Wow, that must feel so wonderful having no gut and losing that much in a year!! Serving consistantly well in tennis really impresses me. I was on the tennis team in high school, and never got the hang of serves - they seem by far the hardest part of tennis to me. Anyway, I hope your wonderful wins inspire you to keep going and keep doing what you're doing! Big Congrats!!!
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
Cate
Long term member
I love hearing about your tennis. Some of my favourite men are married. Make that most. It's nice to have such good people in your life. I find most men much easier to get along with than most women. Sport is so good for us. You have tennis, I have golf. You also have drama, swimming, work.......
Keep doing you, Em. I hope that the right man for you is out there, just waiting for the right woman xo
Keep doing you, Em. I hope that the right man for you is out there, just waiting for the right woman xo
No gut is always the biggest win in my books! But yeah what great progress over the year. I'm always impressed you can do this without calorie counting too--just shifting your focus to healthier eating. I can't seem to do that. Great to hear it was a good time on the courts!
- Oh, that's so cool you were on the tennis team Marsia. Would you ever go back to it?
- Aw, thanks Cate.
- Thanks Liza. Yeah, I haven't cut out the sugar really but I have cut down bigtime. I think that is what is having the biggest impact.
Well, today I decided to resurrect the Emily Rose Training Academy. Last night gave me such a boost and brought back the grá I have for it. I looked up the tournament calendar today and there is a singles comp coming up in six weeks. I've set up a few games this week to get back into it and I'm excited. I'm going to try to get two singles games in every week for the next six weeks and two doubles games. This week, I'm playing singles for an hour Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I have mixed doubles on Friday night. So lots of games to keep me going and keep me motivated.
I also didn't make the team again, not even the panel this time. Disappointing, but the only way to get back on the team is to start winning games.
My goal for this next tournament is to win the whole thing. It's going on the vision board!
I have this theory that if I give up smoking for the next six weeks, then I should be able to win it, as that would give me so much confidence and faith in myself. So, to test out this theory, I actually do have to stop smoking. I have a really annoying cough at the moment so that's another reason. Plus all the other reasons that I don't have to tell you about! They're obvious!
So yeah, let's see if I can test out this theory and win the damn thing!
Tomorrow should be a very relaxing day and I won't put any pressure on myself to do anything really except to eat as well as I can and not smoke. Should be a doddle!
I'll report back tomorrow. I found a really nice simple recipe for a prawn curry earlier so I will try that out tomorrow for my dinner. It's nice to be able to get some rest now and just try to feel as good about myself as I can.
I went home this evening and Mum was in good form and really talking about various stuff, it was great. It definitely cheers her up when I visit. So that made me feel good too. I really want her to turn a corner with this thing and get her energy and joie de vivre back. I think it's possible. She's still in there.
- Aw, thanks Cate.
- Thanks Liza. Yeah, I haven't cut out the sugar really but I have cut down bigtime. I think that is what is having the biggest impact.
Well, today I decided to resurrect the Emily Rose Training Academy. Last night gave me such a boost and brought back the grá I have for it. I looked up the tournament calendar today and there is a singles comp coming up in six weeks. I've set up a few games this week to get back into it and I'm excited. I'm going to try to get two singles games in every week for the next six weeks and two doubles games. This week, I'm playing singles for an hour Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I have mixed doubles on Friday night. So lots of games to keep me going and keep me motivated.
I also didn't make the team again, not even the panel this time. Disappointing, but the only way to get back on the team is to start winning games.
My goal for this next tournament is to win the whole thing. It's going on the vision board!
I have this theory that if I give up smoking for the next six weeks, then I should be able to win it, as that would give me so much confidence and faith in myself. So, to test out this theory, I actually do have to stop smoking. I have a really annoying cough at the moment so that's another reason. Plus all the other reasons that I don't have to tell you about! They're obvious!
So yeah, let's see if I can test out this theory and win the damn thing!
Tomorrow should be a very relaxing day and I won't put any pressure on myself to do anything really except to eat as well as I can and not smoke. Should be a doddle!
I'll report back tomorrow. I found a really nice simple recipe for a prawn curry earlier so I will try that out tomorrow for my dinner. It's nice to be able to get some rest now and just try to feel as good about myself as I can. I went home this evening and Mum was in good form and really talking about various stuff, it was great. It definitely cheers her up when I visit. So that made me feel good too. I really want her to turn a corner with this thing and get her energy and joie de vivre back. I think it's possible. She's still in there.
Oh lovely to hear you sounding so pumped Emily!
I LOVE this attitude and what a wonderful way to get some extra motivation to try and get back on the team!
So good to hear--sounds like you are wonderful support for each other.
Cate
Long term member
Yay! Grá was a mystery word that I simply had to look up. How funny that it is an Irish word. It looks French. Yay for the grá of tennis. Did you watch the De Minaur/Rublev match? The first four sets were brilliant.
That's good to hear, Em.
I looked up grá, too. K says her favorite wrapper uses this word - yay for getting your grá for tennis back! I love that you have winning the tennis championship on your vision board! I think I could get back into tennis if I could play for fun with K. We used to when she was younger. Lovely to hear you so motivated and happy!!!! And hugs to your mom. So nice she's doing well!
- Thanks Liza. My mum is so important to me. I mean, maybe that's an obvious thing to say, but she really is.
- I didn't see that one Cate. The times are against me with work. I watched a little bit of Norrie/Zverev this morning while I ate my porridge. I was hoping Norrie would get the win, but sadly, not this time.
- Haha, thanks Marsia. What do you mean by wrapper though? Wrapper on a chocolate bar? Lol!
I read a lot about manifestation and the Law of Attraction and all that. And a lot of the thinking in that is that you are where you want to be, in some ways. Even if it doesn't feel like you want to be where you are. But the choices you are making, the 'vibrations' you are giving out, and all that, they just put you into that particular sphere. And if you want change, you have to change from within first.
I don't know, I guess I'm really sad lately because the life I was so excited about living hasn't really panned out the way that I thought it would. I'm not someone that has ever had a solid list of goals - you know, in 5 years I want to be engaged, buy my own house, etc., the kind of list you might make when you're 25. I watched a few interviews with Oprah, Queen of Manifesting, and she said that people end up unhappy in their lives because they have no idea where they want to go, whereas she was always solid in her dreams and ambitions. Which is cool for Oprah.
I don't know, I guess I've always wanted to be a 'go with the flow' kind of girl, and now I feel like it's gotten me nowhere in a lot of ways.
Last year was kind of a mad year and I probably achieved a lot. One of the women in work is always saying I did 'so much' last year, in a way that I'm sceptical about whether she's happy about that for me or not. But I feel a bit lost inside and I'm sick of feeling a bit lost, to be honest.
There's stuff coming up that I want that's somewhat in my control but sometimes, I just want to give up and lie in bed and close my eyes and not bother about any of it anymore. I'm also really heartbroken and I can't seem to propel myself forward and get excited about meeting someone new. I'm tired of meeting new men. I've met so, so many. I just don't feel up to it anymore.
I opened up my profile on a dating app I'm on tonight that I normally hide on and I've got 210 likes so far. I guess I'm not ugly, so that's something? Still, even a boost to my ego is not enough. I'm very sad, whether it's justified or not.
The below sums up the emotional quagmire I'm in. Enya, if you're reading this, can I retreat from the cruelty of the world to your castle for a spell? I need it girl.
- I didn't see that one Cate. The times are against me with work. I watched a little bit of Norrie/Zverev this morning while I ate my porridge. I was hoping Norrie would get the win, but sadly, not this time.
- Haha, thanks Marsia. What do you mean by wrapper though? Wrapper on a chocolate bar? Lol!
I read a lot about manifestation and the Law of Attraction and all that. And a lot of the thinking in that is that you are where you want to be, in some ways. Even if it doesn't feel like you want to be where you are. But the choices you are making, the 'vibrations' you are giving out, and all that, they just put you into that particular sphere. And if you want change, you have to change from within first.
I don't know, I guess I'm really sad lately because the life I was so excited about living hasn't really panned out the way that I thought it would. I'm not someone that has ever had a solid list of goals - you know, in 5 years I want to be engaged, buy my own house, etc., the kind of list you might make when you're 25. I watched a few interviews with Oprah, Queen of Manifesting, and she said that people end up unhappy in their lives because they have no idea where they want to go, whereas she was always solid in her dreams and ambitions. Which is cool for Oprah.
I don't know, I guess I've always wanted to be a 'go with the flow' kind of girl, and now I feel like it's gotten me nowhere in a lot of ways.
Last year was kind of a mad year and I probably achieved a lot. One of the women in work is always saying I did 'so much' last year, in a way that I'm sceptical about whether she's happy about that for me or not. But I feel a bit lost inside and I'm sick of feeling a bit lost, to be honest.
There's stuff coming up that I want that's somewhat in my control but sometimes, I just want to give up and lie in bed and close my eyes and not bother about any of it anymore. I'm also really heartbroken and I can't seem to propel myself forward and get excited about meeting someone new. I'm tired of meeting new men. I've met so, so many. I just don't feel up to it anymore.
I opened up my profile on a dating app I'm on tonight that I normally hide on and I've got 210 likes so far. I guess I'm not ugly, so that's something? Still, even a boost to my ego is not enough. I'm very sad, whether it's justified or not.
The below sums up the emotional quagmire I'm in. Enya, if you're reading this, can I retreat from the cruelty of the world to your castle for a spell? I need it girl.
Oops, rapper, not wrapper. I knew there was something wrong with that sentence! With manifesting, I have so many questions about how someone like Oprah got where she is today. She believes in herself to this degree that I could only dream of, and she also worked her tail off getting where she is today. So I get that being optimistic and believing in oneself and trusting the universe are way better than being a pessimist and not going for what you want, but why does Oprah succeed where people who I have known who believe in manifesting haven't had anywhere near that kind of success? Is Oprah just driven and has goals she can really throw herself behind? I have never done much career-wise because I view it as a way to make a living, not as a calling. The one thing I am passionate about is being a mom. So maybe this is about finding one's passion and figuring out goals from there? I am sincere in my asking about this as someone who has drifted through life with no clear goals and no direction. Sorry I can't be helpful about this. I am in the same boat as you as far as figuring out what's next in my life. But know that I really empathize and hope you get wonderful epiphanies that help you figure out how to be more like Oprah and go for what you really want!!
Sorry to hear you're feeling a little down. I do think having clear goals of what you want can definitely be helpful...and then there are definitely other pieces that come into play that are beyond our control...I think life is a balance of the two.
You've got a lot in place that are really really positive, so hopefully as you clarify with where you want to go next with things it will help you to make those next plans. I know you weren't really into the idea of a life coach before when that came up--have you reconsidered that idea at all? I can't afford stuff like that right now but sometimes I like to just take time out and be my own life coach--just really take some time aside to determine with where I want to go next with things and break it down into small manageable goals... But yeah if I could afford a life coach I would probably go for that!
You've got a lot in place that are really really positive, so hopefully as you clarify with where you want to go next with things it will help you to make those next plans. I know you weren't really into the idea of a life coach before when that came up--have you reconsidered that idea at all? I can't afford stuff like that right now but sometimes I like to just take time out and be my own life coach--just really take some time aside to determine with where I want to go next with things and break it down into small manageable goals... But yeah if I could afford a life coach I would probably go for that!
- What Would Oprah Do? will be my new mantra Marsia. Lol. I'm definitely not as driven as she is but a bit more direction would indeed be nice.
- Hi Liza. I don't know about the life coach or therapist or whatever. Although a friend at Christmas swears by it and she seems exceptionally happy and grounded... Maybe because she's doing that work? She said something really insightful actually. She said that she thinks happiness isn't something that's just there, it's something you have to work at. I liked that.
I went for a swim this evening and I finally got chatting to someone! It was very exciting!
Before I get into that, I have to say that the swimming is becoming so much easier. I flew up and down that pool tonight and I felt quite tired before I got there, so I was really pleased with that. I sat in the jacuzzi for a while after, bubbling away, and then I went to the steam room, which is usually where all the action happens. Anyway, this good-looking big (but fit) man came in and the other older man that was there swiftly exited. I was thinking to myself, 'God, wouldn't it be great if he started talking to me?' and he did! I was delighted. He's from England and only comes here once every couple of weeks with work so I'll probably never see him again, but still. It was good!
Not much else to report really. It's nearly 10 so I'll probably go to sleep soon. I'm all showered and ready for the morning, which is great, so I might actually get up on time to have my porridge before I leave. This morning, my breakfast was a chocolate-covered rice cake I found in work, which is depressing. I actually hate rice cakes. They're just the most banal food.
Tomorrow I have tennis after work and then I will probably call out home. I'm still a bit glum but the swim has taken away the worst of the despondency. And work today was pretty good. A few fun things coming up in the next few weeks, so I've calmed down about it a bit.
- Hi Liza. I don't know about the life coach or therapist or whatever. Although a friend at Christmas swears by it and she seems exceptionally happy and grounded... Maybe because she's doing that work? She said something really insightful actually. She said that she thinks happiness isn't something that's just there, it's something you have to work at. I liked that.
I went for a swim this evening and I finally got chatting to someone! It was very exciting!
Before I get into that, I have to say that the swimming is becoming so much easier. I flew up and down that pool tonight and I felt quite tired before I got there, so I was really pleased with that. I sat in the jacuzzi for a while after, bubbling away, and then I went to the steam room, which is usually where all the action happens. Anyway, this good-looking big (but fit) man came in and the other older man that was there swiftly exited. I was thinking to myself, 'God, wouldn't it be great if he started talking to me?' and he did! I was delighted. He's from England and only comes here once every couple of weeks with work so I'll probably never see him again, but still. It was good!
Not much else to report really. It's nearly 10 so I'll probably go to sleep soon. I'm all showered and ready for the morning, which is great, so I might actually get up on time to have my porridge before I leave. This morning, my breakfast was a chocolate-covered rice cake I found in work, which is depressing. I actually hate rice cakes. They're just the most banal food.
Tomorrow I have tennis after work and then I will probably call out home. I'm still a bit glum but the swim has taken away the worst of the despondency. And work today was pretty good. A few fun things coming up in the next few weeks, so I've calmed down about it a bit.
Cate
Long term member
Ooh. That's exciting, Em. You never know!I went for a swim this evening and I finally got chatting to someone! It was very exciting!
That's great that swimming is becoming so much easier. You are obviously getting fitter. Well done, you!
I loathe rice cakes. You may as well eat cardboard.
Go the academy!
- Thanks Cate!
- Thanks Liza. It just makes going for the swim less like a chore when there's a bit of chat after.
OH GOD. I AM SO DONE WITH EVERYTHING.
So sorry about this, but unfortunately, I seem to have found myself in some sort of dark timeline, because there is some new disaster every fecking week. A really bad thing happened in work today and it's the kind of thing that if it is not resolved, I will have to leave asap. It's not involving anyone on the team, but it's my manager again. I have a grievance, her reaction to my very neutral email about this was completely OTT and horrible, and I am so sick of it. Also, the grievance is to do with my pay, and if that is not sorted out, I can't stay. Maybe this is the straw that I've been waiting for to make the leap. I'm dreading tomorrow, I feel really worried now, and it's all just getting too much for me. And things were going fine! It's disappointing, but look, maybe it will be resolved quickly, I don't know. I just need to be very neutral in my stance tomorrow, but also firm. I haven't done anything wrong and I won't be accused of that because it's ridiculous.
On a more positive note, I had a great game of tennis this evening with a lovely woman who I had met a few times and always thought was really nice. She's great fun and she was keen to play me again next week, which is great! On a sour note again, there's a bit of stress in the club at the moment. I think I've been blacklisted a little bit, I don't know. When we were leaving, there were 3 of the regulars there and they completely ignored us. The woman I was playing with said to me, 'Oh God, I'm not even worthy of a hello', and seemed a bit rankled by it. I think she just got caught up in crossfire. Sigh. Anyway, whatever. I'll weather that storm. The work thing is more serious.
So yeah, disaster strikes for Emily Rose again. I need a new life.
So true!
- Thanks Liza. It just makes going for the swim less like a chore when there's a bit of chat after.
OH GOD. I AM SO DONE WITH EVERYTHING.
So sorry about this, but unfortunately, I seem to have found myself in some sort of dark timeline, because there is some new disaster every fecking week. A really bad thing happened in work today and it's the kind of thing that if it is not resolved, I will have to leave asap. It's not involving anyone on the team, but it's my manager again. I have a grievance, her reaction to my very neutral email about this was completely OTT and horrible, and I am so sick of it. Also, the grievance is to do with my pay, and if that is not sorted out, I can't stay. Maybe this is the straw that I've been waiting for to make the leap. I'm dreading tomorrow, I feel really worried now, and it's all just getting too much for me. And things were going fine! It's disappointing, but look, maybe it will be resolved quickly, I don't know. I just need to be very neutral in my stance tomorrow, but also firm. I haven't done anything wrong and I won't be accused of that because it's ridiculous.
On a more positive note, I had a great game of tennis this evening with a lovely woman who I had met a few times and always thought was really nice. She's great fun and she was keen to play me again next week, which is great! On a sour note again, there's a bit of stress in the club at the moment. I think I've been blacklisted a little bit, I don't know. When we were leaving, there were 3 of the regulars there and they completely ignored us. The woman I was playing with said to me, 'Oh God, I'm not even worthy of a hello', and seemed a bit rankled by it. I think she just got caught up in crossfire. Sigh. Anyway, whatever. I'll weather that storm. The work thing is more serious.
So yeah, disaster strikes for Emily Rose again. I need a new life.
I'm really hoping things resolve at work. Do you think you want to start casually looking for a new job even if things go ok this time? I remember recently you saying that you were talking with someone about work and you were almost in tears. Also, I am hoping the tennis people were just being clueless by not greeting you both, but I am glad you made a nice friend there. Anyway, it's wonderful you are really doing great with the swimming and finding somone nice to talk with afterward! I hope all goes well with talking to your boss. Fingers crossed.
- Thanks Cate. Ah, I'm probably being a bit paranoid, but I caused a bit of a stink about not getting on the team the last time and I've had a few minor run-ins with some of the people calling the shots, so it's not great for my future prospects there really. At the same time, I get on well with the majority so it could be worse.
- Thanks Marsia. It was resolved! I am so relieved.
- Yeah, it was very stressful yesterday Liza, but it's a lot better again now.
So yeah, I probably overreacted yesterday and got myself into a complete tizzy. The problem was resolved early this morning, which was great. So I'm getting paid the full amount tomorrow and I am so excited!
I have already picked out a gorgeous new duvet set for my bed. The one I have on it currently isn't that old but it's torn and faded already and I don't feel good clambering into bed with it on. So that's going in the dump once I get my new snazzy one tomorrow, maybe after tennis. Or at the weekend, depending on tiredness levels.
I also need new running shoes, which are also kind of expensive. The ones I have now have a tear in them. I also need another pair of flat boots as the ones I have now and wore to death completely fell apart this morning. The sole just came off one of them this morning and the zip broke last week so it's time to say goodbye to them. All of that stuff is pricey when added together but the extra pay means I can get them and not have to worry. It's great because it's not careless spending - they are all things that I really need.
In the past, to go along with the binge eating, I would also go on binge shopping trips, where I would buy a load of clothes that I mostly never wore, as I often bought them in 'aspirational' sizes. I have mostly cut out that habit as well. Sometimes I think I'm not making any progress, but the void inside is definitely not as overwhelmingly big as it used to be. It used to be a chasm, to be honest. So that has definitely gotten smaller - still there, unfortunately, but I'm a lot better than I was when I was younger.
I feel sad for my younger self that I suffered so much and felt so awful a lot of the time, but, you know, that's the way it was and I can't change it now. I'm still here, still tootin' along, and that's the main thing.
- Thanks Marsia. It was resolved! I am so relieved.
- Yeah, it was very stressful yesterday Liza, but it's a lot better again now.
So yeah, I probably overreacted yesterday and got myself into a complete tizzy. The problem was resolved early this morning, which was great. So I'm getting paid the full amount tomorrow and I am so excited!
I have already picked out a gorgeous new duvet set for my bed. The one I have on it currently isn't that old but it's torn and faded already and I don't feel good clambering into bed with it on. So that's going in the dump once I get my new snazzy one tomorrow, maybe after tennis. Or at the weekend, depending on tiredness levels.
I also need new running shoes, which are also kind of expensive. The ones I have now have a tear in them. I also need another pair of flat boots as the ones I have now and wore to death completely fell apart this morning. The sole just came off one of them this morning and the zip broke last week so it's time to say goodbye to them. All of that stuff is pricey when added together but the extra pay means I can get them and not have to worry. It's great because it's not careless spending - they are all things that I really need.
In the past, to go along with the binge eating, I would also go on binge shopping trips, where I would buy a load of clothes that I mostly never wore, as I often bought them in 'aspirational' sizes. I have mostly cut out that habit as well. Sometimes I think I'm not making any progress, but the void inside is definitely not as overwhelmingly big as it used to be. It used to be a chasm, to be honest. So that has definitely gotten smaller - still there, unfortunately, but I'm a lot better than I was when I was younger.
I feel sad for my younger self that I suffered so much and felt so awful a lot of the time, but, you know, that's the way it was and I can't change it now. I'm still here, still tootin' along, and that's the main thing.
Cate
Long term member
If you get along well with the majority, you may be able to smooth over the few. I think I have done that at the golf club now. It makes playing much more pleasant. I'll still say my piece if I need to. You were the catalyst to me making more effort when you suggested I change calling them B1 & B2. It seemed to change my mindset towards them & they have been responding much better to me. You can do it Em.
Good news about the work situation & extra pay!
I agree, so good you are getting paid what you were promised and you don't have to worry about it now! That must be wonderful getting replacements for your shoes and bedding and everything. I love when I can pick out the perfect thing for something that desperately needs replacing - so satisfying!! When I look back on how much I've grown since I was younger, it doesn't even seem like I am the same person. It's wonderful you are feeling good about your progress and I hope you really can appreciate who you are now!!