Cate's Diary

Cate said:
You guys have my best interests at heart & that is a nice thought.
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Yes we do, because you're amazing. And I'm glad you remembered :grouphug:
 
Thanks, Liza & Llama. That's a very sweet thing to say Llama :grouphug:
It is hard to say no to something without giving an explanation but I am going to try. Just thinking about it now causes my heart to race.

I am going to do some work in the garden today in preparation for more spring planting. I planted some seeds into pots yesterday. We moved one of our compost bins after emptying it into the pots & I have Italian flat-leaf parsley, Corn salad, basil & coriander out on the decking. We had put the strawberry plants into hanging baskets along the decking about a month ago to keep them away from the blue-tongued lizards. They are very visible as a reminder to water them there.

During the afternoon I heard a very loud noise above our house & recognised the sound of a wood chipper. I quickly got Arch & went for a walk. The chipper was on our neighbour's property right next to our top fence & a couple of young blokes were there. I mentioned that G had been talking to one of their workers (Andy I thought) & he had said we could have a load of woodchips soon & G had said where to put it, but it would be better for me on the other side of the house where I need it). They said we could have that load & they brought it up to us when they finished & tipped it right outside where we needed it. I now have a truckload of wood chips & can put it down around our beds to suppress the weeds that are coming up everywhere. It's perfect timing. The chips come from trees that get trimmed or fallen that are under power lines.
 
I was just reading in a book on setting good boundaries that one can make "I" statements when saying "no" in a way that doesn't make people feel like you are saying "no" to them. You are just stating what works for you. I don't remember the examples in the book exactly, but it was along the lines of, "I am not taking on new projects right now, and am really focusing on my health (or family or ???) at the moment (or just end the sentence with how you are not taking on new projects right now). But that is very kind of you to think of me for the position." I hope you don't stress too much about it and that you can focus on how nice it is just to enjoy golfing friendships and exercise and your awesome new golf cart and your freedom!

So nice you got a free load of wood chips for the garden. Our piles have shrunk and are nice and broken down now, and I need to get them on the beds now that it's cooler. I wish I could send you all my fruit trees and berry bushes that are in big pots ready to plant! Happy seed planting and mulching!🏵️
 
Cate said:
It is hard to say no to something without giving an explanation but I am going to try. Just thinking about it now causes my heart to race.
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It is hard. But reasons are for reasonable people. They're not, so unless they only offered you the position pro forma any reason you give won't be accepted anyway and they'll just use it as the start of a discussion you can't win. Not having time "right now" is also a dangerous one because they can use it to keep asking and at some point you'll feel obligated to say yes. Maybe you could say you don't have as much energy as you used to but even that will probably just lead them to pretend the position is less strenuous than you know it to be. "Thanks for thinking of me but it really isn't for me anymore" or something like that might remind them you've done your bit and you know perfectly well how much they're asking of you. Then if they still try to get you to say your reasons you shrug, say something like "oh, lots of reasons; life has changed so much in the past couple of years" and launch into a giant subject change about something you enjoy talking about. The grandkids, your garden, sportsball, music... Anything you enjoy.
 
And always remember that if they keep asking after you said you had lots of reasons they're being terribly rude, even if they try to turn it around and try to make you feel rude instead.
 
Thanks, Llama & Marsia. I think I am going to say that I can't take on any positions but I am happy to help out with anything. If they want to know why I will try not to give an answer. I can't think of a feasible one, other than having made that mistake before & how much I regretted it.
 
Cate said:
Thanks, Llama & Marsia. I think I am going to say that I can't take on any positions but I am happy to help out with anything. If they want to know why I will try not to give an answer. I can't think of a feasible one, other than having made that mistake before & how much I regretted it.
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Oh, come on you can be creative.

How about something like "it violates the conditions of my parole" or "if I did the Church would require 10%". Something its hard to argue with.
 
Cate said:
Thanks, Llama & Marsia. I think I am going to say that I can't take on any positions but I am happy to help out with anything. If they want to know why I will try not to give an answer. I can't think of a feasible one, other than having made that mistake before & how much I regretted it.
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I am trying to be vague when I get pumped for information or asked to do things I don't want to. I think you could get away with "it just isn't for me," and I agree with Llama, then it's good to switch topics. I'm still learning to basically say, "none of your business why I don't want to do this," without actually having to say it. I also agree with you, if you are pushed into it, you can just say you didn't like having a position last time and you won't do it again.
 
I've gotten pretty good at not giving explanations when I say 'no'....I usually leave it at a 'I don't think I'll take that position you offered, but thanks so much for thinking of me!'
Most people don't ask why...but if they do, I do stumble on my words haha
I like the idea of just changing the subject :)

Anyways...lovely about the garden work--I like the way we switch off gardening time so someone's always getting a garden ready for the season while someone else is shutting theirs down :) After I read your post about the blue-tongued lizard, I had a dream about one, even though I have no idea what one looks like. In my dream it was an absolutely magical experience of being able to just gaze at him as he gazed back at me...it was such a rich and colorful dream.
Now i will have to google them for sure!

And very nice about happening upon the workers doing the wood-chipping to get the pile delivered right where you need it!
 
You all made me smile & that's a good thing this morning. "I can't take any position but thanks for asking me" is what I'm aiming for. If they ask me why "I promised my sons I would never do that again as it caused me so much stress last time."I thought of pleading possible dementia but then that rumour would get around town as definite dementia.
The 2 Js are putting on lunch today for their sponsor day. I'll try to play with T & K, which is always fun.
 
Marsia said:
Hope you have a great golfing day! I think your response is perfect.
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I got a chance to speak to J1 before the game & was relieved that she accepted it well. I didn't really have to go into any detail.
liza3 said:
Hope the golfing went well!
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I had a fairly decent game & won Div 2 & only missed out on the monthly medal by 1 shot. My putting is letting me down. I think I need to get out there & practise putting. I used to putt well. I think I soak up too much advice & should just do what works for me.
I played with T & M which was pleasant but very slow. M refuses to hurry at all. She is the club's longest handicapper I think & gives the most advice. I like her though. We called her Mum during the round (in between giggles).
I had a really good day & didn't feel bad about saying no. K hadn't mentioned that she would take on the job of treasurer so we both told J 1 & she was happy. J2 had assumed I would accept & seemed very surprised.
It was a very friendly day. I seem to be getting along better with the Js. There is one woman there who doesn't speak to me at all. G & I discussed it last night & he says she was like that decades ago when he encountered her. She used to visit G's Mum. We have no idea why she is this way with us but he doesn't think it's worth trying to find out.
I am very tired today. The course is still quite wet & hard going. I am very grateful for my cart. I have a hair appointment today at 11 & am meeting an old friend for lunch at 12.
 
Haha, Em. I think I would say anything to get out of joining a committee!
Emilyrose said:
Well done on the golf win.
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Thank you, but I keep thinking "just 2 fewer putts" & I would have won the monthly medal & then been in contention to play off for the yearly one :svengo: I can't help being this way. I want to get better at golf & improving my putting will be the key.
 
It sounds like such a good day saying your peace with the J's and giggling with your friends while playing a game of golf that almost got you to the championships! I'm glad you like the competitive aspect, too, and are going to get in more putting practice. That was the hardest part for me the few games I tried.
 
It was a good day, M. I do love the competitive aspect & I know golf is meant to be bettering your handicap, rather than beating anyone else, but I do get a kick out of winning stuff & winning anything usually means you are improving your game. Someone gave me advice about a month ago about putting & I need to get it out of my head & go back to how I used to putt. G said I have always putted well & I need to get that back into my head. I usually putt expecting to get it & confidence is probably most important with putting. I can't wait to get back out there & practise.
I had a good haircut & chat with my hairdresser & ended up talking about my hearts. She had bought the beginner kit too but hasn't had the time to have a go & says she may never get around to it. I showed her some of my hearts & said to choose one. She seemed really chuffed.
I then went to lunch with my old friend & it was lovely.
I have been home for about an hour, tried on my summer clothes & have discarded one pair of capris that are too tight. This time I won't give them away. They can go into my spare wardrobe. Today is quite warm. I need some long pants in navy that are cool & breathe & maybe a couple of new tops for Summer. I am going to have a look online now.
 
Glad to hear things went so well with the golfing including turning down the position--I can imagine that's a load off!
Cate said:
I can't wait to get back out there & practise.
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That's great! To have that feeling of wanting to get back right away to improve your game. I can sort of imagine how people's advice could really get in the way--like too much thinking getting in the way of just doing the way you know feels right to you.

Very nice about the good haircut and chat!
 
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