Emily Rose: The Reboot

Thanks Cate.

I actually haven't updated my race challenge stats in a while, here are the last two:

Challenge #1: 5 miles/0:48:14/09:38.6/530 of 616/86th
Challenge #2: 3.1 miles/0:26:56/08:40.1/660 of 914/72nd
Challenge #3: 3.7 miles/0:33:32/08:59.7/273 of 313/87th
Challenge #4: 3.1 miles/0:28:18/09:06.4/244 of 345/71st
Challenge #5: 5 miles/0:46:39/09:19.6/477 of 558/85th
Challenge #6: 3.1 miles/0:26:38/08:34.3/289 of 374/77th
Challenge #7: 4 miles/0:36:07/09:01.6/191 of 284/67th
Challenge #8: 4 miles/0:36:33/09:08.3/195 of 233/84th
Challenge #9: 3.1 miles/0:27.06/08:43.4/283 of 446/63rd
Challenge #10: 5 miles/0:45:22/09.04.2/449 of 531/85th
Challenge #11: 3.1 miles/0:26:40/08.34.9/322 of 429/75th

I was so close to beating my best ever time in the last one. And I am thrilled with my pace and time for the last 5 miles. I'm doing another 5 mile run tomorrow, they are tough but they are pushing me on.

Had a pretty good eating day today, no sugar! I ate loads at the weekend so my body definitely needs a break. I'm relaxing for the evening with a film and getting an early night. Nothing much to report, which is great. :)
 
Well done Emily. You should be very proud of yourself for pushing ahead with your 5k challenge. Go you!
 
Thanks guys.

Had a very challenging day at work today, it seems like every week brings a new drama. It's exhausting. I thought I was content to stick it out for a while but I'm not so sure now. My manager lasted 3 weeks before starting to get snappy with me again, it's very annoying. I'm really trying to brush it off, but she basically said that 'we can't make any more mistakes' on the stuff I'm doing, even though the mistake she was referring to had absolutely nothing to do with me, and yet I'm getting some of the heat for it. It's this kind of shit that had me turning into a stressball a few weeks ago. Some companies think that to get the best performances out of their employees, they should instill the fear of God into them. It makes for a very unpleasant working environment.

I mean, what does she want me to do, promise that I will never make a mistake again? How ridiculous and unrealistic. I have what seems like a fairly straightforward job, but there are sooo many ways to make a mistake, and then a huge crowd of people outside our office who will ring and email and bitch and moan if a mistake does happen. I wonder are they all so perfect in their own work that they can afford to do this?

Anyway, off for a run now. I don't like this feeling.
 
My manager was like that when I started my current job. I crouched and stressed and ate chocolate until the time she flipped out about nothing (a water glass forgotten in a shared space, first time it happened since I´d started the job) again and "threatened" to give me future corrections in the form of official, written warnings and I told her that might actually be a good idea because I had real trouble dealing with how she spoke with me and it was turning me into a nervous ball of failure. Next morning she told me she hadn´t been able to sleep all night because I´d been so mean and she was quitting her job if she´s such a horrible person who makes everyone miserable. Seriously. Long story short: she honestly thought her behavior was constructive. And actually changed. So... your mileage may vary A LOT but sometimes speaking up helps. Preferably before you crack.
 
Thanks for sharing that with me LaMa, it helps to know I'm not the only one going through work struggles.

Thanks Cate, the run sorted out my head bigtime.

Emilyrose said:
I know this will sound a bit mad but something is brewing and it's going to be great. All my favourite songs played on the radio today, there was a load of bird shit on the roof of my car again this evening (my car has been getting a pounding lately) and a little spider just crawled over my keyboard there when I sat down to write this post. All signs of something epic about to happen. I'll keep ye posted. :)
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The epic event has brewed... I'm not going to go into too much detail yet because it's still very early days and I also want to keep you all on the edge of your seats. Keep you glued to my diary for the next few weeks. Haha. But yeah, it's major. Life is very exciting again.

In other news, went home to my parents' house this evening, having a mini fryup and then meeting a friend for a few quiet brews. Work was 100% better today AND we got a free lunch. Free lunch will always win me over. They also reorganised a meeting that I generally can't attend because I am too busy to a different day, which I thought was pretty cool.

The run last night went very well and it's nearly Friday again! Life is good people. I'm on the good part of the rollercoaster at the moment. :D
 
Haha, thanks Cate.

Well, I've lost my voice from all the smoking I've been doing over the last month so today I will be smoking my last cigarette for a while. My voice is needed back. I sound awful.

Going to have an active weekend, can't wait. I will go to bed early tonight.
 
Thanks LaMa.

Went for a long walk today, then went for a swim and steam room session, feeling relaxed after it. Nothing planned for the evening, which is boring enough. Went for a wax earlier today - painful!

I have burned through a lot of money lately so praying that something unexpected lands through the door!
 
Feeling really down today, embarrassed and ashamed. I am very unhappy about how I've been living my life lately. Not everything, but some things I have to change. I am ready for change. I want my actions to match my desires and thoughts. I want to be that person I know I can be. And then everything will fall into place.

I am tired of battling my demons. I just want them to disappear. I am trying to not let my past define me because it is preventing me from reaching my destiny.

I really am very afraid. I'm afraid of getting that good thing I mentioned. I am even more afraid of not getting it. I just hope and pray that I haven't jeopardised the fantastic future I want. I know it's there for the taking. And not in a far off timespan, it's there now, today.

So, I'm going to have to just move on from this disappointing weekend and the dumb things I've done and just embrace all that I have already and head towards my new destination. I'm ready.
 
Oh, honey. We have all done dumb things. Put it behind you. You can't have wrecked your future. I hope you do get a good night's sleep & feel better tomorrow. Look in the mirror. Tell yourself that you a good person. Be that good person. Move on with your life. Learn by your mistakes. You'll still make them. We all do. Big hugs from me too sweetie :grouphug:
 
Thanks for the hugs guys. Much needed.

Today wasn't so black, it was just really busy. It started with an awful email, but I didn't react, just tried to solve the problem, so I got through it. The rest of the day went fine after that.

Going to go for a swim now for the third day in a row! Really loving the pool lately. I'm hoping to have a great sleep after that. Slept okay last night but still not at 100% today. I'm not fully over the anxiety yet, I guess it will take a few days. Still motoring regardless.

I actually just got a call from a yoga teacher that I met earlier and she was very sweet and I feel a bit cheered up. It's the little things! Going to build on those - one thing at a time.
 
Emilyrose said:
I actually just got a call from a yoga teacher that I met earlier and she was very sweet and I feel a bit cheered up. It's the little things! Going to build on those - one thing at a time.
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:grouphug: Here's another one sweetie xoxoxo
 
Thanks Cate.

Yes I can LaMa!

Had a much better day today. A friend of mine texted me asking to go for a drink but I had to go to the dentist first and then I ended up spending the evening at home chatting to my parents instead. I texted her when I got back and she was so happy that we hadn't gone out because she'd really wanted a drink all day but she realised that she could survive without it. So good decisions were made today with a positive domino effect.

The dentist was okay, my gums aren't in great shape but it's very fixable.

Very tired now so going to get to bed soon. I really hope I wake up fresh tomorrow, still a bit sleepy.
 
Emilyrose said:
So good decisions were made today with a positive domino effect.
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We can so often influence one another in a good way. Hope you get a good night's sleep hon xoxo
 
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