Cate's Diary

Thanks, Llama (& Rob). I went back to bed at 6 & got back to sleep for a while. I feel OK.
We both have doctor's appointments today to discuss our annual blood tests. We'll do a tip run as well & take Archie for a walk.
 
I didn't get to see the doctor as he forgot & wore aftershave. I had a phone appointment instead. Our blood tests were all good & G got a copy of mine as I like to go over it all. The doctor seemed happy with everything. I was glad I didn't actually have to see him as I want to feel that I am doing this just because I want to. I am going to lose weight. I have started. I think I have to feel like I am on a "diet" to lose weight & to be motivated.
I am cutting right down on all starchy carbs.
I am not drinking any alcohol on weekdays, with the exception of a golf day when I can have one piccolo of bubbles if I like or a CC & diet dry.
I am not going to have any sweet biscuits or chocolate, except on Sunday night when I can have a small sweets treat.
I am starting with 1500 cals.
I am going to move a lot more.
I will start wearing my Fitbit again every day.
I am going to log everything I eat & drink & will post my deficit in here.
Edited at 7.43 pm: 363 deficit & all of the above, except for wearing my Fitbit which I will start doing tomorrow. ✅
 
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Looks like a great plan Cate and nice job on follow through for the first day! Good to hear your blood tests all came out good too!
 
Thanks, Liza & Llama. I have to get over myself thinking "Here I go again" & assuming I will fail & continue on with it. I must reverse this upward trajectory with my weight. I saw enough people struggling to get into the medical centre while I was waiting outside yesterday to reinforce that I need to lose weight & get fitter. Plus I have some nice clothes that are too tight. I have some nice golf clothes now & I need to play as often as I can.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I must do this!
 
Cate said:
Thanks, Liza & Llama. I have to get over myself thinking "Here I go again" & assuming I will fail & continue on with it. I must reverse this upward trajectory with my weight. I saw enough people struggling to get into the medical centre while I was waiting outside yesterday to reinforce that I need to lose weight & get fitter. Plus I have some nice clothes that are too tight. I have some nice golf clothes now & I need to play as often as I can.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I must do this!
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I know what you mean about "here I go again" I get that feeling about myself too...but I do think that by keeping on beginning again we are stopping ourselves from going up even further. You have done really well with all the extra golf you've been getting in so even if it isn't showing on the scales, I'm sure you must be getting healthier with that...and having good blood reports show you are in a pretty good state!
 
Llama said:
You 100% can do this. If you support yourself half as much as you support any of us you'll crush it.
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Thanks, Llama. I'll try hard to apply the same principles & be self-supportive. So far I feel so much better in only 2 days.
liza3 said:
I know what you mean about "here I go again" I get that feeling about myself too...but I do think that by keeping on beginning again we are stopping ourselves from going up even further. You have done really well with all the extra golf you've been getting in so even if it isn't showing on the scales, I'm sure you must be getting healthier with that...and having good blood reports show you are in a pretty good state!
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Thanks, Liza. I have felt like a bit of a fraud as I have been slowly gaining over the years, but you're right. Starting over & having another try is much, much better than continuing on that upward trajectory. It's amazing how much better I feel after only two days of cutting down on all forms of sugar. They had crept up again bit by bit. Even my stomach feels smaller. I'm going to be stricter about gluten as well as I haven't had any for two days & my stomach does look much smaller.
We have 15 visitors today for golf. I went out to the clubhouse yesterday & another woman & I did a spring clean of the kitchen for a few hours. It looks much better. It would have been embarrassing. No-one asked us to. I had mentioned that I was going to a few weeks ago & this woman said to let me know & she would come help me. She's the one whose husband died a little while ago & I invited her around to ride in my cart when I played in a group with only women on a Saturday. I gave her a heart which I had made for her the night before. She loved riding in my cart & has just bought herself one.
I had better get going so I can be there when our visitors get there. My G & three other men (Vets) are sponsoring our day & doing a BBQ.
Edit: Just completed logging for yesterday & I had a deficit of 701 with my Fitbit steps. I had more protein than usual, which obviously filled me up & I was active. I slept very well.
 
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That sounds like a very active day! How lovely that you got spontaneous kitchen-cleaning help. Great to hear you're feeling so much better already and I completely agree about sometimes feeling like a fraud but getting back up after every fall still being a lot better than staying down.
 
So good you caught yourself with the "here I go again" mindset. The part of us that likes having too much food can be so sneaky! Losing weight has so darned many components to it, and you do so well with exercise and your food is so healthy for the most part. I really don't like the idea of you and Llama thinking you are frauds. You are both so kind and supportive to so many people, really I hope you both remember to be kind to yourselves, as well, if only because stress is bad for trying to lose weight!! That's great you got the clubhouse kitchen clean in time for visitors, and I hope it's a really fun day on the course! So glad you are feeling better!!
 
Wow a deficit of 701! That's huge!
Nice to hear you are already feeling the benefits of eating less and cutting out some of those unneeded extras.
 
Llama said:
That sounds like a very active day! How lovely that you got spontaneous kitchen-cleaning help. Great to hear you're feeling so much better already and I completely agree about sometimes feeling like a fraud but getting back up after every fall still being a lot better than staying down.
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It was good to have help & also feels like another connection. Two of the women I played golf with yesterday from the visiting club spoke to me afterwards about being kind to ourselves & not using negative self-talk. I am so hard on myself playing golf. I don't think it was directed at me personally but it sure hit the mark.
Marsia said:
So good you caught yourself with the "here I go again" mindset. The part of us that likes having too much food can be so sneaky! Losing weight has so darned many components to it, and you do so well with exercise and your food is so healthy for the most part. I really don't like the idea of you and Llama thinking you are frauds. You are both so kind and supportive to so many people, really I hope you both remember to be kind to yourselves, as well, if only because stress is bad for trying to lose weight!! That's great you got the clubhouse kitchen clean in time for visitors, and I hope it's a really fun day on the course! So glad you are feeling better!!
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Thanks, M. It is hard not to feel like a fraud when my weight has kept going up slowly these last few years. "Do as I say, not as I do" comes to mind. I think it helps a lot to know the pitfalls so I am in a good position to help people as I am so aware of how hard it is to lose weight & to maintain it. Getting back to where I want to be weight-wise again has to be a principle focus for me or I just can't do it. I was so tempted to have a second piccolo of bubbles yesterday but didn't. That made me feel really good about myself.

I played with 3 women from the other club & offered a seat in my cart to a woman with a very large handicap who turns 83 next week. My friend, A, who is their captain had a quiet word before the game that this woman is best friends with a woman who caused a lot of grief to one of our good friends & was the main reason he & G left that club. I told A that I had no intentions of saying anything bad against anyone but thanks for the warning. I looked after this woman very well & she & I got along very well. She can't hit the ball far but hits it up the centre of the fairway. It was hard to concentrate on my game at all & I felt like I played really badly. The other two were quite serious golfers & I was a bit embarrassed at how I played.

The 5 men who sponsored the day used to be members of their club, including my G. At the end of the day, it was announced that they would do so again next year. I think our women were in shock that G & 4 men they didn't know would sponsor a woman's day. I loved it & I loved that they didn't get it. Maybe they'll not be as critical of men. Maybe.

There were prizes for the best scores for their club & the 3 best for our club & when our 3rd scorer & score were called out I thought "Oh, wow. It looks like I'm 2nd or 1st but then my name wasn't called out as the winner. The woman who did my card (R) looked at me in surprise & I said maybe my card wasn't right. I had heard J1 say to J2 "We won't mention that in the presentation" so I assumed that must have been what happened. I said to R not to worry & that it doesn't matter. I took some dishes out to the kitchen where G & A were doing the dishes (they insisted) & a few minutes after I got back to my seat J1 made an announcement that they had made a mistake & that I was the winner for our club. She came up to me & apologised not long after that & said that she had so much trouble concentrating as too many people were trying to help her.
I hope that our women can see how others can be. Their club has young members & go on trips & have fun & are friendly. I think G & I may have won a few brownie points . That never hurts.
liza3 said:
Wow a deficit of 701! That's huge!
Nice to hear you are already feeling the benefits of eating less and cutting out some of those unneeded extras.
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I know it sounds crazy, but yesterday my deficit was 824. My calories consumed were 1344. I was not hungry at all. I had oats & berries with almond milk & protein powder for breakfast. Lunch was a tiny steak with a bit of coleslaw (no bread) & dinner was cold chicken & salad followed by a fruit platter. I had a sugar-free electrolyte drink, a diet ginger beer, a piccolo of bubbles & 2 hot lemon drinks at night, plus water.
This morning we had a mushroom & cheese omelette on a small piece of toast, without butter. G is going to use more olive oil from now on & less butter as we both want to get our cholesterol down a bit.
Edited: I am having a quiet at-home day today & it looks like I should have a deficit of between 200-300 cals.
 
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Wow, what an eventful day! I wonder who put the thumb tacks on J1 tp make her apologize - or could hell have frozen over and she did it of her own accord? That's the nicer explanation, so that's what I'm going with. I don't think a single day can change the club women's mind about anything but a steady drip will wear away rocks and you definitely added some drops.
 
It's so nice how you are navigating the difficult people at your club and having nice supportive days where even they realize that things can be nicer and more welcoming. That's great that J1 fixed your ranking and apologized. Maybe she is realizing that you don't mean her any harm and is less defended and more polite? I think it's great that G and the men are helping the women there realize that men can be kind and good, too. I really don't like reverse sexism, and speak up about it when I see it. Your food sounds really nice and that's a nice accomplishment not having a second glass of bubbly when you really wanted it.

I'm really glad you are working on not being so hard on yourself. When I catch myself going into self judgement, I realize that I am afraid I won't be disciplined, so I pick on myself to try to improve. But I have to keep reminding myself what my Buddhist teacher says, that I can't change what I don't first accept in myself, otherwise I am just fighting myself.
 
Cate said:
It was hard to concentrate on my game at all & I felt like I played really badly.
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Cate said:
I was the winner for our club.
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That is interesting that you felt like you played badly but really you were the winner for your club! Does sound like you may be a bit hard on yourself--Congrats on the win- I hope you celebrated doing well! (And I am glad they fixed the error--it's nice to get acknowledged)

The day sounds really good and it would be nice if it opened up the club to new ideas of other ways to be--nice that you and G are playing a big part in that.

Nice work on continued good deficits!
 
Thanks, everyone. I think J1 did get flustered as she had so many people in the office "helping" her. I have no idea who pointed out that I had the best score for us but her apology was genuine. She has been much friendlier to me recently & I have accepted it as genuine. She gets impatient with me but I can understand that too. I will probably find out on Wednesday who pointed it out. It may have been the woman I played with from the other club. I had taken some plates out to the kitchen just after the presentation & she may have said something. I had asked her not to.

I don't like reverse sexism either, M & I too speak my mind when I think it's unfair. J2 is the worst at the club for it & loves to stir up trouble. G is well known at the club, but the other four men who sponsored the day are not at all. They did this out of the kindness of their hearts & it was a shock to most of the women. I'm sure they don't still get it. It will do them good.

It sounds like I am putting myself down by saying I played badly, but honestly, I did not play well. It's just that the other women at the club played worse. I didn't play to my handicap. I do, however, put lots of pressure on myself as well. Our group was so slow so I hurried all of my shots. I played some really good shots & quite a few really awful ones. I think I'll go out & play on my own once a week just to practise a bit without any pressure from anyone else. I forget to relax & just enjoy it sometimes.

We are going away tomorrow for a couple of nights. Arch will be going to the kennels. G is playing golf on Sunday but I am going with M (A's wife) to Port Arthur. I haven't been there for a long, long time so decided to go there rather than play golf. It should be a fun couple of days. There is going to be live music at the place we're staying on Saturday night. Yes!
223 deficit yesterday with a lazy day.
 
You've been doing great with the deficits! That sounds good going to practice without the pressure of other people looking on. I have trouble sketching in public because people want to see what I'm doing, and it never looks like much until the sketch is done, so I don't sketch where there are people around. I hope you have a lovely trip with your friend and a fun night out enjoying the live music, too!!
 
Thanks, M. The weekend should be fun. I don't like people watching me do anything & feel pressured. I have trouble concentrating too so a game on my own should do me some good. I had better get on the move. G wants a haircut & we're going into town to do some odds & sods- banking etc.
 
Playing alone, without pressure, once a week sounds lovely. My absolute most hated part of my job is when we have interns who are new enough that they're just supposed to tag along and watch. Instantly convinces me that I'm a fraud who doesn't know what they're doing.

Your weekend plans sound great; have fun!
 
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