Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
alligatorob
Respected Member
Good for you!! I always find tracking helps me (when I do it...). I think it will help you too. The hardest thing for me is to keep on the tracking on bad days, but I think that's more important than tracking the good ones. Being stable is good, you should feel good about it!
I'm optimistic for you too. You can do this, I know it. Hard to predict how quickly you'll get back to the 180, in my experience I do lose some weight quickly when I start dieting, water weight mostly, but it feels good. However it is a bit unpredictable. How fast, as you know, matters less than being headed in the right direction!
- Thanks Cate. Mum really did get a huge boost from it. I love when I get her really laughing.
- Thanks Liza.
- Oh God Marsia, I'm not sure I deserve them. I really need to put in the work.
- Thanks Rob.
I'm giving up on the tracking until the weekend. I actually haven't been feeling that well - really gassy and just kind of out of sorts.
Work is very busy, so maybe that is affecting me. I came home simply exhausted and drained and went straight to bed thinking I'd be able to sleep, but my head felt fuzzy and awful and I just couldn't get into a relaxed state. A bit worrying, especially with the bad stomach on top of it.
Anyway, a friend rang me, so I chatted to her for a bit. She's going through a tough time so it was nice to talk to her and try to be as supportive as I could. I got up then and got ready for tennis. Feel miles better after a runaround on the court but I don't think my stomach is quite right yet. I skipped dinner, don't even feel hungry for it, even after the tennis game. I'm sure I will settle down again, I'm pretty sure it's stress-related.
Tomorrow is a bit of a tough day in the office - just loads of fucking stuff to get through and I'm on a tight enough deadline for something new, so that's annoying. But I think it's going well overall. I'm also meeting some friends tomorrow evening, which should be fun.
Friday I have tennis planned, Saturday is a free day, and then I have a tournament match on Sunday. Last official tournament of the year for me, I have high hopes! I played really well tonight. Something has clicked. So let's see if I'll be holding that metaphorical trophy next Saturday week!
- Thanks Liza.
- Oh God Marsia, I'm not sure I deserve them. I really need to put in the work.
- Thanks Rob.
I'm giving up on the tracking until the weekend. I actually haven't been feeling that well - really gassy and just kind of out of sorts.
Work is very busy, so maybe that is affecting me. I came home simply exhausted and drained and went straight to bed thinking I'd be able to sleep, but my head felt fuzzy and awful and I just couldn't get into a relaxed state. A bit worrying, especially with the bad stomach on top of it.
Anyway, a friend rang me, so I chatted to her for a bit. She's going through a tough time so it was nice to talk to her and try to be as supportive as I could. I got up then and got ready for tennis. Feel miles better after a runaround on the court but I don't think my stomach is quite right yet. I skipped dinner, don't even feel hungry for it, even after the tennis game. I'm sure I will settle down again, I'm pretty sure it's stress-related.
Tomorrow is a bit of a tough day in the office - just loads of fucking stuff to get through and I'm on a tight enough deadline for something new, so that's annoying. But I think it's going well overall. I'm also meeting some friends tomorrow evening, which should be fun.
Friday I have tennis planned, Saturday is a free day, and then I have a tournament match on Sunday. Last official tournament of the year for me, I have high hopes! I played really well tonight. Something has clicked. So let's see if I'll be holding that metaphorical trophy next Saturday week!
Cate
Long term member
Stress can really upset my stomach too. My Mum was the same. I am so glad that you have nice, fun things planned & the final tennis tournament. I hope you're holding that trophy at the end of the season. Even if you're not, tennis is so, so good for you Em & I hope you continue to play.
Hope tomorrow is not too tough at work!
Hope tomorrow is not too tough at work!
I hope you can be really productive at work without the deadlines stressing you out. It sounds like it can be a really intense place to work at times. Love that you have tennis to de-stress you and I hope all goes great at the last tournament!! Even if you aren't holding up a trophy, I think you won anyway!! Hope your stomach settles, and you feel much better tomorrow!
- Thanks Cate. Yes, tennis is a positive, it has to be said.
- Haha, yes Marsia, work is a bit stressful at times, but the week flew by. I think I'm better when I'm busy.
- Thanks Liza. It is great that we have found exercise that we really enjoy. I do love running as well, I am just out of the habit.
I'm a bit of a tortured soul today. That's the only way to describe it. The Cowboy, or Tom as I will refer to him from now on, is just constantly on my mind, and I had a really embarrassing incident last night where I called someone else by his name, even though he wasn't around or involved in any way in what we were doing, and it was awful. I thought about it at lunchtime today and wanted to die. Hahaha. A Freudian slip of the worst kind, because they all know him. Ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it. It just revealed far too much.
Anyway, that's okay, they will probably forget about it faster than I will. But yeah, it's just like being addicted to heroin and you get to shoot up every now and again. Torturous. And I can't seem to get over it. If I told you all my perspective on the whole thing, it might be a more understandable thing, but I can't really do that here. But my heart is broken really.
At the same time, I can't really blame Tom for all the other stuff I'm doing that is breaking my heart on a daily basis because that was all going on long before I knew him. So that's the stuff that I can work on. I'm trying to pack in the cigarettes again - starting tomorrow, again. I know this could be a post from 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years ago, and that is driving me mad. But I know it's time, I really do. I just need to accept the awful, disoriented feeling that comes with quitting. You're on a lifeboat far out at sea, waiting to see dry land and desperately wanting to drink the salty water that's surrounding you, even though you know it will kill you. That's what it's like!! And that is not a nice feeling.
So yeah, quitting the smokes, feeling bad about myself, that's where the weekend is heading. I am wrecked tired but got through a tough enough work week and I have things straight in my head about what I need to do on Monday, which is great. So that's some of the stress gone a bit.
To end on a positive, I've turned a corner with tennis. I've been playing consistently better for the last month or so. Played this evening with some of the women I don't usually play with, but 2 of them are around my age, which is always nice. Anyway, they were tough competitors but we managed to win 6-4 and I really played well. I feel like my head is more screwed on now when I'm on the court. I'm making less mistakes. I'm more confident. I'm hitting better shots, getting more winners, less silly errors. I'm very excited about Sunday. I think we have a great chance in this tournament. Winning the whole thing out would cheer me up a bit.
Ray LaMontagne is one of my favourite singer-songwriters, he has a new single out, fresh off the press, it's beautiful and suits the mood of this post. x
- Haha, yes Marsia, work is a bit stressful at times, but the week flew by. I think I'm better when I'm busy.
- Thanks Liza. It is great that we have found exercise that we really enjoy. I do love running as well, I am just out of the habit.
I'm a bit of a tortured soul today. That's the only way to describe it. The Cowboy, or Tom as I will refer to him from now on, is just constantly on my mind, and I had a really embarrassing incident last night where I called someone else by his name, even though he wasn't around or involved in any way in what we were doing, and it was awful. I thought about it at lunchtime today and wanted to die. Hahaha. A Freudian slip of the worst kind, because they all know him. Ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it. It just revealed far too much.
Anyway, that's okay, they will probably forget about it faster than I will. But yeah, it's just like being addicted to heroin and you get to shoot up every now and again. Torturous. And I can't seem to get over it. If I told you all my perspective on the whole thing, it might be a more understandable thing, but I can't really do that here. But my heart is broken really.
At the same time, I can't really blame Tom for all the other stuff I'm doing that is breaking my heart on a daily basis because that was all going on long before I knew him. So that's the stuff that I can work on. I'm trying to pack in the cigarettes again - starting tomorrow, again. I know this could be a post from 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years ago, and that is driving me mad. But I know it's time, I really do. I just need to accept the awful, disoriented feeling that comes with quitting. You're on a lifeboat far out at sea, waiting to see dry land and desperately wanting to drink the salty water that's surrounding you, even though you know it will kill you. That's what it's like!! And that is not a nice feeling.
So yeah, quitting the smokes, feeling bad about myself, that's where the weekend is heading. I am wrecked tired but got through a tough enough work week and I have things straight in my head about what I need to do on Monday, which is great. So that's some of the stress gone a bit.
To end on a positive, I've turned a corner with tennis. I've been playing consistently better for the last month or so. Played this evening with some of the women I don't usually play with, but 2 of them are around my age, which is always nice. Anyway, they were tough competitors but we managed to win 6-4 and I really played well. I feel like my head is more screwed on now when I'm on the court. I'm making less mistakes. I'm more confident. I'm hitting better shots, getting more winners, less silly errors. I'm very excited about Sunday. I think we have a great chance in this tournament. Winning the whole thing out would cheer me up a bit.
Ray LaMontagne is one of my favourite singer-songwriters, he has a new single out, fresh off the press, it's beautiful and suits the mood of this post. x
Ooo, thanks for sharing this song and songwriter. I really love him! I'm sorry if I asked this before, I have an atrocious memory. But have you tried the nicotine patch before? My mom was a chain smoker, and it took her years to quit even with me helping, so I really saw how darned hard that can be, and really empathize. I have a Tom in my past, and that's so hard when the memories get stirred up again. It's wonderful reading about your tennis progress. I get so happy for you!!! Hope the last tournament goes great for you and that you can get rested up from your week, too.
Good for you getting through the tough work week. Glad it should be less stressful next week.
And lovely about turning a corner with tennis--must feel awesome!
Best of luck with the cigarettes....it is super tough at first but well worth it after you're through with them!
And lovely about turning a corner with tennis--must feel awesome!
Best of luck with the cigarettes....it is super tough at first but well worth it after you're through with them!
Cate
Long term member
It's Sunday here in Tasmania & I am cheering you on already!
I keep forgetting to mention that I have two songs in my Car Playlist that you recommended- Every Night & When You Say Nothing At All. Thank you, Em. I won't add the one above as it makes me feel a bit sad on your behalf. I think most of us have fallen for someone we shouldn't at some stage in our lives. I hope the universe sends you the right person soon xoxo
Meanwhile, Em kick some arse on that tennis court & have fun!
I keep forgetting to mention that I have two songs in my Car Playlist that you recommended- Every Night & When You Say Nothing At All. Thank you, Em. I won't add the one above as it makes me feel a bit sad on your behalf. I think most of us have fallen for someone we shouldn't at some stage in our lives. I hope the universe sends you the right person soon xoxo
Meanwhile, Em kick some arse on that tennis court & have fun!
- Thanks Marsia. No, never tried the patch, as I feel the whole thing is psychological and has very little to do with the nicotine really.
- Thanks Liza. I have not been successful this weekend. 1st September I will try again.
- Aw, it cheered my heart up when I read that from you this morning Cate. So sweet.
Well, we won the match!
So delighted. I played the best first set I have ever played, we were both on fire,
. They came back in the second and started playing really well but we won the third championship tie-break. It was a great win, I am truly delighted. And I did think of you supporting me all the way over there in Tasmania Cate, so that was really nice. 
Another man I play with sometimes also came to watch us and my parents were there too, so we had a little cheering squad, which was also great.
I slept a lot today so I was really fresh and confident going in, which made all the difference. The problem is that it's now 11pm and I am wired to the moon, so I'll probably be very tired in work tomorrow, but it's all good. I'll power through, as I usually do. I have yoga booked for 7.30pm tomorrow, which I will do my very best to go to, as it's been ages since I did a class and I really need a good stretch out. I feel good about myself tonight people! It is possible!!
Not much else to talk about really. My room is in absolute chaos so that's something I need to tackle this week as well. I have a game in my club on Tuesday for a couple of hours with some of the ladies, who are absolutely lovely, and then the QF is on Wednesday. I think we have a really good chance of winning it. If I capped off this season with winning a tournament, it would really be the icing on the cake for the tennis academy. So fingers crossed!
- Thanks Liza. I have not been successful this weekend. 1st September I will try again.
- Aw, it cheered my heart up when I read that from you this morning Cate. So sweet.
Well, we won the match!
So delighted. I played the best first set I have ever played, we were both on fire,. They came back in the second and started playing really well but we won the third championship tie-break. It was a great win, I am truly delighted. And I did think of you supporting me all the way over there in Tasmania Cate, so that was really nice. Another man I play with sometimes also came to watch us and my parents were there too, so we had a little cheering squad, which was also great.
I slept a lot today so I was really fresh and confident going in, which made all the difference. The problem is that it's now 11pm and I am wired to the moon, so I'll probably be very tired in work tomorrow, but it's all good. I'll power through, as I usually do. I have yoga booked for 7.30pm tomorrow, which I will do my very best to go to, as it's been ages since I did a class and I really need a good stretch out. I feel good about myself tonight people! It is possible!!
Not much else to talk about really. My room is in absolute chaos so that's something I need to tackle this week as well. I have a game in my club on Tuesday for a couple of hours with some of the ladies, who are absolutely lovely, and then the QF is on Wednesday. I think we have a really good chance of winning it. If I capped off this season with winning a tournament, it would really be the icing on the cake for the tennis academy. So fingers crossed!
Cate
Long term member
Well, we won the match!
Another man I play with sometimes also came to watch us and my parents were there too, so we had a little cheering squad, which was also great.
Wee hoo! Well done, Em!!! I love how much good tennis does you xo
alligatorob
Respected Member
Good for you! I am delighted too.Well, we won the match!
Oh that sounds like an exciting match! Congrats on the win!Well, we won the match!
Best of luck for Wednesday!and then the QF is on Wednesday. I think we have a really good chance of winning it. If I capped off this season with winning a tournament, it would really be the icing on the cake for the tennis academy. So fingers crossed!
alligatorob
Respected Member
How goes things? Its been almost a week since your last post, hope all is well.
- Aw, thank you Cate. x
- Thanks Marsia.
- Thanks Rob. I'm back! Thanks for checking up on me. x
- Thanks Liza.
Well, it was not to be on Wednesday unfortunately but I enjoyed the match all the same. There's one more tournament to go and I am going to play with the same guy again, which should be fun. We get on well and play well together in general.
September is shaping up to be hectic and then I have some time off in October and a few fun things planned, November also has lots of fun stuff, and then it's a word it is too early to be mentioning at this stage of the year. But yeah, the next 4 months look to be really good and positive on the whole, full of loads of social things.
I've actually had a great week for catching up with friends. A college friend who I haven't seen since before Covid texted me during the week, reminiscing about the amazing time we spent in the States together, as her brother is over there at the moment. It was a lovely message to get. It's nice when someone is thinking of you. We were really close during college but she lives a good bit away from me and is married with 3 kids now, so it's kind of hard to stay in touch. Anyway, this is the second time she's texted me this year, so I definitely get the vibe she wants to reconnect, so I will have to pay her a visit soon.
Another friend is abroad but she texted me today asking me for my address. She's engaged so I feel there's a wedding invite pending! Which is lovely. Even though I'm not the biggest fan of weddings, it is lovely to be asked. Anyway, she's not getting married until next year so please Lord let me have someone to bring by the time that rolls around. That's probably my biggest wish right now.
I also bumped into another friend today in the shop at lunchtime - she's the girl that got married earlier this year. I suggested we go on a hike in the next month or so. She was big into hiking for a while. So I will keep that in my head and make sure to contact her and make it happen!
What happens with me is that the weeks slip away from me and all the tentative plans I've made with people have gone on the back burner, so I really need to follow through with these reconnections and chance meetings.
Other than that, good week. I've had my struggles but I won't bother getting into it. Oh! and I went to the hygienist yesterday and my teeth are perfect! She did a great job on them, it was a different hygienist than normal. She really got stuck in there, it was a bit painful but they look great. I took a few selfies tonight, they are gleaming. I don't have perfect teeth but I have good teeth and I like them. They suit me. I don't think you need tombstone teeth to look attractive, personally. I've had a remarkable amount of Americans tell me I have good teeth, which is the ultimate badge of honour. That was some time ago though, to be fair. Lol. But yeah, another plus.
I had to ring Tom yesterday about something, still stuck in that obsessive, lovelorn headspace. Another thing happened tonight which means I might need to see him in the next few weeks. He might be around anyway, I don't know. But yeah. I feel like I use up so much energy thinking about this man that I've created this kind of vortex where one thing after another keeps happening which forces him into my life again. It's weird. I've accepted it though. I'm just going to roll with it until I get over it. He did me a big favour this week though, so that was nice. I think he's hard on himself in general. I don't know, I'm very confused about him.
Anyway, that's it for now. A lovely free weekend ahead before the busy period kicks off next week. Must sleep a lot!!!
- Thanks Marsia.
- Thanks Rob. I'm back! Thanks for checking up on me. x
- Thanks Liza.
Well, it was not to be on Wednesday unfortunately but I enjoyed the match all the same. There's one more tournament to go and I am going to play with the same guy again, which should be fun. We get on well and play well together in general.
September is shaping up to be hectic and then I have some time off in October and a few fun things planned, November also has lots of fun stuff, and then it's a word it is too early to be mentioning at this stage of the year. But yeah, the next 4 months look to be really good and positive on the whole, full of loads of social things.
I've actually had a great week for catching up with friends. A college friend who I haven't seen since before Covid texted me during the week, reminiscing about the amazing time we spent in the States together, as her brother is over there at the moment. It was a lovely message to get. It's nice when someone is thinking of you. We were really close during college but she lives a good bit away from me and is married with 3 kids now, so it's kind of hard to stay in touch. Anyway, this is the second time she's texted me this year, so I definitely get the vibe she wants to reconnect, so I will have to pay her a visit soon.
Another friend is abroad but she texted me today asking me for my address. She's engaged so I feel there's a wedding invite pending! Which is lovely. Even though I'm not the biggest fan of weddings, it is lovely to be asked. Anyway, she's not getting married until next year so please Lord let me have someone to bring by the time that rolls around. That's probably my biggest wish right now.
I also bumped into another friend today in the shop at lunchtime - she's the girl that got married earlier this year. I suggested we go on a hike in the next month or so. She was big into hiking for a while. So I will keep that in my head and make sure to contact her and make it happen!
What happens with me is that the weeks slip away from me and all the tentative plans I've made with people have gone on the back burner, so I really need to follow through with these reconnections and chance meetings.
Other than that, good week. I've had my struggles but I won't bother getting into it. Oh! and I went to the hygienist yesterday and my teeth are perfect! She did a great job on them, it was a different hygienist than normal. She really got stuck in there, it was a bit painful but they look great. I took a few selfies tonight, they are gleaming. I don't have perfect teeth but I have good teeth and I like them. They suit me. I don't think you need tombstone teeth to look attractive, personally. I've had a remarkable amount of Americans tell me I have good teeth, which is the ultimate badge of honour. That was some time ago though, to be fair. Lol. But yeah, another plus.
I had to ring Tom yesterday about something, still stuck in that obsessive, lovelorn headspace. Another thing happened tonight which means I might need to see him in the next few weeks. He might be around anyway, I don't know. But yeah. I feel like I use up so much energy thinking about this man that I've created this kind of vortex where one thing after another keeps happening which forces him into my life again. It's weird. I've accepted it though. I'm just going to roll with it until I get over it. He did me a big favour this week though, so that was nice. I think he's hard on himself in general. I don't know, I'm very confused about him.
Anyway, that's it for now. A lovely free weekend ahead before the busy period kicks off next week. Must sleep a lot!!!
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Cate
Long term member
I think making time for those connections is really important. You don't have to have everything in common with friends to make that friendship valuable to them & to you. It's lovely that your old friends want to maintain that friendship even when circumstances change.
It must be so hard to have contact with Tom. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you find the right one for you soon, Em xo
Sounds like a great week--i hope you are able to follow up with the tentative plans with people, but you do always sound so busy I'm not surprised you have trouble fitting it all in!
I do hope you find a man that is open and available and right for you--you sound like you have so much to offer the right person!
And very nice to have a good visit to the hygenist--lovely to have teeth you can feel proud of!
I do hope you find a man that is open and available and right for you--you sound like you have so much to offer the right person!
And very nice to have a good visit to the hygenist--lovely to have teeth you can feel proud of!
- Thanks Cate. Yes, it is lovely to be remembered.
- Aw, that's very sweet Liza. I think I do too. At times! Hahaha.
I don't really have much to discuss tonight but sometimes I find it's good to write and things bubble up to the surface that need to be expressed.
I've had a very sleepy day, which was badly needed, as I was a bit burnt out during the week. I slept till 11 am today, which is unusual for me on a Saturday. I did wake up at 8 but I got back to sleep fairly quickly. I got up, looked around the debris of my room, and decided it can wait until tomorrow to clean it. I did a tiny bit but I'm kind of looking forward to tackling it tomorrow. I tried closing my eyes and snapping my fingers but unfortunately, the mess was still there when I opened them. Lol. I guess the process of cleaning is good for a person psychologically.
I decided to go to a nice cafe I haven't been to in a long time for breakfast/lunch. I guess it's called brunch now? Lol. It was great because I got a table upstairs and it was really calm and quiet and they had lovely plants up there. I had avocado and eggs on a toasted roll with a really nice pine nut and oil combo on top. And some fries. And a coffee. And then some lemonade. I read my Agatha Christie and then drove to the shopping centre where the library is located, had a coffee and cake there and finished the book. Went to the library and all the Agatha Christies were gone! My supply has run dry! They really are very popular books to this day.
Anyway, to my delight, I found Louise O'Neill's book Asking For It on the returns trolley, so I got that out instead. I'm reading her first book Only Ever Yours first. I read it a good few years ago, it's great. I've forgotten a lot of it but she's so perceptive about what it feels like to be an insecure young woman and the constant comparison and self-hatred. She suffered from an eating disorder herself for many years, so I guess I find it easy to tap into her mindset.
I came home then, had to sleep again, then got up, had a shower, had ice cream and coffee for dinner and I've been reading for most of the evening. So a very relaxing today.
Tomorrow, I am determined to get up and go for a run, I want to do some yoga and clean the house, and I'm going to try to go for a swim in the evening. I just really want to move my body and try to cheer myself up. I'm not so blue today really but I do want to start feeling really good about myself again and boost up my confidence a bit. And exercise makes me feel like I can conquer anything.
I've kind of accepted the fact that Tom doesn't really care about me and it's time to move on. I don't want to but I need to focus on myself and my own needs anyway. I guess he's just done a few things over the last few months which made me think he really cared, but now, I'm pretty sure they were just glitches in the matrix or something. Or he's saying what he thinks I want to hear, which isn't fair either. Anyway, whatever! Tomorrow is going to be a self-care day and it will be great.
- Aw, that's very sweet Liza. I think I do too. At times! Hahaha.
I don't really have much to discuss tonight but sometimes I find it's good to write and things bubble up to the surface that need to be expressed.
I've had a very sleepy day, which was badly needed, as I was a bit burnt out during the week. I slept till 11 am today, which is unusual for me on a Saturday. I did wake up at 8 but I got back to sleep fairly quickly. I got up, looked around the debris of my room, and decided it can wait until tomorrow to clean it. I did a tiny bit but I'm kind of looking forward to tackling it tomorrow. I tried closing my eyes and snapping my fingers but unfortunately, the mess was still there when I opened them. Lol. I guess the process of cleaning is good for a person psychologically.
I decided to go to a nice cafe I haven't been to in a long time for breakfast/lunch. I guess it's called brunch now? Lol. It was great because I got a table upstairs and it was really calm and quiet and they had lovely plants up there. I had avocado and eggs on a toasted roll with a really nice pine nut and oil combo on top. And some fries. And a coffee. And then some lemonade. I read my Agatha Christie and then drove to the shopping centre where the library is located, had a coffee and cake there and finished the book. Went to the library and all the Agatha Christies were gone! My supply has run dry! They really are very popular books to this day.
Anyway, to my delight, I found Louise O'Neill's book Asking For It on the returns trolley, so I got that out instead. I'm reading her first book Only Ever Yours first. I read it a good few years ago, it's great. I've forgotten a lot of it but she's so perceptive about what it feels like to be an insecure young woman and the constant comparison and self-hatred. She suffered from an eating disorder herself for many years, so I guess I find it easy to tap into her mindset.
I came home then, had to sleep again, then got up, had a shower, had ice cream and coffee for dinner and I've been reading for most of the evening. So a very relaxing today.
Tomorrow, I am determined to get up and go for a run, I want to do some yoga and clean the house, and I'm going to try to go for a swim in the evening. I just really want to move my body and try to cheer myself up. I'm not so blue today really but I do want to start feeling really good about myself again and boost up my confidence a bit. And exercise makes me feel like I can conquer anything.
I've kind of accepted the fact that Tom doesn't really care about me and it's time to move on. I don't want to but I need to focus on myself and my own needs anyway. I guess he's just done a few things over the last few months which made me think he really cared, but now, I'm pretty sure they were just glitches in the matrix or something. Or he's saying what he thinks I want to hear, which isn't fair either. Anyway, whatever! Tomorrow is going to be a self-care day and it will be great.