Floater's diary

Yay for surprise pizza!
 
@Cate now that I'm used to the plant hanging from the bedframe, I think I'll let it stay there for a while? (I have checked and re-checked the failsafe systems and it's just not possible for it to fall. And as it's an epipremnum, it's fun to watch when trying to fall asleep because the leaves "sweat" during the nighttime to level out the water pressure in the root system, and the light looks nice on the water pearls at the tips of the leaves...)

@LaMaria yay for surprise pizza indeed! I was so stuffed that I'm still not hungry, and we shared a 1,5 l bottle of Coke, too :D But I'm having a bit of peanut butter and fig jam as a sweet treat and to make my meds go down without irritating my stomach. There should be some rain in the evening, and I might possibly go to the gym after that, we'll see.
 
Lunch: celery sticks, carrot sticks, feta and blue cheese. I just realized that my four tubs of guac expire tomorrow. But then again, they have a shelf life of several weeks so they should be safe to eat for a few days after the date!
 
I just woke up from a nap; I have a terrible headache and my limbs feel like noodles! I think I'll try to eat something and see if it gets better.
 
Dinner: tuna pasta with white beans, peas, tomato sauce and feta. A sweet bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon, sugar, and soy protein.
 
Jesus, I called a helpline to get over the dysphoria and motivate myself to go to the gym... A middle-aged worker there started to talk about how nowadays trans people are not discriminated or "judged", then asked me if I have had "horrible things happen to me in childhood", and progressed to talk down to me how good it is that it takes years to get a trans diagnosis because she disagrees with the treatments. I tried to talk sense into her but she begun to talk louder and louder over me until I had to hang up. I left feedback onto their website via an anonymous feedback thing, but needless to say, I feel gaslit and more dysphoric than before the call.

(PS: in general it's never OK to ask a trans person what procedures they want done, and especially not ask and then tell them how gross or weird you think it is or how worried you are about people getting "regrets" about transitioning. It's about healthcare and health, not a free circus act. So unprofessional of her)
 
Ouch! That sucks dude, I´m sorry to hear it. I hope she gets a stern talking to before getting dismissed completely because that´s SO not ok. She´s there to support people, not push them down further.
 
By the way: I have no trouble with calling you Floater but if at any point you´d like to have an actual NAME name around here (not that LaMa is a very typical name but I do prefer it to Maria...) be sure to tell us, ok?
 
@LaMaria thanks about both the support and about the name thing, I'll be sure to let you guys know if I'm ready to step out from behind the forum name :)

I had a pleasant surprise when I called the helpline again and after some venting it turned out that the person I got hold of this time was an elderly trans woman :D We ended up chatting for quite some time and it was a healthy reminder that it's not really me versus the world. The world contains some nasty pieces of work, but also other people like me, and plenty of supporters and allies, too. So I should try my best to not fall back into my anger and anxiety, and nourish my trust towards others and do my best.

The emotional whiplash I have right now feels almost like God decided to teach me a lesson. Not that I believe it's how it works, but still
 
I felt like I really needed some carbs, so I tried to make congee. It turned out decent! I didn't really have much choice when it came to the toppings - I went with a raw egg, soy sauce, fish sauce and hot sauce - but I'll definitely make it again after a trip to an Asian grocery when my money situation improves. I bet it would taste great with seaweed, fresh spring onions, and a source of protein fried in fivespice. (I'm not sure if any authentic Asian cuisine combines fivespice and seaweed but I like the combo as it's used in a lot of vegan recipes.)

No gym today either. But I'm so clearly going through something emotionally that pressing and bullying myself is just going to make it worse. Maybe tomorrow? :)
 
When I don't feel like going to the gym I don't have to go, because I want exercise to be fun. When I don't want to go several times in a row I tell myself I can go home whenever I want to as long as I pack my stuff and go there, just to make sure I keep the habit and just deciding to go doesn't start feeling like a hurdle.
 
LaMaria said:
When I don't feel like going to the gym I don't have to go, because I want exercise to be fun. When I don't want to go several times in a row I tell myself I can go home whenever I want to as long as I pack my stuff and go there, just to make sure I keep the habit and just deciding to go doesn't start feeling like a hurdle.
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That's good advice.

I have a wicked headache today :(
 
Hm, I'll have guac + beans with my meds and get a new batch of congee going. I will go to the gym today no matter what, even if I just pop my nose in and walk right back. I'll buy myself an ice cream, soda or beer or whatever treat I'll crave in the evening that's 200-300 kcal per portion after the workout as a reward, that usually motivates me to go. My waistline says that having a cheeseburger after walking to the gym, working out, and walking back has not been detrimental to my progress and I'm really not in the mood of self flagellation today.

I already packed my workout backpack too
 
Hope the headache has eased up by now. Did you get anything done at the gym?
 
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