Hi Em! Your running and yoga routine sounds great! I really like Yoga with Adrienne, too. K and I do her videos all the time and love her style. I have had similar Christmases with family. Once I was at my grandmother's and heard jingle bells, and asked all excitedly if that was Santa or just the snow plow - I must have been about 5 years old. My grandmother replied in a non-plussed voice, nearly rolling her eyes, "it's the snow plow." I think some adults just don't realize that no matter your age, they will always be your elder who you look to for validation and love. I wonder if your mom is depressed? Anyway, I hope you can relax and do what makes sense to you as things come up in your life instead of trying to please the parents. I am looking forward to not pairing off anymore, so we are on opposite sides of the coin. I also have friends who are single and in their late 50s and they just all get together on holidays and have a fun, mellow time together. Anyways, I'm proud of you and how well you are doing and so happy for you, and I hope you take your parents' funny behavior with a grain of salt. Hope the rest of your break is equally restful and healthy, and here's to a new year where we don't need no stinkin' validation from other people to be happy with ourselves!!
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
Wow that's great! I am always impressed with how strong and healthy you sound. I can't imagine what you'll be like if you manage to kick the smoking habit on top of that!
Cate
Long term member
Em, I just read back over my last post & got a bit of a shock. I'm sorry that I sounded that way. I meant that your Mum probably has trouble dealing with your problems, not with you. I know that I feel I should come up with solutions or give pep talks & that can be very tiring. I usually read back what I type & I obviously didn't or I would have made that clearer. Your Mum may be a bit down at the moment or maybe just feeling tired. Christmas time seems to be a time when we all contemplate what's in store for us & our families & there's lots of pressure. Are you still at home?
Happy New Year!
Hi Em, I keep thinking about how your parents were unintentionally discouraging, and I just wanted to write a quick note. I was trained in psychology school that patterns repeat in family systems until someone heals an issue for the family. So if your parents' parents maybe didn't know how to be that emotionally supportive, your parents didn't get that training, and they may pass some of that down to the next generation. This stinks because it leaves us in the position to have to heal parts of ourselves that we have little training in how to heal because it wasn't modeled for us. Anyway, ignore this if it's not pertinent, I just keep thinking about it and wanted to send more hugs and well wishes!!!
- Hi Cate. Don't sweat it! I don't really tell my mum too many problems, she's going through too much of her own shit. When I went back to my rented house after her couple of hours in bed, she told my dad she was sad that I'd gone away again. So we're fine. I've spent loads of time there this Christmas, every day in fact! So I'm doing what I can to support her.
- Thanks for your very thoughtful posts Marsia. My parents are great, I think the last post has given the wrong impression. And my mum is suffering from depression, that's why she went to bed. I think my dad just wants me to be enthusiastic about my life, he's very supportive in general.
- Thanks Liza. Yes, the smoking... more about that below. Happy New Year hon!
Happy New Year to all my forum friends. I've having one last hooray with the wine, I just need it tonight. I had a family gathering yesterday and I felt very out of sorts for the whole thing, which was very sad. Mum was out of sorts too. I hope they think that's what is impacting me. If I feel the same way at the end of this year, I won't go. It's just hard when everyone is happy around you and you're not feeling it. I was nearly crying talking to my cousin's wife about my job, I'd say she thinks I'm going through an awful time. Maybe I am.
Anyway, Christmas is nearly over. Maybe I'm kind of relieved, even though the thought of going back to work on Tuesday has me full of anxiety, but at least I won't have as much time to think! I hope it won't be as bad as I fear.
I've been very diligent with the exercise over Christmas. I have done loads of running and yoga and while my mood has been particularly low, at least I've done my bit and have established a good routine for myself. I haven't monitored my food too much so I have no idea what my weight is like, but I hope to have maintained. I'll put off weighing in until Wednesday I think. I did a PB in one of the running intervals on my running app today, mostly because it was lashing rain and I just wanted the thing to be over, but I felt good out there! So hopefully all this exercise will stand to me in the weeks ahead.
My goals for January are to keep up the exercise regime, be as healthy as I can food-wise, and no smoking during the working day. I think it will be too difficult to quit completely, but I want to feel like I'm making progress in some sense, so that is my first goal with it. That will cut out maybe 5 or 6 cigarettes a day so it should help. I just think there's no point in trying to quit entirely when I am feeling this blue. But I want to see progress, and I have seen progress in my exercise regime over the last two weeks, so I think this could be the way forward.
Here's to a healthy, happy 2024 for us all, full of love and adventures and all the good things! xxx
- Thanks for your very thoughtful posts Marsia. My parents are great, I think the last post has given the wrong impression. And my mum is suffering from depression, that's why she went to bed. I think my dad just wants me to be enthusiastic about my life, he's very supportive in general.
- Thanks Liza. Yes, the smoking... more about that below. Happy New Year hon!
Happy New Year to all my forum friends. I've having one last hooray with the wine, I just need it tonight. I had a family gathering yesterday and I felt very out of sorts for the whole thing, which was very sad. Mum was out of sorts too. I hope they think that's what is impacting me. If I feel the same way at the end of this year, I won't go. It's just hard when everyone is happy around you and you're not feeling it. I was nearly crying talking to my cousin's wife about my job, I'd say she thinks I'm going through an awful time. Maybe I am.
Anyway, Christmas is nearly over. Maybe I'm kind of relieved, even though the thought of going back to work on Tuesday has me full of anxiety, but at least I won't have as much time to think! I hope it won't be as bad as I fear.
I've been very diligent with the exercise over Christmas. I have done loads of running and yoga and while my mood has been particularly low, at least I've done my bit and have established a good routine for myself. I haven't monitored my food too much so I have no idea what my weight is like, but I hope to have maintained. I'll put off weighing in until Wednesday I think. I did a PB in one of the running intervals on my running app today, mostly because it was lashing rain and I just wanted the thing to be over, but I felt good out there! So hopefully all this exercise will stand to me in the weeks ahead.
My goals for January are to keep up the exercise regime, be as healthy as I can food-wise, and no smoking during the working day. I think it will be too difficult to quit completely, but I want to feel like I'm making progress in some sense, so that is my first goal with it. That will cut out maybe 5 or 6 cigarettes a day so it should help. I just think there's no point in trying to quit entirely when I am feeling this blue. But I want to see progress, and I have seen progress in my exercise regime over the last two weeks, so I think this could be the way forward.
Here's to a healthy, happy 2024 for us all, full of love and adventures and all the good things! xxx
Cate
Long term member
Hi, Em. I have agonised over saying the wrong thing & offending people since I was young. I still look back at some things I did or said in High School & cringe.
It's awful feeling out of sorts. I hope this year is a better one for all of us. Do you have specific plans to cut down on your wine drinking? I haven't formulated mine yet, but I know I need to drink less if I am to lose weight. I wish I didn't love it. I'll join you if you have any set plans.
It's awful feeling out of sorts. I hope this year is a better one for all of us. Do you have specific plans to cut down on your wine drinking? I haven't formulated mine yet, but I know I need to drink less if I am to lose weight. I wish I didn't love it. I'll join you if you have any set plans.
That sounds SO good xoxo
Those goals sound good Emily--nice and reasonable.
I hope something happens for you job-wise to help you feel better in your work life. Whether it's at your current workplace or finding something new.
Good for you keeping up with the exercise all holidays especially when you've been feeling a little down--can be super easy just to give in to the sadness and lie around and eat junk when feeling like that. Running is so good for the body and soul. I can't wait to get back to it!
I hope something happens for you job-wise to help you feel better in your work life. Whether it's at your current workplace or finding something new.
Good for you keeping up with the exercise all holidays especially when you've been feeling a little down--can be super easy just to give in to the sadness and lie around and eat junk when feeling like that. Running is so good for the body and soul. I can't wait to get back to it!
- I'm not sure how to do it yet Cate but I have stuff coming up this year that I want to look my best for, and being tired and hungover after drinking wine is not the way to look good!
- Thanks Liza. I really made massive progress with the running over the break. I cut my time down from about 32 minutes per 5km to just over 30! So that was amazing, and gives me hope that my body will do what I want it to do if I just give it a chance! But yes, running is brilliant.
I wanted to get up for a run before work this morning but I am just finding it impossible to get up. I'd probably need to be in bed at 9 for 3 nights in a row in order to be fresh enough to do it. So that's something I might try over the next few days and I might attempt it again on Monday.
In a surprising New Year's Eve twist, Spanish Guy texted me just after midnight and it turns out he's moving back to Ireland. Not the same county this time but not too far away either. He wants to meet up again when he moves back. He's already talking about going away on trips together. Eek. I'm not sure how much time I can face spending with him for an extended break away but I will probably meet him alright. I have a few weeks to think about that anyway. It's the best offer I've had in a while, I guess. Might be time to get back on the horse, so to speak. And it's nice that he hasn't forgotten me, I guess.
Work hasn't been too bad so far, so that's also good. Maybe it will be fine... Let's see. Next week will be a bit busier but I made good progress on stuff the last few days without killing myself. My favourite way of working.
I have a list of stuff to do on the notes on my phone that stupid Siri keeps 'reminding' me about - it's the only note that I get notifications about, which feels extremely passive-aggressive. Lol. Anyway, I'm making my way through it slowly but surely. We have a house inspection next week, which is great, because it means I have to do a massive house clean. My room isn't too bad but it could do with a bit of a scrub. Anyway, it's good to be getting a few things ticked off the list.
That's it for now, off to watch Fool Me Once on Netflix, which is kind of a psychological thriller thing, right up my street. It's meant to be good. Oh, and I weighed in today. I'm at 182.3, which is around about where I was, but my body fat was down another bit to 42.4%, so the running and exercise is definitely helping. I've taken tonight off but back to tennis tomorrow evening. Night all.
- Thanks Liza. I really made massive progress with the running over the break. I cut my time down from about 32 minutes per 5km to just over 30! So that was amazing, and gives me hope that my body will do what I want it to do if I just give it a chance! But yes, running is brilliant.
I wanted to get up for a run before work this morning but I am just finding it impossible to get up. I'd probably need to be in bed at 9 for 3 nights in a row in order to be fresh enough to do it. So that's something I might try over the next few days and I might attempt it again on Monday.
In a surprising New Year's Eve twist, Spanish Guy texted me just after midnight and it turns out he's moving back to Ireland. Not the same county this time but not too far away either. He wants to meet up again when he moves back. He's already talking about going away on trips together. Eek. I'm not sure how much time I can face spending with him for an extended break away but I will probably meet him alright. I have a few weeks to think about that anyway. It's the best offer I've had in a while, I guess. Might be time to get back on the horse, so to speak. And it's nice that he hasn't forgotten me, I guess.
Work hasn't been too bad so far, so that's also good. Maybe it will be fine... Let's see. Next week will be a bit busier but I made good progress on stuff the last few days without killing myself. My favourite way of working.
I have a list of stuff to do on the notes on my phone that stupid Siri keeps 'reminding' me about - it's the only note that I get notifications about, which feels extremely passive-aggressive. Lol. Anyway, I'm making my way through it slowly but surely. We have a house inspection next week, which is great, because it means I have to do a massive house clean. My room isn't too bad but it could do with a bit of a scrub. Anyway, it's good to be getting a few things ticked off the list.
That's it for now, off to watch Fool Me Once on Netflix, which is kind of a psychological thriller thing, right up my street. It's meant to be good. Oh, and I weighed in today. I'm at 182.3, which is around about where I was, but my body fat was down another bit to 42.4%, so the running and exercise is definitely helping. I've taken tonight off but back to tennis tomorrow evening. Night all.
Cate
Long term member
Oh, Em. That is so flattering & exciting. You have obviously made a huge impression on him.
It's great that you have been keeping up with your running & will be back to tennis as well.
It's funny but when we have people coming here for a meal I do a mad house clean. I resent having to but I am also grateful that I have to. Crazy I know.
That's wonderful you are getting back into running! And so nice Spanish guy wants to take you on trips! I hope that works out. I can really see you finding new and interesting avenues to explore in life from traveling and getting more perspective while away from everything in your day to day world. I love traveling for that reason alone, and as Cate says, that means he really likes you and is into you, which is a nice compliment, for sure. I hope you can get caught up on sleep. Not getting enough sleep makes me totally non-functional, so I am very biased about sleep as a magical healing balm! I'm the same about cleaning, and probably need to copy you can do a deep clean very soon.
Very Nice! So encouraging when we reach a new personal best!
Oh I don't think I know about Spanish Guy... Sounds really promising and like some fun times ahead!
Is he someone you could see yourself in a relationship with or is it more as a casual/fun thing?
That's great you are moving down--especially after holidays!
- Yeah, I think it's natural to clean up the house for the 'visitors', Cate. Although I haven't done too much yet, I have to admit.
- Yeah, let's see on Spanish Guy, Marsia. And yes, good sleep is essential.
- Hi Liza. Hmm. I was happy to hear from him, but as he continued to text me, I got less and less interested. Lol. He's fine, he's just not 'the one', and I get exhausted if I spend too long in his company. But I don't mind meeting up with him again.
I survived my first week back in work. Yay. There were multiple disasters, it actually wasn't an easy week at all. A lot of calls to the global team. But anyway, I made it. I half-enjoyed it. I'm probably better when I'm occupied, even if it is work.
I'm not doing anything for the night except finishing Fool Me Once, which is proving quite gripping. I'm meeting some friends tomorrow and I have to go home on Sunday to help Mum with something, so that's the weekend sorted. I had a massive fight with her on Monday evening, just carnage. I completely lost my temper. I feel bad about it but I can't take it back now. And we were doing so well, no arguments all over Christmas. Then in the final hour of the break - BAM! Eruption!
I'm not going to give myself too hard a time about it because it is an incredibly difficult, frustrating, sad situation and I think I've bottled up a lot of my feelings about it for a long while. So maybe I needed to release all of that stress, but of course I went about it the wrong way. I was really scared for her on Monday night. She said she wants to give up and that she wishes she was 90 years old so that her life is nearly over. That's the level we're dealing with. It's very hard for me and Dad. Dad is a fucking trooper, I don't know how he does it. He's very solid really. Unfortunately, I think I take after my mother too much in that way. Although, to be fair, I manage to trundle on all the same. It's just been a shit time.
Anyway, enough about that misery. I had a good day overall and that's the main thing. Onwards and upwards.
- Yeah, let's see on Spanish Guy, Marsia. And yes, good sleep is essential.
- Hi Liza. Hmm. I was happy to hear from him, but as he continued to text me, I got less and less interested. Lol. He's fine, he's just not 'the one', and I get exhausted if I spend too long in his company. But I don't mind meeting up with him again.
I survived my first week back in work. Yay. There were multiple disasters, it actually wasn't an easy week at all. A lot of calls to the global team. But anyway, I made it. I half-enjoyed it. I'm probably better when I'm occupied, even if it is work.
I'm not doing anything for the night except finishing Fool Me Once, which is proving quite gripping. I'm meeting some friends tomorrow and I have to go home on Sunday to help Mum with something, so that's the weekend sorted. I had a massive fight with her on Monday evening, just carnage. I completely lost my temper. I feel bad about it but I can't take it back now. And we were doing so well, no arguments all over Christmas. Then in the final hour of the break - BAM! Eruption!
I'm not going to give myself too hard a time about it because it is an incredibly difficult, frustrating, sad situation and I think I've bottled up a lot of my feelings about it for a long while. So maybe I needed to release all of that stress, but of course I went about it the wrong way. I was really scared for her on Monday night. She said she wants to give up and that she wishes she was 90 years old so that her life is nearly over. That's the level we're dealing with. It's very hard for me and Dad. Dad is a fucking trooper, I don't know how he does it. He's very solid really. Unfortunately, I think I take after my mother too much in that way. Although, to be fair, I manage to trundle on all the same. It's just been a shit time.
Anyway, enough about that misery. I had a good day overall and that's the main thing. Onwards and upwards.
Cate
Long term member
I'm sorry to hear that your Mum is struggling so much. It must be awful for her. Is she on meds for her depression, Em & still seeing a counsellor or psych?
I'm glad your week back at work wasn't too bad. I wish Spanish Guy felt more like "the one". Have you played tennis yet?
I'm glad your week back at work wasn't too bad. I wish Spanish Guy felt more like "the one". Have you played tennis yet?
I know what you mean about it being so hard when someone is not taking care of themselves and everyone is taxed and tired from it. My mom never took care of her health and was so difficult to take care of when she got sick at the end. I wish I had been more loving and understanding, but I just wasn't there in my life. I was still her little girl arguing with her when I got really tired and discouraged. I think that's what makes caregiving so taxing for relatives. Everyone I know who's gone through it says it's the most work they've ever done in their lives, and that they were utterly exhausted from it. Big, huge hugs to you and your dad, and please remember you do not have to be a saint! It's wonderful you show up for her, and I can tell from what you write that the healthy part of her does appreciate that.
Too bad about Spanish guy, but glad you are seeing friends this weekend and enjoying your show - I just put that in the Netflix queue, so glad it's good. Hope you have a lovely weekend and that the visit with your mom is nice for both of you!!
Too bad about Spanish guy, but glad you are seeing friends this weekend and enjoying your show - I just put that in the Netflix queue, so glad it's good. Hope you have a lovely weekend and that the visit with your mom is nice for both of you!!
- Hi Cate. Yes, she's on medication but I think too much. It's slowed her down to a crawl. Tennis is on hold for now cos the weather is too cold.
- Thanks Marsia. I am supportive to her for the most part and we're friends again.
I haven't heard from Spanish Guy since so it's not something to really worry about. It's always nice to be wanted I guess.
I'm feeling a lot better in myself this week. I gave permission to myself to just relax and do nothing for the last few weeks and it's actually been very rewarding. I've been able to calm my mind down enough to concentrate on films and books again, which had disappeared for a while because my mind was so frantic.
I went for a swim on Tuesday and I enjoyed it so much. I flew up and down in the water, it felt great. It's such a boring pool though, I loved the one I used to go to in the city. There were loads of characters in there and you would get chatting to people. The people who go to this pool are a bit more reserved. Anyway, I don't really go enough to have built up a community there. I would like to go twice a week, I think that would be plenty. It actually takes a lot out of me, I was so tired afterwards on Tuesday, you know that lovely, tired feeling you get when you've exercised and kind of emptied your brain out a bit. So I went to sleep really quickly, which doesn't happen that often for me.
I cleaned my room tonight cos we have a house inspection tomorrow and scrubbed the shower, so I feel good about that too.
I can't wait till I get paid at the end of the month. I have so many things I want to buy. I really need new running shoes, new walking around shoes, a duvet set for my bed... A knitted black jumper. I put a bag of clothes together to put into the clothes bin when I was tidying my room cos I've realised so many of clothes are really old. I need a wardrobe update. But I'll start with the more practical stuff. If I lose a bit more weight, I am going to get the train to Dublin and go on a shopping spree. I've got a substantial payrise so I have the possibility to do this stuff again, which is exciting. I mean, I don't see myself as a hugely materialistic person but it is nice to be able to treat yourself every now and again without having to worry.
Anyway, that's it for now. Good week this week, work is going great and tomorrow is Friday. What more could a girl want? Hahaha.
- Thanks Marsia. I am supportive to her for the most part and we're friends again.
- This made me laugh Liza!
I haven't heard from Spanish Guy since so it's not something to really worry about. It's always nice to be wanted I guess.
I'm feeling a lot better in myself this week. I gave permission to myself to just relax and do nothing for the last few weeks and it's actually been very rewarding. I've been able to calm my mind down enough to concentrate on films and books again, which had disappeared for a while because my mind was so frantic.
I went for a swim on Tuesday and I enjoyed it so much. I flew up and down in the water, it felt great. It's such a boring pool though, I loved the one I used to go to in the city. There were loads of characters in there and you would get chatting to people. The people who go to this pool are a bit more reserved. Anyway, I don't really go enough to have built up a community there. I would like to go twice a week, I think that would be plenty. It actually takes a lot out of me, I was so tired afterwards on Tuesday, you know that lovely, tired feeling you get when you've exercised and kind of emptied your brain out a bit. So I went to sleep really quickly, which doesn't happen that often for me.
I cleaned my room tonight cos we have a house inspection tomorrow and scrubbed the shower, so I feel good about that too.
I can't wait till I get paid at the end of the month. I have so many things I want to buy. I really need new running shoes, new walking around shoes, a duvet set for my bed... A knitted black jumper. I put a bag of clothes together to put into the clothes bin when I was tidying my room cos I've realised so many of clothes are really old. I need a wardrobe update. But I'll start with the more practical stuff. If I lose a bit more weight, I am going to get the train to Dublin and go on a shopping spree. I've got a substantial payrise so I have the possibility to do this stuff again, which is exciting. I mean, I don't see myself as a hugely materialistic person but it is nice to be able to treat yourself every now and again without having to worry.
Anyway, that's it for now. Good week this week, work is going great and tomorrow is Friday. What more could a girl want? Hahaha.
That's wonderful how swimming was cathartic and got you in a good tired state. Swimming is my favorite form of exercise, but doing laps is hard for me, too. I wish they had those lazy river pool designs for laps so it would be more interesting and fun to swim in pools. I try to concentrate on stretching out all the muscles like I am doing yoga in the water if I get bored in the pool.
It's so wonderful that you finally got a raise and can do nice things for yourself like getting new clothes and running shoes. Glad you and your mom are doing better, too. Sounds like a good week with a nice clean room to come home to now, too. I love when the house is clean and you can just sit back and enjoy it!
It's so wonderful that you finally got a raise and can do nice things for yourself like getting new clothes and running shoes. Glad you and your mom are doing better, too. Sounds like a good week with a nice clean room to come home to now, too. I love when the house is clean and you can just sit back and enjoy it!