Emily Rose: The Reboot

Oh Em. What's up? I know it's frustrating when friends/family that are supposed to be "inner circle" don't feel very inner circle but sometimes it's easier to give throw away feedback to people we don't know as well. I know I'd think twice before telling my best friend that she looks happier or fitter as her mood fluctuates so much and I know she internalises everything and over-thinks things and last time I told her she looked like she lost weight she got herself into a right tizz and asked why I would mention her weight. What feedback is it that you want from people? Is a strangers feedback ever going to be accurate, truly, or is it just what they think you want to hear/randomly generated to provoke discussion? Meh, I don't know. Don't like you being glum. Hope today is brighter, love xo
 
Thanks Cate.

Hi Sunflower. You know what, you're right, I've fallen into this horrible victim mentality, I read a lot about it last night on Life Hacker, and I think the time for feeling sorry for myself has to come to an end. I guess I just want to feel more supported at times, I don't know. I met my nutritionist this morning and she told me, 'You are fine.' Even something as simple as that made me feel like I had someone on my side who believes in me. I think I probably show every nuance of my less-than-stellar sides to my inner circle, and I guess maybe that clouds what I feel are my good points in their minds. I have friends who probably think I am the friend you are describing when you mentioned her weight loss. And maybe I am sometimes.

Maybe it's my own fault - with strangers, I don't have anything to lose really, and I can just sparkle. I think I weigh my friends down a bit with the stuff that's going wrong. It's like I've forgotten how to have fun with them or they just don't bring that fun side out in me anymore. I don't know.

Anyway, I had a great day today, I felt like my head was screwed on correctly. What I was talking about above in the victim mentality thing is the triangle of drama:

drama-triangle.jpg

I want to be more like this:
the-drama-triangle-10-638.jpg

I feel like I have been a creator many times - I don't think it would be fair to say that I always play the victim role. But I think things have weighed heavily on me lately and I've fallen into that mode, and today I decided I was going to be a creator again, and I really had such a joyful, relaxed and pleasant day. Long may it continue!
 
Good for you Em. It's much easier to go the woe is me route, but much better to go down the I can do it route. You can do this! xoxo
 
Thanks guys.

I was walking down the street earlier going for a hair appointment and I bumped into the guy from Friday night that I wanted to approach but didn't. Anyway, he was by himself so I stopped to say hi. I knew from his body language that he wasn't interested but I had to take this second opportunity, so I asked him out anyway. He said he's seeing someone, not sure I believe that because two minutes before he was saying he wants to move to Asia because he has no commitments, but anyway, the main thing is that I tried.

I'll be honest, I'm finding it hard to stay in the creator triangle after that encounter. I guess I'm just disappointed. But I'll get over it soon enough I suppose.
 
Hey, you did a thing and asked the guy out. I applaud your bravery and ask you to pat yourself on the back for it. Imagine you´d chickened out and agonized over it for days! You´d have been so annoyed! We all get rejected sometimes, and it always sucks, but he was decent enough to make it a "soft no". Good for him, good for you, time to get back into your triangle :)
 
Thanks LaMa.

I feel really great today. I've had some sort of 'Eureka!' moment. I actually believe that anything is possible now, I really do. I think I can create whatever I want in my life. I know that I will reach my goal now and I never knew that before.

I feel a real sense of my own energy and power, it's something that's been lacking for a long time, but I have it back now.

In real world terms, I joined a new gym during the week, I'm going to my first class tomorrow, exciting! It's very near my house so when I come in from work in the evening, I can just throw on my gear and be there in 10 minutes. My other gym is great, but it's a nightmare to get there when the traffic is bad, so it just makes more sense to change.

My main focus for the next 3 months is on getting the body I want, earning more money (haven't worked out how yet, but that will come) and going on a lot of dates. :D

I am so amazed at how great I feel! I don't know, it's like something has clicked in my head. I'm visiting my parents tonight, can't wait to see them and share the happiness. :D
 
I'm glad you asked him Em. Good for you!
I like the sound of the gym close by too. Big hugs to you sweets xoxo
 
Thank you guys. I'm glad I asked him too.

The gym close by is amazing. I woke up this morning and instead of having to jump in the car and drive for 20 minutes, I just got my gear on, had a quick walk and I was there. It was a box and core class, I was well able for it. I was delighted to look in the gym mirror and see how fit I actually look. I was really thrilled with that.

I remember joining new gyms in the past and the first class being such a painful experience because I was so unfit. This was absolutely grand. I'm proud of how far I've come.

I am a bit tired today, think I might go for an afternoon snooze. I also have very little food in the house - no porridge or eggs for breakfast - disaster! So I might make up a tuna salad now with some toast.

I weighed in this morning at 11 stone 10 3/4 pounds, glad to see it's moving down again. I definitely know when I'm stressed, my body holds on to every pound.

I think I'm meeting some friends tonight, but my energy levels aren't great so I'll try to make it an early one.
 
Thanks guys.

I have really bad stomach cramps today. In brighter news, a little good luck spider crawled across my jumper earlier which means the week ahead should be good. I am going to go for another afternoon nap now, then do a bit of grocery shopping and get an early night. I have a busy week planned and I want to be fresh for it.
 
I had a really good week of exercise this week. I'm not loving the new gym, the classes aren't as good as my old gym and the space is very cramped. Having said that, the change and handy location has got me going consistently again. I also did a yoga class, going to try to go twice a week, as I always feel the benefits afterwards.

Not much else going on, diet still very inconsistent but weight has stabilised. Having scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast and might potter around town for the day. I did a big clear out on my room on Thursday and I'm feeling pretty content.
 
It's good that you are going to the gym consistently Em, even though you don't like it as much as your old one. Well done on the big clear out of your room. De-cluttering always makes me feel better. Enjoy your pottering day xoxo
 
Thanks Cate, I really enjoyed it.

It's nearly 11am and I am luxuriating in bed. I have a spin and abs class booked for 12pm. I don't have a whole lot on for the rest of the day and that really suits me.

I'm getting better at switching off my mind and not worrying about things that don't need worrying about today. I'm going to enjoy the downtime while I can.
 
I share your joy after a good week of exercise - massive feeling of accomplishment! Are you going/been to any well-known chains? I need to change soon when I move jobs, but I keep putting it off!
 
Thanks Cate and LaMa.

Hi DietAccountibility. No, the last two were local gyms. My main thing with a gym is that the classes are free. A lot of gyms with swimming pools have a membership rate and you also have to pay for classes, so while I love swimming, it wouldn't be worth it for me.

I'm having a good food day so far.

- porridge, raspberries, strawberries, chia seeds, cinnamon, milk; slice of toast and butter
- 5 almonds; slice of toast and butter
- omelette with courgette, mushroom, tomatoes, peppers, chilli peppers
- 2 oatcakes and avocado

I have salmon in the fridge for dinner. I'm really despairing over the state of my skin and hair lately, so I'm trying to eat more foods that are recommended to be good for them. I hope it works. It has to, right?

Also, the scales were not cooperating this morning, I really feel like they should be moving down, but I probably am still eating too much fast food and chocolate. I got away with it there for a long time, but it seems like I'll have to get a lot stricter again to see the results I want to see.

It's annoying being so close but yet so far from a goal. Do you know what I mean?
 
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