Marsia's Diary

[liza3]

Oh that is so scary about the shooter! I can't imagine!

 

[Llama]

Absolutely awful about the shooter. I can't imagine living in a country where that's an almost daily occurrence.

 

[Marsia]

Thanks Llama and Liza. It was quite alarming running into a building with all the other people with the faculty frantically trying to wave everyone in so they could lock the door and retreat deeper into the building, but everyone really was supportive and we all bonded and stayed safe together. This sort of thing doesn't usually cross one's mind, but it is awful how often it does occur here. Yesterday we went to 3 different schools, but the campus culture was nothing like UNC Chapel Hill, so we went back there and walked around and studied. The computer science building looks incredible - so many robotics, optics, and other cool labs. We also drove around the bigger cities and more liberal towns, and the culture is pretty sleepy. I don't think I would want to live here, but Chapel Hill would be amazing for college.

K and P broke up. I won't go into details, but a mutual friend made things very hard for them. K is grieving, on top of everything else. So it was really nice that one of the colleges we visited was so perfect and made K feel happy and at home again. We check out of the motel today and go to Asheville, which is a hippie town in the mountains with an ok college. We are going to visit more because it may be a nice place to live for me.

 

[liza3]

Sorry to hear about K's breakup. Breakups always hard
But your continued travels and discoveries sound really good. I hope K can start getting excited about her next steps/studies...and that you can find your next place to live!

 

[Llama]

Breakups are hard, especially when it's the first real one, at an age when all feelings are so intense anyway. At the same time she's on the threshold of a huge new part of life and most teen relationships don't survive that anyway so maybe there's also a benefit to the relationship breaking off before she factors it into her college choice.

 

[Cate]

Oh, poor K
I am so glad she has you to help keep her moving forward to her happy & fulfilling future. I hope you both find a place that ticks all of the boxes & where you will both thrive xoxo

 

[Marsia]

Thanks Cate, Liza, and Llama! K and I talked a lot about how weird the timing was - P actually called her on the 1st driving day of the trip and broke up. It really made deciding on which colleges K really likes or doesn't way easier, as the colleges this trip are the ones near his college. But it was really hard on her. I am getting pretty good at helping her process hard things though. She doesn't feel so awful about it today and is even looking forward to looking at colleges in other parts of the country. There were signs even before the interfering friend that a long distance relationship may not have been the best thing for P who is having a great time meeting new people in college while K has been dealing with our family breaking up - not the best timing. We are getting tougher skinned, for sure!

Today we got into Asheville in the afternoon. The downtown is little but very charming and the river arts district of arts studios looks kinda interesting, but a little commercial and contrived. The surrounding area is very rural southern and not at all like we are used to. We drove around the campus and will have a tour there tomorrow. I don't think I could live in a creative town out in the middle of nowhere like this, but it is charming, and we'll have lots of fun exploring. I think we're really spoiled Californians who are used to creative towns that are close to civilization. We may check out some universities in Massachusetts next. We found our favorite west coast gourmet grocery store out here and got nice huge blueberries and St. Andres brie and prosciutto and made microwaved croissants with prosciutto and cheddar cheese and a nice huge salad with fresh pears and blue cheese. It's fun "cooking" in motels.

 

[Cate]

That's a harsh way of breaking up, but at least it wasn't a text. It does sound like K is becoming more resilient, as are you. Long-term relationships are tough at any age, but I would imagine almost impossible as a teen. It's good that you can expand your horizons a bit further.
Oh, your food sounds so good. We have pears & blue cheese at the moment & I had forgotten how well they went together.

 

[alligatorob]

We check out of the motel today and go to Asheville, which is a hippie town in the mountains with an ok college.

I really like Asheville, its a great town, with some really nice scenery. And I would guess a milder summer climate than much of North Carolina. Are you going to UNC-Asheville?

K and P broke up. I won't go into details, but a mutual friend made things very hard for them. K is grieving, on top of everything else.

Always tough for a kid, adults sometimes too. Fortunate she has a good Mama with her for comfort!

 

[Marsia]

Cate, Rob, and Llama, I agree about the breakup. It was tough, but we've been talking about how K liked all this stuff that P wasn't into and I think they would have drifted apart soon anyway. She wasn't pursuing things she cared about while in that relationship. I think she was just seeking comfort, and now she feels free to really take the time and heal and pursue her interests.

Asheville is a really sweet, interesting place filled with art and really nice people. Yesterday we went to a lovely cafe surrounded in a veggie garden and then walked around downtown where we talked with a shop owner who makes all the really beautiful unique dresses in her shop (things with layers of hand-made lace and interesting fabrics collaged together, etc.). She was so fun and interesting. We had nice fresh Mediterranean food (a big vegetarian platter and tapas) and it was so good and authentic. We also stopped in a bookstore for a long time and found all sorts of fascinating books I hadn't seen before. K was happy as she hadn't been able to read in a while (from all the stress) and picked up a Temple Grandin book on visual thinkers and read a bunch. K realized that she is one and that's why she has trouble expressing her ideas and why she's attracted to new media. We looked and this book is at our library and will help her to write her college essay.

We didn't go to the UNC Asheville tour we booked. It's a tiny school with a pretty good reputation, but the out of state tuition would make this not a good choice. This place is wonderful, but too isolated and I think we need to live in a place with lots of creative young people for K. I also can't handle the smoking culture. Everywhere you go people are smoking, and our non-smoking motel rooms both smelled badly of smoke, and it's a miracle that I am not really sick. I've been drinking juice, airing out the rooms, and having a lot of fruits and veggies with vitamin C, and luckily only have a moderate sore throat. Today we drive into the mountains for a spectacular hike. It's wonderful being somewhere cool temperature-wise. I have missed that tremendously.

Not sure how I am doing weight-wise drinking a lot of juice, but I feel lighter.

 

[liza3]

I like reading about all your interesting travels and visits. It all sounds like such a fun road trip and makes me want to do one!
It sounds like you're really narrowing down where you want to be and what that would look like which is great!

 

[alligatorob]

Out of state tuition can be a killer, makes a public school as costly as private. I am shocked by the tuition being charged today... What state or states does K have residency in?

Not sure how I am doing weight-wise drinking a lot of juice, but I feel lighter.

How you feel really is what matters most. Weight is a distant second.

 

[Emilyrose]

Marsia, I still can't get over the school shooting on campus where a professor lost his life! And that was your favourite one!! I shouldn't laugh, but like, come on! Universe, please give these two ladies a break!!!

Anyway, at least you're both safe and the college tours other than that sound amazing. Sad news on the breakup but it sounds like she is coping well. I'm glad you feel lighter. xx

 

[Cate]

I love reading about your travels & am sure you will find just the right place with just the right balance for both of you xoxo

 

[Llama]

Great to hear K is feeling the freedom and not just the loss. And learning more about how our brains differ from the average is one of the most useful things to do while young.

 

[Marsia]

Thanks everyone! All your replies make me so happy to read and to be in this community!!

I like reading about all your interesting travels and visits. It all sounds like such a fun road trip and makes me want to do one!
It sounds like you're really narrowing down where you want to be and what that would look like which is great!

I hope you do get to go on a fun road trip soon! It was so good being around other young people who are creative and happy on this trip. I think it did us both a lot of good.

Out of state tuition can be a killer, makes a public school as costly as private. I am shocked by the tuition being charged today... What state or states does K have residency in?

How you feel really is what matters most. Weight is a distant second.

I am just amazed at how expensive even in-state tuition is now. K has residency in South Carolina, and the South Carolina colleges aren't very good as far as creative majors. We may move to another state and take a gap year to establish residency. Thanks for the encouragement about taking care of myself over how much I weigh. I agree, being lighter but being sick would not be preferable!

Marsia, I still can't get over the school shooting on campus where a professor lost his life! And that was your favourite one!! I shouldn't laugh, but like, come on! Universe, please give these two ladies a break!!!

Anyway, at least you're both safe and the college tours other than that sound amazing. Sad news on the breakup but it sounds like she is coping well. I'm glad you feel lighter. xx

Em, we both laugh at the only school we seriously considered having an active shooter. What luck! I think K will be ok about the breakup. She was crying yesterday because P is going to a non-creative college and she is worried he'll lose his creativity now that they broke up. (They had made up music together on piano and guitar, painted together, etc. over the spring, and when P came back from summer school didn't want to do anything fun or creative together.) It seems like she already accepted the breakup and is moving on now though. She sees that he values conforming more than creativity, so they are not a good match.

I love reading about your travels & am sure you will find just the right place with just the right balance for both of you xoxo

Thanks Cate! It's hard because the cool places with the colleges K would like are in areas everyone has already discovered. We may have to live in a condo or mobile home while K goes to college.

Great to hear K is feeling the freedom and not just the loss. And learning more about how our brains differ from the average is one of the most useful things to do while young.

I agree - I was so happy that K feels more freedom to be herself! Phew!! We love learning about cognition and learning, and the book she is reading is by Temple Grandin who was a highly functioning autistic woman who made humane enclosures for livestock and such. I love the documentaries we've seen on her. K has a close friend with Asperger's, and she is amazing and so insightful, too.

I'm still getting over my smoke allergy and doing little stints of yoga to get my back happy after all that intense driving. Yesterday we studied at a cafe and I found good schools in Washington state and am researching where we could afford to move there. There is a gaming industry in the Seattle area. In Massachusetts there is an edtech bunch of businesses. What K wants to do is more in line with technology and education, so maybe we check that out first. It's either a 15 hour drive there or we fly and spend a lot of money. We could afford to live in the part of Massachusetts were a couple of the schools are way inland from Boston. Have to research everything a lot more, and not much more time until applying to colleges. I am glad that I like researching so much.

I am only 4 pounds over my lightest weight in a while, so not bad for all the stress. I have to do yoga and deep breathing today at a minimum. When I do deep breaths, I can release all the clenched up muscles I didn't even know I was clenching. Time to get serious about de-stressing!

 

[alligatorob]

I found good schools in Washington state and am researching where we could afford to move there.

Washington has some very good schools, and if you stay away from the Seattle area the cost of living isn't too bad. Kind of like Massachusetts and Boston I guess. WSU is a good engineering school, and cost of living is pretty low there, but winters are cold... Its also not far from the University of Idaho, another good school, not in Washington, but close.

I wish I could do more road trips, but my wife is not willing... maybe one day.

I am only 4 pounds over my lightest weight in a while, so not bad for all the stress.

No, that's not bad, pretty good actually.

 

[Llama]

Temple Grandin is amazing!

 

[Cate]

Thanks everyone! All your replies make me so happy to read and to be in this community!!

This makes me happy
I just ordered a Temple Grandin book from the library ("Animals Make Us Human").
I'm glad that K is processing the breakup well. What a great Mum you are, M. I'm glad you're so good at researching. I couldn't live where it was either really cold or really hot. You have so many things to consider! My late BIL grew up in Seattle and did his undergraduate work at the University of Washington. I'll send you a link about him. I really miss him.

 

[liza3]

I have to do yoga and deep breathing today at a minimum. When I do deep breaths, I can release all the clenched up muscles I didn't even know I was clenching. Time to get serious about de-stressing!

Isn't it amazing when you start to stretch and breathe all the tension you discover that you never even knew was there!
Great you are doing that for yourself!