Jenniquest
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Look at you - getting your steps in with the man-flu! I'm super impressed. 
Hope you're feeling better, Stan!
Hope you're feeling better, Stan!
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Stan2
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So, steps only about 6k today and food not so good. I had a lot on my mind. I know this is a weight loss diary, not an advice column, but...
There's this guy, lets call him Stan. And there's this girl, lets call her Girl. They work in the same office. Now, Stan is single (separated) and has been for some time. Girl is engaged to some guy who is nowhere near good enough for Girl, but Girl loves him anyway. Stan likes Girl and Girl is aware of this, both have been quite ok with this for about 6 months or so. Stan and Girl flirt occasionally, it's all pretty harmless and Stan assumes that Girl 1, mildly enjoys the attention and 2, feels a bit sorry for Stan.
Girl and 'some guy' are due to get married in the spring. They also have pre-school age child together.
Stan and Girl were last to leave the office today. They chat while Girl puts her coat on and they say goodbye. Girl then texts Stan a few minutes later to say it's cold outside. Stan replies joking that Girl should come back to the office for a nice warming cuddle...
...Girl comes back!!!
They chat again, Stan can see that Girl is a bit down and troubled by something, she goes on to offload a little emotional baggage (nothing major); he thinks she could use a hug but doesn't know if it's appropriate. Instead, Stan tries to cheer Girl up by making her laugh. It works a little before Girl finally has to go.
Girl messages Stan 30 minutes later apologising for going on a bit. Stan replies by apologising for not giving her the hug she needed. Girl comes back to say that it was probably a good job Stan didn't hug her, it would have led to something it shouldn't have... Stan actually replies with "What!?" lol.
Further messages confirm Girl has strong feelings for Stan but still loves 'some guy' too. She's not about to cheat on anyone but doesn't know what she wants. She thinks she's a terrible person for feeling this way despite Stan assuring her she is not; in Stan's opinion a terrible person wouldn't be so concerned. Stan makes it clear he would like to be with Girl, but that he isn't about to cause any trouble for her.
So, is Girl a terrible person? Is Stan a terrible person? Is some guy a terrible person for not being good enough?
On the one hand, Stan thinks there's a little kid involved so he should stay well clear. On the other hand, Stan thinks Girl probably isn't truly happy, so what home life is that going to lead to for the little kid AND for Girl in the long run? Stan wants to be happy, but he also wants Girl to be happy.
Current situation is that Stan suggested Girl needs to talk it through with someone to try to understand what she truly wants. If she still loves some guy, why does she have such strong feelings for Stan? There are clearly issues there somewhere she needs to get to the bottom of. Girl plans to speak to a counsellor as she's afraid to talk to friends or family about it.
This is a completely alien environment for Stan btw lol. He may have had an evening off from his diet today haha!
Any advice for whoever Stan is?
There's this guy, lets call him Stan. And there's this girl, lets call her Girl. They work in the same office. Now, Stan is single (separated) and has been for some time. Girl is engaged to some guy who is nowhere near good enough for Girl, but Girl loves him anyway. Stan likes Girl and Girl is aware of this, both have been quite ok with this for about 6 months or so. Stan and Girl flirt occasionally, it's all pretty harmless and Stan assumes that Girl 1, mildly enjoys the attention and 2, feels a bit sorry for Stan.
Girl and 'some guy' are due to get married in the spring. They also have pre-school age child together.
Stan and Girl were last to leave the office today. They chat while Girl puts her coat on and they say goodbye. Girl then texts Stan a few minutes later to say it's cold outside. Stan replies joking that Girl should come back to the office for a nice warming cuddle...
...Girl comes back!!!
They chat again, Stan can see that Girl is a bit down and troubled by something, she goes on to offload a little emotional baggage (nothing major); he thinks she could use a hug but doesn't know if it's appropriate. Instead, Stan tries to cheer Girl up by making her laugh. It works a little before Girl finally has to go.
Girl messages Stan 30 minutes later apologising for going on a bit. Stan replies by apologising for not giving her the hug she needed. Girl comes back to say that it was probably a good job Stan didn't hug her, it would have led to something it shouldn't have...
Stan actually replies with "What!?" lol.Further messages confirm Girl has strong feelings for Stan but still loves 'some guy' too. She's not about to cheat on anyone but doesn't know what she wants. She thinks she's a terrible person for feeling this way despite Stan assuring her she is not; in Stan's opinion a terrible person wouldn't be so concerned. Stan makes it clear he would like to be with Girl, but that he isn't about to cause any trouble for her.
So, is Girl a terrible person? Is Stan a terrible person? Is some guy a terrible person for not being good enough?
On the one hand, Stan thinks there's a little kid involved so he should stay well clear. On the other hand, Stan thinks Girl probably isn't truly happy, so what home life is that going to lead to for the little kid AND for Girl in the long run? Stan wants to be happy, but he also wants Girl to be happy.
Current situation is that Stan suggested Girl needs to talk it through with someone to try to understand what she truly wants. If she still loves some guy, why does she have such strong feelings for Stan? There are clearly issues there somewhere she needs to get to the bottom of. Girl plans to speak to a counsellor as she's afraid to talk to friends or family about it.
This is a completely alien environment for Stan btw lol. He may have had an evening off from his diet today haha!
Any advice for whoever Stan is?
Yup, as far as I can see nobody involved here is a bad person and the unknown Stan definitely made the right call by trying to be supportive without taking advantage of Girl´s momentary weakness. I´d say Girl talking to a counselor (or someone else she trusts who is neither Partner nor Stan) is a very good idea. Right now Stan can be platonically supportive of Girl but he might want to ask her if she´d like to keep a bit more distance for a while to help her get her head straight. Even if Girl decides she doesn´t want to be with Partner anymore there´s a non-zero chance she won´t end up being with Stan either even though right now when she´s feeling confused, isolated and uncertain she thinks that would be a brilliant solution. That´s not an indictment of Stan, of course, just an admission that (the end of) relationships can be messy. Plenty of hugs for the hypothetical Stan!
Jenniquest
New member
I can understand why some may think Girl was upset and vulnerable, thus turned to Stan for comfort, but Girl also probably knows Stan has feelings, and why is Girl cultivating those feelings if she's got a ring on her finger? Girl's behavior could be wedding jitters, they are very common in both sexes, but IMO her behavior feels a little emotionally manipulative - she loves some guy but also has strong feelings for Stan - okay, but why run to Stan knowing his feelings and validate them when Girl doesn't know what she wants? It can only hurt Stan in the long run if she decides to stay with some guy. That's the part I find a little bothersome, and I don't want to see Stan get hurt. He deserves better than that.
Jenni could be right or it could really be just confusion and anxiety leading to bad decision-making on her part. Hard to say. Which is why I recommend keeping (at least emotional) distance until she resolves the situation in whatever way she decides. And remember that even if you think Dude isn´t good enough for Girl that´s really up to her to decide. You´re not the most objective observer here, especially if the only information you have comes from Girl
Stan2
New member
Thanks for the words of wisdom ladies; I, erm I mean Stan, was very apprehensive about writing all that out.
Very true. My only conversation with her about him was a couple of months ago when I asked if she was sure he was the guy to be marrying after he'd verbally laid into her over buying groceries out of what he considered his personal spending money. This was after he'd blown most of the weekly groceries budget on a tattoo! She'd been upset enough to tell me this but jumped to his defense after my question. I decided it best not to comment since then, however upset she is. Who is to say it's only one way I guess?
I'd also considered that she may be having wedding jitters. But now I think about it, she's rarely excited when she speaks about the wedding; it's all rather matter-of-fact, almost a process that needs to be completed. The only part she seems keen on is the dress. Anyway, that leads me on to the next bit...
Someone will 100% be getting hurt here at some point. Either me or him for sure, and also her too. Maybe she is already hurting? Perhaps that's why she has said something, she thinks/thought it'll hurt less now? Anyway, I'll be ensuring I minimize my emotional risk on this for now. Before yesterday I expected nothing and today I'm still expecting nothing, even if I'd like something to happen.
I hadn't considered it from this angle, Jenni. Maybe Girl does know what she want's but is conflicted due to the advanced wedding plans... or maybe it is just the aforementioned jitters and she's looking for the solace of confirming a possible exit strategy.
This actually made me well up with tears Jenni. Genuinely x
Anyway, I'm supposed to be logging diet and exercise. Only achieved 6500 steps to far. The weather is pretty grim here today with snow, sleet and rain on and off together with a real chill and I've already been frozen and wet twice today. I may go out later and do the remaining 3500, or I might not lol. My Manflu has taken a turn for the worse, probably not helped by only getting about 4 hours of sleep last night. Food has been ok, although I probably shouldn't eat too much for my evening meal haha.
remember that even if you think Dude isn´t good enough for Girl that´s really up to her to decide. You´re not the most objective observer here, especially if the only information you have comes from Girl
Very true. My only conversation with her about him was a couple of months ago when I asked if she was sure he was the guy to be marrying after he'd verbally laid into her over buying groceries out of what he considered his personal spending money. This was after he'd blown most of the weekly groceries budget on a tattoo! She'd been upset enough to tell me this but jumped to his defense after my question. I decided it best not to comment since then, however upset she is. Who is to say it's only one way I guess?
I'd also considered that she may be having wedding jitters. But now I think about it, she's rarely excited when she speaks about the wedding; it's all rather matter-of-fact, almost a process that needs to be completed. The only part she seems keen on is the dress. Anyway, that leads me on to the next bit...
Someone will 100% be getting hurt here at some point. Either me or him for sure, and also her too. Maybe she is already hurting? Perhaps that's why she has said something, she thinks/thought it'll hurt less now? Anyway, I'll be ensuring I minimize my emotional risk on this for now. Before yesterday I expected nothing and today I'm still expecting nothing, even if I'd like something to happen.
I hadn't considered it from this angle, Jenni. Maybe Girl does know what she want's but is conflicted due to the advanced wedding plans... or maybe it is just the aforementioned jitters and she's looking for the solace of confirming a possible exit strategy.
This actually made me well up with tears Jenni. Genuinely x
Anyway, I'm supposed to be logging diet and exercise. Only achieved 6500 steps to far. The weather is pretty grim here today with snow, sleet and rain on and off together with a real chill and I've already been frozen and wet twice today. I may go out later and do the remaining 3500, or I might not lol. My Manflu has taken a turn for the worse, probably not helped by only getting about 4 hours of sleep last night. Food has been ok, although I probably shouldn't eat too much for my evening meal haha.
Jenniquest
New member
Rest up, Stan! You can make up the steps when you are feeling better. 
Stan2
New member
Back on the road despite the ongoing manflu, what a trooper
Also I've been talked into signing back up with myfitnesspal to track my calories. I'm not going to log them here but she's already messaged me tonight to ask why I went over my allowance by 38 calories
View attachment 24910
Also I've been talked into signing back up with myfitnesspal to track my calories. I'm not going to log them here but she's already messaged me tonight to ask why I went over my allowance by 38 calories
View attachment 24910
That sounds thoroughly annoying. Do you have a recommended range of calories or does it always nag unless you're perfect on the dot?Also I've been talked into signing back up with myfitnesspal to track my calories. I'm not going to log them here but she's already messaged me tonight to ask why I went over my allowance by 38 calories
Stan2
New member
I think it tells you off if you go too low on calories, but it definitely constantly reminds me I've had a fraction too much fat or sodium today; pretty sure there are different colours from brown through to red depending how far over the defined limit you are. That annoys me lol.
It was my friend that messaged me about going over what MFP had decreed, she was just teasing. I got my own back this morning when I logged on and saw she'd eaten a mince pie at work haha!
How are you feeling, Stan? Better I hope!!
I'm feeling much better today thanks Liz. I'm all drugged up still and I guess the gooey after-effects will be here for a few more days but I've survived manflu. Praise be, it's a miracle
Had a walking partner today for a change; a friend I'm involved in some clubs with has been a bit inspired by my walking and messaged me to say she was going out for a walk on her own tonight... she's only 15 tho and it's was very dark out
It's not a bad town we live in, but I'm not letting that happen just in case. So we went together instead, had a good natter, put the world to rights and got my steps up to 19400 Feet are sore now tho haha!According to MFP, 1860 calories. No idea if that's accurate but it cant be far off lol
Stan2
New member
Praise be to Stan, motivator of youths
Well done on the steps!
Haha yes, definitely LaMa, don't need that! I've known her dad since we were kids and her mum is the welfare officer at one of the clubs, so she's even seen my police clearance lol
Jenniquest
New member
Yay, you survived the manflu! Congrats! And almost 20K steps to boot. Killin it.
Have a good one, Stan!
Have a good one, Stan!
Stan2
New member
Update on Stan and Girl situation... everyone was pretty much right lol, but the prize for the closest answer goes to Jenni
Still don't know what she sought to gain. She's refused to talk it over with anyone neutral and further conversations have reinforced that there are more cracks in her relationship than there are on the yellow brick road. Good luck to them but it'll be over in 12 months and Stan is well off out of it.
Unfortunately Stan did somehow get a bit sucked in and got a little hurt but more angry with himself to be honest. Girl is now blocked on social media and whatsapp and communications are to be strictly on a professional basis only. Lesson learned
Anyway, all that anger was channelled not into any food for a change, but into a big walk. Stomped my way around town in anger for a couple of hours tonight, 18700 steps in the bag
View attachment 24915
Sorry for not getting round any other diaries tonight
Still don't know what she sought to gain. She's refused to talk it over with anyone neutral and further conversations have reinforced that there are more cracks in her relationship than there are on the yellow brick road. Good luck to them but it'll be over in 12 months and Stan is well off out of it.
Unfortunately Stan did somehow get a bit sucked in and got a little hurt
but more angry with himself to be honest. Girl is now blocked on social media and whatsapp and communications are to be strictly on a professional basis only. Lesson learned Anyway, all that anger was channelled not into any food for a change, but into a big walk. Stomped my way around town in anger for a couple of hours tonight, 18700 steps in the bag
View attachment 24915
Sorry for not getting round any other diaries tonight
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