Cate's Diary

I hope you're feeling better Cate. Not great when you feel forced out to play when you're not feeling well. Hopefully the golf and being out in the fresh air will help...
 
What Liza said. Fingers crossed the men aren't drenched in cologne.
 
Thanks, Liza & Llama. The fresh air & exercise definitely helped & I had a good day. It confirmed that it was a reaction to chemical fragrances. I didn't have to play many shots as it was an ambrose event. We made sure I got my compulsory minimum of 3 drives in early just in case I had to pull out, but it wasn't an issue. The rain held off until we were in the clubhouse. It was a successful day in a few ways. I have been wanting the club to bring back an honour board event & yesterday the captain explained to why they have been reluctant. If G & I are happy to run it they are happy for us to do so. We had a good talk actually & it was good to let him know how we feel about how well we think things are being run these days. G & I will now work out a way to get the women & men together for this mixed comp. Wish us luck. We need to get as many women as we can to make it a worthwhile comp.
A lazy day is in order today.
I think I will weigh myself tomorrow just to see how I'm going.
 
Good to hear you're feeling better :grouphug: And fingers crossed the competition will turn out well without being a massive amount of work for you guys.
 
Sounds like a pretty perfect day Cate. Glad you are feeling better and that the fresh air helped. Excellent that the rain held off until after the game. Nice plans for the mixed comp. When would you hope for that to happen?
 
Thanks, Llama, Liza & Em. I had a huge moment of self-doubt yesterday afternoon & last night, but have woke up this morning feeling OK again. I had myself convinced that none of the women like me. There is a lunch this coming Friday that I said I couldn't go to but I may change my mind. I'll see how Wednesday's game goes.
We thought September would be a good month for the championships, maybe over 2 Sundays. We have to do a bit of thinking about how best to approach the women in particular & we must be cautious. It's making me feel a bit anxious.
I'll try not to think about it for now.
I have a doctor's appointment today with a new GP & am having a Shingle's vax & a Pneumonia vax.
 
It must be unpleasant to have your GP change so often. But apart from that: there's NO version of this universe in which all the golf women dislike you. You're wonderful!
 
Self-doubt is never fun. I think all you can do is try with the mixed event. Is there a particular reason the women would be hesitant to join?
And I agree with llama--no way you aren't liked by the other women. You are lovely!
 
Hope the GP visit goes well. It's always challenging dealing with large groups of women - always - but I would recommend assuming everyone loves you and see how that goes. Hahaha.
 
Llama said:
It must be unpleasant to have your GP change so often.
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I think the medical practice sponsors doctors from all over the world who need to spend a certain time there, but then most move on to cities. The new one is lovely. She is the only woman doctor there now. I made the appointment just to get to know her a bit. I told her about my MCS so she might have some understanding of it.
Llama said:
But apart from that: there's NO version of this universe in which all the golf women dislike you. You're wonderful!
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This made me cry yesterday. I was so touchy. Thank you, Llama. I needed that :grouphug:
liza3 said:
Self-doubt is never fun. I think all you can do is try with the mixed event. Is there a particular reason the women would be hesitant to join?
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Thanks, Liza. I have to try not to analyze why some women think the way they do because therein lies frustration. If they think it's G's idea it might be ok. B1 has it in for the general committee & very much has an us vs them way of thinking. She likes to feel absolutely in control & is very manipulative. We'll be very careful & wait until we have it all worked out before we say anything. I think it's wise that it doesn't seem like my idea.
liza3 said:
And I agree with llama--no way you aren't liked by the other women. You are lovely!
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Thank you, Liza. That's sweet of you. G made me feel a bit better yesterday by saying that the 2 women who were there on Saturday have always been mean & nasty. We had a good talk about it. I had googled how to cope with "mean girls" & had mentioned it to him. The night before I had been teary & he said something about me slipping backwards again. He thought I was coping well with them.
Emilyrose said:
Hope the GP visit goes well. It's always challenging dealing with large groups of women - always - but I would recommend assuming everyone loves you and see how that goes. Hahaha.
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Thanks, Em. I decided yesterday morning to go to lunch on Friday. I rang C who lives further away than me & we may travel together & then I rang A, who is organising it & told her I was going & she sounded really pleased & said "that's good!" I actually think pretending (or imagining) that they all like (love is a stretch) me is worth a try. Mean people love to see vulnerabilities that they can work on. It really is just 2 women who are mean.
Today
I don't think I can avoid the scales much longer. I was trying to find some balance in the hope that some fat would miraculously just vanish & my clothes would not feel so snug (read tight).
It's time to work out a plan. I'll weigh myself tomorrow before golf. I think it's time to start logging again, but properly. Maybe start with 1600 cals per day.
 
Thankfully humans aren't apples and one or two bad ones don't automatically spoil the bunch. But they will if nobody opposes them. I'm 100% sure that there are at least a couple of women in the group who are so happy to have you pulling in the right direction with them.
 
Thanks, Llama. I have felt a bit stronger as the day has gone on. I played lots of music, finished a book, took Arch for a walk, rang another of the golfing women & had a good chat with her. I haven't seen her for a while. We have always got along well. I rang my sister this afternoon & made a few hearts while I was on the phone. I won't do that again as I didn't enjoy it as much. It needs to be mindful. I have had a healthy day & started logging. G is home from golf.
 
I'm so glad always that you have G. He just sounds like such a great guy--nice to hear of the emotional support he offers around the golfing situation. I struggle with situations like that too. Good for you going for lunch and very nice you've had some good interactions with a couple of the golf women. Good to focus on the good ones!
Yay to healthy days and best of luck with the logging of the food!
 
Hi Cate! So glad to hear you can do so much golfing again now!! I like that you pretended to be liked, and it worked! I have been down on myself and will try that, too! I came back on the forum to not eat back the 20 pounds I just lost and because I really missed everyone, but I don't know how regularly I'll be on the forum. Just popping in to say hello and glad to hear you are doing well!!!
 
Cate said:
I rang my sister this afternoon & made a few hearts while I was on the phone. I won't do that again as I didn't enjoy it as much. It needs to be mindful.
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You might even say that your heart wasn't in it? Eh? ;)

I am really glad you are going on Friday. Don't let a few bad apples ruin things for you. It's good to put yourself out there, it really is. x
 
liza3 said:
I'm so glad always that you have G. He just sounds like such a great guy--nice to hear of the emotional support he offers around the golfing situation. I struggle with situations like that too. Good for you going for lunch and very nice you've had some good interactions with a couple of the golf women. Good to focus on the good ones!
Yay to healthy days and best of luck with the logging of the food!
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He's lovely, Liza. I would be so lost without him. I really am going to try to concentrate on the positives. Logging is hard & I start off well & then I actually forget. I'll try again today.
Marsia said:
Hi Cate! So glad to hear you can do so much golfing again now!! I like that you pretended to be liked, and it worked! I have been down on myself and will try that, too! I came back on the forum to not eat back the 20 pounds I just lost and because I really missed everyone, but I don't know how regularly I'll be on the forum. Just popping in to say hello and glad to hear you are doing well!!!
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Oh, M. I am so glad you're back with us. I have really missed you :grouphug: I love playing golf again. Today is the day I go out there to play & pretend that everyone likes me. I'll think of you all while I'm out there. I did a new playlist called "On my way to golf" to listen to on the drive out.
Emilyrose said:
You might even say that your heart wasn't in it? Eh? ;)
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Exactly!
Emilyrose said:
I am really glad you are going on Friday. Don't let a few bad apples ruin things for you. It's good to put yourself out there, it really is. x
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Thanks, Em. I do feel better for having said yes, even though just typing that gave me butterflies.
I will hold onto all of your comments & imagine you with me today. I need to make myself a special heart just for golf days. I need to teach myself how to embroider first. That can be another new skill I can learn.

Thank you everyone for helping me to feel a bit stronger. I have lost my way lately & have started being mean to myself. It's time I concentrated on feeling good about myself.
 
Concentrating on feeling good about yourself sounds excellent. I like the idea of having a music playlist to listen to on your way to golf. In my mind it's all Eye of the Tiger and Beast, of course :D
 
I've really missed you, too! Good luck today, and I hope your playlist inspires you to be totally confident out there!!
 
I know what you mean about how hard logging food is. I'm on a pretty good streak right now but I know in the past I haven't always been able to keep it up.

I love the idea of having a special heart that you bring golfing to give you that on-going strength! 💕
 
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