Awesome to get that sort of feedback when he didn't even know you'd written it! Yes write some more!
Oh yes having a housemate clean up after himself definitely important! That's great you like him
That sounds great!
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
- Yes, she moved out a couple of months ago Cate. She was nice enough but this new guy is cleaner and just very easy-going in general.
- Thanks Liza. A huge incentive for giving up smoking is to get my higher register back when singing. It's just so congested at the moment. But I can still sing well enough.
Appetite is still non-existent and I am pretty much forcing myself to eat all week. I haven't been eating very much but enough so I don't crash and burn. I'm running on adrenaline and nicotine right now. At the same time, it's kind of a nice feeling to have an emptier belly. It's doing a lot of gurgling. I'm kind of fasting without intending to. But I'd rather be consciously following a healthy eating plan rather than just not wanting to eat anything at all.
The result of all this not eating is that I have hit a new low. 184.2 pounds yesterday. May 2020 was the last time I saw this number. I've had my photo taken a bit lately for various things and I actually look halfway decent in my clothes again. So I am happy about the result but maybe not the process.
My plan for food today is to buy some salmon and prawns, some veg and a nice sauce in the supermarket in a while and cook up a healthy stir-fry with rice, which might be easier to eat. I've only managed one slice of toast with butter so far and I woke up hungry.
But yeah, there's a lot going on. I'm sad about Tom but I'm trying not to let it affect all the other good things that are going on, which is really really hard. So I've found myself overcompensating and being a bit shrill and loud and kind of annoying. Hahaha. But I need energy at the moment and I need to stay up and I just have to power through. He's very off with me compared to before. I don't know, maybe he's just gone off me. So that's hard to cope with. At the same time, he's doing a lot to help me so the whole thing is a complete mindfield, which is part of the addiction. If it was straightforward, I would be bored! But yeah, just trying my best to focus on the positives. Really wanted to drink last night, didn't. I slept really badly but at least I have woken up with a fresh head. It's a nice day here, so I'm going to try to snooze for a little bit, then get out into the world for a while and do a bit of shopping.
- Thanks Liza. A huge incentive for giving up smoking is to get my higher register back when singing. It's just so congested at the moment. But I can still sing well enough.
Appetite is still non-existent and I am pretty much forcing myself to eat all week. I haven't been eating very much but enough so I don't crash and burn. I'm running on adrenaline and nicotine right now. At the same time, it's kind of a nice feeling to have an emptier belly. It's doing a lot of gurgling. I'm kind of fasting without intending to. But I'd rather be consciously following a healthy eating plan rather than just not wanting to eat anything at all.
The result of all this not eating is that I have hit a new low. 184.2 pounds yesterday. May 2020 was the last time I saw this number. I've had my photo taken a bit lately for various things and I actually look halfway decent in my clothes again. So I am happy about the result but maybe not the process.
My plan for food today is to buy some salmon and prawns, some veg and a nice sauce in the supermarket in a while and cook up a healthy stir-fry with rice, which might be easier to eat. I've only managed one slice of toast with butter so far and I woke up hungry.
But yeah, there's a lot going on. I'm sad about Tom but I'm trying not to let it affect all the other good things that are going on, which is really really hard. So I've found myself overcompensating and being a bit shrill and loud and kind of annoying. Hahaha. But I need energy at the moment and I need to stay up and I just have to power through. He's very off with me compared to before. I don't know, maybe he's just gone off me. So that's hard to cope with. At the same time, he's doing a lot to help me so the whole thing is a complete mindfield, which is part of the addiction. If it was straightforward, I would be bored! But yeah, just trying my best to focus on the positives. Really wanted to drink last night, didn't. I slept really badly but at least I have woken up with a fresh head. It's a nice day here, so I'm going to try to snooze for a little bit, then get out into the world for a while and do a bit of shopping.
Wow, you're going through so much, and I hope you can find food that is soothing and good for you at the same time. I commiserate with losing weight through adversity. I lost 20 pounds living in a hot RV in the south in the summer - I just sweat it off. Can you talk with Tom about your feelings and confusion or would that makes things more complicated? I find that I am attracted to guys who aren't good for me because they have traits that I need to learn for myself. Really glad you resisted the urge to drink and that you are clear headed now. I hope you can formulate a tentative plan for what you want to try doing with the next phase of your life. Being in limbo is so hard.
I hope your appetite comes back soon.
I know I lost a bunch of weight too in the past when my anxiety was really bad. Not the funnest weight-loss program!
I know you mentioned possibly going to the doctor if the diarrhea continued...might be worth considering if your appetite remains low too...just to see if there may be something else going on...but hopefully this will all be short term and you'll be back to normal healthy eating soon.
That food plan sounds good.
I know I lost a bunch of weight too in the past when my anxiety was really bad. Not the funnest weight-loss program!
I know you mentioned possibly going to the doctor if the diarrhea continued...might be worth considering if your appetite remains low too...just to see if there may be something else going on...but hopefully this will all be short term and you'll be back to normal healthy eating soon.
Cate
Long term member
Oh, Em. Unfortunately, I can't see a solution to the situation with Tom, without there being some sort of uncomfortable, potentially embarrassing, conversation with him. Do you think maybe that he has been flattered by your attention & most probably very tempted & is now trying to withdraw from that? I'm only guessing of course.
I want you to be happy & healthy & looking after yourself
I want you to be happy & healthy & looking after yourself
- Thanks Marsia. I have till the start of December sorted in terms of life plans for now and then we will see what happens afterwards...
- Thanks Liza. It could be stress. Work has been manic and I have loads on after work as well. But once this busy period is over in a couple of weeks, I will see how things are, and I will go back to the doctor if needs be.
- Oh, I don't know Cate. It's so hard to know. So do I!
I just realised I've already done an entry today but it's close to midnight anyway so this can cover tomorrow. I'm just keen to write.
Stomach update: I went to do the shopping and decided I needed some fast calories so I got a chocolate and coconut cake with a coffee. Mistake! Felt AWFUL afterwards, my stomach was so upset. I think I might have IBS, as caffeine, alcohol and processed foods all exacerbate it. And even though I haven't been hungry, eating porridge with berries and seeds doesn't cause that kind of reaction, it just takes me ages to eat it.
So yeah, that was a bit of a revelation. Came home, had to lie down for an hour and a half, then back up to shower and get ready to go out again. I knew I had to eat something so I had a boiled egg and then some natural yoghurt with raspberries and mixed seeds. Felt awful on the drive in the car but I took two Neurofen and I think they helped. But my stomach didn't have the reaction it had earlier, so I think I've finally forced my body to only accept bland, healthy foods and reject anything else. The power of the subconsious mind, eh? Coming home this evening, I felt hungry, so I got a cajun chicken wrap - not the best but it was small and I needed it. Stomach still okay.
Just an update on the Tom thing - I was telling him something today and he doubled up laughing at what I said. Hahaha. I don't think I've made many people laugh that much before. And that kind of sums it up. Anyway, I'm not going to get carried away because it could all change again but it was a good evening.
- Thanks Liza. It could be stress. Work has been manic and I have loads on after work as well. But once this busy period is over in a couple of weeks, I will see how things are, and I will go back to the doctor if needs be.
- Oh, I don't know Cate. It's so hard to know. So do I!
I just realised I've already done an entry today but it's close to midnight anyway so this can cover tomorrow. I'm just keen to write.
Stomach update: I went to do the shopping and decided I needed some fast calories so I got a chocolate and coconut cake with a coffee. Mistake! Felt AWFUL afterwards, my stomach was so upset. I think I might have IBS, as caffeine, alcohol and processed foods all exacerbate it. And even though I haven't been hungry, eating porridge with berries and seeds doesn't cause that kind of reaction, it just takes me ages to eat it.
So yeah, that was a bit of a revelation. Came home, had to lie down for an hour and a half, then back up to shower and get ready to go out again. I knew I had to eat something so I had a boiled egg and then some natural yoghurt with raspberries and mixed seeds. Felt awful on the drive in the car but I took two Neurofen and I think they helped. But my stomach didn't have the reaction it had earlier, so I think I've finally forced my body to only accept bland, healthy foods and reject anything else. The power of the subconsious mind, eh? Coming home this evening, I felt hungry, so I got a cajun chicken wrap - not the best but it was small and I needed it. Stomach still okay.
Just an update on the Tom thing - I was telling him something today and he doubled up laughing at what I said. Hahaha. I don't think I've made many people laugh that much before. And that kind of sums it up. Anyway, I'm not going to get carried away because it could all change again but it was a good evening.
Glad your stomach is at least accepting healthy offerings!
Always so good to share a good laugh! And especially making others laugh so much
alligatorob
Respected Member
Sorry about the Tom situation, could you just try to transition your thinking about him to friendship? Harder done than said I know.
Good for you!
Have you seen a Dr about it? IBS would not be good news, but knowing should help you. Hope its soon resolved, I hate stomach problems.
I'm glad you found things that are healthy that you can eat. I'm having weird mouth issues after the teeth cap and gum thing where anything salty or sugary or too much citrus makes my mouth and teeth and jaw in pain, so I commiserate. I hope you are able to come to peace with the Tom thing. It sounds so painful and reminds me of my situation with my first boyfriend where I was more into him than he was into me, and it was always going to be a weird imbalance. I hope you find a nice solution where you aren't expecting more than Tom will contribute to the relationship.
- Yeah, definitely Liza.
- They have improved a lot Cate so I'm not as worried. Still not eating that much but I did better today.
- I think the stomach issues could be Tom issues really, Rob. So I think I'll be okay.
- Thanks Marsia.
Oh God. Today was a bad day. I mean, it wasn't all bad. Actually, let's go through the positive things first, before I delve into the misery.
- My mum rang me at lunchtime and she sounded so bright - brighter than she's been in a long, long time.
- My dad called to the house cos he needed help with sending forms off to someone online. That cheered me up. I was even chirpy in my conversation with him, which was a miracle considering I just wanted to be struck down by a thunder bolt all morning.
- One of the tennis ladies texted asking if I would go to a coffee morning on Saturday in the pub she owns. Another of my tennis friends is going too and I haven't seen them in ages because I haven't been playing, so that was also nice.
- Another friend texted and she's going to see me in a show I'm in in a couple of weeks. The failed audition led to another audition, which I got! I have my second rehearsal for that tomorrow evening.
So, you know, I have stuff to live for. Life seems to be continuing whether I want it to or not. I'm very very low. I've been crying for most of the day, but in a way, that's probably a good thing, because I haven't cried like this in years and I've probably needed to. I can't really get into what is going on, but I am just emotionally distraught, really confused, sad, worried, angry, and it's very overwhelming. Anyway, Tom is gone for the moment, so I feel like my appetite will probably return again this week with force.
The good news about the heartbreak diet is that I've lost 7 pounds since the first of November. I was at 181 yesterday, only 2 away from the 170s, which is a bit of a miracle. I've had to force myself to eat anything, it's been a very strange experience. I feel like even if I go back to eating normally now, I should keep it off. Which is brilliant. I've had loads of photos taken the last while because of the drama group, and I look pretty good in the photos. Like, I'm not recoiling in horror at the way my clothes look on me. So, you know, I guess I can add that to the positives list at the start of this post.
Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully no more tears and I'll start to cheer up a bit.
- They have improved a lot Cate so I'm not as worried. Still not eating that much but I did better today.
- I think the stomach issues could be Tom issues really, Rob. So I think I'll be okay.
- Thanks Marsia.
Oh God. Today was a bad day. I mean, it wasn't all bad. Actually, let's go through the positive things first, before I delve into the misery.
- My mum rang me at lunchtime and she sounded so bright - brighter than she's been in a long, long time.
- My dad called to the house cos he needed help with sending forms off to someone online. That cheered me up. I was even chirpy in my conversation with him, which was a miracle considering I just wanted to be struck down by a thunder bolt all morning.
- One of the tennis ladies texted asking if I would go to a coffee morning on Saturday in the pub she owns. Another of my tennis friends is going too and I haven't seen them in ages because I haven't been playing, so that was also nice.
- Another friend texted and she's going to see me in a show I'm in in a couple of weeks. The failed audition led to another audition, which I got! I have my second rehearsal for that tomorrow evening.
So, you know, I have stuff to live for. Life seems to be continuing whether I want it to or not. I'm very very low. I've been crying for most of the day, but in a way, that's probably a good thing, because I haven't cried like this in years and I've probably needed to. I can't really get into what is going on, but I am just emotionally distraught, really confused, sad, worried, angry, and it's very overwhelming. Anyway, Tom is gone for the moment, so I feel like my appetite will probably return again this week with force.
The good news about the heartbreak diet is that I've lost 7 pounds since the first of November. I was at 181 yesterday, only 2 away from the 170s, which is a bit of a miracle. I've had to force myself to eat anything, it's been a very strange experience. I feel like even if I go back to eating normally now, I should keep it off. Which is brilliant. I've had loads of photos taken the last while because of the drama group, and I look pretty good in the photos. Like, I'm not recoiling in horror at the way my clothes look on me. So, you know, I guess I can add that to the positives list at the start of this post.
Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully no more tears and I'll start to cheer up a bit.
So sorry you are struggling over Tom so much. I hate when someone is so good for me in some ways, and so not in others. I hope you can be extra kind to yourself while going through this, and I think you are right that sometimes a good cry is long overdue. Glad you are losing, even though it's on the "heartbreak" diet. I hope you can really savor how you look and how it feels. I don't think I did enough of that the last time I got down into the 170s, and it just crept back up again. Congratulations on the new part in the play, and I hope you have good times with your tennis friends!! Sending you big hugs for all the heartache
So great that you got that part in the play! yay!
And really nice that you do have a lot of positives in your life that you can hopefully refocus on when feeling down. That's a good skill to have to remember the positives even when feeling down.
Are you too busy for tennis nowadays? Is that why you haven't been playing?
So great that you got that part in the play! yay!
And really nice that you do have a lot of positives in your life that you can hopefully refocus on when feeling down. That's a good skill to have to remember the positives even when feeling down.
Are you too busy for tennis nowadays? Is that why you haven't been playing?
- Thanks Marsia. I'm not really embracing being a bit thinner as nothing ever seems to be good enough for me.
- Hi Liza. Yeah, I just really don't have time for tennis at the moment. Work is hectic and I have rehearsals a lot of evenings.
- Oh God Cate, I'm trying.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but things are really hard at the moment. I'm finding it really hard to stay some way present and cheerful in work, my mind keeps going round and round in circles about the same topics over and over again. I'm in hell right now. I just feel like such an idiot. I feel really down on myself. On top of that, I've started to think back over my entire existence and wonder why I am the way I am. How am I such a failure as an adult? Why can't I ever find someone to really love me?
You know, I was really believing in the magic for a while there and now I've realised that I actually just went insane and there is no magic. That was just me being completely unhinged. So I feel really shattered. It's very hard to come to terms with.
Not only that, but the play I'm rehearsing for is incredibly challenging. I'm not doing anything the director wants. She's really nice about it, her notes are fantastic, but I am really struggling. The good thing about it is that while I'm there, I have to be present and kind of forget about the misery for a little bit, but she's asking all these sorts of uncomfortable character questions that are stirring up loads of things for me, and then I'm not delivering the lines in a funny way, and today I was shuffling around too much, and I'm doubting why I even want to act, as I don't seem to be very good at it.
So yeah, I am very raw and uncomfortable right now. I guess this is the part of life where you grow, isn't it? But it's very hard to keep going. I can't wait for it to be Friday evening so I can just go to bed and cry.
- Hi Liza. Yeah, I just really don't have time for tennis at the moment. Work is hectic and I have rehearsals a lot of evenings.
- Oh God Cate, I'm trying.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but things are really hard at the moment. I'm finding it really hard to stay some way present and cheerful in work, my mind keeps going round and round in circles about the same topics over and over again. I'm in hell right now. I just feel like such an idiot. I feel really down on myself. On top of that, I've started to think back over my entire existence and wonder why I am the way I am. How am I such a failure as an adult? Why can't I ever find someone to really love me?
You know, I was really believing in the magic for a while there and now I've realised that I actually just went insane and there is no magic. That was just me being completely unhinged. So I feel really shattered. It's very hard to come to terms with.
Not only that, but the play I'm rehearsing for is incredibly challenging. I'm not doing anything the director wants. She's really nice about it, her notes are fantastic, but I am really struggling. The good thing about it is that while I'm there, I have to be present and kind of forget about the misery for a little bit, but she's asking all these sorts of uncomfortable character questions that are stirring up loads of things for me, and then I'm not delivering the lines in a funny way, and today I was shuffling around too much, and I'm doubting why I even want to act, as I don't seem to be very good at it.
So yeah, I am very raw and uncomfortable right now. I guess this is the part of life where you grow, isn't it? But it's very hard to keep going. I can't wait for it to be Friday evening so I can just go to bed and cry.
- Hi Cate. No trips planned, no one to go with. Oh woe is me.
- Thanks Liza. No, but I helped them get the TV working this evening and chatted to them on the phone for about an hour. I need something from the house so I will pop out to see them on Sunday for a bit.
Thank God it's Friday! I have been in the doldrums all week in work, it's been awful. Welling up in tears at my desk, it's all just so dramatic! So I have to cut that out next week. Enough!
We did have a funny conversation before I went home about dating horror stories, which was highly entertaining, so that at least made me laugh a bit.
Cate said something in her post above - You need something nice to look forward to. - I think what's really hard is that I was looking forward to something so much and it didn't happen and I just feel so bitterly disappointed.
Instead of spending the evening crying, I'm self-soothing with wine, which is probably not a great idea, but I don't care, it's helping me feel better (until tomorrow). Next week is absolutely manic so I'm taking advantage of just being able to sit in bed all evening and drink and watch films and I think that's allowed, because I have been through the wringer.
In better health news, I don't have IBS, that was just extreme stress brought on by being an emotional wreck. My appetite is back to normal, which is sad in a way, because it means I'm chomping down everything on my plate again, but also good, because it means I can start to rebuild my strength a bit and eat healthy foods again.
I haven't quite turned the corner yet but I have a coffee morning tomorrow which has a raffle involved - if I won something cool, I would be thrilled! I'm also going to a little music gig/play in the afternoon which sounds quite soothing for the soul. Sunday I have to buy a suit, which is a nightmare, and then I have rehearsal and I have to get out to my parents' house to pick up a watch, but anyway, at least tomorrow should be nice enough.
I was chatting to Dad earlier and even though he's 73 years old, I genuinely think a part of him still believes in Santa. Lol. He was saying to me he was sure he heard him one year. So, you know what? I still believe in magic. I just have to.
- Thanks Liza. No, but I helped them get the TV working this evening and chatted to them on the phone for about an hour. I need something from the house so I will pop out to see them on Sunday for a bit.
Thank God it's Friday! I have been in the doldrums all week in work, it's been awful. Welling up in tears at my desk, it's all just so dramatic! So I have to cut that out next week. Enough!
We did have a funny conversation before I went home about dating horror stories, which was highly entertaining, so that at least made me laugh a bit.
Cate said something in her post above - You need something nice to look forward to. - I think what's really hard is that I was looking forward to something so much and it didn't happen and I just feel so bitterly disappointed.
Instead of spending the evening crying, I'm self-soothing with wine, which is probably not a great idea, but I don't care, it's helping me feel better (until tomorrow). Next week is absolutely manic so I'm taking advantage of just being able to sit in bed all evening and drink and watch films and I think that's allowed, because I have been through the wringer.
In better health news, I don't have IBS, that was just extreme stress brought on by being an emotional wreck. My appetite is back to normal, which is sad in a way, because it means I'm chomping down everything on my plate again, but also good, because it means I can start to rebuild my strength a bit and eat healthy foods again.
I haven't quite turned the corner yet but I have a coffee morning tomorrow which has a raffle involved - if I won something cool, I would be thrilled! I'm also going to a little music gig/play in the afternoon which sounds quite soothing for the soul. Sunday I have to buy a suit, which is a nightmare, and then I have rehearsal and I have to get out to my parents' house to pick up a watch, but anyway, at least tomorrow should be nice enough.
I was chatting to Dad earlier and even though he's 73 years old, I genuinely think a part of him still believes in Santa. Lol. He was saying to me he was sure he heard him one year. So, you know what? I still believe in magic. I just have to.
Cate
Long term member
Just for starters-
https://www.shandontravel.ie/the-solo-traveller
https://www.trailfinders.ie/holiday-styles/solo-touring
https://www.intrepidtravel.com/ie/about/solo-travel
I'm glad that the week has finished for you, Em. Hopefully, you will turn the corner soon.
Your Dad sounds like a darling!
You'll be OK, Em. Believe that good things will come your way