Floater's diary

2,5 hrs of painting flew by! Let Heikki out for a run. He keeps getting on his hind legs to investigate the sounds of fireworks, but doesn't seem panicky.

Snack: baguette with Schwarzwald ham, coffee, 4 pralines. Back to painting!
 
I'm glad Heikki was only inquisitive about the fireworks & not freaked out. I'm glad we don't get fireworks out where we live. At midnight G suggested a drink for the new year & I just said "It's January" & he realised that I had meant it when I said I wasn't drinking any alcohol in January. Cheers to the New Year, my friend, with herbal tea(or black espresso coffee in my case as it's morning) xoxo
 
Cheers! I'm just about to fall asleep, but when I wake up in 7 hours, I'll make myself a lovely cup of hot coffee and think about you :) ☕
 
I had the weirdest dreams! At first I was in an asylum, then a zombie apocalypse happened and I lived in a tiny cozy tent and played the banjo. Then I was in an abandoned My Little Pony themepark that had actual, sapient, magical ponies in it but had gone bankrupt so it just existed in the middle of a small, ugly, Southern Finnish town. The ponies were confused about living in a grey concrete nightmare with a dying mall and car mechanic students who came to smoke cigarettes, spit, and watch the ponies on their lunch breaks, but they were restrained to the location by a magical bubble that humans could cross but they could not. And finally, I was at a Thai restaurant with my mother and father, and told my father my mom had an affair with my violin teacher. Dad didn't believe me and mom tried to gaslight me, so I fled to the toilet. In the next stall some woman got messy with the bidet and somehow splashed me wet from head to toe. I yelled at her, to which she replied she's washing her dog. Somehow we were suddenly both in the disabled/invalid cubicle and I saw red & attacked her. I was terrified of the repercussions but the owners of the restaurant informed that they operated under Thai law so any "rightful anger" before 5pm wasn't punishable. I left the restaurant wearing high heels that made walking a crucible, and woke up with sore calves 🤔😆

Who needs alcohol when dreams have all the highs and lows one could wish for?! 😆 I'm going to brew that cuppa now, @Cate ☕💐
 
Breakfast: baguette with Schwarzwald ham and marg, RAF tomato, sauerkraut, a marinated egg, and a bowl of cherries. Took 27mg of slow-release ADHD med, still a very conservative dose but it´s smart to start slowly as I haven´t taken my meds in a while and too big a dose can make me anxious and raise my BP which I don´t want.
 
Apparently 27 mg was on the higher side, because I have a slight headache. Good to know! I´m not sure if I´ll hit the gym today, but I WILL go tomorrow if not today. I already packed my gym gear and mixed the dry ingredients of my post workout porridge. Healthy food, a walk, and painting is perfectly fine for a day´s goals, especially if I also vacuum and clean Heikki´s cage. I don´t need to do everything every day!
 
Llama said:
Yay for allowing yourself to do only what you reasonably can, without pushing to the limit.
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Thanks! Looks like I won't even go for a walk today. Too in the flow reg. painting.

Snack: a small bowl of mango, baguette with Schwarzwald ham, a marinated egg, a RAF tomato, one praline.

Back to work!
 
Mashed potatoes and green peas with butter and grated parmesan.

Feeling a bit sad and very very tired.

EDIT oh and Heikki ate the corner of the cover of my sketchbook... Little asshole :D :D
 
I had a nightmare last night & feel like I have hardly had any sleep. You wouldn't think that just 1 or 2 glasses of wine would stop you from dreaming but they do me. Unfortunately, I think they will stay with me while I'm not drinking as they did last time.
I am drinking black coffee right now. It's building up to a storm & Archie is shaking.
Naughty, Heikki! :)
 
@Cate I hope Archie will be OK! And that you will get more peaceful sleep soon 💐

Feeling happier now. Had a bedtime snack of cold rice with marinated egg and sauerkraut, and a bit of Parmesan and blue cheese. I'm very happy about the positive impact sobriety has had on my appetite. I still need to remind myself to eat (sometimes needing to go by the clock), but when I do, I enjoy it.

Gym day tomorrow, and cleanup day! I need to take a little break from painting so I can add the finishing touches with a fresh set of eyes & ideas :)
 
Breakfast: soy mince + black bean + veggie stew with rice. Going to hit the gym after eating and do some grocery shopping on my way home, as well as buy a canvas for my next painting project (Lady of the Lake from the Arthurian legends for another friend who likes the character a lot. She prefers muted colors, so my version of the Lady will be murky and rusty, like a proper scary-powerful fae should be!). Once at home I´ll food prep and clean up, maybe go to the sauna, and work on the dragon painting for a bit if there´s time before my SMART meeting at 22.

I love how the meetings help me organize my day. I don´t go to them because of fear of getting urges but because I genuinely find them interesting and emotionally fulfilling :)
 
Llama said:
Surely doing them that way rather than from a place of fear makes them more efficient as well.
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Indeed - with statistics to prove it, too!

When I was cleaning up, I noticed I have some chest pain and shortness of breath so I opted to not go to the gym. I did a bigger cleanup instead - Heikki´s cage, vacuuming, washed the floors and the bathroom, did laundry &dishes, and some plant maintenance - and I´ll head to the grocery store next to get the ingredients for a chicken soup. I think I´ll make polenta as well, I need to use up the remnants of a carton of cream that needs to be used by today.

Snack: porridge with peanut butter & blueberries.

I had sent a text to my therapist on NYE that I´m still sober and he responded today by saying it´s great, and wishing me a happy New Year :)
 
Making a big batch of chicken, bean and veggie soup. Having a snack of red apple slices, blue cheese, and crackers.
 
Had a cup of chicken soup (divine!) and two boiled eggs. Prepped five miso and lemon marinated eggs, and am baking 1kg of beets for later - baked beets are great cold & sliced! I made a glace for the beets ( miso paste, water, lemon juice, roasted sesame oil, ginger, hot sauce & smoked paprika), smells very nice in the oven.

I feel a bit guilty about having used so much electricity today with all the chores I did, but I deserve nice things, so I´m going to put the sauna on once the beets are done, and spend the rest of the evening just relaxing. I think the shortness of breath is just from spending hours and hours hunched over my painting project but I´m happy with what I achieved today!
 
Had some small roasted beets as a snack, they taste great! I could have eaten them all in one sitting but wanted to save some for later :D
 
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