Cate
Long term member
That is bloody awesome, Arvo!
You always have deserved the support of our community & you always will
Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
- Start date
Floater
Well-known member
Thank you for the camaraderie!
I just add the dried juniper berries to the cup, they can be crumbled a bit or added whole. Doesn't take a lot of them, I usually put three per cup.
Floater
Well-known member
Woke up to cold sweat and shaking PTSD nightmares. Cried about not being able to donate eggs because I'm autistic and have ADHD. Back in October when I had my crisis I went through the song and dance of booking an appointment and asking if I can donate and was told no. It feels cruel to me. I am smart and attractive. I'm sure many people would like the eggs of a donor with my qualities but the diagnosis makes me unfit. Not my fault, this. But it hurts. I wish I had donated eggs before the diagnosis but I was too self critical and didn't feel I deserved it. Now I understand I was wrong about that, but it's too late.
take care floater
Cate
Long term member
Well, that's a relief, Arvo. That's how it should be
Floater
Well-known member
Thanks! I hope the new meds they put me on, Seronil, will help with my OCD. but it takes some time to see if the drug is a good fix for me
Cate
Long term member
I was trying to think of something to say about getting Covid that didn't involve swearing but I can't.
Be careful not to do too much when you start feeling better. My lungs have been affected badly by my last bout of Covid & that's after being on antivirals straight away & after having 5 vaccinations in total.
I hope Seronil works well for you Arvo xo
Be careful not to do too much when you start feeling better. My lungs have been affected badly by my last bout of Covid & that's after being on antivirals straight away & after having 5 vaccinations in total.
I hope Seronil works well for you Arvo xo
Floater
Well-known member
I promise to be very careful, forum mom!
I hope so too. I´m honestly terrified about the side effects but at this point, I don´t really feel like I have much choice about trying it out because the emotional, financial and social cost of the ritualistic thinking taking over is just too great. Good news is that as I was prescribed Seronil (fluoxetine, also know as Prozac) for OCD, the therapeutic dose is very low, 20 mg. Usually side effects are lesser on smaller doses.
I´ve been on it for 3 days now and I can feel something inside shifting. It´s hard to describe but it feels like swimming in a lake and passing a hidden artesian well where colder water runs from. I remember this feeling very well from whe I was in high school and I was put on SSRI:s and back then it resulted in a catastrophe. But on another hand, I was also on a cocktail of other stuff and lived with my abusive parents and had a ton of trauma happen to me in a short time.
Some folks bulk up on SSRIs but for me they always had the effect of making food less interesting. Combined with ADHD meds this is something I need to stay on top of. I want to keep my hard-worked-for muscle mass. On the other hand there is a voice in my head asking what if I changed my end goal of 75 kg to 70 kg. It would only be -10kg from where I´m now.
Breakfast today was 2/3 of a halved portion of Chinese takeout I ordered yesterday. I need to go brush my teeth and pick up the meds form the pharmacy before my prescriptions are voided by the gender marker change. I´m gonna take out three months worth of Seronil and just stick to it no matter how terrified I am.
Cate
Long term member
Floater
Well-known member
Might be too sick to go get my new ID today, but nothing drastic will happen if I do it on Monday.
OCD thoughts about things I threw out/lost during my crisis try to creep in but either the med is starting to help or it's a coincincidence that I now feel like IT WAS NOT MY FAULT THAT I WAS FAILED BY THE SYSTEM SO COMPLETELY. I've had the OCD diagnosis since 2018 and no doctor really did anything with it. And I have been unable to even communicate how completely the OCD thoughts have controlled my life because they were always there, ever since childhood. Weed would give me a respite from them but at a cost of secretiveness and having to deal with my ex. Now I wonder if the new drug might offer a long term solution in a socially and medically acceptable way.
OCD thoughts about things I threw out/lost during my crisis try to creep in but either the med is starting to help or it's a coincincidence that I now feel like IT WAS NOT MY FAULT THAT I WAS FAILED BY THE SYSTEM SO COMPLETELY. I've had the OCD diagnosis since 2018 and no doctor really did anything with it. And I have been unable to even communicate how completely the OCD thoughts have controlled my life because they were always there, ever since childhood. Weed would give me a respite from them but at a cost of secretiveness and having to deal with my ex. Now I wonder if the new drug might offer a long term solution in a socially and medically acceptable way.
Floater
Well-known member
GUYYYYYYSSSS it got real
My name and ID are now officially those of a man; my old ID no longer works so I can´t log into the online bank until Monday. Can´t go to the police station today because I have the ´rona. So I´m doing what I can and sending the new info to all the instances I can to make the transitioning smoother next week and then I guess I´ll just... Meditate on this change and get better and wait eagerly for Monday to arrive!
My name and ID are now officially those of a man; my old ID no longer works so I can´t log into the online bank until Monday. Can´t go to the police station today because I have the ´rona. So I´m doing what I can and sending the new info to all the instances I can to make the transitioning smoother next week and then I guess I´ll just... Meditate on this change and get better and wait eagerly for Monday to arrive!