stabilised but the scales are not really moving. I'm more interested in staying off the booze right now so I'm eating a lot of sugar. But I'm not gaining, so that's okay for the moment.

Last morning in the gym tomorrow. I've enjoyed it but I'm glad it's nearly over.
 
Ha, I love it, thanks Cate.

Thank you Jenni and LaMa for the supportive comments. It feels good to be sticking to a plan for once!

I'm having a luxurious soak in the tub right now as I am staying in a hotel for a work trip for 3 nights. I have not drank at dinner either night and we even went to a pub after work today and I had a Coke. I actually can't believe how strong I am being.

I don't think I will stay off alcohol for the rest of my life, but I want it to be the exception rather than the rule. I also don't plan on drinking again until I reach my goal weight. That will take time.

This week has been a lot easier.

Lots of stuff going on at the moment, the worst thing about being away is the rich meals in the evening. I feel sick now after my dinner so going to get something lighter tomorrow. Two days eating rice was a really bad call. Better rice than wine though! At least for now.
 
Hi guys. I did 17 days and tonight I crumbled just a little bit.

On the weight loss front, nothing major has happened. I have maintained. I probably look a bit more alert. My skin is a bit better.

I just needed a break from being the good version of me. If that is even a real thing. I definitely think sobriety is the way forward, but because my problems are so intertwined with food addiction as well, it's really tricky. I just get pissed off sometimes that other people can manage to build relationships that I don't have even when I know they are as bad (worse) as I am. I am tired of being really lonely.

I have a long break from the job for the next while. I wish I felt a bit more optimistic. I am a bit sad about things again.

A "friend" texted me over the weekend asking me if I wanted to meet for tea. She got engaged a few months ago and didn't tell me. I introduced them. I ignored her message, which I hate doing, but I am so hurt that she didn't feel the need to tell me when this great thing happened in her life. I feel like I deserve a little bit more than what I'm getting from people.

Anyway, back on the sober train tomorrow.
 
Don't beat yourself up over this slip, Em. You can use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself in relation to alcohol.

Have you considered AA for some support? You don't have to say you are an alcoholic to go to AA. You just have to have a desire to stop drinking. I was utterly horrified at the idea of going to meetings at first, but now I truly love it. I have made the best friends of my life in AA. This weekend I am going to a women's retreat in the mountains to hang out with the girls. We do fun stuff all the time, and we get each other in a way no one else really does. If I can help in any way, feel free to PM me.
 
Thank you Jenni, I really appreciate your comment. I looked up AA meetings in my area today, but I really don't know if it's for me. I haven't drank today and had no desire to, so I will see how I get on myself for another while.

Had a fairly meh day and ate badly, which was to be expected really. I'm not giving myself too hard a time though. The plan for tomorrow is to get up in the morning and go to yoga and really try to have a healthy eating day. I didn't smoke today either. During my time off from work, I want to quit them. I'm using the same mind tricks I used to keep me off alcohol for the 17 days I lasted. I do have moments of panic but I really am sick of them.
 
Thanks LaMa. Ended up buying cigs again today. Sigh. But I will overcome this also. Trying to just accept that it's going to be an uphill battle but I am determined.

Went for yoga this morning, we did a moon salutation in honour of the full moon in Taurus last night, lol. It was fun though.

Meeting a friend later to watch a parade in town, then very busy day tomorrow. Going for a run in the morning, then meeting former colleagues for lunch in a really nice cafe, then heading home for a while, then I'm attending a yoga workshop in the evening. Should be a lovely day.

Going to watch that new Netflix show now, 'The Haunting of Hill House.' It's meant to be really good and Michiel Huisman is a lovely, lovely man.
 
Me too, Em. Hope you're doing well xoxo
 
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