Cate's Diary

I am so glad you have such great friends and family, and I hope you can golf in peace with minimal contact with the J women. I am glad you are listening to your strong intuition about the treasurer position. ❤️ from me, too!
 
Thanks, Rob, Liza, Em & M :grouphug:
I have a lot to be grateful for & that includes my forum friends & this space where I feel I can be my true self. I share my thoughts & fears & expose my vulnerabilities & am accepted. That is really important to me.
I do have lovely friends & family and a good life.
I want to keep playing golf at least twice a week. I could start playing on Monday mornings as a few women just go out for a hit. I could play on a Tuesday with the Vets but I would feel a bit funny about being the only woman. (Maybe I should just try it. ) I think I will play this week with the women as 2 are sponsoring the day & putting on lunch & it would feel rude not to be there. In Summer there's a 9-hole chicken run every Thursday & that's fun. G & I played a few last year & had a picnic lunch afterwards. Unfortunately, T works on Thursdays. I could play on Saturday in the comp. I can play any non-comp day for free. Food for thought.
I won't ring J1 today because the thought makes me feel a bit sick in the stomach. I would like to talk to K first & see what she has decided about being vice-captain. She looked as shocked & nervous as me.
It's raining here today. We have had so much rain the last few months. We are meant to be playing at another course tomorrow but now rain is forecast. It's a tough, very hilly course without rain.
 
Hi Cate! I think it can be healing to let those dark thoughts and frustrations come up and tell you what they want to tell you. In Buddhism, they are thought of like storm clouds that you don't identify with or try to push away, you just witness them and consider what they have expressed, and when the clouds have expressed their darkness, the sky can once again be clear and bright. I am really glad to be in a community where we can all share truthfully what is happening and have empathy for what we're all going through, but also sometimes laugh at life and not take everything too seriously. I am very glad you share about both your successes and frustrations and are your authentic self here.

I am picturing you in your little golf cart on a really hilly course out in the rain, in an illustrated style like Edward Gorey in the intro to the PBS Mystery show. Glad you are staying home all comfy cozy!
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Cate said:
I won't ring J1 today because the thought makes me feel a bit sick in the stomach. I would like to talk to K first & see what she has decided about being vice-captain. She looked as shocked & nervous as me.
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I hope talking to K helps you feel less nervous about it all . I hate having those kinds of things looming over me!

Sounds like you have some great ideas for keeping golf fun so hopefully once this is over with you'll be back to a more stress-free time there.
 
Thanks, Marsia & Liza. That's an interesting concept Marsia. I need to learn to observe more & absorb less. I'm going to hold onto that idea. Push those storm clouds away. I like it. I'll catch up with K today as she's going to this other course too. I'm going as it's not meant to rain now, but it is very cold & windy & there is so much snow on the mountains. I'm all rugged up & will wear a beanie (with a visor on top). I'm going in a cart with a guy who's a lot of fun. I call him Larrikin. I felt anxious during the night & had trouble getting to sleep but feel fine this morning.
 
Thanks, Em. It should be fun. I don't care if I look like a dag with a beanie. I'm not good with the cold!
 
That's great you can golf with K on another course and have a good talk about things. I hope you have a great time with Larrikin and K!
 
Hope the golf was fun--a good warm beanie is so good for keeping one warm and toasty without being overly cumbersome. I always like them when I run in the winter months. So easy to take on and off as one heats up or cools down.
 
Thanks, M & Liza. I had a really fun day. G, Larrikin & I played with one of the women players at the other club & I really liked her. Larrikin was a really good cart host & looked after me. That was nice. He was very thoughtful as well as good fun. The game was a return challenge with the club. When they came to our club we only won by 23 points which would not normally be a good enough buffer for playing on their course which is much harder, but our team won the challenge. They take the top 10 scores from each club & add them up. My score was in the middle of our top 10 so I contributed to the win. The woman we played with was organising all of the cards when we got there & seemed really happy that I had taken her a list of our women players & all of their info. She then decided to play with us. After the game, she asked me who to send a photo of the presentation to & I gave her my phone number. I asked her if any of the women play in carts & she said no but they probably would love to if they could. I saw that as a cue to offer her a lift in mine when we have the challenge again next year & she said "Yes, please." We have one another's phone numbers now. She's a good player on a much lower handicap than me & while she doesn't talk much or give away much we hit it off. She seems like a doer & not someone who bitches.
I did get a chance to talk to K & she has felt sick about doing the VC job but said she could cope with being treasurer, so that's a bit of a relief. We decided we could wait until Wed. to talk to J1 about it. I don't mind being asked to help out but the thought of holding a position there ever again makes me feel ill so I am not doing it.

It was so much fun going to another club. It snowed at one stage. It was funny as it was brilliant sunshine. It was really cold though & I wore more clothes than I normally do. I wore a beanie with a visor over it, a long-sleeved thermal top, a long-sleeved golf shirt & a long-sleeved Irish woollen zippered jacket & long pants & never felt hot at any stage. I need to buy another golf glove for my right hand though as I had to put on one of my normal Possum/Merino gloves in between shots. I might buy 2 new ones in Navy Blue. The white glove I have is the most comfortable one I have ever worn & I have no memory of where I bought it. I must have been given it I think.
 
I think turning down a committee job is a good decision Cate. Committees are a lot of work but they can be a lot of fun with the right people involved. Sometimes choosing the easier path is the right one.
 
I think it's the right decision for me, Em. I'm happy to help out with lots of things but taking on a position isn't right for me. T feels the same too. She was horrified when I told her yesterday. She's hoping they don't ask her.
I will be playing more golf from now on especially as the weather warms up. I may even go out & have a hit on non-comp days. A few of the women go out on Monday mornings, including K.
 
Cate said:
I did get a chance to talk to K & she has felt sick about doing the VC job but said she could cope with being treasurer, so that's a bit of a relief. We decided we could wait until Wed. to talk to J1 about it. I don't mind being asked to help out but the thought of holding a position there ever again makes me feel ill so I am not doing it.
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Good decision! I agree with Emily.

How goes your dieting? Are you pretty much in maintenance?
 
So good to hear of your fun day golfing and that you had a good talk with K about the positions offered and feel more solid in your decision not to take it. Good to keep golf as stress-free and fun as possible!
 
I love hearing about all your golfing excursions in the winter weather. You are so dedicated! And I am so happy you are talking with other women who also feel similarly to you - nice you have trusted friends who can validate your impressions of the situation!
 
Thanks, Rob, Liza Llama & Marsia :)
I want to keep having fun with golf & not getting entangled. I do have some lovely golfing friends & I will nurture those relationships. I have decided not to explain why I am saying no. It's safer that way. We'll get the championships restored next year & there will be no consulting first. Another valuable lesson learned.
Rob, I am finding it so hard to get motivated. I'm not even sure why that is. I'll never stop trying & I do eat very healthily. I will be playing more golf when the weather warms up a bit. I didn't buy my cart until it was almost Winter & I wanted to justify the expense by playing even when the weather was rough & I have done that. I have the golfing bug again.
 
alligatorob said:
Because you are human? One of us...
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Mere mortal that's for sure, Rob.
alligatorob said:
That's what matters.
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It does.
Llama said:
Yay for exercise bugs! Best kind if you ask me ;)
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True, Llama. I missed you while you were taking a break. I value my forum friends & their advice & I had your voice in the back of my head when I started contemplating if I would accept the position at the club just to not rock the boat. The Js don't really care about me & have very little respect for me so I don't know why I would even give it 5 minutes thought. You guys have my best interests at heart & that is a nice thought.
 
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