Floater's diary

Llama said:
Hope you were able to go outside safely and you enjoyed the non-frozen water :)
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Yeah thanks! I aqua jogged for 60 mins and almost threw up on the walk back home but I'm ok now and will make cream of broccoli soup once I've sat down for a bit :)
 
Llama said:
Nothing beats a good soup in November.
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Now that there´s snow, it sure feels more December-y than November-y!

I had a nice snowy walk while taking out my recyclables. The only downside to my new meds so far is that they give me the runs and a dry mouth. During the first days I had some muscle spasms but those have subsided now. I somehow feel less dysfunctional now that I have such a clear indicator that yes, indeed, my brain is just broken and needs some help to function, instead of me being a shitty failure who just can´t adult.

Heikki is so cute and gives me so much joy. Farm trip tomorrow. Sadly I won´t get to ride the horses there as they have renovations going on so the noise might spook the horses, but it´s nice to get to see horses and sheep and whatever other critters there are. Perhaps I´ll get to ride later. The farm is owned by the autism assistance organization that I´m a client of, so new opportunities should arise!
 
Floater said:
I somehow feel less dysfunctional now that I have such a clear indicator that yes, indeed, my brain is just broken and needs some help to function, instead of me being a shitty failure who just can´t adult.
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Makes sense. Most of us are way too hard on ourselves (I just thought about typing this and my brain kicked into high gear right away, coming up with reasons why I'm an exception and ought to be way harder on myself than I am) and I could 100% see how having something objective that causes things to be officially hard would help to keep things in perspective.
Floater said:
The farm is owned by the autism assistance organization that I´m a client of, so new opportunities should arise!
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That's so cool! Have fun and I hope you get to ride some time soon.
 
Floater said:
Now that there´s snow, it sure feels more December-y than November-y!
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We're a week off summer & it's really cold(for here). We have had the wood heater going non-stop since April.
Floater said:
I had a nice snowy walk while taking out my recyclables. The only downside to my new meds so far is that they give me the runs and a dry mouth. During the first days I had some muscle spasms but those have subsided now. I somehow feel less dysfunctional now that I have such a clear indicator that yes, indeed, my brain is just broken and needs some help to function, instead of me being a shitty failure who just can´t adult.
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I'm glad the meds are helping. Hopefully, the side effects will diminish soon.
Floater said:
Heikki is so cute and gives me so much joy. Farm trip tomorrow. Sadly I won´t get to ride the horses there as they have renovations going on so the noise might spook the horses, but it´s nice to get to see horses and sheep and whatever other critters there are. Perhaps I´ll get to ride later. The farm is owned by the autism assistance organization that I´m a client of, so new opportunities should arise!
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That sounds like fun. Hopefully you will be able to ride the horses soon, but it will be nice patting them :grouphug:
 
The trip was great, I´ll get to ride the next time we go there, on 16.12! I was in heaven getting to hug and scritchy-scritch the horses and breathe into their nostrils. Memories of riding horses came rushing back. I´ve never felt as complete and good in my body as when I ride a horse. I can´t wait! Both of the horses are geldings, one of them has an extra ball in his abdomen so he still has some testosterone in his system. I told him that life isn´t fair, he was born with three balls and I was born with none, lol. He´s the spicier one, the other guy is a big teddy bear. Can you already tell whom I felt more drawn to, lol? :geek::ROFLMAO:
 
Floater said:
The trip was great, I´ll get to ride the next time we go there, on 16.12!
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How exciting!
It's great that you got to have that physical contact with the horses & that brought back some happy memories. You'll be able to make more happy memories soon xo
 
Tuna sandwiches for breakfast, been dealing with a lot of stuff but I think I´m starting to get a bit better
 
Heikki has new toys and a new pumice-stone perch in his cage, a friend dropped over for tea, suddenly life isn't that bad at all ✨🐭
 
I´m about to die from happiness and contentedness. Listening to Heikki playing with his new toys- a wicker ball with a bell inside, and a hanging nibble toy with a sleigh-bell - feels like I´m transported to a childlike, magical Christmas-dimension. I´ve never been a huge Christmas person, the family holiday aspect was quite traumatic, but listening to Heikki´s amazing nibble-music I feel like I´ve been whisked into "The Nutcracker". (Heikki would make for an amazing Mouse King!) Maybe my depression is starting to lift and this childlike humor is a good omen? :)
 
I think you are capable of creating your own little Christmas magic with Heikki. It does sound like a good omen to me. My Christmas memories are not wonderful, but I am really looking forward to getting out my tree & decorations this year as the only ones I have kept are lovely (no tinsel & no crap).
 
Cate said:
I think you are capable of creating your own little Christmas magic with Heikki. It does sound like a good omen to me. My Christmas memories are not wonderful, but I am really looking forward to getting out my tree & decorations this year as the only ones I have kept are lovely (no tinsel & no crap).
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Yeah it took me a long time to first kind of... Deprogram myself from my childhood family´s idea of a "happy Christmas", and then to just survive almost a decade worth of holidays feeling lonesome, to then getting to where I´m at now, which is - whatever delights me and my loved ones is a proper Christmas celebration.

Huh, maybe I´m not a lost cause after all :D <3 I´m sure that Nera is delighted in spirit, too <3
 
Fighting back depressive thoughts but I had a walk with a friend and am actually feeling hungry, so I have some frozen chicken curry heating up in the microwave :)
 
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