Floater's diary

Went for a little walk and got my food prep going: making soup out of roasted aubergine + bell pepper + tomatoes + smoked tofu, fresh garlic + snack lemons + olives + scallions, soy mince, corn and spices. Going to clean my fridge while the veggies and tofu are roasting.

EDIT: in the meanwhile, having a snack of shredded chicken.
 
Snack: four Brazil nuts. Going for a walk.
 
Had a nice, long walk. At home I had mango, two chicken & parmesan rye bread sandwiches, and a Twix bar. I like the portion size of this bar, might buy more.
 
I see lots of self-care & your apartment must be so clean & tidy. You are doing so well, Arvo. You might even inspire me to get off my backside & do some serious housework today, xo
 
Slept very well and woke up to the autism assistance person arriving. Feeling at peace with myself.

Breakfast: a bowl of aubergine-tofu soup, a banana.

Today is rest day. I need to wash my hair so I think I´ll go for a 15-min swim.

I have blisters in both of my pinky toes from the new shoes but that tends to happen with new shoes. I´m super excited about not looking like a hobo anymore. Pandemic, depression, struggles with the trans clinic and drinking excessively really culled my interest to dress nicely. There´s also something super satisfying about cleaning a pair of white boots after a walk in the forest and on the fields. Of course some of the dirt will stick, and over time create a patina, but if the shoe is well cared for, it can still look aesthetically pleasing.

I got my money back from a pair of sneakers I returned so I have no worries for the last days of the month and can buy and eat whatever my heart desires. Today I´m going to walk to the gas station for a vanilla milkshake. I might also walk to the supermarket to get chocolate and beef jerky. We´ll see
 
Llama said:
Getting enjoyment from paying attention to my appearance is something I miss. Go you for clawing that back!
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You´ll get there too. I think it´s normal to have times in one´s life when we don´t feel attractive and can´t really bother. It´s not a character deficit. I think it´s probably something related to feelings of safety. If life is a struggle, it can feel really difficult to feel deserving of nice clothes etc. because the money is "supposed" to go towards survival. But this is just my personal view.

I ended up not going for a swim, because I started to do plant care stuff, and got carried away but tbh this was a perfect way to spend today. I still need to clean up (dead leaves and soil everywhere lol).

Also: I need to get back to painting. Two weeks until the disability service´s visit and if I want to increase my chances of getting the work-adjacent thing, I better show the service worker that I have actual talent. So doing work around the home is a perfect way to get into the creative mindset.

I need to eat a proper meal soon but now: banana.
 
Having a very late lunch: protein shake, shredded chicken, a small bowl of home-made blueberry rice pudding. I basically just made congee, added in 2tbsp of sugar, the remaining maple syrup I had at hand (maybe another 2 tbsp worth of the stuff), cinnamon, PB, and 200g of blueberries.
 
Floater said:
I think it´s normal to have times in one´s life when we don´t feel attractive and can´t really bother. It´s not a character deficit. I think it´s probably something related to feelings of safety. If life is a struggle, it can feel really difficult to feel deserving of nice clothes etc. because the money is "supposed" to go towards survival.
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For me I think it's that both my preferred style and my shape/fit are hard to come by and I'm just over putting in effort without ever getting stuff I actually enjoy and so I've just given up.
 
Llama said:
For me I think it's that both my preferred style and my shape/fit are hard to come by and I'm just over putting in effort without ever getting stuff I actually enjoy and so I've just given up.
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:grouphug:

Snack: bowl of soup. Went for a short walk to drop off a package, bought frozen mango, celery, and parsley.

Prepped meatball dough: 400g of sauerkraut, 1,5dl of dry soy mince, a lot of roasted sesame oil, a splash of soy sauce and hot sauce, white pepper, one green chili, three cloves of garlic, a whole bunch of parsley, three eggs, 1,5dl of panko breadcrumbs, and 400g of 10% fat minced beef. Going to let it rest in the fridge for 1 hour or so and then roll into meatballs, cover with panko with extra crunchiness, and bake for 25 mins or so. I like how they are just meatballs, but have carbs from the panko, roughage from sauerkraut and soy mince and parsley, healthy fats from the sesame oil - a pretty complete package. Tons of sodium in the sauerkraut of course, but I only used a little bit of soy sauce and hot sauce so that should level it out. And the sauerkraut was past date and I needed to use it up so I also avoided food waste.

Today has been a great reminder of how rest days aren´t just to recover from my workouts, they are to do stuff around the house as well.
 

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I was looking at your meatball ingredients in amazement, thinking they'd never hold together with all that sauerkraut - and then I noticed I'd missed the 400 g of mince :rotflmao: That'll do it. Hope they taste amazing!
 
This might become a sleepless night, but the meatballs were amazing and I think I am low on iron because I've been craving red meat & parsley.

EDIT as my clothes are getting loose, I ordered a pair of black and white striped dungaree shorts, a pair of leggings, and a toiletry pouch. I still ordered in XL because gothy stuff runs small, but I'm not shopping out of emotion or boredom, I need stuff to wear and deserve to be comfortable and stylish.
 
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That plant second from the left is very cute!
Yay you for needing smaller clothes & looking after yourself so well 👏
 
Exhausted after therapy. Kinda feel like going home to sleep. Having Indian buffet now, maybe it will pick me up?
 
Llama said:
Food does often help - or so many people wouldn't comfort eat. I hope you feel better soon.
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I do! I had three cups of coffee, three 2dl glasses of sugar Coke, plenty of food and fizzy water. Feeling nearly normal and going to do my aqua jogging workout - even if it's for 30 mins.
 
Rage aqua jogged for 2hrs and swam for 30 mins. I pray for easy sleep tonight.
 
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