I love your attitude about not smoking, and I hope that even if you do get a setback day here and there, that you'll keep going and view every day as Day !! (I really need to do that with food, too!). I am also glad you aren't worrying about drinking or extra food while going through this. Previously I think you went between quitting drinking and smoking, and I think it was too many hard things to overcome at once. I am so glad you are focusing on the solution that will make you most healthy first!! I hope you do really enjoy your 2 weeks off, and get rejuvenated and well rested!!
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
- Oh God, that seems very far away Cate. We'll see.
- Nice to know I am not the only insane person Liza, hahaha.
- Thanks Marsia. I already feel a lot better physically at least.
Ugh. I caved. But, I am not going to fret. This is a bit of a setback, but I did one day and I will try to do another couple when I go home for Christmas. I was just too miserable.
Other than that, I had a really positive day. I played tennis for an hour, one lady brought Santa hats for everyone, which was really nice and brought a bit of festive cheer. I also won both my games so my tennis is coming back slowly but surely.
One of the ladies arrived and when I took my jacket off to go play, she exclaimed, 'Wow Emily, you've lost loads of weight!' So that was pretty cool. A nice reminder of the progress I've made.
Even though I ate a giant pizza last night, my weight was 183.7 this morning at 42.7% body fat. I'm going to keep trying to inch that number down bit by bit. It would be great to be back in the 170s by the time January 1st rolls around, and it's definitely doable.
But yeah, this afternoon, I did a pilates class in the gym for half an hour, and then I was so bored when I got home that I went for a 3k run as well.
I think I'm addicted to excitement. Today has been very restorative but I'm so bored. I also cooked a really nice dinner - pasta with steak mince and loads of veggies in bolognese sauce. I feel like I haven't eaten a vegetable in weeks so that was great. I am now drinking green tea like the puritan I intend to become.
But yeah, the plan is to keep up with the exercise and healthy food as much as I can. Tomorrow I have the dentist, which is near home, so I will call to my parents and have dinner with them, then an hour of tennis in the evening.
Friday I am back in cleaning mode, I have to buy a few presents, and then I'm going out with my housemate and her friend to a show. So it will nice. And then it's Christmas Eve.
I wish I was more excited about my life, that's how I feel today...
- Nice to know I am not the only insane person Liza, hahaha.
- Thanks Marsia. I already feel a lot better physically at least.
Ugh. I caved. But, I am not going to fret. This is a bit of a setback, but I did one day and I will try to do another couple when I go home for Christmas. I was just too miserable.
Other than that, I had a really positive day. I played tennis for an hour, one lady brought Santa hats for everyone, which was really nice and brought a bit of festive cheer. I also won both my games so my tennis is coming back slowly but surely.
One of the ladies arrived and when I took my jacket off to go play, she exclaimed, 'Wow Emily, you've lost loads of weight!' So that was pretty cool. A nice reminder of the progress I've made.
Even though I ate a giant pizza last night, my weight was 183.7 this morning at 42.7% body fat. I'm going to keep trying to inch that number down bit by bit. It would be great to be back in the 170s by the time January 1st rolls around, and it's definitely doable.
But yeah, this afternoon, I did a pilates class in the gym for half an hour, and then I was so bored when I got home that I went for a 3k run as well.
I think I'm addicted to excitement. Today has been very restorative but I'm so bored. I also cooked a really nice dinner - pasta with steak mince and loads of veggies in bolognese sauce. I feel like I haven't eaten a vegetable in weeks so that was great. I am now drinking green tea like the puritan I intend to become.
But yeah, the plan is to keep up with the exercise and healthy food as much as I can. Tomorrow I have the dentist, which is near home, so I will call to my parents and have dinner with them, then an hour of tennis in the evening.
Friday I am back in cleaning mode, I have to buy a few presents, and then I'm going out with my housemate and her friend to a show. So it will nice. And then it's Christmas Eve.
I wish I was more excited about my life, that's how I feel today...
One day at a time with smoking sounds like a good plan. Each day is a new day to try again.
The tennis sounds great--and how nice to have other people noticing how much weight you've dropped!
The tennis sounds great--and how nice to have other people noticing how much weight you've dropped!
I can imagine that must be hard when you are wanting more excitement and not feeling it. I'm all about the peace and quiet but I know not everyone is!
Cate
Long term member
Em, you can do it. You have to want to give up though.
There will always be a reason that you can tell yourself to have another smoke. Always. You can do it.
That's wonderful!
You can do it!
like the puritan I intend to become.
You & me both 2024, Em is almost upon us. Maybe 2024 will be your best year ever & the start of wonderful things to come.
- Thanks Liza. I love feeling regenerated but it's a struggle at times. I did feel great today though, because I didn't do anything yesterday.
- I hope so Cate. xxx
I had another lovely day of holidays. Day 3. Still in the single digits, so that is great. Had an amazing sleep. Woke up just after 7, had a cigarette (sorry!) but went back to sleep till just after 9, when I had to get up cos I had a dentist visit. Had wonderful dreams, felt like my brain was processing a lot of stuff and a lot of anxiety... really felt well-rested when I got up the second time.
The dentist went great! Met such a lovely dentist, she was new to me, and the dentist I had before was similarly lovely. So, when I was sitting in the chair, getting my teeth cleaned, which was slightly painful, something the dentist had said got my brain ticking over. Anyway, during one of the 'breaks', when I had to rinse my mouth out cos my gums were bleeding, I asked her what happens when a dentist visits another dentist? Anyway, her and the dental nurse were laughing, and she said that because they are so busy in the practice, she's actually due a clean and needs to get that done. And she said that in dental college, they practice on each other, so they adminster injections to each other and all that, so that side of it doesn't bother her at all. It was interesting and such a positive dentist visit. And my teeth are perfect! Gums bleeding and need to be cleaned every 4 months, but as a smoker, that's not too bad. And my teeth have looked great since August, because the hygienist there is also brilliant, super-nice and did an amazing job.
If you are someone that shys away from dentists and are reading this post, the key, my friend, is consistency! That's how I feel about it.
Right, that's a lot of time dedicated to my teeth on this post, but teeth are so important, and I'm so happy that mine are still good. The dentist is near my parents' house, so I went there for the day and we chatted and had dinner together - salmon with potatoes and loads of veg, and then strawberries with cream and ice cream for dessert. It was a lovely day. Mum is still a bit miserable but we had a great chat, all the same. I offloaded some of my work woes, it was great to just air it all out. I feel better about everything.
I've been thinking a lot about Tom today. I'm still very confused about him as a person. I do love how affectionate he is. I've been thinking today about how much I crave affection. I guess the problem is that he has shown me what I am missing, from a distance, and that has made me so insanely miserable and sad and it's been very, very difficult to keep ploughing along when you know things could be so much better if you had someone on your side. I keep saying to myself that I will not die on this hill, and I won't either. I'm feeling so much better physically already and my weight was down another little bit today. I know I just need to keep taking care of myself and the rest will take care of itself...
- I hope so Cate. xxx
I had another lovely day of holidays. Day 3. Still in the single digits, so that is great. Had an amazing sleep. Woke up just after 7, had a cigarette (sorry!) but went back to sleep till just after 9, when I had to get up cos I had a dentist visit. Had wonderful dreams, felt like my brain was processing a lot of stuff and a lot of anxiety... really felt well-rested when I got up the second time.
The dentist went great! Met such a lovely dentist, she was new to me, and the dentist I had before was similarly lovely. So, when I was sitting in the chair, getting my teeth cleaned, which was slightly painful, something the dentist had said got my brain ticking over. Anyway, during one of the 'breaks', when I had to rinse my mouth out cos my gums were bleeding, I asked her what happens when a dentist visits another dentist? Anyway, her and the dental nurse were laughing, and she said that because they are so busy in the practice, she's actually due a clean and needs to get that done. And she said that in dental college, they practice on each other, so they adminster injections to each other and all that, so that side of it doesn't bother her at all. It was interesting and such a positive dentist visit. And my teeth are perfect! Gums bleeding and need to be cleaned every 4 months, but as a smoker, that's not too bad. And my teeth have looked great since August, because the hygienist there is also brilliant, super-nice and did an amazing job.
If you are someone that shys away from dentists and are reading this post, the key, my friend, is consistency! That's how I feel about it.
Right, that's a lot of time dedicated to my teeth on this post, but teeth are so important, and I'm so happy that mine are still good. The dentist is near my parents' house, so I went there for the day and we chatted and had dinner together - salmon with potatoes and loads of veg, and then strawberries with cream and ice cream for dessert. It was a lovely day. Mum is still a bit miserable but we had a great chat, all the same. I offloaded some of my work woes, it was great to just air it all out. I feel better about everything.
I've been thinking a lot about Tom today. I'm still very confused about him as a person. I do love how affectionate he is. I've been thinking today about how much I crave affection. I guess the problem is that he has shown me what I am missing, from a distance, and that has made me so insanely miserable and sad and it's been very, very difficult to keep ploughing along when you know things could be so much better if you had someone on your side. I keep saying to myself that I will not die on this hill, and I won't either. I'm feeling so much better physically already and my weight was down another little bit today. I know I just need to keep taking care of myself and the rest will take care of itself...
Cate
Long term member
That's the way, Em. Me too.
- Thanks Liza. It was a good day.
- Good to hear Cate.
Had another good day today. I feel a lot better within myself. I went shopping and bought a really nice gift for my parents that they probably won't appreciate but is actually very thoughtful. Haha. It's something they would never buy for themselves, which is sometimes the point of a gift? Anyway, whatever, I'm happy with it. I also got them a hotel voucher, which they will definitely like.
I bought a really nice dress and I think I look really good in it. I wore it tonight and will wear it tomorrow again. It was also on sale for 15 euro, which is even better.
My housemate and I went to a really fun show tonight, it was an improvised pantomime, and I laughed from start to finish. Just such good vibes. It was silly and childish and just a brilliant night out. I will try to get a gang together to go next year.
Exercise today was fairly good. I did half an hour of yoga and I tried to do a class in the gym but I was the only one who had signed up so it didn't go ahead. Talk about dedication! So I did half an hour in the actual gym instead.
The exercise and extra sleep is really helping me. I look so much better already along with my new sparkly teeth. I'm meeting friends tomorrow for lunch and possibly different friends in the evening for drinks, but arrangements are fairly loose for the second half of the evening, so it might not happen. I will try to stop smoking again from Christmas Eve on, which should be doable for a couple of days at least.
I'm really enjoying the break so far and I think I will feel good and more positive going into the New Year. The key really will be to keep up this exercise routine, as I am just loving it.
- Good to hear Cate.
Had another good day today. I feel a lot better within myself. I went shopping and bought a really nice gift for my parents that they probably won't appreciate but is actually very thoughtful. Haha. It's something they would never buy for themselves, which is sometimes the point of a gift? Anyway, whatever, I'm happy with it. I also got them a hotel voucher, which they will definitely like.
I bought a really nice dress and I think I look really good in it. I wore it tonight and will wear it tomorrow again. It was also on sale for 15 euro, which is even better.
My housemate and I went to a really fun show tonight, it was an improvised pantomime, and I laughed from start to finish. Just such good vibes. It was silly and childish and just a brilliant night out. I will try to get a gang together to go next year.
Exercise today was fairly good. I did half an hour of yoga and I tried to do a class in the gym but I was the only one who had signed up so it didn't go ahead. Talk about dedication! So I did half an hour in the actual gym instead.
The exercise and extra sleep is really helping me. I look so much better already along with my new sparkly teeth. I'm meeting friends tomorrow for lunch and possibly different friends in the evening for drinks, but arrangements are fairly loose for the second half of the evening, so it might not happen. I will try to stop smoking again from Christmas Eve on, which should be doable for a couple of days at least.
I'm really enjoying the break so far and I think I will feel good and more positive going into the New Year. The key really will be to keep up this exercise routine, as I am just loving it.
So glad the break is rejuvenating and fun so far! I think it's maddening when you meet a potential boyfriend who has some of the attributes that you really love in a partner, but you know that they aren't 100% into the relationship and won't fully commit. I think when that happens you have to place your faith in yourself, and not torture yourself with maybes or somedays. I really think that when you are really happy with yourself, the right person will come along when you're not even looking. I love hearing how happy you are!!
- The break is working its magic Cate, that's for sure. I look cute in the dress!
- Aw, thanks Marsia. I agree. I will meet someone next year. I am determined. This year woke me up!
- Thanks Liza.
I met up with some friends today for lunch, which was really nice. We had a great chat for a couple of hours. It was nice to see them.
I spent the evening with Agatha again, I read The Moving Finger, maybe my favourite one so far? All the characters were brilliant and so cleverly drawn out, I really loved it.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I am going to do my exercise, wrap a present for my parents and then drive home in the evening. I haven't thought about food yet, but I'm not thinking about food so often these days. I don't know if I'm cured but I ate one meal today and a packet of crisps and I didn't feel hungry for more. This is a new way of living for me. I don't know what's going on, but to not be obsessing about food all day is such a blessing. I really hope this is the end of my eating disorder.
I went for a 5k run today and I did yoga for about 40 minutes and I felt so grateful towards my past self. I actually don't go running or do yoga very much any more, or not this year anyway. But all the hours I dedicated to it in the past have really stood to me. The run was invigorating. There's a run by a castle here near the water that I absolutely love. I used to do it a lot in the past, but I genuinely haven't had time this year. Anyway, I was back out there today, and despite having a few drinks last night, I was well able for it and I really, really enjoyed it. I love the run back where you can see the castle in front of you. The castle represents all my dreams and with every stride, I'm inching that bit closer...
The yoga is the same. I've done very little this year, and I felt a bit sore this evening after doing it, but I am still well able to hold the poses and do a plank and I just felt so grateful for the more militant Emily Rose in years past who had a more dedicated practice going.
So today, I am grateful for past Emily Rose, and that's great, as normally I despise all the missed opportunities she's had. But then I think, there must be something better coming, because if I went back and did it all again, would I really have made different choices? I don't think so...
- Aw, thanks Marsia. I agree. I will meet someone next year. I am determined. This year woke me up!
- Thanks Liza.
I met up with some friends today for lunch, which was really nice. We had a great chat for a couple of hours. It was nice to see them.
I spent the evening with Agatha again, I read The Moving Finger, maybe my favourite one so far? All the characters were brilliant and so cleverly drawn out, I really loved it.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I am going to do my exercise, wrap a present for my parents and then drive home in the evening. I haven't thought about food yet, but I'm not thinking about food so often these days. I don't know if I'm cured but I ate one meal today and a packet of crisps and I didn't feel hungry for more. This is a new way of living for me. I don't know what's going on, but to not be obsessing about food all day is such a blessing. I really hope this is the end of my eating disorder.
I went for a 5k run today and I did yoga for about 40 minutes and I felt so grateful towards my past self. I actually don't go running or do yoga very much any more, or not this year anyway. But all the hours I dedicated to it in the past have really stood to me. The run was invigorating. There's a run by a castle here near the water that I absolutely love. I used to do it a lot in the past, but I genuinely haven't had time this year. Anyway, I was back out there today, and despite having a few drinks last night, I was well able for it and I really, really enjoyed it. I love the run back where you can see the castle in front of you. The castle represents all my dreams and with every stride, I'm inching that bit closer...
The yoga is the same. I've done very little this year, and I felt a bit sore this evening after doing it, but I am still well able to hold the poses and do a plank and I just felt so grateful for the more militant Emily Rose in years past who had a more dedicated practice going.
So today, I am grateful for past Emily Rose, and that's great, as normally I despise all the missed opportunities she's had. But then I think, there must be something better coming, because if I went back and did it all again, would I really have made different choices? I don't think so...
Such a cool post! I am so happy for you that you are accepting who you are and even celebrating some of your many good qualities!! The run by the castle by the water sounds like from some epic foreign movie. That must be so dreamy! Here's to a wonderful ending of a rough year and a great start of a brand spanking new one!!
That is so great to feel grateful to your past self for putting in good time and dedication that now you can just step out for a 5km run no problem!
I love that--that's sometimes how I feel running big hills--like it represents me overcoming the challenges in my life...
Thanks everyone. Happy Christmas to you all and thank you for your kind and supportive comments throughout the year.
It’s 2.48 am here and I can’t sleep. I must be too excited about Santa. But seriously, I had so many cups of tea tonight, I think it’s simply a case of too much caffeine.
Anyway, just said I’d write a short message here before I attempt sleep again. I’m going to put on a meditation I think to try to help me drift off.
It’s 2.48 am here and I can’t sleep. I must be too excited about Santa. But seriously, I had so many cups of tea tonight, I think it’s simply a case of too much caffeine.
Anyway, just said I’d write a short message here before I attempt sleep again. I’m going to put on a meditation I think to try to help me drift off.
- Haha, yes Liza, I did get back to sleep. Slept better last night!
- Hugs to you also Marsia. x
I've been fairly diligent with the exercise over Christmas the last few days. A 5k run every day, plus at least half an hour of Yoga with Adrienne, who is brilliant. I really love her and I love the energy she brings. She's an actress too though. I went on a Covid walk with friends of friends a few years ago, and one girl was saying she did Adrienne's 30 Day Challenge but she started to annoy her towards the end. I don't agree.
Anyway. Where are we? That is the question. Mum retreated to bed for 3 hours today for no reason. Rather than talk to her only child who is not around that often. It stings, I have to say. I mean, my parents always do their own thing, that's fine. They are all about me but they are also not hanging on my every word, that's all good. But I am worried about her. I just feel like she needs a grandchild. I know that seems basic, and they are not 'pressure' parents. They have always encouraged me to do my own thing but also, I don't think they really know what to do with me.
We've talked about a few people that are very lonely this Christmas and I kind of thought that I will end up like them when my parents are dead, if I don't go first. I sometimes think I am a really strange creature to be alone at this grand old age. Why haven't I paired off?
My dad was saying that maybe next year, I might have moved away. I don't think he wants me to move away but I also think that he wants me to be happy. I just feel the ticking of the clock and I need to do something drastic soon if I want to have a family. That's scary. Agh, Christmas.
- Hugs to you also Marsia. x
I've been fairly diligent with the exercise over Christmas the last few days. A 5k run every day, plus at least half an hour of Yoga with Adrienne, who is brilliant. I really love her and I love the energy she brings. She's an actress too though. I went on a Covid walk with friends of friends a few years ago, and one girl was saying she did Adrienne's 30 Day Challenge but she started to annoy her towards the end. I don't agree.
Anyway. Where are we? That is the question. Mum retreated to bed for 3 hours today for no reason. Rather than talk to her only child who is not around that often. It stings, I have to say. I mean, my parents always do their own thing, that's fine. They are all about me but they are also not hanging on my every word, that's all good. But I am worried about her. I just feel like she needs a grandchild. I know that seems basic, and they are not 'pressure' parents. They have always encouraged me to do my own thing but also, I don't think they really know what to do with me.
We've talked about a few people that are very lonely this Christmas and I kind of thought that I will end up like them when my parents are dead, if I don't go first. I sometimes think I am a really strange creature to be alone at this grand old age. Why haven't I paired off?
My dad was saying that maybe next year, I might have moved away. I don't think he wants me to move away but I also think that he wants me to be happy. I just feel the ticking of the clock and I need to do something drastic soon if I want to have a family. That's scary. Agh, Christmas.
Cate
Long term member
Christmas is the time when almost every one reflects on their situation, Em. I know I get exhausted at this time of the year. As much as I love my family I am very grateful when they have all gone & peace & quiet prevail. G is watching the test cricket & I have got onto my laptop & we have an ice-cold gin & tonic next to us. Arch is back to being the only dog & is back on his usual chair. It's lovely.
Your Mum may not know how to cope with you. We can't always. It can be really mentally tiring. I'm sure she loves you. It's hard being a Mum.
Your Mum may not know how to cope with you. We can't always. It can be really mentally tiring. I'm sure she loves you. It's hard being a Mum.