Floater
Well-known member
BAKE THE BABY!!
(IDK if you ever watched "Gag of the Millenial" by Luxeria and Roly on YT, but that's oneof their running jokes)
Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
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(IDK if you ever watched "Gag of the Millenial" by Luxeria and Roly on YT, but that's oneof their running jokes)
Cate
Long term member
That was a funny thing to read firstBAKE THE BABY!!
Your day sounded absolutely exhausting, so no wonder you felt like you did. Try to have a quiet, relaxing day. A day or two off strenuous exercise won't matter. Our younger son had his second flu vax the day before yesterday & he felt fairly shattered.
Don't know them but back in the early 2000s Southpark had their chronic "kick the baby" thing iirc.BAKE THE BABY!!
(IDK if you ever watched "Gag of the Millenial" by Luxeria and Roly on YT, but that's oneof their running jokes)
The kind of stuff people would let kids play with is WILD.
Floater
Well-known member
Woke up with a slight headache, vaccination site is sore AF but otherwise I feel good. There has been yet another water damage in my apartment building... The tenth one in total, according to the repair guy. (Faulty dishwasher piping, apparently.)
Today I have to walk to a kiosk a couple of km away to get a post package that they couldn't send to my closest post office for some reason. I also have food delivery arriving soon, yay! I'll nap until that.
Today I have to walk to a kiosk a couple of km away to get a post package that they couldn't send to my closest post office for some reason. I also have food delivery arriving soon, yay! I'll nap until that.
Floater
Well-known member
I got the package and tried on the jacket/vest combo I ordered and... I'm so happy I could cry!!
It fits me perfectly, even around my pelvis/ass, and it feels so good and looks so good, and I look really good in it! Of course, there's no hiding my massive boobs, but the jacket has a ton of details like zippers, pockets, plastic buckles et cetera which draw the eye away from my chesticles, and despite being lightly padded it's very light weight and the material is sturdy cotton canvas that should repel light rain. The sleeves have thumb holes in them, so I won't freeze my hands if I forget my gloves at home, and the jacket has an oversized hood that's very useful in the Finnish fleet season from November to April. The vest with all the utility/military style details can be zipped on and off from the jacket and worn separately; it can't be zipped when worn separately, so it's more an accessory than a practical vest for warmth etc, but it looks fucking insane with a sleeveless top underneath and I can definitely see myself wearing it in the summer on top of T-shirts and tank tops as a way to give my body a baggier, straighter, more masculine silhouette and to hide my boobs a bit.
It's expensive as fuck, 170 euros, but let's just agree that this is my Christmas present to myself and let me enjoy this. I can't remember when I have looked into the mirror and loved everything I see, so it's well worth it. It's a men's size L, so my expanding shoulders and arms should not pose a problem. And besides, I can't zip up my old winter jacket anymore because it's women's size and my arms have gotten too big for it, so I really do need it and it's not just a vanity thing.
For those who are invested in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the jacket looks like something Bucky Barnes would have been dressed in during his Winter Soldier days, and it fits my gothy aesthetic "like a fist in the eye" as the Finnish saying goes
ps: snapped this pic on my way home, I love the November sun and the naked trees.
It fits me perfectly, even around my pelvis/ass, and it feels so good and looks so good, and I look really good in it! Of course, there's no hiding my massive boobs, but the jacket has a ton of details like zippers, pockets, plastic buckles et cetera which draw the eye away from my chesticles, and despite being lightly padded it's very light weight and the material is sturdy cotton canvas that should repel light rain. The sleeves have thumb holes in them, so I won't freeze my hands if I forget my gloves at home, and the jacket has an oversized hood that's very useful in the Finnish fleet season from November to April. The vest with all the utility/military style details can be zipped on and off from the jacket and worn separately; it can't be zipped when worn separately, so it's more an accessory than a practical vest for warmth etc, but it looks fucking insane with a sleeveless top underneath and I can definitely see myself wearing it in the summer on top of T-shirts and tank tops as a way to give my body a baggier, straighter, more masculine silhouette and to hide my boobs a bit.
It's expensive as fuck, 170 euros, but let's just agree that this is my Christmas present to myself and let me enjoy this. I can't remember when I have looked into the mirror and loved everything I see, so it's well worth it. It's a men's size L, so my expanding shoulders and arms should not pose a problem. And besides, I can't zip up my old winter jacket anymore because it's women's size and my arms have gotten too big for it, so I really do need it and it's not just a vanity thing.
For those who are invested in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the jacket looks like something Bucky Barnes would have been dressed in during his Winter Soldier days, and it fits my gothy aesthetic "like a fist in the eye" as the Finnish saying goes
ps: snapped this pic on my way home, I love the November sun and the naked trees.
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That's wonderful to hear! It definitely sounds more than a little badass.
Floater
Well-known member
I feel like boiled poop after the vaccine, my left arm is hot and swollen, but I had chicken caesar salad for (a very late) lunch as well as an avocado. I only ate 200g of mozzarella for breakfast, I'm so tired and have no appetite, but luckily I have a fridge full of food, including cold grilled chicken legs. Time to take the dog out, I'll test the new jacket!
Floater
Well-known member
I promise I will! I couldn't even imagine going to the gym or swimming in this condition. Tomorrow is rest day as well. But my walk with Nera was nice, we kept a slow pace and she rolled in the mud to her little heart's content. I think I'll go to sleep early tonight.
I have the hairdresser appointment tomorrow and I think I'll go to have some fired chicken after that! I'm going to turn into a chicken myself at this rate, but it's just so good and satiating. And based on 33 years of experience, I go through these "samefooding" periods (like many autistics do) and eventually I'll shift to something else.
The jacket was warm, comfy, and it looks incredibly good.
Floater
Well-known member
I'm dying of laughter
There's an iconic Finnish rye bread brand called "Reissumies", "A traveller/ a travelling man", and they have re-branded their iconic logo of a blonde, white hunk into three different logos depicting a Turkish-Finnish trans man, a middle-aged Finnish everyman, and a black ex-athlete (all of whom are real people and they tell their stories as part of the ad campaign). I love the campaign, even if the bread in question is a tad bit too sweet and has too much cumin in it for me personally. But there's a huge backlash by Finnish conservatives and neo nazis and people want to legit cancel the bread and the whole mega company behind it because they get such a hissy fit about... An advertisement... And product packaging...
Of course I understand that it makes sense to remove racist and sexist branding and advertising; I grew up eating sweets called "N*gger's kisses" and ice cream called "Eskimo", and oh wow looking back now the packaging was hideous and I'm glad they remade those. But it feels so crazy that someone gets this mad about diversifying a plastic bag some bread comes in, when it hurts and insults literally no one and can be a fun and harmless eye opener to people who don't necessarily know anything about racialized minorities or trans people. Makes sense to spread the good will through such an everyday item, well visible to consumers.
I toasted four slices of (another brand of) rye bread with grated cheese for dinner, ate two, will probably have the other two with spring onion and smoked salmon once they have cooled and gotten a bit more crispy. I still feel like I've been driven over by a truck, but the left arm is no longer hot, just sore. I'm watching a video by a male youtuber where he documents abuse he went through by his ex-gf, and it felt a bit crazy to see and hear the ex-gf yell at him and threaten him with SH, obviously abusive, but when my ex did that to me it never even registered to me as abuse because "I have been through worse". So yeah it triggered me a bit but in a way that I can handle, and will adress in my next therapy session. It's crazy what kinds of shit people learn to normalize. :/
There's an iconic Finnish rye bread brand called "Reissumies", "A traveller/ a travelling man", and they have re-branded their iconic logo of a blonde, white hunk into three different logos depicting a Turkish-Finnish trans man, a middle-aged Finnish everyman, and a black ex-athlete (all of whom are real people and they tell their stories as part of the ad campaign). I love the campaign, even if the bread in question is a tad bit too sweet and has too much cumin in it for me personally. But there's a huge backlash by Finnish conservatives and neo nazis and people want to legit cancel the bread and the whole mega company behind it because they get such a hissy fit about... An advertisement... And product packaging...
Of course I understand that it makes sense to remove racist and sexist branding and advertising; I grew up eating sweets called "N*gger's kisses" and ice cream called "Eskimo", and oh wow looking back now the packaging was hideous and I'm glad they remade those. But it feels so crazy that someone gets this mad about diversifying a plastic bag some bread comes in, when it hurts and insults literally no one and can be a fun and harmless eye opener to people who don't necessarily know anything about racialized minorities or trans people. Makes sense to spread the good will through such an everyday item, well visible to consumers.
I toasted four slices of (another brand of) rye bread with grated cheese for dinner, ate two, will probably have the other two with spring onion and smoked salmon once they have cooled and gotten a bit more crispy. I still feel like I've been driven over by a truck, but the left arm is no longer hot, just sore. I'm watching a video by a male youtuber where he documents abuse he went through by his ex-gf, and it felt a bit crazy to see and hear the ex-gf yell at him and threaten him with SH, obviously abusive, but when my ex did that to me it never even registered to me as abuse because "I have been through worse". So yeah it triggered me a bit but in a way that I can handle, and will adress in my next therapy session. It's crazy what kinds of shit people learn to normalize. :/
They clearly don't buy enough rye bread or the brand would've made other choices. Capitalism baby! Sometimes even I love it...
I have never experienced anything remotely close to what you had to go through as a kid but definitely got a startlingly new perspective on old relationship that way a couple of times. Humans are weird animals.
Floater
Well-known member
Yeah, and the thing with trauma is that it's not really something one can put on a scale. Trauma is trauma, it is valid. Of course some types of it will be harder to recover from than others, but for example being bullied in school can leave a legitimate, life long impact on a person. (Which is why I think the word should be scratched out and terms like "child on child emotional abuse" or "group abuse targeting a child" or something like that should be opted for instead.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want ANYONE to feel like they need to minimize their traumatic experiences because "I had it worse". I do appreciate being given compassion and being taken seriously, but I also take evryone else seriously and there's no need to compare - all hurtful experiences are valid.
Humans really are weird animals.
I think I'll share one of my all time fave songs, "Stars" by Dubstar. I think it captures quite well the feeling early into a relationship when we are vulnerable and can only really hope for the best, and that this time around the love will be of the healing variety and not the hurting kind.
PS I absolutely slay this one in karaoke. Testosterone will probably put an end to that, so I should go out and sing it before going on it lol
"Is it asking too much to be given time
To know these songs and to sing them
Is it asking too much of my vacant smile
And my laugh and lies that bring them
But as the stars are going out
And this stage is full of nothing
And the friends have all but gone
For my life, my God, I'm singing
We'll take our hearts outside
Leave our lives behind
I'll watch the stars go out
We'll take our hearts outside
Leave our lives behind
I'll watch the stars go out
Is it asking too much of my favorite friends
To take these songs for real
Is it asking too much of my partner's hands
To take these songs for real
But as the stars are going out
And this stage is full of nothing
And the friends have all but gone
For my life, my God, I'm singing
We'll take our hearts outside
Leave our lives behind
I'll watch the stars go out"
Floater
Well-known member
I just had a nice long walk with Nera. It's drizzling outside, but the new jacket kept me warm and comfy. Most Finns hate the winter season unless there's snow to keep things clean and reflect light (sadly, climate change will probably put an end to snowy winters anyway), but I like how the sleeping, wintery forest looks with raindrops covering everything like little glass pearls, and the dark green evergreens looking majestic against the grey monochrome sky.
I have the hairdresser appointment in two hours so I should eat, do my makeup and hair, and head out. I'll go swimming/water jogging tomorrow, the vax injection site is still red and sore but I'm feeling much better otherwise. I'm really looking forward to getting to work out again, because I really struggle with my appetite and working out is a great remedy for that.
EDIT:
I have no idea where this thought came from. But I had a sudden feeling washing over me, a sadness, but also an acceptance. I will never have a person in my life who would call me their son. Some trans guys are lucky and have supportive parents, or supportive adults who become parent figures in their lives. But as I'm an adult myself, I'm past all that, the window has closed, so I'll never get to experience it. I'm not saying this to throw a pity party. Sometimes sadness can make a person smile and that's how I feel about this personally. Acknowledging that deep down I just wanted to be accepted, seen and held, and to be helped to grow despite being an oddball, is very important. Most of my life I've survived by minimizing not just the abuse I went through but also the lack of care and love. In a way, that is even harder to heal, from because we become loving by being loved. But there's one thing I can say for sure: I can love. So even with the hard start to my life, I was never broken to the point of losing my ability to feel for another living thing and take joy in them thriving. My main mission should be to direct this love towards myself, because this is how I feel at peace. So yeah, never had anyone call me son, but I can call myself that. I am in control of my emotions and my future, my fortune, so to speak. And I have help from so many lovely people. It really takes a village to raise a child.
I have the hairdresser appointment in two hours so I should eat, do my makeup and hair, and head out. I'll go swimming/water jogging tomorrow, the vax injection site is still red and sore but I'm feeling much better otherwise.
I'm really looking forward to getting to work out again, because I really struggle with my appetite and working out is a great remedy for that.EDIT:
I have no idea where this thought came from. But I had a sudden feeling washing over me, a sadness, but also an acceptance. I will never have a person in my life who would call me their son. Some trans guys are lucky and have supportive parents, or supportive adults who become parent figures in their lives. But as I'm an adult myself, I'm past all that, the window has closed, so I'll never get to experience it. I'm not saying this to throw a pity party. Sometimes sadness can make a person smile and that's how I feel about this personally. Acknowledging that deep down I just wanted to be accepted, seen and held, and to be helped to grow despite being an oddball, is very important. Most of my life I've survived by minimizing not just the abuse I went through but also the lack of care and love. In a way, that is even harder to heal, from because we become loving by being loved. But there's one thing I can say for sure: I can love. So even with the hard start to my life, I was never broken to the point of losing my ability to feel for another living thing and take joy in them thriving. My main mission should be to direct this love towards myself, because this is how I feel at peace. So yeah, never had anyone call me son, but I can call myself that. I am in control of my emotions and my future, my fortune, so to speak. And I have help from so many lovely people. It really takes a village to raise a child.
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Floater
Well-known member
I'm so happy!! The hairdresser was a super lovely lady and I felt comfy with her and we joked about bad homejob haircuts, but I didn't feel uncomfy at all. She clearly knew what she was doing and the side buzz looks super fresh and nice. I'll definitely keep going to her in the future, too. And it felt so nice to do something so normal, even if she still had to wear a mask.
I had a Taco Bell nacho beef griller afterwards and am now sitting at a bar, getting ready to go back home (I had a wheat beer before walking back). Just feeling safe, and happy, and comfortable.
I had a Taco Bell nacho beef griller afterwards and am now sitting at a bar, getting ready to go back home (I had a wheat beer before walking back). Just feeling safe, and happy, and comfortable.
Floater
Well-known member
I splurged and ordered pork dumplings and kimchi from a Korean restaurant... Pure bliss! The dumplings came with a sesame mayo dip that I had with fresh avocado I had lying around so that's a plus when it comes to my veg intake goals. I will definitely order from this place again, the quality/cost ratio was great.
I'm feeling my oats. <3
I'm feeling my oats. <3
That's beautiful.
Also: I now want a haircut. It was probably time 10 days ago but I haven't been able to gather the motivation up until now.