Emily Rose: The Reboot

Looks like a good eating day for sure. I feel you on the skin trouble :( Hope it gets better soon. Do you have issues with your nails as well? Skin&hair often means you need more protein and healthy fats while hair&nails is more likely to be a lack of silicic acid and/or overabundance of stress.
 
Emilyrose said:
It's annoying being so close but yet so far from a goal. Do you know what I mean?
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That's when it is the hardest Em. You can do this. Don't settle for what you won't be happy with. Go you!
 
Yep, it's skin and hair. I have good skin in general, it's just gone a bit lacklustre. My hair has never been my strong point, but I got it cut a couple of weeks ago and it's looking a lot healthier. I want to keep it that way.

Thanks Cate. Yeah, I guess I'm just tired of the same shit going round and round in my head all the time.

I've had a good food day so far. Porridge and a slice of toast for breakfast, seeds and yoghurt for a snack, a large salmon and potato salad for lunch and 3 oatcakes with half an avocado for a second snack. I don't feel hungry for my dinner at all, so I might not bother with it.

I had a very busy day in work but something I was worried about turned out to be a complete non-issue, so again the pointlessness of worry was pointed out to me! Heh.

I'm very bored this evening, I've been in the house too much this weekend. I should just savour this time and get stuck into my book, but I'm feeling restless.

I'm cooking more salmon and potatoes for lunch now, another job done at least. The rest of the week will be a lot busier, so that's good.

Hmm.
 
Indeed it was Cate.

I am very tired this evening. I had such a productive day at work, had one very challenging phone call with who can only be described as a whinger, but I think I figured out why she was having the problem she was having, so I was happy with that.

I was in the yoga place tonight, developing an annoying crush on the hot yoga instructor, which is pointless, as I think he has a girlfriend and he's probably out of my league, haha. He is very lovely though. Ah well.

My food today wasn't so bad, but I actually feel too full going to bed tonight.
- strawberries, a banana, 5 almonds, an apple
- salmon and potatoes with salad
- 4 small chocolate truffles (amazing - a girl in work brought them back from her holidays in Tenerife)
- 5 oatcakes and avocado (had to go straight to the yoga centre after work and I was starving)
- slice of toast with butter and a boiled egg

My friend invited me to go for burritos after yoga, but I declined, so it really could have been worse! Maybe it's because I got all my vitamins and minerals in that I'm feeling so stuffed. That was my nutritionist's main thing. She said, 'You won't be hungry if you are eating the right things'. Haha, I can't believe how New Age I've become. Yoga, a nutrionist, avocado on oatcakes... Where did it all go wrong? :D

I'm going to get an early night now, I have pilates and tennis tomorrow evening, can't wait to get some proper exercise! It's badly needed when the weather has turned to shit.

Namaste friends.
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:D Not sure there´s anything divine in me but if there is it definitely greets the divine in you :D Sounds like a good day.
 
Thanks Cate.

I'm sure there's lots that's divine in you LaMa!

Thanks Sunflower, I don't feel like I have, but anyway. Still making some attempt at change.

The weather is shit and it's sucking the life out of me. I'm really not sure about this new gym. In my old gym, I always thought I was looking pretty good. The new gym mirrors make me look like a worn out old shoe. And the classes are cramped and difficult. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up this easily though. Sigh. I guess I'll give it another week.

I went gung-ho in work again today, I think that's why I am feeling so completely drained tonight. It's great though, I'm getting really focused and enjoying my day for the most part. I have loads of different tasks to get through at the moment, very diverting and interesting for my brain. Today, I sent on design ideas for a gift voucher and I was really happy with the results. The boss gave it the thumbs up. I had to do loads of invoicing, which is something I'd never done before this job and I'm getting a lot better at. I quite like working with numbers at times. I had to sort out a major headache with the letters we are sending out, so lots of emails back and forth about that. I had to proof new letterheads we are using for our marketing mailings. I had to investigate a problem with a customer who showed up for an appointment on the wrong date. I had to do some printing. It was good.

I think this marketing sector might be the one for me. We have a week's training coming up as well, the whole office is going away together and staying in a hotel, which I really love. I know a lot of people find it to be a pain in the hole, but I love meeting new people, I love hotels, and I love a change of scenery from time to time. Plus I have the following week off, so it's a really great two weeks for me.

I have family stuff this weekend, that should be nice, and I also might be getting some work in a local theatre, which would be very exciting. I was kind of cross before I started writing this entry, but it's actually all going fine I would say.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow and really feel like I didn't want to smoke anymore or eat crap, but I just can't seem to get there yet. It's very annoying. I don't want to be 40 by the time I wake up!!! I want to feel vibrant and super-healthy and sexy now.

Do any of you have tips on how to motivate yourself when you know you are progressing at a snail's pace?
 
Emilyrose said:
I was kind of cross before I started writing this entry, but it's actually all going fine I would say.
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That´s what I thought while I was reading. You seem to be getting it together fine!
Emilyrose said:
Do any of you have tips on how to motivate yourself when you know you are progressing at a snail's pace?
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Perfection is not something to be achieved and then put into a display case, it´s a direction to head in while enjoying the trip.
 
Thanks guys. I am enjoying the ride for the most part. I guess I just want to be a bit further down the road. Still, I think I'm out of the tunnel at least. The scenery around is just a bit boring. ;)

So, today I decided to ask for a salary increase. Money has become such an issue for me, I'm 12 grand down from my last job, I don't have the 3-4k nest egg that I used to have, and every month is a struggle to have enough. I just said I'd put it out there that I'm not happy with the money I'm on and the rest is up to them. I do like where I am, but long term on this salary is not sustainable. As in, I'm never going to be able to go on holiday again. So let's see... The reaction to my asking was not one of shock or horror, she didn't even ask me to justify my reasons really, so fingers crossed they value me and are willing to pay me enough to keep me there.

I guess with a career change, you have to accept that you're going to be on less money, but if I'd stuck to my old job, I could easily be earning 20k more than what I'm on now, so it's a tough one at times.

I have the gym tomorrow and a family dinner on Sunday. It's going to be a quiet weekend overall though. I guess two quiet weekends in a row is overdue. I know there's loads of fun and exciting things ahead, I just need to be patient. Can't wait to tell you all about it when it happens! I guess I should savour the quiet pace, because when things get busy, it's like my brain starts fast-forwarding. And I don't want to get older any faster!

I'm half an hour into Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon at the moment, I'm enjoying it so far. Ang Lee directed it, and he also directed the exquisite Sense and Sensibility, one of my favourite films of all time. It's got Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet, two of my favourite actresses, Hugh Grant at his most bumbling, charming self, Alan Rickman being all suave and fantastic, and Greg Wise to bring a bit of sexiness to the table. What a show.
 
I went to the gym this morning - did some squats with kettlebells and TRX, felt good afterwards. I headed into town then and bought a few things for my meals this week in the market - avocados, tomatoes, peppers, salmon and chicken - so I am all set.

I finished Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, it was okay. Enjoying a very chilled out afternoon and evening now. Made some spinach soup earlier, it was nice. I love spinach.

Not much else to report, it's just another day.
 
I love Spinach too & avocado & salmon & chicken..... Hope you have a really good week this week Em, including a pay rise :)
 
Thanks Cate.

It is 10am, I am awake and already had my breakfast! o_O Going to yoga now, then a family lunch. Feeling a bit shattered even after a good sleep, but I'll be fine after the class and my shower.

Feeling positive again. I can do anything.
 
Being up and about on Sunday morning means you´ve got more weekend to enjoy :) Hope the lunch was nice.
 
Thanks LaMa. Unfortunately, I felt completely drained after the family gathering. I found it a huge strain, to be honest. I feel so much pressure from my relations, I don't know what it is. I just always feel like I've disappointed them. At least with my mum and dad, they've kind of accepted me as I am and I know they have great belief in me and that I will get to wherever it is I'm going, but the relations are tough. My aunt is always telling me to apply for these ridiculous public sector jobs that I have absolutely no interest in and that I am completely overqualified for, it really annoys me. And I'm sure they're all wondering why I'm alone and don't own a nice car or have a mortgage or all that shit yet. Sigh. I know I shouldn't care, but it's tough sometimes.

Anyway, that was yesterday. I went to my new gym after work; the good news is that I think it's growing on me! It's just so fantastic to be able to walk there, get my workout done and be home again, all within an hour. I really liked the class today as well. And the mirror seemed a bit kinder.

I think I had a case of the Mondays today, so hopefully my energy levels will be back to normal tomorrow. Ended up eating a lot of chocolate to get me through. It didn't feel a binge or self-medication though, it just felt like my body was crying out for a fast sugar release. Hmm. Anyway. I'll just get back on plan tomorrow.
 
Emilyrose said:
My aunt is always telling me to apply for these ridiculous public sector jobs that I have absolutely no interest in and that I am completely overqualified for, it really annoys me. And I'm sure they're all wondering why I'm alone and don't own a nice car or have a mortgage or all that shit yet. Sigh. I know I shouldn't care, but it's tough sometimes.
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It´s usually hardest to not care when they´re things you´ve sort of kind of blamed yourself for at times.
Yay for better gym time!
 
Oh, Em. Family can seem to be so critical. I used to be under so much pressure to have babies that it almost put me off entirely. I'm glad that you are starting to feel better about the gym. Being so convenient is a huge plus!
 
I don't know about blaming myself LaMa - I really couldn't care less about a nice car (maybe a reliable car - see below) and I definitely don't want a mortgage as a noose around my neck. I agree though, a partner would be nice.

Ooh Cate, I'm very interested to hear more about what you were going through when you were my age and younger. Please share some stories!

I am aching all over today. I was going to go to yoga, but my muscles felt really sore, so I said 'Fuckit' and went to the garage to get petrol and a few bits instead. And then the car wouldn't start. Whoops. That's what I get for skipping yoga!

After a number of failed attempts, I went back into the petrol station to ask for help and the girl in the shop told me that there was a garage that might still be open around the corner. It wasn't, but luckily there was a tool hire place still open with two men having a chat inside. One of them magically turned out to be a mechanic, he came back to the car with me and got it started using the old 'roll car down hill, jump into moving vehicle and start it' technique. Then he said that it was the battery that was the issue and that the cheapest place to go was just in front of us beside the petrol station. It couldn't have been more convenient if I'd imagined it myself. It was after 6 when all this drama occurred, so that's a job for Friday after work. I swear, the minute I get paid, something new happens that takes my money away from me immediately. Ah well, delighted anyway that I was able to get home without too much hassle. I tip my hat to that lovely mechanic.

:auto: <--- Me, driving like a maniac to get home before the car stalled again!

But yeah, my muscles are really sore today. I am keeping the mantra in my mind that 'consistency is key' and I have gone to the gym every second day since I joined it (except for one day when I really had to stay in work late). So I'm proud of that and I'm going to pray that it starts paying dividends soon. My lunches have been exceptionally healthy - I haven't dined out in a few weeks at lunchtime - and I've been eating porridge for breakfast most mornings. So if I keep at it, I am sure to see some results.

I had to cancel the appointment with the nutritionist for tomorrow because of worries about getting out there and the car not starting, but I'm relieved in a way, because I think I have more of a chance of seeing a change in my stats if I give it a week more. I will post it up here anyway, whatever way it goes.

It's a really horrible evening, I'm tucked up in bed now, happy out. I had a good day in work, I don't know why I felt so miserable in there yesterday, I actually do like it! I just didn't get into it yesterday, but today I really knuckled down and I got some satisfaction out of it.
 
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