Cate's Diary

Friends who boost your confidence are good friends.
Cate said:
poor R had to cope with some gruesome questions from little L.
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I was 11 when my dad's little brother died. Uncle S had been a sweetheart but we weren't close, there was no body, and I had 16 further uncles so while I cried a bit in the first couple of days it didn't hit me particularly hard (apart from further raising my anxiety because of how he died). So when the funeral rolled around I was the big kid keeping the little cousins busy tumbling on the cemetery lawn. Clearly inappropriate, now that I'm a grown-up, but our family doesn't stand on decorum and it was the easiest way of keeping them busy without making too much noise.
All of which is to say that kids just see things differently and at 6 I'd've been very curious as well.
 
Llama said:
Friends who boost your confidence are good friends.
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They certainly are Llama.
It is very natural for a 6-year-old to be very curious, but it was still very raw for R & L's questions were a bit gruesome. I did say to R to imagine the sort of questions he may have asked at that age. I think R is coping very well. I'm so grateful that he & C have one another. They are both at his house tonight & have been putting in a veggie garden & trying to do something positive. O used to dig everything up. They have C's dog with them. She's a cutie.
Our power went out just after 5 pm today & I am typing by candlelight. Apparently, someone has set alight to a power pole. It's the time of year when everyone is trying to burn off in preparation for Summer & fire restrictions. *sigh* I must buy a lamp (or 2) that can be recharged, like the pantry light I have.
 
Oh dear about the power pole! What are people trying to burn off with their fires?
Typing by candlelight does sound cozy though :)

I imagine it would have been hard for R to get through those questions when it was still raw. Like trying to answer them without completely bawling...although i guess it's probably good for kids to see adults can be sad too...
Anyways nice that they are doing good nurturing things like putting in the garden!
 
Typing on an electronic device by candlelight is at least better than writing on paper by it :)
I can definitely see it being hard on R to have to field gruesome questions while still so raw. Good to know he has such wonderful support right now.
 
Thanks, Llama, Liza & Em.
The power didn't come on until after 9 p.m. It was hard on the eyes. I really will get a decent LED lamp that I can recharge as we do get quite a few blackouts. People burn off limbs & leaves madly as there is a short window between the wet Spring & fire restrictions. They cut up trees for firewood mainly & burn off the smaller branches. Hardly anyone has a mulcher. Gum trees drop so many small branches & leaves.
I think R & C are doing a good job of seeing their way through the grief. He said they were trying to find something positive from it & putting in a big veggie garden that would have been impossible with O there is a wonderful idea. They both have today off too so it will become a big project.
Em, to me there is no such thing as a good horror story :eek:
OK. I had better get moving. I have been so slack with logging again & will do it now for today (in advance). I find that's my best chance. I went for a long walk yesterday with Arch & kept going until I was stuffed & then rang G to come get me. That's the best arrangement as I walk further. It does include our very steep driveway which hurts my knee, but I figure that overall it's better for me. I might do it again today.
 
Yes not a bad idea at all to get some non-electric lamps. We get a fair amount of power outages here too and it's always nice to be prepared. I usually do take advantage of them to use the candles and get out my guitar which I enjoy but my big thing is more that I can't cook or make a cup of tea...
That's too bad about the steep driveway being right there to hurt your knee. You can't drive to the bottom and park it and then just walk on the flat? Or is there nowhere to park it down there?
 
While the candles are lovely as a soft light we really need a decent light to be able to read as sometimes the power goes out for the whole evening. The smell of the candles when I blow them out also affects me badly. We have a wood heater that has a double stovetop, which has a kettle on top of it & this is usually going for about 6 months of the year, plus a gas BBQ out under shelter, so we're OK for making a cuppa or some limited cooking. Usually, we have our meal already plated up & it needs to be zapped in the microwave so that stymies us when the power outage is unexpected. We just had crackers & cheese the other night.
I usually drive down to the bottom of the hill & park there & walk but I love it when I can just keep walking knowing that I don't have to turn back to get to the car. I seem to push myself that bit further then. I'll drive down to the nearest intersection today & walk up the other end of the road. I enjoy that & it seems like a good distance to walk & with lovely scenery.
I did a lot of housework yesterday & that long walk again in the morning & felt good about my day.
 
That's good you have the wood heater you can use for tea--a friend of mine is set up with that as well--very helpful with the outages for sure.
That sounds like a really good day yesterday Cate!
 
Poor R and C. So glad they have each other for comfort. I love hearing about your outings with T. She seems like the perfect friend for you. Can you wrap your knee just for the driveway section so it doesn't overextend or get too stressed out? We have some LED camping lanterns which you can put on different amounts of brightness, and they are bright enough to read by. With hurricanes here and the CA wildfires making power outages, we've used them a lot. It sounds like you are getting great exercise and nice socializing!
 
Thanks, Liza & M :grouphug:
I woke up too grumpy to post this morning & didn't want to go to golf. Without going into all of the details I found out yesterday that the two Js hadn't even spoken to the golf club committee about the comp that G & I had been given permission to run. I was agitated & angry this morning & had a terrible night's sleep. Were they ever going to tell me or hope I would forget about it. I did the right thing by talking to them about it & they have basically sat on it so that it's too late to set up for this year.
G nagged(encouraged?) me to go out today & I did. I had to go get my clubs anyway as I am playing golf at another course on Saturday. Only 8 turned up & no-one seemed keen to play so going for coffee was discussed. They started going on about the woes of the world & were racist & I decided not to go for coffee.
M heard me telling K that I wasn't going & talked me into it. Outside the clubhouse, J came over to me & asked for a quiet word. She heard me counting from 10 to zero under my breath last week & wondered why. I honestly couldn't remember why but said I may have been angry & was trying to calm myself down so that I didn't say what I was thinking if the conversation had become racist, for example, as it often does. As it just had this morning.
I went to the cafe & had a quick chance to tell K what had happened (not happened) about the championships & that I was really peed off. We were first there so I got to sit next to K. When J arrived she sat next to me. At one stage she turned to me & asked me if I would consider being treasurer for the women. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say. I asked her if I could think about it & let her know next week. She also asked K to be vice-captain & K looked flabbergasted. I said, "Say what I said & have a think about it."
It was my opportunity to ask if my being treasurer would mean they actually include me in their conversations. Would I actually be a part of any decisions? Would I belong? Why did you tell me that you were going to do something & then not do it & didn't even bother letting me know? I was too shocked & still feeling fragile to have stood up for myself. I lost the best chance I had really.
I have no idea if I'll take on the role.
I am so happy to be back home in my chair drinking herbal tea. I think I'll make a couple of hearts.
Edit: I corrected some of my grammar.
I made myself a heart. It’s the first one I have made for myself.
 
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:grouphug:Ugh, those women are infuriating. It's really sad you have to deal with them. Maybe you didn't lose your best chance to say what you really want to say as you can talk with them again about it and maybe you'll have time to strategize how best to do that first? Maybe bring your friend K and you can be each other's witnesses so they have to behave somewhat? If you take on being treasurer will it be how it used to be where you are overcommitted and the people still won't treat you with respect? I hope whatever you do it is something that minimizes stress and maximizes time with your friend group there!
 
Sorry to hear about the golfing stress cate! :grouphug: and that you won't be able to do the comp this year :(

Taking some time before deciding on how you want to move forward re the invite to be treasurer sounds like a good idea.
It would be good to figure out the best way to keep golf in as happy a place as possible without it becoming a stress.
 
Thank you Marsia & Liza :grouphug: I know these women are no good for me, but I also know it's what I do to myself. I get so churned up about things & they go over & over in my head. I really had thought I was doing the right thing by running the championship thing by them. I should have known better. I really should. My strong feelings are that I will say no to being treasurer. I will try to explain why not without getting upset. I don't want them to know just how vulnerable I am.
I have been thinking about playing on the vets' day instead of the women's so may do that this week to see how it feels.
I'm sorry that I ranted yesterday. I was in a state when I got home & needed to get it off my chest. I don't go to therapy & my diary is probably my therapy. I don't expect anyone to have the answers for me. I feel grateful that I am supported & that my forum friends care about me. Thank you!
We are going out to lunch with old friends today to a fancy restaurant. I may have told you already but they asked us to celebrate something special with them & want to pay for us too. G will argue with them about that but I think he should accept graciously. We have been friends for over 50 years. G went to uni with him.
 
I know what you mean about not letting people get under your skin, but I am also glad you are declining the treasurer position where you would probably have more contact with them. I also go over and over things in my head, and it's hard because sometimes that does help me to mull things over and sometimes it goes way past that to just obsessing, and it's hard for me to tell the difference at times. But, I am getting better at it, I think. I hope you like playing with the vets and that then you have a nice way to minimize contact with these women.

I really get it about running the idea of the championship by the women thinking you were building mutual trust, and it turns out they were not respecting you. This is just how I feel trying to negotiate with J. I think I have extended an olive branch, and it turns out I just gave him an opportunity to be weird to me instead. I hope you can just avoid these people. Also, I don't feel that you ranted. I think it's good to share frustrations and get them out in the open where they don't fester. I also know that I do try to think of solutions when probably it's better to just listen and empathize!

Anyway, I hope you have a really lovely time with your friends at lunch. Fifty years of friendship is nothing to sneeze at!!
 
What a difference a day makes.
Today we got treated by special friends to a scrumptious lunch to celebrate both of their birthdays & hopefully the sale of their farm. I had firm words with G & we let them treat us. We both love these friends. When G said something about them paying J reminded G that when he had nowhere to stay many moons ago G let him stay with him for 6 months without paying any rent. These 2 are part of our big group of close friends that we had in Melbourne. Today we discussed what wonderful lives we have had & still have. There was no talk of golfing women or her MS. It was just wonderful.
I told G that just the thought of being treasurer has stressed me out & that I think I will say no. He agreed that would be the wisest thing then. I prefer he agrees with me than not. The women cater for the vets' tournaments now, twice a year, so we don't want them totally offside. I am not sure when I'll let J1 know, but I would prefer to do so face-to-face & try to tell her why. I probably should ring her tomorrow & get it over & done with.
I am so grateful that I do have such wonderful friends & family & I need to focus on them.
 
I'm glad you feel able to share both the good and the bad in your diary Cate--it's what it's here for and I think we can all relate to needing some time to rant a little at times! Sometimes I feel a bit bad going on about my anxiety but it's part of what makes up our days and our choices so I think it's good to include.

So good you had such a lovely lunch out with friends and nice you could convince G to let them treat you--It's nice for people to be able to give nice gifts like that :)
 
Your lunch out with such lovely friends sounded like just the antidote for the golf stress!

I wouldn't advise taking on the treasurer job if it means more time spent in the company of people that don't make you feel good.

I'm so happy you made yourself a heart. You deserve it. ♥️
 
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