Emily Rose: The Reboot

That's interesting that being hungover helps with the pain of the wax!
That will be good for you to get back to swimming. I often wish I was a good swimmer. I tried really learning a few years back but just couldn't seem to get the hang of it. Hanging out in the jacuzzi sounds nice too :)
 
I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Em & kick arse on the tennis court & have a great night at the theatre with your friends xo
 
- Hi Cate. Thanks for your lovely, supportive messages. The author is Tony Humphreys.
- That's really interesting, Marsia - the concept of seeing power as a positive, rather than always a negative. Food for thought.
- Thanks Liza. I haven't got a chance to go yet but I'm planning on that for tomorrow evening.

Well, I felt like a bag of shit all day yesterday - so exhausted. Woke up at 7 am feeling miserable, couldn't get back to sleep, then had to drag myself into town for my wax. I did get the bus for free both on the way there and back, and got to sit in my favourite seat both times, so those small things kept me going. I also didn't have to wait for the bus for either journey, so I was getting a bit of help I think! I had a bit of time when I went in before my appointment, so I fueled up on Turkish eggs, toast and an orange juice. Went for the wax, I was pretty dead so it wasn't too sore. Came home, tried desperately to sleep, couldn't, had to haul myself up out of bed again and played tennis for an hour and a half. I lost but we had a great game.

Got a chicken sandwich after tennis, then back to the bed again, no sleep for 2 hours, so tired! It's just a really awful feeling when you're hungover, need to sleep but can't switch your brain off. Sigh. I hauled myself up once more, had a shower, felt slightly more human, put on make-up and my fancy shoes and then headed to the theatre. The show was fantastic and I had a fun night catching up with my friends. Even though I was so tired, I was still out till 11pm. Dear God, I don't know how I keep going sometimes. I wasn't drinking though.

Played the match this morning, lost, but I'm not surprised. It just really hasn't been my week. My dad came to watch and one of the organisers made him a coffee and brought it out to him. When he had that one almost finished, he surprised him with another cup, all free. Dad was thrilled. At least someone had a good day! Hahaha.

I went home for the afternoon and we had roast chicken for dinner with veggies, potatoes and gravy - it was so nice. We had blueberry and apple crumble for dessert. I offloaded all my troubles onto them, and they were nice and listened. Mum was so quiet for the first hour of my visit but she perked up considerably and started to open up as the day went on. I definitely think I cheered her up, even though most of my stories were negative ones.

Was tempted to buy wine on the way back to my rented house, but then I remembered how awful I felt all day yesterday and played the tape forward to imagine going through that kind of a day again tomorrow and I decided 'Nah, not for me.' So that was good. I should have a good night's sleep tonight now and hopefully things will keep improving.
 
Hi, Em. Good for you not buying wine on the way home. It really isn't the answer. Hangovers suck. I am inclined to drink too much on our nights away, especially when there's live music involved & dancing. The old "why not?" to the question do you want another bubbly should set off alarm bells in my brain & say "STOP!" I'll remember typing this when we go away in October.
I'm glad the show was great & that you had a lovely time with your parents. How nice is it that your Dad comes & watches you play. He sounds like a gem xo
 
Hey Emily, how's my favorite Irish tennis player?

Good to see you still fighting the battle, how goes the smoking stop? I see you did some smoking last week are you going to try another stop? And the wine...
Emilyrose said:
Was tempted to buy wine on the way back to my rented house
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Glad you didn't, one small win at a time girl!
Emilyrose said:
I really can't wait to get my wax done tomorrow - the wine also provides a numbing for that slightly painful experience. It's easier when you're hungover.
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That's interesting, did it work? Never been waxed but I can't think of a thing that's easier with a hangover. Except feeling the headache...
 
I like how your dad was happily chugging free coffee during your match. I'm glad you got a nice visit with your folks and a night out with friends, too. I hope saying no to the wine gets easier and easier. You deserve a life where you take care of your body and it can then take care of you in return!!
 
That day sounds rough. I am amazed how you could do all the things while hungover and not feeling good at all. You are such a strong person! I would have been in bed all day I'm sure.

That's nice you could cheer up your mum :)

I'm glad you are all waxed and ready for your swims!
 
- Hi Cate. Yeah, my dad is great.
- I'm good Rob, nice of you to drop by! :D The hangover definitely helps the wax because you're kind of knocked out. The drinking has gone out of hand, so I'm focusing on this and will return to the smoking quit once I get a good run at that.
- Oh, I know, Marsia. Sometimes I get truly frightened when I think about how much I abuse my body. You only get one!!
- Thanks Liza. I haven't managed a swim yet, unfortunately. I think 'incredibly stupid' might be a more accurate description than 'strong' in this case. :)

I'm kind of back on track today. I drank loads of wine yesterday and didn't feel too peachy today, but I got away with it mostly. I had a bit of a nap when I got home (although my mind was kind of swirling about a text exchange that went a bit wrong just beforehand) and then I had a really, really good game of tennis and I'm back in equilibrium. I had a shower when I got home, which really helped. The nightmare in my head has subsided, just a bit dehydrated now, so chugging back the water. This can't be good for my system. Although, one of the men I was playing against was saying he had 8 pints yesterday and the other woman had drank half a bottle of wine before playing our tennis game (!) so maybe we're all alcoholic lunatics on the court, I don't know. They're some of my favourite people in the club as well.

Anyway, the rest of my day was okay. I was busy in work and everyone seemed kind of depressed after the long weekend, so it was a quiet day. Tomorrow should be easier. Halfway there already.

No wine tonight and not tempted either! I'm taking it day by day but I'm going to try to have a proper break. One day down. Let's see how far I can get.
 
Oh, Em. I hope you can work out a way to cut right down on alcohol. It takes its toll. It's hard to accept that it's a problem as we are surrounded by people we like who love drinking. It's such a part of our culture. I feel better mentally cutting down even though I don't drink much these days. Taking it day by day but gradually easing off might work for you xo
 
Glad you had a good game of tennis and that you're feeling better as far as the negative thoughts. Negative thought storms usually drain me completely. Really nice you feel mostly recovered and don't feel the need to cope with wine now. I hope we both can find healthy ways of riding out the thought storms. Know that I commiserate completely and that you are not alone in going through those. Here's to much better days ahead!!
 
NIce to get that really good game of tennis in. Yes quitting drinking can often feel like a big lifestyle change. It was a big shift for me when I did it. I was sort of sorry to lose some of the social/fun aspects of it, but overall it felt like a very good choice to make. Less regrets!
 
- Thanks Cate. Another successful day today. I feel better.
- Aw, thanks Marsia. It helps to know that I am not alone. This forum is really a life-saver.
- Hi Liza. I don't really want to quit drinking altogether, although I probably should. I don't mind having the odd blow-out with friends. It's that 'poor me, poor me, pour me another drink' mentality when I'm in the house on my own that I'm trying to stop. It's just pointless and really sucking me dry of energy.

Anyway! A successful day today. Work is a bit drab at the moment but I'm getting through it. It's not that stressful a week so far, but I have busy times coming up, which I don't mind in a way. But I'm going to take the breather while I have it.

I went for a lunchtime walk with the new girl today, which is nice. She's an interesting person to talk to. I quite like her. She's 26 and trying to figure it all out.

There was a call to the pub tonight as a friend had a gig. A good few of the gang went. I would love to have gone but a) it's mid-week b) it's drinking and c) I already had tennis arranged. Tennis saves the day once again! There was a chance I could have made it in after tennis but then the woman I was playing with asked me if I would stay on for another hour, so that was really the sign from the Universe that tennis is what I should be doing this evening. It was great! I had such a good time and I feel great after it. I played well enough, to be honest.

I came home and had a shower and now it's half eleven already and time for sleep. I have that lovely feeling where you know you will get to sleep quite quickly. My head is as empty as it ever gets really. So that's good.

More tennis tomorrow evening for an hour and then Friday there's a bit of a void, which is dangerous for me. Very dangerous. So I will try to get to the pool. I have a tennis match on Saturday morning, so any wine consumption would mess that up for me completely. Still, I know I will be tempted. But anyway. Let's get through Thursday first. Even better, let's try to enjoy Thursday. Set the bar a little bit higher.
 
Hi, Em. I'm glad the universe spoke to you & you chose tennis over a big night out drinking. It's really obvious to me that tennis is a huge boost to you. To be competitive enough & with good company makes sport really enjoyable & good for us mentally & physically. I hope that you can get through to tennis on Saturday with a clear head & heart & avoid the "poor me, poor me, pour me another drink". If (when? :cry: ) the day comes that I am on my own I think I will make the decision to not drink at home alone. I could see myself being a sad & lonely old drunk & that is not a picture I want to see, let alone anyone else.
I hope that by now you are having a lovely deep sleep & that work is pleasant & not too boring tomorrow. The new girl sounds interesting. Going for a swim on Friday sounds like a great idea, Em xo
 
I do hope you enjoy your Thursday! I am examining my "poor me" voice more lately and mine definitely comes from a place that doesn't like change. I think having things I look forward to helps me to imagine change as a positive and an a bit of an adventure. I hope we can figure out how to have more of those types of experiences and less of settling for things that don't make us enthused about life. I really agree with Cate about how great tennis is for you. So glad you chose that (or it chose you) instead of a drinking night out. Nice your head is clear and you are sleeping well, too!
 
Yay to tennis saving the day! So good you have found such a great passion!
Emilyrose said:
But anyway. Let's get through Thursday first. Even better, let's try to enjoy Thursday. Set the bar a little bit higher.
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Oh I am going to try and take that on myself today--not just get through Thursday but to enjoy it!
 
- Thanks Cate.
- Thanks Marsia.
- Thanks Liza. Sometimes that's a challenge, I have to say.

Well, I caved. FUCK!!! It's only 11% though, which makes a difference. Still, it's fucking disappointing. Especially because nothing really happened today to merit it. It was a grand, normal day. Nothing particularly bad or good happened. It was mostly good in fact. I am slightly stressed about work but not enough to really justify wine (or prosecco in this case). So, you know, that's all disappointing stuff. Disappointing actions being taken by me.

What else do I want to talk about? I don't really want to talk about drinking either but I guess I need somewhere to go to offload all my troubles. I don't actually feel in bad spirits though, which is also weird. The bubbles are going to my head.

Played tennis for 2 hours tonight. I've really done all I can to prep for this tournament. Tomorrow night to not drink is key. Probably why I'm indulging tonight. I just don't know what I can do to distract myself. Actually, there is another tournament on and some of the best players in the country are playing tomorrow evening so I might go watch that. They're very hunky as well. Young, but extremely attractive. Hahaha.

I don't really know what else to talk about. I have no real problems at the moment, other than the self-inflicted ones. That's what kills me about it. I've had loads of energy the last couple of days because I've actually been sleeping properly, and I had the energy to chat to my colleague yesterday and I had another great chat with my colleague in India today. Plus I've been exuberant on the court and really enjoying myself. It's the energy drain the next day (or few days) after drinking that is killing me and ruining my life. Like, I am enjoying myself right at this moment. But tomorrow will be a different story. And even if I don't feel too bad, I still won't be at 100%. And, you know, I really deserve to be at 100% and give myself every chance to be happy.

The saga continues tomorrow...
 
" I just don't know what I can do to distract myself. Actually, there is another tournament on and some of the best players in the country are playing tomorrow evening so I might go watch that. They're very hunky as well. Young, but extremely attractive. Hahaha."
Now, that sounds like an excellent plan. Maybe even a swim & the jacuzzi ;)
 
It's hard when we cave, but I am glad that it wasn't because of a hard day. It's nice to hear your day was good, and that you have an exciting weekend planned with the tennis!
 
Hi Em, I think distracting yourself is a great short term thing to do, but in the long term all the stuff I've read about how to get off of tempting things that aren't good for you talk about replacing the tempting thing with something healthy. I know that some smokers have made new rituals like making a cup of coffee with a fancy coffee maker so that it makes a nice ritual that can replace the old relaxing ritual. Not that this is an easy process or anything. I am not good at this, being a really undisciplined person, but I am really trying, and when I succeed, things are a lot easier. I hope you'll go easy on yourself about it. I have a lot of "2 steps forward, 1 step back" times, too!
 
- Thanks Cate. I chose wine. :(
- Thanks Liza. Not too excited about it currently, but as you said, I can be strong when I need to be.
- Hi Marsia. I've been thinking about using the daily swim as my nicotine replacement but I have put off swimming all week as it means dreams become reality. Eek.

Ah lads. I am a fucking mess. When I was leaving work, I contemplated the long evening stretching out before me feeling utterly alone... at sea, you might say. And even with the thought of socialising tomorrow, I just wasn't able to withstand that urge to buy a bottle of wine on the way home. Which is really stupid, considering at lunchtime today, the car ahead of me was stopped by the guards and they did a breathalyser on them. Even though I had definitely processed the alcohol at that stage, an instant sweat started. Oh my God, how dreadful would that be. A new car but off the road for 6 months for drink-driving! The panic! Anyway, the ban garda waved me on, thank Christ.

I started watching Bridget Jones's Diary this evening and I realised that I read that book far too young and I have turned into Bridget. And yes, we laugh at her antics, and she's charming and funny, but we still think - 'Mess'. Also, The Cowboy shares a lot of traits with Daniel Cleaver. He has the looks, the wit and the hair. I remember when I watched this film when I was younger, I loved the Colin Firth character. Now it's all about Hugh. (To be fair, his interviews on youtube are hilarious.) I am a disaster. Ha. It would be funny if it wasn't my life. I remember we went travelling one time and some random man started chatting me up on that country's version of the underground. My friend said to me that I'm like someone out of a romantic comedy. I've definitely watched too many films. To my detriment.

Anyway, tomorrow I will have to shuffle through the day wrecked again. The lower percentage prosecco still had a horrible effect and I felt really tired all day. I just think I'm on overload with alcohol and my body is really not processing it as well as it used to. I mean, after a few days, I'm all bells and whistles again. But for the day or two after, it's really ruining my vibe and making me exhausted.

If we win tomorrow, I have to play again tomorrow evening. This is how insane I am! Potentially two matches tomorrow that I am ruining!! I will be able to power nap in between but it's so stupid, the whole thing.

My first swim is planned for Sunday at around noon and that's when I will try to quit the smokes. I won't drink tomorrow. Back on the fucking horse.
 
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