Jokes

sldiver said:
What's gray and comes in pints?
An Elephant!
^^This one took me three solid minutes of thinking to get it, then i laughed for 3 solid minutes straight, lol

I must be dense, b/c I still don't get it....Please someone explain...
Click to expand...

I don't get it either lol.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side..

o_O lol
 
sldiver said:
What's gray and comes in pints?
An Elephant!
^^This one took me three solid minutes of thinking to get it, then i laughed for 3 solid minutes straight, lol

I must be dense, b/c I still don't get it....Please someone explain...
Click to expand...

Yeah, it took a while. Think dirty....
 
ewwww!!! I had to have my boyfriend figure it out.. I feel very slow. Think dirty and say it out loud without reading it??? lol
 
Lol ok I read it over and over and I GOT IT finally I would have gotten it quicker
if it read like this"What is gray and CUMS in pint's? lol Tammy
 
Lol here are some FUNNY pics!!:rotflmao:
The last pic says NEVER TELL A WOMAN SHE CAN'T COOK
 

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Best thread ever...

So this kid goes up to a guy selling ice cream in the park and says, "I'd like some chocolate, please." The vendor says, "Sorry, kid, all I have is vanilla and strawberry." The kid gets upset and yells at the vendor, "BUT I WANT CHOCOLATE!!" The vendor keeps his cool and tells the kid again that there is no chocolate, only vanilla and strawberry. The kid pitches a fit, yelling "I want chocolate, I want chocolate!!" until the vendor looks the kid straight in the eye and says, "Look, kid, can you spell the word "van" in vanilla?" The kid answers, "V-A-N." "Well," says the vendor, "can you spell the word "straw" in strawberry?" Again, the kid answers, "S-T-R-A-W." The vendor looks at the kid and says, "then can you spell the word "f***" in chocolate?" The kid looks puzzled and says, "but there is no "f***" in chocolate." "That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you kid. There is no f***in' chocolate!!"
 
lol ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^6:rotflmao:

Ok here's another I am trying to keep it going,it's always good to have a laugh.....................
One morning Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having brunch at a
restaurant. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like and
he replies, I'll have a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit. And what can I
get for you, sir? she asks George W.

He replies, How about a quickie?

Why, Mr. President, the waitress says, How rude, you're starting to
act like Mr. Clinton and you haven't even been in office for a second
term yet!

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers, It's pronounced 'quiche.'
 
sldiver said:
What's gray and comes in pints?
An Elephant!
^^This one took me three solid minutes of thinking to get it, then i laughed for 3 solid minutes straight, lol

I must be dense, b/c I still don't get it....Please someone explain...
Click to expand...

if it is any consolation it took me almost a full day to figure this on out!! You are not dense!

I love this joke though!!!:rotflmao:
 
mindovermatter said:
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks at the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

A snail gets mugged by two turtles. When the police come to investigate, they ask the snail if he can describe the perpetrators. The snail says, "I don't know. It happened so fast."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Click to expand...

:jump: :rotflmao:
 
Stuff that made me laugh

Cuz we all need a good chuckle!



At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...."I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from the front of the audience yells out...."Then stop clapping, ye asshole!"


****************

Top 15 Signs You've Been Out Of College Too Long


15- Your potted plants stay alive.

14- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

13- 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

12- You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

11- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

10- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".

9- You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.

8- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

7- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

6- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

5- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.

4- MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.

3- A $4 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".

2- Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, Diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's.

1- Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.









Anyone else want to add the next joke?
 
Last edited:
Beloit College somewhere in the midwest has put this list out every year and for an old fart like me - it's depressing but..

Class of 2010
  1. The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
  2. They have known only two presidents.
  3. For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.
  4. Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.
  5. They have grown up getting lost in "big boxes."
  6. There has always been only one Germany.
  7. They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.
  8. They are wireless, yet always connected.
  9. A stained blue dress is as famous to their generation as a third-rate burglary was to their parents'.
  10. Thanks to pervasive headphones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.
  11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.
  12. Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.
  13. Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.
  14. The Moral Majority has never needed an organization.
  15. They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.
  16. DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.
  17. They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.
  18. They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.
  19. "Google" has always been a verb.
  20. Text messaging is their email.
  21. Milli Vanilli has never had anything to say.
  22. Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.
  23. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.
  24. Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.
  25. Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway.
  26. "Boogers" candy has always been a favorite for grossing out parents.
  27. There has never been a "skyhook" in the NBA.
  28. Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.
  29. Computerized player pianos have always been tinkling in the lobby.
  30. Non-denominational mega-churches have always been the fastest growing religious organizations in the U.S.
  31. They grew up in mini-vans.
  32. Reality shows have always been on television.
  33. They have no idea why we needed to ask "...can we all get along?"
  34. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."
  35. Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.
  36. They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.
  37. Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.
  38. Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.
  39. "So" as in "Sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else
  40. Affluent troubled teens in Southern California have always been the subjects of television series.
  41. They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.
  42. Ken Burns has always been producing very long documentaries on PBS.
  43. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.
  44. Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.
  45. Green tea has always been marketed for health purposes.
  46. Public school officials have always had the right to censor school newspapers.
  47. Small white holiday lights have always been in style.
  48. Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.
  49. They have always been searching for "Waldo."
  50. The really rich have regularly expressed exuberance with outlandish birthday parties.
  51. Michael Moore has always been showing up uninvited.
  52. They never played the game of state license plates in the car.
  53. They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.
  54. There have always been live organ donors.
  55. They have always had access to their own credit cards.
  56. They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."
  57. Sara Lee has always made underwear.
  58. Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.
  59. Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.
  60. They never saw Bernard Shaw on CNN.
  61. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.
  62. Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.
  63. Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.
  64. LoJack transmitters have always been finding lost cars.
  65. Diane Sawyer has always been live in Prime Time.
  66. Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale.
  67. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.
  68. "Outing" has always been a threat.
  69. Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.
  70. They have always "dissed" what they don't like.
  71. The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.
  72. Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.
  73. They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.
  74. Ringo Starr has always been clean and sober.
  75. Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.
 
Class of 2009
  1. Andy Warhol, Liberace, Jackie Gleason, and Lee Marvin have always been dead.
  2. They don't remember when "cut and paste" involved scissors.
  3. Heart-lung transplants have always been possible.
  4. Wayne Gretzky never played for Edmonton.
  5. Boston has been working on the "The Big Dig" all their lives.
  6. With little need to practice, most of them do not know how to tie a tie.
  7. Pay-Per-View television has always been an option.
  8. They never had the fun of being thrown into the back of a station wagon with six others.
  9. Iran and Iraq have never been at war with each other.
  10. They are more familiar with Greg Gumbel than with Bryant Gumbel.
  11. Philip Morris has always owned Kraft Foods.
  12. Al-Qaida has always existed with Osama bin Laden at its head.
  13. They learned to count with Lotus 1-2-3.
  14. Car stereos have always rivaled home component systems.
  15. Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker have never preached on television.
  16. Voice mail has always been available.
  17. "Whatever" is not part of a question but an expression of sullen rebuke.
  18. The federal budget has always been more than a trillion dollars.
  19. Condoms have always been advertised on television.
  20. They may have fallen asleep playing with their Gameboys in the crib.
  21. They have always had the right to burn the flag.
  22. For daily caffeine emergencies, Starbucks has always been around the corner.
  23. Ferdinand Marcos has never been in charge of the Philippines.
  24. Money put in their savings account the year they were born earned almost 7% interest.
  25. Bill Gates has always been worth at least a billion dollars.
  26. Dirty dancing has always been acceptable.
  27. Southern fried chicken, prepared with a blend of 11 herbs and spices, has always been available in China.
  28. Michael Jackson has always been bad, and greed has always been good.
  29. The Starship Enterprise has always looked dated.
  30. Pixar has always existed.
  31. There has never been a "fairness doctrine" at the FCC.
  32. Judicial appointments routinely have been "Borked."
  33. Aretha Franklin has always been in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
  34. There have always been zebra mussels in the Great Lakes.
  35. Police have always been able to search garbage without a search warrant.
  36. It has always been possible to walk from England to mainland Europe on dry land.
  37. They have grown up in a single superpower world.
  38. They missed the oat bran diet craze.
  39. American Motors has never existed.
  40. Scientists have always been able to see supernovas.
  41. Les Miserables has always been on stage.
  42. Halogen lights have always been available at home, with a warning.
  43. "Baby M" may be a classmate, and contracts with surrogate mothers have always been legal.
  44. RU486 has always been on the market.
  45. There has always been a pyramid in front of the Louvre in Paris.
  46. British Airways has always been privately owned.
  47. Irradiated food has always been available but controversial.
  48. Snowboarding has always been a popular winter pastime.
  49. Libraries have always been the best centers for computer technology and access to good software.
  50. Biosphere 2 has always been trying to create a revolution in the life sciences.
  51. The Hubble Telescope has always been focused on new frontiers.
  52. Researchers have always been looking for stem cells.
  53. They do not remember "a kinder and gentler nation."
  54. They never saw the shuttle Challenger fly.
  55. The TV networks have always had cable partners.
  56. Airports have always had upscale shops and restaurants.
  57. Black Americans have always been known as African-Americans.
  58. They never saw Pat Sajak or Arsenio Hall host a late night television show.
  59. Matt Groening has always had a Life in Hell.
  60. Salman Rushdie has always been watching over his shoulder.
  61. Digital cameras have always existed.
  62. Tom Landry never coached the Cowboys.
  63. Time Life and Warner Communications have always been joined.
  64. CNBC has always been on the air.
  65. The Field of Dreams has always been drawing people to Iowa.
  66. They never saw a Howard Johnson's with 28 ice cream flavors.
  67. Reindeer at Christmas have always distinguished between secular and religious decorations.
  68. Entertainment Weekly has always been on the newsstand.
  69. Lyme Disease has always been a ticking concern in the woods.
  70. Jimmy Carter has always been an elder statesman.
  71. Miss Piggy and Kermit have always dwelt in Disneyland.
  72. America's Funniest Home Videos has always been on television.
  73. Their nervous new parents heard C. Everett Koop proclaim nicotine as addictive as heroin.
  74. Lever has always been looking for 2000 parts to clean.
  75. They have always been challenged to distinguish between news and entertainment on cable TV.

Class of 2007
  1. Most students entering college this fall were born in 1986.
  2. Desi Arnaz, Orson Welles, Roy Orbison, Ted Bundy, Ayatollah Khomeini and Cary Grant have always been dead.
  3. "Here's Johnny!" is a scary greeting from Jack Nicholson, not a warm welcome from Ed McMahon.
  4. The Energizer bunny has always been going, and going, and going.
  5. Large fine-print ads for prescription drugs have always appeared in magazines.
  6. Photographs have always been processed in an hour or less.
  7. They never got a chance to drink 7-Up Gold, Crystal Pepsi, or Apple Slice.
  8. Baby Jessica could be a classmate.
  9. Parents may have been reading The Bourne Supremacy or It as they rocked them in their cradles.
  10. Alan Greenspan has always been setting the nation's financial direction.
  11. The U.S. has always been a Prozac nation.
  12. They have always enjoyed the comfort of pleather.
  13. Harry has always known Sally.
  14. They never saw Roseanne Rosannadanna live on Saturday Night Live.
  15. There has always been a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
  16. They never ate a McSub at McD's.
  17. There has always been a Comedy Channel.
  18. Bill and Ted have always been on an excellent adventure.
  19. They were never tempted by smokeless cigarettes.
  20. Robert Downey, Jr. has always been in trouble.
  21. Martha Stewart has always been cooking up something with someone.
  22. They have always been comfortable with gay characters on television.
  23. Mike Tyson has always been a contender.
  24. The government has always been proposing we go to Mars, and it has always been deemed to expensive.
  25. There have never been any Playboy Clubs.
  26. There have always been night games at Wrigley Field.
  27. Rogaine has always been available for the follicularly challenged.
  28. They never saw USA Today or the Christian Science Monitor as a TV news program.
  29. Computers have always suffered from viruses.
  30. We have always been mapping the human genome.
  31. Politicians have always used rock music for theme songs.
  32. Network television has always struggled to keep up with cable.
  33. O'Hare has always been the most delay-plagued airport in the U.S.
  34. Ivan Boesky has never sold stock.
  35. Toll-free 800 phone numbers have always spelled out catchy phrases.
  36. Bethlehem has never been a place of peace at Christmas.
  37. Episcopal women bishops have always threatened the foundation of the Anglican Church.
  38. Svelte Oprah has always dominated afternoon television; who was Phil Donahue anyway?
  39. They never flew on People Express.
  40. AZT has always been used to treat AIDS.
  41. The international community has always been installing or removing the leader of Haiti.
  42. Oliver North has always been a talk show host and news commentator.
  43. They have suffered through airport security systems since they were in strollers.
  44. They have done most of their search for the right college online.
  45. Aspirin has always been used to reduce the risk of a heart attack.
  46. They were spared the TV ads for Zamfir and his panpipes.
  47. Castro has always been an aging politician in a suit.
  48. There have always been non-stop flights around the world without refueling.
  49. Cher hasn't aged a day.
  50. M.A.S.H. was a game: Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House.
 
Class of 2006
  1. A Southerner has always been President of the United States.
  2. Richard Burton, Ricky Nelson and Truman Capote have always been dead.
  3. South Africa's official policy of apartheid has not existed during their lifetime.
  4. Cars have always had eye-level rear stop lights, CD players, and air bags.
  5. We have always been able to choose our long distance carriers.
  6. Weather reports have always been available 24-hours a day on television.
  7. The "evil empire" has moved from Moscow to a setting in some distant galaxy.
  8. Big Brother is merely a television show.
  9. Cyberspace has always existed.
  10. Bruce Springsteen's new hit, Born in the USA, could have been played to celebrate their birth.
  11. Barbie has always had a job.
  12. Telephone bills have always been totally incomprehensible.
  13. Prom dresses have always come in basic black.
  14. A "Hair Band" is some sort of fashion accessory.
  15. George Foreman has always been a barbecue grill salesman.
  16. Afghanistan has always been a front page story.
  17. There has always been an heir to the heir to the British throne.
  18. They have no recollection of Connie Chung or Geraldo Rivera as serious journalists.
  19. Peter Jennings, Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw have always anchored the evening news.
  20. China has always been a market-based reforming regime.
  21. The United States has always been trying to put nuclear waste in Nevada.
  22. The U.S. and the Soviets have always been partners in space.
  23. Mrs. Fields' cookies and Swatch watches have always been favorites.
  24. Nicolas Cage, Daryll Hannah, Eddie Murphy, and John Malkovich made their first major film impressions the year they were born.
  25. The GM Saturn has always been on the road.
  26. The "Fab Four" are not a male rock group, but four women enjoying Sex and the City.
  27. Fox has always been a television network choice.
  28. Males do not carry a handkerchief in a back pocket.
  29. This generation has never wanted to "be a Pepper too."
  30. Ozzy's lifestyle has nothing to do with the Nelson family.
  31. Women have always had tattoos.
  32. Vanessa Williams and Madonna are aging singers.
  33. Perrier has always come in flavors.
  34. Cherry Coke has always come in cans.
  35. A "hotline" is a consumer service rather than a phone used to avoid accidental nuclear war.
  36. The drug "ecstasy" has always been around.
  37. Genetic testing and DNA screening have always been available.
  38. Electronic filing of federal income taxes has always been an option.
  39. Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) has always been available to doctors.
  40. Trivial Pursuit may have been played by their parents the night before they were born.
  41. The U.S. has always maintained that it has a "clear right to use force against terrorism."
  42. The drinking age has always been 21 throughout the country.
  43. Women have always been members of the Jaycees.
  44. The center of chic has shifted from Studio 54 to Liza's living room, live!
  45. Julian Lennon had his only hit the year they were born.
  46. Sylvan Learning Centers have always been an after-school option.
  47. . Hip-hop and rap have always been popular musical forms.
  48. They grew up in minivans.
  49. Scientists have always recognized the impact of acid rain.
  50. The Coen Brothers have always been making films.

And in 1984, perhaps it was "Too Soon to Tell"...
  • Technology analysts questioned the need for briefcase-sized computers.
  • The National Children and Youth Fitness Study announced that children were overweight and underactive.
  • A CPA organization heralded that computerized audit systems were being used to avoid errors and they were doing much better at spotting mistakes and providing internal audit controls.
  • Film critics declared that George Lucas was looking for new directions because Star Wars interest was waning.
  • Videotape technology was said to be killing the film industry and slowing cable network development.
  • Analysts stated there was no market for Direct Broadcast Satellite systems.
  • The U.S. Supreme Court declared sleeping to be a form of free speech.
 
Class of 2005
  1. Most students starting college this fall were born in 1983.
  2. Ricky Nelson, Marvin Gaye and Laura Ashley have always been dead.
  3. The New Kids on the Block are over the hill.
  4. They want to be PHAT but not fat.
  5. IBM Selectrics are antiques.
  6. Thongs no longer come in pairs and slide between the toes.
  7. God has never been a "he" in most churches.
  8. Hard copy has nothing to do with a TV show; a browser is not someone relaxing in a bookstore; a virus does not make humans sick; and a mouse is not a rodent (and there is no proper plural for it).
  9. Moscow has always been opposed to "star wars."
  10. Recording TV programs on VCRs became legal the year they were born.
  11. The British Royal family has always behaved badly.
  12. There has always been Diet Coke.
  13. Artificial hearts have always been ticking.
  14. The Social Security system has always been on the brink.
  15. There have always been warnings about second-hand smoke.
  16. They have never experienced a real recession.
  17. A hacker is not just a kid who won't stop fooling around.
  18. Grenada has always been safe for democracy.
  19. They were born the same year as the PC and the Mac.
  20. The U.S. Senate has always had a daycare program.
  21. One earring on a man indicates that he is probably pretty conservative.
  22. CDs have always been labeled for explicit content.
  23. Lethal Weapon in one form or another has always been "at the movies."
  24. Boeing has not built the 727 since they were born.
  25. Sarajevo was a war zone, not an Olympic host.
  26. They don't remember Janet Jackson when she was cute and chubby.
  27. Drug testing of athletes has always been routine.
  28. There has always been a hole in the ozone layer.
  29. They have always had access to email.
  30. The Colts have always been in Indianapolis.
  31. The precise location of the Titanic has always been known.
  32. When they were born, Madonna was still a radiant woman holding a beatific child.
  33. Jimmy Hoffa has always been officially dead.
  34. Tylenol has always been impossible for children or adults to open.
  35. Volkswagen beetles have always had engines in the front.
  36. They do not know what the Selective Service is, but men routinely register for it on their financial aid forms.
  37. Ron Howard and Rob Reiner have always been balding older film directors.
  38. Cal Ripken has always been playing baseball.
  39. They have probably never used carbon paper and do not know what cc and bcc mean.
  40. Lasers have always been marketed as toys.
  41. Major newspapers have always been printed in color.
  42. Beta is a preview version of software, not a VCR format.
  43. They have never known exactly what to call the rock star formerly and presently known as Prince.
  44. They are the first generation to prefer tanning indoors.
  45. Survivor is a TV show not a rock group.
  46. They have heard "just say no" since they were toddlers.
  47. Most of them know someone who was born with the help of a test tube.
  48. It has paid to "Discover" since they were four.
  49. Oprah has always been a national institution.
  50. With a life expectancy of 77 years, they can anticipate living until about 2060.

Class of 2004
  1. Most students entering college this fall in the class of 2004, were born in 1982.
  2. Grace Kelly, Elvis Presley, Karen Carpenter, and the E.R.A. have always been dead.
  3. Kurt Cobain's death was the "day the music died."
  4. Somebody named George Bush has been on every national ticket, except one, since they were born.
  5. The Kennedy tragedy was a plane crash, not an assassination.
  6. Huckleberry Finn has always been a "banned book."
  7. A "45" is a gun, not a record with a large hole in the center.
  8. They have no clue what the Beach Boys were talking about when they sang about a 409, and the Little Deuce Coupe.
  9. They have probably never lost anything in shag carpeting.
  10. MASH and The Muppet Show have always been in re-runs.
  11. Punk Rock is an activist movement, not a musical form.
  12. They have always bought telephones, rather than rent them from AT&T.
  13. The year they were born, AIDS was found to have killed 164 people; finding a cure for the new disease was designated a "top priority" for government-sponsored research.
  14. We have always been able to reproduce DNA in the laboratory.
  15. Wars begin and end quickly; peace-keeping missions go on forever.
  16. There have always been ATM machines.
  17. The President has always addressed the nation on the radio on Saturday.
  18. We have always been able to receive television signals by direct broadcast satellite.
  19. Cities have always been trying to ban the possession and sale of handguns.
  20. Watergate is as relevant to their lives as the Teapot Dome scandal.
  21. They have no idea that a "presidential scandal" once meant nothing more than Ronald Reagan taking President Carter's briefing book in "Debategate."
  22. They have never referred to Russia and China as "the Reds."
  23. Toyotas and Hondas have always been made in the United States.
  24. There has always been a national holiday honoring Martin Luther King, Jr.
  25. Three Mile Island is ancient history, and nuclear accidents happen in other countries.
  26. Around-the-clock coverage of congress, public affairs, weather reports, and rock videos has always been available on cable.
  27. Senator Phil Gramm has always been a Republican.
  28. Women sailors have always been stationed on U.S. Navy ships.
  29. The year they were born, the New York Times announced that the "boom in video games," a fad, had come to an end.
  30. Congress has been questioning computer intrusion into individuals' personal lives since they were born.
  31. Bear Bryant has never coached at Alabama.
  32. They have always been able to afford Calvin Klein.
  33. Coors Beer has always been sold east of the Mississippi, eliminating the need for Burt Reynolds to outrun the authorities in the Smokey and the Bandit films.
  34. They were born the same year that Ebony and Ivory lived in perfect harmony.
  35. The year they were born, Dustin Hoffman wore a dress and Julie Andrews wore a tuxedo.
  36. Elton John has only been heard on easy listening stations.
  37. Woodstock is a bird or a reunion, not a cultural touchstone.
  38. They have never heard a phone "ring."
  39. They never dressed up for a plane flight.
  40. Hurricanes have always had men's and women's names.
  41. Lawn darts have always been illegal.
  42. "Coming out" parties celebrate more than debutantes.
  43. They only know Madonna singing American Pie.
  44. They neither know who Billy Joe was, nor wondered what he was doing on the Talahatchee Bridge.
  45. They never thought of Jane Fonda as "Hanoi Jane," nor associated her with any revolution other than the "Fitness Revolution" videotape they may have found in the attic.
  46. The Osmonds are talk show hosts.
  47. They have never used a bottle of "White Out."
  48. If they vaguely remember the night the Berlin Wall fell, they are probably not sure why it was up in the first place.
  49. "Spam" and "cookies" are not necessarily foods.
  50. They feel more danger from having sex and being in school, than from possible nuclear war.
 
Class of 2003
  1. 1. Most of this year's students entering college were born in 1981.
  2. They are the first generation to be born into Luvs, Huggies, and Pampers.
  3. John Lennon and John Belushi have always been dead.
  4. There has always been a woman on the Supreme Court, and women have always been traveling into space.
  5. They have never needed a prescription to buy ibuprofen.
  6. They never realized that for one brief moment, Gen. Alexander Haig was "in charge."
  7. They never heard Walter Cronkite suggest that "That's the way it is."
  8. They were born and grew up with Microsoft, IBM PCs, in-line skates, NutraSweet, fax machines, film on disks, and unregulated quantities of commercial interruptions on television.
  9. Somebody named Dole has always been running for something.
  10. Cats has been on Broadway all their lives.
  11. While they all know her children, they have no idea who "Ma Bell" was.
  12. They never heard anyone say, "Book ‘em, Dano," "Good night, John-boy," or "Kiss my grits," in prime time.
  13. They never knew Madonna when she was like a virgin.
  14. Mike Myers is the Spy Who Shagged Me not the first congressman expelled from that body in a century for his role in "Abscam."
  15. They have never had to worry about the packaging of Tylenol.
  16. Yugoslavia has never existed.
  17. They have never seen Bob Marley perform reggae live.
  18. Jesse Jackson has always been getting someone out of trouble someplace.
  19. Strikes by highly paid athletes have been a routine part of professional athletics.
  20. The moonwalk is a Michael Jackson dance step, not a Neil Armstrong giant step.
  21. John Cougar has always been John Cougar Mellencamp, or vice versa.
  22. Travel to space has always been accomplished in reusable spacecraft.
  23. The term "adult" has increasingly come to mean "dirty."
  24. The year they were born, reports condemned violence on television and in Hollywood films for producing the likes of John Hinckley.
  25. They have always been able to get their news from USA Today and CNN.
  26. They have spent more than half their lives with Bart Simpson.
  27. They don't understand why Solidarity is spelled with a capital "S."
  28. They don't think there is anything terribly futuristic about 2001, and were never concerned about the year 1984.
  29. They have no idea how big a breadbox is.
  30. Camelot refers to King Arthur's seat of government, not John Kennedy's.
  31. President Kennedy's assassination is as significant to them as that of Lincoln or Garfield.
  32. They have probably never dialed a phone or opened an icebox.
  33. The only thing a "churchkey" has ever opened for them is a church.
  34. They have never seen white smoke over the Vatican and do not know its significance.
  35. They cannot identify the last United States President to throw-up on a Japanese prime minister.
  36. Ketchup has always been a vegetable.
  37. Susan B. Anthony has always been on the dollar but probably never bought them anything.
  38. They cannot imagine waiting a generation to get the dirt on the U.S. President.
  39. They felt pretty special when their elementary school had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s.
  40. ET, Gremlins, and The Hulk provided their Halloween costumes and lunch box themes.
  41. They were introduced to Kramer on the TV show Friday's.
  42. They remember when Saturday Night Live was still funny.
  43. They have never seen a BankAmericard.
In all fairness to this latest generation of entering college students, we this year add a list of items that only a child of the '80s can explain...don't ask us!
  • They owned and operated a "trapper keeper."
  • They can explain the "cha-ching" thing.
  • They know what a "burnout" is.
  • They know what "psych" means.
  • During time in the arcade, they actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game to "reserve" a spot.
  • They know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off."
  • They know that another name for a keyboard is a "synthesizer."
  • They can name at least half of the members of the elite "Brat Pack."
  • They know who Tina Yothers is.
  • They felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for having sex with minors and videotaping it, because they liked him.
  • They know who Max Headroom is.
  • They could breakdance, or wished they could.
  • Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SOOO far away.
  • They thought that "transformers" were more than meets the eye.
  • They can, right now, hum the theme to Inspector Gadget.
  • They wanted to be on Star Search.
  • They can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
  • They wore banana clips at some point during their youth, or knew someone who did.
  • They owned a doll with "Xavier Roberts" signed on its rear, or knew someone who did.
  • They knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout."
  • They HAD to have their MTV.
  • They hold a special place in their hearts for Back to the Future.
  • They thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
  • They actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie.
  • They collected Garbage Pail Kids.
  • They actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played "Sam" to be.
  • They remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
  • They own(ed) cassette singles.
  • They were led to believe that, in the year 2000, we'd all be living on the moon.
  • They owned pieces of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut.
  • Poltergeist freaked them out.
  • They have occasionally pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
  • They know what a Doozer is.
  • They wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew someone who did.
  • They had Swatch Watches.
  • They had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.
  • They know what a "Whammee" is.

Class of 2002
  1. The people starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980.
  2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he had ever been shot.
  3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
  4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
  5. There has only been one Pope. They can only remember one other president.
  6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.
  7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them—not a movie.
  8. They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up.
  9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
  10. They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.
  11. Bottle caps have not always been screw off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can looks like.
  12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.
  13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
  14. They have never owned a record player.
  15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of "Pong."
  16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.
  17. There have always been red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?
  18. They may never have heard of an 8-track, and chances are they've never heard or seen one.
  19. The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old.
  20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
  21. They have always had an answering machine.
  22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black & white TV.
  23. They have always had cable.
  24. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta is.
  25. They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control.
  26. They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
  27. Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them.
  28. "The Tonight Show" has always been with Jay Leno.
  29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
  30. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player.
  32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War.
  34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
  35. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  36. They don't know who Mork was, or where he was from.
  37. They never heard the terms "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "De plane, de plane!" 38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
  38. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.
  39. Michael Jackson has always been white.
  40. Kansas, Boston, Chicago, America, and Alabama are all places—not music groups.
  41. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
  42. There has always been MTV, and it has always included non-musical shows.
 
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