Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
- Thank you lovely Cate.
- Thanks Marsia.
- Yep, too much Liza.
Another week, another fucking drama.
Before I get into it, I will give gratitude for the things that are going well in my life. Work is going well - it's been a bit tricky, but we're all getting on well as a team and one of the girls was even going to go to a show with me and my friends in a few months time, until she realised that she had something else on the same night. But I thought that was nice. I also have a kind of fun work week ahead next week. A break from the humdrum, you might say.
Also, after last week's hiccup, my dad is grand again and Mum is okay too. So that is a huge thing to be thankful for.
I'm getting on well with the housemates also and after a tricky conversation with the landlord last week, a lot of things are getting fixed in the house, which is fantastic.
So, three big pluses there.
The minus though...
It's been a very, very bad week for the tennis academy. This is the first week that I can say in over 3 years (wow, it's been that long?!) that I'm not enjoying it. I didn't make the team, which has made me unbelievably sour and cross. I filled in for a training session earlier in the week and I couldn't even muster up a pretend smile for it. Cute Coach was there and I didn't even care. I'd say they think I am the biggest baby ever, but I just felt so pissed off. It's not clear to me exactly why I've been passed over, but it feels like there's politics involved and the whole thing stinks.
The coaching session was all women and it honestly felt like because I'm not on the team anymore, or winning that many matches in general, that people have kind of lost interest in me and I was out in the cold a bit. One of the ladies who I have always been friendly with and who I have genuinely gone out of my way to help in tennis land was really off with me at the start of the evening, evasive answering questions that to me were fairly straightforward, and that just sent me on a complete downward spiral.
The whole thing felt to me a clear example of people sucking up to you when you're doing 'well' but then losing interest the minute your star has lost its shine. I try to reflect on my own behaviour, and in general, I don't view people in terms of 'status', and I actually think that's fairly pathetic. If you're kind and fun to be around, I'll probably like you - that's essentially what it boils down to for me.
The whole thing has pissed me off and made me think about being an angry woman and how in 'girl world', you're never allowed to show how angry and upset you are, you're meant to plaster on a smile in public but bitch about it privately afterwards. I hate that. I hate that expectation on women to always be fucking diplomatic. And if you're not, you'll be thrown to the wolves or bit by bit, you'll be iced out.
But you know what? I AM fucking angry. And if people don't like that I'm not trying to hide that fact, then that's okay. I'd rather be true to myself really. At the same time, I do hope the anger subsides soon and I can move on. I know it's really not worth it. But I think it's good to feel it, to be honest. I think it's better for me and I'm not doing myself any favours shuffling through life and pretending that these things don't bother me. I've stood up for myself a number of times over the last couple of weeks, and you know what? It feels great to do that.
- Thanks Marsia.
- Yep, too much Liza.
Another week, another fucking drama.
Before I get into it, I will give gratitude for the things that are going well in my life. Work is going well - it's been a bit tricky, but we're all getting on well as a team and one of the girls was even going to go to a show with me and my friends in a few months time, until she realised that she had something else on the same night. But I thought that was nice. I also have a kind of fun work week ahead next week. A break from the humdrum, you might say.
Also, after last week's hiccup, my dad is grand again and Mum is okay too. So that is a huge thing to be thankful for.
I'm getting on well with the housemates also and after a tricky conversation with the landlord last week, a lot of things are getting fixed in the house, which is fantastic.
So, three big pluses there.
The minus though...
It's been a very, very bad week for the tennis academy. This is the first week that I can say in over 3 years (wow, it's been that long?!) that I'm not enjoying it. I didn't make the team, which has made me unbelievably sour and cross. I filled in for a training session earlier in the week and I couldn't even muster up a pretend smile for it. Cute Coach was there and I didn't even care. I'd say they think I am the biggest baby ever, but I just felt so pissed off. It's not clear to me exactly why I've been passed over, but it feels like there's politics involved and the whole thing stinks.
The coaching session was all women and it honestly felt like because I'm not on the team anymore, or winning that many matches in general, that people have kind of lost interest in me and I was out in the cold a bit. One of the ladies who I have always been friendly with and who I have genuinely gone out of my way to help in tennis land was really off with me at the start of the evening, evasive answering questions that to me were fairly straightforward, and that just sent me on a complete downward spiral.
The whole thing felt to me a clear example of people sucking up to you when you're doing 'well' but then losing interest the minute your star has lost its shine. I try to reflect on my own behaviour, and in general, I don't view people in terms of 'status', and I actually think that's fairly pathetic. If you're kind and fun to be around, I'll probably like you - that's essentially what it boils down to for me.
The whole thing has pissed me off and made me think about being an angry woman and how in 'girl world', you're never allowed to show how angry and upset you are, you're meant to plaster on a smile in public but bitch about it privately afterwards. I hate that. I hate that expectation on women to always be fucking diplomatic. And if you're not, you'll be thrown to the wolves or bit by bit, you'll be iced out.
But you know what? I AM fucking angry. And if people don't like that I'm not trying to hide that fact, then that's okay. I'd rather be true to myself really. At the same time, I do hope the anger subsides soon and I can move on. I know it's really not worth it. But I think it's good to feel it, to be honest. I think it's better for me and I'm not doing myself any favours shuffling through life and pretending that these things don't bother me. I've stood up for myself a number of times over the last couple of weeks, and you know what? It feels great to do that.
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Cate
Long term member
That does suck Em! You are probably much better than me at letting your feelings out. So much of your last post seems like a golfing women scenario or how I often used to feel ( & sometimes still do) being with them. I don't like the word hate, but I hate how some women (it's almost always women) can just shut you out & make you feel excluded. I love people who lift you up.
Yay for the three big pluses in your last post. I love the word grand. We just don't use it & to me I can hear your accent. That's just grand, Em xoxo
Yay for the three big pluses in your last post. I love the word grand. We just don't use it & to me I can hear your accent. That's just grand, Em xoxo
Oh that's really too bad about the tennis not feeling like a good place to be for you right now...i hope the feeling passes...but yeah definitely seems healthier to acknowledge the anger and hurt you feel around it and, yes, hopefully it passes and you can get back to just enjoying the tennis. I am so often glad that my sporty activities are lone ones for stuff like that!
But yeah, really really great to hear all the positives--and very smart to keep those top of mind when other things are getting you down.
But yeah, really really great to hear all the positives--and very smart to keep those top of mind when other things are getting you down.
I have many of these same issues and they are really painful for me, too. I also really don't like that women are expected to hide pain and frustration and act as if life is a movie where we are always perfect and composed. It's ludicrous. And I really empathize about the clich-ish group and the politics. I just wrote to one of K's friends who went way over the line in his behavior toward K, and his mom and K's old boyfriend's mom both ganged up and dumped me as their friend, which was actually a huge relief. Both were bossy and controlling and it turns out, awful people. That tends to be a worry of mine in joining all women friend groups, because so many women's groups have weird power dynamics. I'm really sorry this happened to you, too. All I can really say is that you know how fun and interesting and good-hearted you are and not to let these ridiculous people get to you!! I hope the tennis academy comes back with a vengeance!!! Really glad your dad is ok now and that your place will soon be fixed up, too! 
alligatorob
Respected Member
That is a huge plus! Glad to hear it.
Sorry about the tennis thing... Do you have tennis groups where everyone plays? No cuts, if the group gets bigger just add more matches... This isn't the professionals. I'd think that would be more fun.
- Thanks Cate. Yes, when I was posting it, your trouble with the golfing women did spring to mind!
- Thanks Liza. I am trying to be positive, I really am.
- 'Weird power dynamics' is a good way of describing it Marsia. I hope the tennis academy makes a comeback too!
- Haha Rob, it's never fun where teams are concerned.
It is a miserable evening here - rain and rain and more rain. It kind of forced me to be productive in the house though, which was badly needed. I cleaned up the kitchen a bit, made a peppers, onion, sun-dried tomato and mushroom omelette for my tea, put on a wash, emptied the bins... So that was all good. My room is still a landfill site of clothes but I will tackle it this weekend and I made a tiny start to it this evening. I'm looking forward to sprucing the place up a bit and making it cosy for winter. Because winter is here already from the looks of things.
My laptop is giving me problems, which is really annoying, as I cannot afford to buy a new one right now! Everything is so expensive these days. I'm struggling a little bit. I mean, if I budgeted even a little bit or gave up smoking, I would not be struggling, but as someone said to me recently, I like to make life hard for myself...
Speaking of giving up smoking, this pic of Kate Moss emerged during the week, and if there was ever an incentive to quit while you're ahead, it's this picture:
https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/london-uk-kate-moss-shows-844167481.jpg
I saved it to my phone today and set it as my wallpaper and I didn't buy cigarettes at lunchtime, even though I'd ran out. I caved after work but I will keep considering this picture, and well, maybe it will start to sink in.
Tomorrow I am meeting up with some friends, which should be good. Saturday is cleaning day and Sunday I have another 3 hours of tennis planned, which I really hope I enjoy. I'm going to do my best not to be a grumpy asshole. They've suffered enough.
- Thanks Liza. I am trying to be positive, I really am.
- 'Weird power dynamics' is a good way of describing it Marsia. I hope the tennis academy makes a comeback too!
- Haha Rob, it's never fun where teams are concerned.
It is a miserable evening here - rain and rain and more rain. It kind of forced me to be productive in the house though, which was badly needed. I cleaned up the kitchen a bit, made a peppers, onion, sun-dried tomato and mushroom omelette for my tea, put on a wash, emptied the bins... So that was all good. My room is still a landfill site of clothes but I will tackle it this weekend and I made a tiny start to it this evening. I'm looking forward to sprucing the place up a bit and making it cosy for winter. Because winter is here already from the looks of things.
My laptop is giving me problems, which is really annoying, as I cannot afford to buy a new one right now! Everything is so expensive these days. I'm struggling a little bit. I mean, if I budgeted even a little bit or gave up smoking, I would not be struggling, but as someone said to me recently, I like to make life hard for myself...
Speaking of giving up smoking, this pic of Kate Moss emerged during the week, and if there was ever an incentive to quit while you're ahead, it's this picture:
https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/london-uk-kate-moss-shows-844167481.jpg
I saved it to my phone today and set it as my wallpaper and I didn't buy cigarettes at lunchtime, even though I'd ran out. I caved after work but I will keep considering this picture, and well, maybe it will start to sink in.
Tomorrow I am meeting up with some friends, which should be good. Saturday is cleaning day and Sunday I have another 3 hours of tennis planned, which I really hope I enjoy. I'm going to do my best not to be a grumpy asshole. They've suffered enough.
I love Cate's erudite words of wisdom! It's so good to hear you are getting in a lot of tennis this weekend. The picture of Kate Moss looking so aged on your phone is such a good idea. That pic is definitely worth a thousand words! I wish we could teleport and help each other clean. I have a sink piled full of dishes and my room is piles of things to put away, too. Here's to a really productive weekend (hopefully with some fun thrown in!).
- Haha, I love it Cate. I wish I could say that, but the fact is, I do care. Too much.
- I wish we could teleport too Marsia. Where's that invention? I still have a lot to do here.
- Yep, it was a rainy evening well spent Liza.
Had a tough enough morning on the court. Tensions are fraught. This team thing has caused a lot of bad feeling in the club. I'm hoping to just put it behind me now; it's been a bad week for the academy but hopefully things pick up. My tennis is suffering as a result, so I need to leave the negativity behind me and just get back to playing. I did get a message of support from one of the other ladies in the club though, where she pretty much echoed my angry post from a couple of days ago about 'club politics', which was kind of a relief! At least one person sees things the way that I do! I took comfort from that.
I visited my parents this evening - my dad had dropped their dinner all over the ground so they were sad about that. Lol. They had a really small dinner as a result so they were both still hungry and it put a real dampener on the day. We had a laugh about it. Mum was in really good form, she was taking the piss out of me a little bit and was really laughing, so that was great. My visit cheered us all up.
I weighed in this morning at 188 pounds, so I am officially only 10 pounds away from my pre-Covid weight. That also cheered me up considerably. It inspired me to cook dinner - I made a chicken stir-fry with loads of veg, quinoa and kidney beans. It was really, really nice. I'm feeling a bit flat this evening and don't really know what to do with myself, so I'll probably try to get an early night and go for a run in the morning. I really want these 10 pounds gone.
- I wish we could teleport too Marsia. Where's that invention? I still have a lot to do here.
- Yep, it was a rainy evening well spent Liza.
Had a tough enough morning on the court. Tensions are fraught. This team thing has caused a lot of bad feeling in the club. I'm hoping to just put it behind me now; it's been a bad week for the academy but hopefully things pick up. My tennis is suffering as a result, so I need to leave the negativity behind me and just get back to playing. I did get a message of support from one of the other ladies in the club though, where she pretty much echoed my angry post from a couple of days ago about 'club politics', which was kind of a relief! At least one person sees things the way that I do! I took comfort from that.
I visited my parents this evening - my dad had dropped their dinner all over the ground so they were sad about that. Lol. They had a really small dinner as a result so they were both still hungry and it put a real dampener on the day. We had a laugh about it. Mum was in really good form, she was taking the piss out of me a little bit and was really laughing, so that was great. My visit cheered us all up.
I weighed in this morning at 188 pounds, so I am officially only 10 pounds away from my pre-Covid weight. That also cheered me up considerably. It inspired me to cook dinner - I made a chicken stir-fry with loads of veg, quinoa and kidney beans. It was really, really nice. I'm feeling a bit flat this evening and don't really know what to do with myself, so I'll probably try to get an early night and go for a run in the morning. I really want these 10 pounds gone.
Cate
Long term member
Oh, so do I but I'm trying not to!
I have a feeling that most clubs involve politics, Em. Whoever you talk to says the same, regardless of the sport. I'm going to keep playing & keep having fun & not get tangled up in it if I can help it.
Glad your Mum has her sparkle back
Yay for getting your weight down. I have 10 kg to get down to pre-covid weight
so 10 lbs would be so much more doable Big Congratulations on being almost to your pre-Covid weight!!! Glad to hear you got nice support from someone else at the club. I hate when things are run so there is an exclusive "in" group. Why can't they let everyone play on teams at different levels? I'm really glad you'll keep going, and I really hope the tension dissipates quickly. Your dinner sounds great, and I hope you found relaxing things to do with your evening. We cleaned during our rainy weekend here in solidarity with you!
That is always comforting when you know it's not just you isn't it?
I do hope you can get back to just loving the game again.
I always love the sound of your visits to your parents. Just makes me smile hearing you all cheering each other up and making each other laugh like that!
Very nice on the weigh-in! That meal sounds great too.
- You’re right about the club politics Cate. I guess I’m just disappointed because I avoided it for so long.
- Aw, that’s so sweet Marsia.
- Yes, I love the home visits too Liza.
I’m currently on a train to Dublin. It is full even though it’s such an early train and so, so warm and uncomfortable. Bleugh. At least I have the forum to distract me for a while. I had to get up at 5 and I was in work really late last night so I am tired. I’m sure I’ll perk up with the excitement of being in the big city later on.
Great news on the weight front! No alcohol since Friday so I’ve been weighing in the last few days and I am now 186.7 pounds, a number I haven’t seen since 2020. I am thrilled and I am really starting to notice the difference. My diet still leaves a lot to be desired but I have more or less cut out the takeaways and maybe I’m just not as hungry in general. I guess because I’ve been busy as well, it’s just melting off? Whatever, I am happy with it regardless of how it’s happening.
I actually dug out a dress for the trip up that I haven’t worn in a couple of years cos I felt so frumpy in it. It’s actually a beautiful colour and it looked so much better on me when I tried it on last night. There’s another dress I was considering also that was a bit more of a ‘statement’ dress which I just didn’t feel like wearing but it’s something I have for events coming up.
Anyway, my taxi driver this morning told me I was a ‘sight for sore eyes’ and had freshened up his morning. I said I didn’t feel too fresh and he said, ‘You can only polish a diamond so much.’
Then he explained stuff about golf to me. It was a great start to the day. Got me walking around like Lizzo.
Anyway, that’s kind of it. Had a coffee with Tom last week. I’ve completely lost my head over him, can’t seem to retrieve it.
I also was examining the amount of catastrophising I’m doing on a daily basis, which is such a waste of time. I haven’t heard from him since - that means in my head that he hated seeing me and thinks I’m ugly and pathetic and wants nothing more to do with me! And these are the kind of thoughts that can get you into bad form, even though I have made all that stuff up really. And it’s not worth thinking about because if he was thinking that, then why would I want to hear from him anyway?
I also was worried about something else and you know what I noticed? The minute that it was resolved, and I am saying 5 seconds later, it was immediately replaced by the next worry on the list. How crazy is that? I didn’t even let myself enjoy the first thing being sorted. Not good.
Anyway, I am resolved to really enjoy my day today and make the most of it. No worries, just living in the moment!! x
- Aw, that’s so sweet Marsia.
- Yes, I love the home visits too Liza.
I’m currently on a train to Dublin. It is full even though it’s such an early train and so, so warm and uncomfortable. Bleugh. At least I have the forum to distract me for a while. I had to get up at 5 and I was in work really late last night so I am tired. I’m sure I’ll perk up with the excitement of being in the big city later on.
Great news on the weight front! No alcohol since Friday so I’ve been weighing in the last few days and I am now 186.7 pounds, a number I haven’t seen since 2020. I am thrilled and I am really starting to notice the difference. My diet still leaves a lot to be desired but I have more or less cut out the takeaways and maybe I’m just not as hungry in general. I guess because I’ve been busy as well, it’s just melting off? Whatever, I am happy with it regardless of how it’s happening.
I actually dug out a dress for the trip up that I haven’t worn in a couple of years cos I felt so frumpy in it. It’s actually a beautiful colour and it looked so much better on me when I tried it on last night. There’s another dress I was considering also that was a bit more of a ‘statement’ dress which I just didn’t feel like wearing but it’s something I have for events coming up.
Anyway, my taxi driver this morning told me I was a ‘sight for sore eyes’ and had freshened up his morning. I said I didn’t feel too fresh and he said, ‘You can only polish a diamond so much.’
Then he explained stuff about golf to me. It was a great start to the day. Got me walking around like Lizzo. Anyway, that’s kind of it. Had a coffee with Tom last week. I’ve completely lost my head over him, can’t seem to retrieve it.
I also was examining the amount of catastrophising I’m doing on a daily basis, which is such a waste of time. I haven’t heard from him since - that means in my head that he hated seeing me and thinks I’m ugly and pathetic and wants nothing more to do with me! And these are the kind of thoughts that can get you into bad form, even though I have made all that stuff up really. And it’s not worth thinking about because if he was thinking that, then why would I want to hear from him anyway?
I also was worried about something else and you know what I noticed? The minute that it was resolved, and I am saying 5 seconds later, it was immediately replaced by the next worry on the list. How crazy is that? I didn’t even let myself enjoy the first thing being sorted. Not good.
Anyway, I am resolved to really enjoy my day today and make the most of it. No worries, just living in the moment!! x
Wow, 186! So fantastic!!! It's wonderful to hear you are feeling comfortable in smaller dresses, too. I hope you thoroughly enjoy yourself in your dress walking around while being a polished diamond. You earned it! I have that with worrying, too. For me, it's the ego wanting to be an important part of things - wanting to bring helpful warnings. I am practicing seeing myself as part of all of nature as a big whole where I don't need to think of myself as a separate, isolated entity who needs guarding and defending psychologically. I can relax and enjoy the world that I am a part of. I also am feeling a feeling of togetherness while around other people. It helps me to relax and have gratitude for what and who's around me instead of focusing on my fears so much. My friend (who I write to who also has social anxiety ) and I also like to walk around thinking about positive things like love and that helps us not to ruminate so much.
I really feel for you about Tom. I have to focus on why my version of Tom and I broke up and remind myself that those elements are still here, and that things are not going to go differently than last time. I can't help but love this guy, but I do stop myself from fantasizing about him because that is just painful for me. I have read that we focus on people we love but can't have because we want or need to integrate those things that we admire about them into ourselves. In my case, I agree with that.
I hope you really enjoy your visit to Dublin!
I really feel for you about Tom. I have to focus on why my version of Tom and I broke up and remind myself that those elements are still here, and that things are not going to go differently than last time. I can't help but love this guy, but I do stop myself from fantasizing about him because that is just painful for me. I have read that we focus on people we love but can't have because we want or need to integrate those things that we admire about them into ourselves. In my case, I agree with that.
I hope you really enjoy your visit to Dublin!
Oh even though you say the train was uncomfortable, to me that sounds so awesome--a train to Dublin!
That is awesome about the weight coming down like that, and such a great encounter with the taxi driver
Those are good insights you have about your worrying/catastrophizing mind..yes I recognize all that all too well in myself too.
Enjoy your Dublin Day Emilyrose!!
That is awesome about the weight coming down like that, and such a great encounter with the taxi driver
Those are good insights you have about your worrying/catastrophizing mind..yes I recognize all that all too well in myself too.
Enjoy your Dublin Day Emilyrose!!
Cate
Long term member
On a train to Dublin sounds wonderful to me too!
Oh, Em. Tom is probably feeling very conflicted.
How lovely that the taxi driver brightened up your day. You must look stunning in that colourful dress. Well done on dropping even more weight. I'm envious. Maybe your success will motivate me.
Enjoy your day, Em. I hope you continue to sparkle
Oh, Em. Tom is probably feeling very conflicted.
How lovely that the taxi driver brightened up your day. You must look stunning in that colourful dress. Well done on dropping even more weight. I'm envious. Maybe your success will motivate me.
Enjoy your day, Em. I hope you continue to sparkle
- Thanks Marsia. Dublin was a bit exhausting but I enjoyed it all the same.
- Hi Liza. I am sorry that you relate to the worrying stuff but I guess there's comfort in knowing I'm not alone in it. And I did enjoy Dublin Day, hahaha.
- Aw, thanks Cate. I really hope the weight melts off for you. You eat so well and have such a healthy lifestyle, it simply has to!
Back to 189 today. The joys of being away and eating big meals out unfortunately. I got my period today, which always constipates me though, so hoping it's just a blip.
Hotel mirrors reveal awful things also. My face looked okay, but my body was a major concern. My 'normal' mirrors are a lot kinder. Anyway, I was a bit down about that, but I don't think all is lost yet and that is the main thing.
On that note, my recent dentist visit was really good. The hygienist really did a fantastic job. My teeth look whiter than they've looked in a long, long time - she really scrubbed them up well. I can see the difference bigtime and I got a lovely compliment about my smile on Monday, so it just shows that there really always is hope to improve the body.
I've had a hectic few days and I have another tennis match tomorrow, but it's not till the afternoon so I intend to sleep and regenerate as much as I can before it. I am on a mission.
I have to say, I've felt really 'myself' for the last few days. It's been brilliant. I've complained on here about not getting on with one of the women at work a few times but we got on great this week and really bonded. It was such a turnaround and I realised I've been a bit hard on her. I found myself opening up to her and really chatting, and not in the guarded way that I usually do with people. I just felt good in myself this week. I also didn't drink since last Friday, which is definitely not a coincidence. The alcohol is destroying my confidence. I am drinking wine tonight but I am delighted that I got through a full work week, including a meal in a restaurant, without it, and I want that pattern to continue.
I am going to be happy. I'm sure of it.
Quit date for smoking is 1st October. I'm bracing myself...
- Hi Liza. I am sorry that you relate to the worrying stuff but I guess there's comfort in knowing I'm not alone in it.
And I did enjoy Dublin Day, hahaha. - Aw, thanks Cate. I really hope the weight melts off for you. You eat so well and have such a healthy lifestyle, it simply has to!
Back to 189 today. The joys of being away and eating big meals out unfortunately.
I got my period today, which always constipates me though, so hoping it's just a blip. Hotel mirrors reveal awful things also. My face looked okay, but my body was a major concern. My 'normal' mirrors are a lot kinder. Anyway, I was a bit down about that, but I don't think all is lost yet and that is the main thing.
On that note, my recent dentist visit was really good. The hygienist really did a fantastic job. My teeth look whiter than they've looked in a long, long time - she really scrubbed them up well. I can see the difference bigtime and I got a lovely compliment about my smile on Monday, so it just shows that there really always is hope to improve the body.
I've had a hectic few days and I have another tennis match tomorrow, but it's not till the afternoon so I intend to sleep and regenerate as much as I can before it. I am on a mission.
I have to say, I've felt really 'myself' for the last few days. It's been brilliant. I've complained on here about not getting on with one of the women at work a few times but we got on great this week and really bonded. It was such a turnaround and I realised I've been a bit hard on her. I found myself opening up to her and really chatting, and not in the guarded way that I usually do with people. I just felt good in myself this week. I also didn't drink since last Friday, which is definitely not a coincidence. The alcohol is destroying my confidence. I am drinking wine tonight but I am delighted that I got through a full work week, including a meal in a restaurant, without it, and I want that pattern to continue.
I am going to be happy. I'm sure of it.
Quit date for smoking is 1st October. I'm bracing myself...