Emily Rose: The Reboot

Oh dear sorry that you ended up so sick :(
Emilyrose said:
it would be lovely to open a little cafe and hire your own staff and try to build a little family where you actually do give a shit about them.
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yes small businesses are usually so much better for treating people well. Good to support them so they can keep going. We have quite a few really nice small businesses around here that I am glad that people make an effort to support. Makes a big difference.
 
- Thanks Cate. I didn't do much today.
- Yeah, it definitely does make sense to support them as much as we can, Liza. Unfortunately, coffee has become a luxury item here.

Woke up at 6am and did not manage to go back to sleep again so I am absolutely wrecked. Was in my room for pretty much the whole day, listening to music and reading. I went for a walk for over an hour this evening though so at least I got some fresh air. It was a bit scary though - I won't be doing that walk again in the dark! I'm reading too many murder mysteries I think, was very nervous, especially when I went through a half hour patch where I didn't meet a soul. Not many people out in the evenings here.

Tomorrow, I should be feeling a lot better. I'm going to get out first thing for a run/walk, have a nutritious breakfast, buy some fish for dinner, and I have tennis in the late afternoon with my usual crew. I will also be travelling on a train on Monday, so I got my wish! Some adventure at last! :)

Another friend who I haven't seen since before Covid texted me today, so I am meeting her Thursday morning for coffee and a catch-up. That's worked out great. She's such a lovely person. I'm happy to reconnect with her. We actually were in college together but I didn't know her at all then, but we know a lot of the same people. Funny how that happens.

The sun was back today, which was actually great, even though I didn't see much of it. I did luxuriate in bed with the sun warming me under the blankets though, so that was nice, haha. I was like a little cat, all cosy and curled up.

I contemplated writing a short story today or playing the guitar for a while - didn't do any of them. I saw a poster up advertising piano lessons recently - was thinking maybe I should go back to it and try to finish my piano exams. I probably won't bother doing that either, haha. So many choices, so many possible roads to take... That's a good complaint to have.
 
Emilyrose said:
I'm going to get out first thing for a run/walk, have a nutritious breakfast, buy some fish for dinner, and I have tennis in the late afternoon with my usual crew.
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Sounds like a great plan. Hope the day goes well!
Emilyrose said:
I saw a poster up advertising piano lessons recently - was thinking maybe I should go back to it and try to finish my piano exams.
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How far did you get with piano? And what kind of music do you play? It is definitely one of my favorite instruments (although i think i have a long list of favorites! haha) Do you have piano access currently? I only started learning piano a few years ago but was happy to be able to get an electric piano. Not as nice as a real acoustic one, but fits nicely into a small space and is easy to move!
Emilyrose said:
will also be travelling on a train on Monday, so I got my wish! Some adventure at last!
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I love trains--how long is your journey?
 
- Hey Liza, we have an out-of-tune piano at home that I can play whenever I want really. I think I did up to grade 5 in my piano exams, but I don't have any pieces I can play really. I just play chords of different songs I like and sing along. Basic stuff, but I enjoy it. The train journey is 2 and a half hours, which is fine.
- Thanks Cate.

I had a bit of a boring day today, and I didn't get much done, but that's okay. 'It can't be exciting all the time' is what I tell myself when I start to feel like this. It's weird because when I am too busy, I get frazzled and annoyed and overtired, but when it's time to relax again, I feel instantly bored.

I really wanted to buy wine to relieve that boredom this evening but I thought better of it. I want to be fresh tomorrow more. And now it's after 10pm, and I have succeeded in my mission. Yay. And I can go to sleep.

I finished Murder on the Orient Express, really loving the Agatha Christie buzz that I'm on. I'm already sad about the day I've read them all. The library has a good stock of them and they are all new books as well, so it's great. My mum is thinking about going abroad with my aunt this week, so I have to give her back her suitcase, and I might put two of the Christies I have in her case as a surprise for some nice holiday reading. I hope she does go - it will do her good. Kind of like how in Austen, the older characters always go off to Bath when they are feeling poorly. She went for a walk on the beach with my dad today, they had their lunch out, and they were going out to a nice hotel this evening to watch the golf, so they had a nice day. I like when she's active.

I have my next Agatha Christie book ready to go for the train journey tomorrow - Dumb Witness. I really need to stop reading in my room until I get the lamp situation sorted out. My eyes are a bit sore now.

Not much else I really want to talk about. I'm outta here. :)
 
On train now about to set off, so excited! Toot toot. I really needed this.

Had fantastic morning so far. Woke up around 10 to nine, fresh as a daisy. So relieved I was sensible yesterday and didn’t put a dark, tired cloud over my day.

Was very uninspired to go for a run, as it’s pissing rain here AGAIN, but ‘Just do it’ came into my head (thank you Nike) and I just did it! I was rewarded for my efforts because I discovered a new running path by the river not far from my house. Success!

I made porridge with hazelnuts and dried cranberries for my breakfast and Dad called over to pick up the suitcase. He was in good form. We are both delighted that Mum has agreed to go.

I got myself ready, got the bus into town and found this really hip coffee shop that made me feel cool just by being in there and got a veggie croissant and a coffee. Very tasty.

And now I’m on the train and I have my book with me to keep me company. My friend is meeting me off the train and we’re going out. There is also a random guy joining us who is a friend of a friend and who I have decided is going to be single, gorgeous and perfect for me. He’s the love of my life, I just know it.

Let’s see how successful Mystic Em is with that prediction. :D Regardless, it’s gonna be a great day.
 
Emilyrose said:
the Orient Express
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Your train journey reminds me of a story.

My aunt unexpectedly received an inheritance a number of years back. She decided to spend it on a trip on the Orient Express with her kids and as many grandkids as she could take. As fortune would have it they flew out a couple of days before Hurricane Katrina hit, and most all lived in or around New Orleans. So they did their best to watch the news of the storm while on the train adventure. Word soon spread throughout the train and everyone was talking about it and being as supportive as possible. In the end a couple of her grandchildren lost their homes, and some of my cousins had a lot of damage. But they were all safe and sound on the Orient Express. Guess that was the ultimate hurricane evacuation.

I am sure your trip will be much better!
Emilyrose said:
There is also a random guy joining us who is a friend of a friend and who I have decided is going to be single, gorgeous and perfect for me. He’s the love of my life, I just know it.

Let’s see how successful Mystic Em is with that prediction.
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Might as well be - a lucky guy if it works out!
 
- I had a fabulous time Cate.
- Thanks Liza. Toot toot!
- What an amazing story, Rob. Thanks for sharing!

Mystic Em was not successful in her prediction, but he was a cool guy (musician) and we all had a great night out.

I've really enjoyed the last few days - no drinking, have got all my energy back, except for this damn cough!! It's been over a week now and I can't shake the bloody thing. But I tend to have coughs linger for a long time once I catch them. I also haven't been smoking as much the last few days - also good.

I got asked to play doubles with some of the better players in the club tomorrow, really chuffed with that. My tennis partner was sitting on the seat opposite me on the train journey back, but he was masked by a bigger man, so I didn't spot him till we were getting off the train. It was funny. We've been put together for a club tournament and we're playing really well together. He could be the key to winning a few more things next year, and he's a very nice man also. Most of the people in the club are sound out, to be fair to them. I'm probably one of the more difficult characters! Eek. :p

I spent a lot of time with Dad the last few days, which is always great. He picked me up from the train and he's been updating me on Mum's progress and all that. I stayed with him in the house last night so that he wouldn't be lonely. He says when he's in the house on his own, he has to sleep with the bathroom light on. The poor pet! Lol.

Heard this song today, absolutely love it. George was amazing. But sure, they all were, weren't they?
 
I'm glad you had a fabulous time out, Em. That sounds good (except for the nasty, lingering cough), including the tennis match with better players. 👏 Your Dad would have felt very lost when your mum was in the hospital. I miss G when he's away & usually sleep with a bommyknocker under his pillow. I didn't last time.
 
Coughs do seem to often linger...for me too...hope yours passes soon. But it's great that you don't sound at all slowed down by it.
Nice to hear you've had some good time connecting with your dad :)
 
- Cate, I googled bommyknocker, and I am still none the wiser. :D
- Hi Liza. Yeah, I feel fine, it's just in bed at night that it tends to get particularly angry.

Having a bit of a bum evening. Lots of old grievances raring their ugly head again. I guess I'm just sad about certain things that have gone wrong in my life, and then I ruminate on what I did wrong, and then I wonder if I was mistreating people or if they were mistreating me... It's all a waste of precious minutes (or hours, as the case may be).

I was thinking today about how people set boundaries, and they decide, 'Well, x has done this too many times, so I've decided to cut them out of my life.' But I always wonder - are you in the right to do this, or does it just make you an intolerant, controlling jerk? Like, a person isn't acting in a way that you approve of at times, so you think that it's okay just to dismiss them and ghost them or whatever the case may be? It's hard to know really.

Where does my intolerance begin and where does their annoying behaviour end? What is the balance for that?

I'm not really a fan of one of my housemates at the moment, but I am kind of wondering if I am expecting too much or being too hard on her? Am I being fair or is it just a general intolerance of anyone that is in my space that I don't particularly want to be? She's fine, but she just talks and talks about herself, and has no real interest in anything that I have to say. But maybe it's me that isn't interested in her? I don't know if I'm making sense here. I guess it's just on my mind this evening - who is wrong? Who is right? And, of course, there probably isn't a wrong or a right. Every reality show has fans of different people, even the ones that are (to my mind) clearly awful. I mean, Donald Trump has millions of people voting for him. Millions!!

But I guess I would like to think that I am veering more towards the light than the dark in general. I'm not sure that I am all the time. But I'm definitely trying. I guess my problem is that somewhere along the way, I have lost confidence in myself. And I need that confidence back if I am going to overcome these addictions that I have developed. And I guess I need to believe that I am a good person in order to do that.

I have something planned for tomorrow that I desperately want to get out of. I think I'm going to cancel, even though I'm leaving people down. That's hard for me to do. But I just don't feel up to it. :(
 
Emilyrose said:
Cate, I googled bommyknocker, and I am still none the wiser. :D
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It may well have been a made-up family word, along with the wuppintake. It's for bopping burglars & mine is called a "priest"as it was made for bopping fish when you caught them. I had a hole put through the handle of mine & a strap put through it. I guess it's a cosh, but I prefer bommyknocker. :D The wuppintake was a jokey "behave yourself or I'll have to get out the wuppintake". It sounded scary!
Emilyrose said:
Where does my intolerance begin and where does their annoying behaviour end? What is the balance for that?
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Let me know when you work that one out. Rumination sucks!
 
Emilyrose said:
But I guess I would like to think that I am veering more towards the light than the dark in general. I'm not sure that I am all the time. But I'm definitely trying.
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All we can do is keep trying I think. None of it is ever that clear so I think we just keep moving in what seems like the right direction.
Emilyrose said:
I have something planned for tomorrow that I desperately want to get out of. I think I'm going to cancel, even though I'm leaving people down. That's hard for me to do. But I just don't feel up to it.
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I hope your day went ok...either that you got out of the thing or you found yourself able to handle it ok.
 
- Ah, now I get ya Cate! Tee hee. :D
- I put on my big girl pants Liza and went and enjoyed myself! Take that, world!

Slept very badly as a result of the meeting. Just loads of thoughts about next year whirling around and around and around. I also overate just before bed and have made the same mistake tonight! Have been a lot better in recent times with not stuffing myself before bedtime, but I've been slipping. I think it's probably the fact that it's getting dark at 5pm now, so energy levels are low anyway. Why do I feel the need to constantly keep myself alert and fueled up? I definitely have some major anxiety going on. I'm so used to it now, I don't even realise it's there. Total disconnect.

My mum is flying back this evening and I would love to meet her at arrivals, but it won't be till after 11.30 pm and it's just too late. :( If I don't get to sleep early enough, maybe I will go, but it's probably more hassle than it's worth. My aunt will be there as well and I'm not sure I can cope with her this evening, so I will leave it I think. Hmm.

But yeah, I feel really full now and a little bit sick. Just eating all the wrong foods lately. And, unfortunately, tennis does not counteract that much of it. Had to cancel tonight because of the rain AGAIN, which is also really annoying. But I think tomorrow is dry, so I will be able to play tomorrow.

I have this idea in my head to just get back into the flow of life again and take a fucking chill pill. I'm going to ask myself, 'Am I having fun?' in various scenarios, and if I'm not having fun, I'll know that I am taking a minor situation or task far too seriously or else I need to just drop whatever I'm doing and find something that brings me joy. I'm also going to cut down on my planned daily activities and prioritise sleep and eating properly. Let's see if this makes any difference.

But yes, tomorrow is the start of my new :chillpill: existence. Just chill, man. Just chill. It's never that bad.

Edited to add: So, this whole chill existence and being in the flow of life, as opposed to constantly pushing, is a theory that I fully subscribe to and I have yet to be proved wrong about it. When I relax and enjoy myself, things start to go my way. Anyway, two minutes after posting the above, an amazing acting opportunity just materialised on my phone. So even just thinking about getting into the flow has an impact! ;) Anyway, that's it for now, peace out.
 
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I, too, like your chill pill idea!
Easy to take things too seriously...for me anyhow...
Emilyrose said:
Anyway, two minutes after posting the above, an amazing acting opportunity just materialised on my phone
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Wonderful about the opportunity coming your way!
 
- Yeah, we should all try it, Cate. Nothing to lose! (Except 40 pounds. ;))
- Great clip, Rob. Never seen that film, must have a look.
- Thanks Liza. I emailed, heard nothing back yet, but fingers crossed!

Okay, I'm starting again. Tracking here, having a target, all that.

Day 1 - Will It Ever Stop Raining?
Starting weight: 201.1 lbs
Goal weight: 165 lbs
To lose: 36.1 lbs
Body fat: 45.3%
Body fat target: 30%
BMI: 30.6
BMI target: 24.9

So, I have a long, long way to go. My weekly target is to lose a pound a week, which means I would be a healthy weight again next Tuesday 25th July 2023. Seems a long way off but we all know how the time just flies by.

Food today:
- banana and lemsip sinus and flu
- instant coffee and light milk; toast and butter; porridge, hazelnuts, dried cranberries and light milk
- sardines, tomatoes, celery, black beans, basmati rice, kale, carrots and balsamic vinegar
- cappuccino and 18g freddo bar
- wispa gold salted caramel 48g and lemongrass and ginger tea
- scrambled eggs, butter, oregano, milk; toast and butter
- spearmint chewing gum; can of lucozade

Exercise:
- Tennis (1 hour)

Cigs: 5

Not too bad a start. Going to bed a little bit hungry, as haven't eaten anything after tennis, which is good. Hope to stick to some semblance of a reasonable diet and see the scales begin to move the way I would like.
 
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