Floater's diary

Ate the pineapple and will have rye bread with turkey next. Maybe also 200g of cottage cheese because I feel low on protein

Yup the cottage cheese helped!
 
Last edited:
False hope. Restless feet to the point it feels torturous. If I'm not asleep in 45 mins I'll just get up.
 
Cate said:
I hope this means you're sound asleep 🤞
Click to expand...
I fell asleep eventually. Horrid restless feet, ughh.

Breakfast: a banana. Did food prep: pureed veggie soup with roasted aubergine, zucchini, red bell pepper, snack lemons, soy mince, red lentils, and kidney beans + corn; also roasted some cabbage and potatoes but they didn´t fit in the blender and the potatoes stayed a bit too hard for comfort, so I think I´ll make them into (a single portion of) garlicky green pea and asparagus soup later.

Lunch: veggie soup, rye bread with turkey.

Feeling emotionally down. I booked a SMART meeting tomorrow but I don´t want to go. I just can´t deal with remarks about my looks, being called delusional, being told to only go to LGBTQ+ meetings by one facilitator there. He also does it if he´s only participating, not facilitating. I can sense his hatred through the screen. The LGBTQ+ meeting is not meant to be a ghetto us queers get shoved in for the comfort of republicunts like him. It´s meant for people who feel too unsafe to come out in the general meetings. I also don´t like the LGBTQ+ meeting because I find the facilitator there to be unprofessional and annoying. I would quit going altogether but unfortunately I put it in my therapy goals to attend meetings twice a week. Meeting the goals will define whether I get another year worth of free therapy.

As a general rule I don´t like the idea of being forced out from a place of healing my someone who sorely needs healing himself. But I can´t be on my tippytoes all the time.
 
Green soup (cabbage, snack lemon, asparagus, potatoes, and peas + seasonings blitzed in a blender). Had a nice walk. I gotta empty the hoover and vacuum. It might be on it´s last legs but right now I can´t afford a new one so.

EDIT also 200g of cottage cheese because I need protein
 
Last edited:
Went for a long walk!

Bedtime snack: two rye bread sandwiches, one with turkey & brie the other with parmesan & turkey, bowl of mango, cup of green soup, handful of red licorice, one Lindt praline, a bottle of Kombucha.

I'm taking evening walks back into my routine. I LOVE walking at night. Freshly sober I didn't want to risk it but I can safely do so now at almost four months sober. It feels luxurious to buy vichy and enjoy it under the stars.
 
Are there other meetings you can attend that would work towards your goals?
Your food sounds good, Arvo. I might just worry about you a little taking nighttime walks :blush5:
 
Cate said:
I might just worry about you a little taking nighttime walks :blush5:
Click to expand...
Why? I'm in the woods, no-one's going to hassle me. If so, I'll fight.

I'm planning to pop in meetings every now and then but daily meetings no longer serve a purpose. I need to save energy for the translation!
 
I shouldn't worry but maybe I've watched too many scary movies! I should have realised that "The grasshopper mouse is not intimidated."
Popping into meetings every now & then sounds like a good idea, especially if they're probably counter-productive xo
 
Cate said:
I shouldn't worry but maybe I've watched too many scary movies! I should have realised that "The grasshopper mouse is not intimidated."
Popping into meetings every now & then sounds like a good idea, especially if they're probably counter-productive xo
Click to expand...
Finland is pretty safe when it comes to random violence (but super dangerous when it comes to DV) and I stick to trails, once I start medically transitioning I'll probably need to avoid city centers at night because of drunken idiots but no drunk or drugged people out in nature at night :) And even once I transition and am getting andronygous/"clockable" as trans, nighttime is probably safer, because in my black clothes I just look like a short guy. 💐 Don't worry!
 
I think I need carbs. My soups are great nutritionally but low kcal. I forgot to eat the cottage cheese I said I'd eat earlier so I'll start with that and have some pasta with garlic, chopped almonds, scallions and a bit of oil after that.

EDIT: In a stroke of genius I remembered the two portions of kimchi rice in my fridge and decided to experiment. I formed one of the portions into a cup shape and filled it with an egg, hot sauce, white pepper & parmesan. I'll bake it at 200C for 10 mins with the fan on and 10 with the fan off, add scallions and report back about the results. I was thinking of those Sri Lankan egg pancakes you mentioned, Forum Mom
 
Last edited:
Sooo this is going to be a sleepless night for sure. Put the dishwasher on. Ordered some underwear from H&M - I'm sad that my favorite undies are getting ratty but such is the life cycle of underpants. I struggle to find underwear that fits and boxers/boy shorts just don't fit my body. For the last year I've been using high-waist ribbed cotton Brazilian briefs but my fave model is out of circulation so I'm trying out black cotton tangas instead. The white straps on the side have the text "angel baby" printed onto them in that 00's emo font that the younguns are into these days but whatever, no one's going to see them anyway, and 95% cotton is great as summer's around the corner. I bought a size up so they should sit up high on my waist which is essential for any underwear I wear. If they look too stupid I can return them, but if they are nice, comfy, and survive being washed at 60C (I wash all my stuff in 60 except sports bras), I'll probably order some more because underwear can make or break my day lol.
 
Took pineapple out to thaw. I'll have a nice shower, moisturize, have a cup of coffee, and maybe go for a walk and watch the sun rise. Autism assistance person will come at 9.30, she'll drive me grocery shopping. I plan to go aqua jogging after the visit, then short nap, SMART in the evening.
 
Aqua jogged for 90 mins and swam a lap. I would have gone the whole 2hrs but some guy came to aqua jog and was coughing and wheezing and blowing his nose in the water so I lost my appetite for watersports for today. Had my locker room protein shake and picked up my new hairbrush, sunscreen, conditioner, and a bottle of DKNY Cashmere Mist from the post. I think the package of the perfume had been opened? Sent an email to the company and asked if they have a return policy for perfumes. Not because I want to return it but because I wanted to know if someone else may have ordered it, opened it, tested it and returned it. Maybe OCD but I doubt there´s harm in asking and I was polite.

Had some cold chicken and a few crackers before my SMART meeting tonight. I mentioned that I did some maths today and I´ve been to 80 SMART meetings between 30.12.22, and today´s meeting was the 81th. And I started going to meetings on Christmas week so I´ve been to even more meetings but... The pace is insane, is the point. I had planned with my therapist that I´d go twice a week. My OCD brain then went "oh so it´s best to hoard as many meetings as soon as possible so I won´t have any chance of failing at this". And so a very healthy motivation turned into something not-so-healthy. Once again I found myself in a situation where I´ve just been overachieving to the point of absolute exhaustion. I said in my check-out that I now have 23 more meetings to fit into this YEAR and the facilitator said "piece of advice: pace yourself". Or maybe he said "piss yourself" but that´s most likely my brain just being insane again.

On a positive note: I´m gonna have a really relaxed year ahead of me when something like 75% of the heavy lifting is all done.

Having soup and a bowl of mango. I actually had a coughing fit while eating and barfed soup all over my laptop. Thank god it was thick, so my keys seem fine. I´m so tired. Like existentially tired. Will probably need more carbs tonight but I just need to eat this stuff in front of me and get to bed
 
Last edited:
Cate said:
That is a lot of meetings! You are really pushing yourself, Arvo. Take care xo
Click to expand...
Yeah I'll go every now and then but I need to CHILL THE F OUT. 😅

Cold chicken for breakfast. EDIT also a banana because taking ADHD meds without fiber is a bad, painful idea lol
 
Last edited:
Lunch: cheese and ham roll & a cup of coffee
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top