Emily Rose: The Reboot

Hi Sunflower, thanks for the comment. He's not a bad dude at all. I think the problem is that I am so far behind when it comes to relationships, I just want to rush into it to make up for lost time. And even though I'm not saying that or trying to portray that, I guess people can pick up on it. It's a pity really. So I've decided to make some amendments:

1. Hot body
2. Hot boyfriend
3. Hot job

Ha. I'm just going to forget about trying to meet anyone for a while or even looking around. I think being happy and content without it has to be found first. I guess it's good to know that there are guys that are interested that I can also be interested in! For a long long time, I wasn't sure that was even possible. So I don't have to stress about that anymore, I can just work a bit more on me.

As for the job, it's looking very hopeful that I might get made permanent. I've basically pressed the reset button on my career, back to entry level job and low wages but you know what? I am completely fine with that.

I met our main manager today, she's the only older woman in the office really, she didn't have much to say to me. But I was quite pleased because her second-in-command introduced me to her and she told her I was getting on really well and gave me an encouraging smile and that was so great to see. I actually think I'll be flying it in no time and I know that it's the kind of place where the more capable you are, the more they'll give you to do. I love that tomorrow I know I am going to be up the walls in terms of getting everything done and that's so alien to what I've experienced before. The days go so fast, which is what I've been searching for since I began my career 10 years ago. I really think this could be such a positive move for me.

The friends thing - I invited them all over on Saturday, most didn't get back to me, a few made excuses and no one showed up. I always make a big effort to go to their events, so I've decided not to go to anything for the next month and just focus on my fitness and healthy eating regime. The big weekends spoil it anyway so this could be a great opportunity. And I won't feel guilty about doing that either.

Today was nice, it was very sunny, I sat outside reading my book (still Lost Illusions! - I got bored during Lucien's time in Paris) and drinking a beer in the sun (only a few though). Cannot wait till Friday and my first real paycheck in months.
 
Hope you had a lovely afternoon in the sun - it's sure different today! I look like a drowned rat. I love your attitude about the job - I'm 27 (28 this year *gulp*) and won't be starting my career until next year. BUT, I am happy, have enough money to get by (most of the time!!) and love what I do. I have friends on 60k in London working 70 hour weeks and hating life. I know which I'd rather have. Big hugs about your friends xox
 
Hi Sunflower. Yeah, the Big Job in the City always looks so good on paper, but the reality might not be so nice.

Not sure what to do about my diary after the 6 month challenge ends. I thought I might stop writing here, maybe I will, but I like talking to the friends that drop by and reading up on other people and their own challenges. Hmm.

Have been massively anxious the last few days. I think I might get offered a permanent role, that's the good thing. Our direct manager called me in yesterday and told me that I've picked things up really fast and asked if I'd be interested in staying on. I got kind of ratty with her today, I don't take criticism well and I get extremely irate. It's something I need to work on. I think I have a 'nice person' vibe that I emanate, but I'm always cautious of people walking all over me, so then I get too cross when they challenge me on things. It's such a fine line. How to portray confidence and someone not to be messed with without being too aggressive?! Still working on it. I am definitely a 'bark is worse than my bite' person.

I made up with a major friend tonight about not turning up last weekend. It turns out he went out the Friday, went mad and was sick all day Saturday, so I'm happy to get an explanation. He texted me tonight asking me to call over, which I was happy about, as sometimes I think I'm putting too much on him. But I think he likes me for me. He's very empathetic. Such an underrated quality.

Would love a massage or some treat this weekend. Need some serious business gear for work but clothes are still out of my price range. Want to feel less stressed!
 
Right. So I've decided to finish up with the original 6 month challenge a few weeks earlier and embark on a new challenge (description below). To recap on how my 6 month challenge went:

Goal no. 1 - Hot body
So, I'm more or less exactly the same weight as when I started this diary. The positive spin on that is that I haven't gained any weight, so I am still only a stone/stone-and-a-half away from reaching my goal. The bad side is that I am still smoking, still haven't got my drinking under control, and still eating a pretty bad diet. I think I've learned a lot about where I'm going wrong. I think having a job that prevents me from dining out so much and giving more structure to my day will be a big help. I need to properly meal plan again, cook all my meals, all that good stuff. My first goal with the smoking is to make it a weekend-only thing, and after a while, I want to cut it out completely. But no smoking during the week is the goal here. I think I need to stop drinking entirely. This might be tricky. But anyway, this is where I am at the moment.

Goal no. 2 - Hot boyfriend
Well, again looking at the positives, I managed to get a date during the 6 months with a very hot guy. Sadly, it has ended in the friend zone. I don't know if he's out of my life entirely at this point, I guess we'll see what the summer brings. I think if I reached my body goal, it would be a huge weight off my shoulders and I would be more enthusiastic about getting back out there. I mean, I even commented here after the date that I wished I wasn't as heavy because I just wasn't as comfortable as I'd like to be. On another positive note, at the time of writing, I have 734 men that want to 'meet me' on Plenty of Fish. So it looks like there's hope for me yet! Heh.

Goal no. 3 - Hot job
Well, still temping as it stands, but this one has serious potential and I think if I work hard, I could really like where I am. Not exactly what I thought I'd be doing, but this is probably the goal that has been most successful in terms of job offers and finally moving into a new, more exciting career.

The New Challenge
Starting my new challenge tomorrow. The goal is simple. I want to do 1 road race a week for the next 15 weeks, bringing us up to the last week in August. I think this is a great goal to have for these reasons:
- I find dieting and not going out really, really boring. This is a way of having a positive social outlet, staying connected with friends and all those good things without ruining myself with alcohol.
- It will give me a focus for every week.
- It should help with the smoking.
- I will get to see some beautiful countryside.
- It will get me really fit.

The other goals - job, boyfriend, body - all still apply, but they are background. The goal is to do the races and I feel like everything else will follow. I will probably stay here and report back on how I'm doing, maybe update you on my times and stuff as well. Could be exciting!

Today has been a grand old day, got a lovely massage, bought a gorgeous notebook, chilled out at home, read some of my book. Going to get an early night and go for my first run tomorrow, then a yoga session in the afternoon. Let's do it!
 
Thanks Sunflower.

Good things update:
- Did a run and yoga session yesterday.
- Kicked ass today in work.
- Didn't buy chips on the way home and instead I am cooking up some veggie chilli.

Feeling good! Run and yoga planned for tomorrow.
 
Not much to report - did a run today, it was killing. I know I haven't done enough training for Thursday but I'm committed. If it's anything like today was, I will really struggle.

Have to do a bit of a shop now, going to chill out for the evening. I'm trying to be in work most days for 8, which means early nights, but it's not like there's much going anyway. I guess I should be grateful for my boring life when you consider all the tragedies going on every day in the world. Had a full day listening about the latest attack in Manchester as the radio is always on in the office, which normally I appreciate, but not today. I don't really want to absorb that sadness into my system. I have enough of my own.

Trying to become more thankful for all the good things in my life, instead of always wanting more. It's hard at times. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm ambitious, I'm a dreamer, so just looking around and being happy with my lot doesn't always sit well with me.
 
Hi Emily,
I think what has really helped me to learn to appreciate what's in my life is to really be present, to be in the moment.
I went out with a couple of girlfriends Saturday night, we used to be with each other almost every day for a decade and I really mourn the loss of that time. So Saturday night, I reminded myself how truly special these times are, I didn't check my phone, the three of us split one bottle of wine and we just enjoyed the moment.

Perhaps you can be in the moment a bit :)
 
Hi M2M, thanks for your very wise post! I agree, being in the moment is so important.

Had a good enough day, felt my motivation sliding away a bit yesterday but I've decided to ignore the left hand side of brain that's scared and constantly sabotaging my progress. I really feel like I have a Jekyll/Hyde thing going on a lot of the time. (Great read, by the way.)

I am heading to a yoga class at 8pm, then early to bed because I have to be at work at 8am - one of the other girls doesn't have a key so I have to be on time to let her in. I got invited to my first work outing today, I'm really looking forward to it. The girls in the office are quite glam and into clothes and stuff - I haven't had a girlie night out in a while. I'll probably get a new outfit and get my hair done and stuff, it should be great. Something different anyway. Normally, I am quite low-key.

I am signed up for the run tomorrow, I've got a lift arranged and all, so I have to do it now. I think it will be a challenge but the best kind of challenge.
 
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Just caught up with your diary hon & wanted to say hi. I'm glad you're sticking around xoxo
 
Thanks Cate, I'm happy you're back!

I got a job! Thrilled. It will be different than what I've been at the last few weeks, a step up really, and my manager said there's loads of scope to move around. I'm so excited. I think it's all been worth it.

Heading off for my run soon. The good news should propell me forwards!
 
Thanks Cate.

Yeah, it was fast in the end Sunflower! :D

Emilyrose said:
Hi there,

What is my 6 month challenge I hear you ask? Basically, at the moment, I am at a complete crossroads in my life. I am free as a bird which is a fantastic thing. When life gives you this breathing space, it's a good idea to take stock and figure out what you really want. I want the following:

- Hot body
- Hot boyfriend
- Hot job - Goal reached 25/05/2017
Click to expand...

I just thought it might be fun to bring up my first post on here and celebrate the fact that I have finally reached a goal! With only 6 days to spare. Haha. 1 goal reached is better than no goal reached.

I got trained in on my new tasks today, I was a bit worried about it, but it's so doable. I think I will get the hang of it really quickly. The lad that was training me in really reminds me of a friend I had in college, very smart and good at explaining things. So that was a great help. We make a good team I think! Our manager was delighted with us.

Reasons why I think the job is 'hot' and reaches the criteria:
- Different career path entirely but still using all the skills I developed in my working life so far and more or less relevant to my college degree.
- Loads of room for moving up the ladder/promotion/moving into different areas. This is a massive thing. While I was temping, I got chatting with a man that was in my last place. He was probably early 30s as well, getting married this year and buying a house. He really loved the place he was working in, it was great, I loved my 3 weeks there. But he said that the sad part about it was that there was absolutely nowhere for him to go in the job. There was no possible career path. I have got the best of both worlds in my new place - small office, which I prefer overall (you feel like you actually matter), but at the same time, our office is part of a much larger corporation, which means that there are loads of opportunities ready for me to grab in the future.
- Flexible working hours.
- Only 15 minute car journey from my home to the office.
- Really nice team and reasonable manager who seems to like me so far anyway.

So yes, I declare that 'hot job' has been reached, I can cross it off the list. That means only 2 goals to go! Yeah, I said I was ending this challenge, I can't end it now!

The running challenge is still on though, did my first race yesterday. It was really difficult.
I'm going to make a little chart every week and add to it as I go.
It reads Distance/Time/Min per Mile/Place. (Might for interesting for any runners out there.)

Challenge #1: 5 miles/0:48:14/09:38.6/530 of 616

My result doesn't look very impressive but it was an extremely hilly course and my training has been limited. It will be interesting what my stats look like by the end.

Going to relax for the weekend and just be happy.
 
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Yay for achieving the hot job goal Emily!!! You're well on the way to the others too hon :) Being happy sounds like a lovely plan xo
 
Congratulations with that job, it sounds great! It's awesome that you reached one of your hot goals!!!

I hope that this gives you the confidence and enthusiasm to reach the other goals too! :)
 
Thanks guys. Yep, the other goals must be reached! It's my Everest but just have to keep going one day at a time.

Very, very tired tonight. Had too many drinks with friends last night. The party has to end some time! Sick of being hungover at the weekends. I had loads of plans for today and couldn't do any of them.

My race this week is on Tuesday evening, something to look forward to early in the week. I chatted to this Spanish guy on POF earlier tonight, I think I might have lined up a potential date. Let's see. He's away this week so don't have to start panicking about that till next week. I'm kind of hoping it will keep me on track with the food and exercise though.

Another day, another dollar tomorrow. Praying I get a good night's rest, I need it.
 
Feeling a bit cross. Work today wasn't great - I've had such a steep learning curve but some things haven't been explained properly to me and there could be some issues developing. It's really frustrating cos I'm trying my absolute best but I constantly feel like I'm chasing my own tail. Just didn't have the energy for it today. I hope tomorrow will be more positive.

Really need an early night tonight. My room is a mess, I need to do a major clean up operation on it. I hate when it gets like this. Bah. In bad form. :(
 
Sure today will be better chick. It's always difficult settling into a new role - after a few really positive days you're bound to have a bit of a dip as you continue figuring things out (with not very much help by the sounds of it!). Date sounds fun though.. something to look forward to!
 
Sunflower_ said:
Sure today will be better chick. It's always difficult settling into a new role - after a few really positive days you're bound to have a bit of a dip as you continue figuring things out (with not very much help by the sounds of it!). Date sounds fun though.. something to look forward to!
Click to expand...

You are a very wise one! Got my absolute groove back today, learnt a new task which melted my head for half the morning, but I was able to get my normal tasks done at breakneck speed afterwards. A lesson learnt not to go into work tired! I need to be on top form at the moment to be able to cope. Really looking forward to the Bank Holiday. My manager told me I was doing well today though, so that was good.

I feel really sorry for another girl Claire who started a month before me. She got in trouble today for not doing a task for the last few weeks that she was shown once. It was really unfair as they are also throwing loads of things at her as well. I tried my best to be kind to her and helped her out with a few things today, but I felt bad for her. It's definitely sink or swim in there. I think I understand why the girl I'm replacing did a runner. But overall, I'm happy enough. It ain't my first rodeo. Being older does have some perks.

Tidied my room last night, slept a lot better. It's a case of there's still a massive mess in my wardrobe and it's time for a clothes purge, but at least those clothes aren't on the floor.

Doing my run later this evening. I hope it goes well.
 
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