Floater's diary

When the renovation started, boom auras, I took my meds in time and there´s no pain or nausea currently.
Breakfast: instant ramen with egg, scallions, creme fraiche and hot sauce, 6 store-bought maple syrup pancakes with marg, and a big bowl of frozen fruit with whipped cream.

EDIT: I plan to go swimming as soon as the renovation is done and/or they no longer need me around, we´ll see.
 
I couldn´t bear the noise anymore and went aqua jogging for 90 mins, had a muscle spasm on my way home, the work should be finished tomorrow if all goes well. I feel mentally and physically exhausted. This fucking renovation should have been a 2,5 week affair and here we are, pushing towards the sixth week. And I have no idea about the final cost yet. I fucking hate the new parquet - more because of what it stands for and less because it were actually ugly, they found parquet that looks quite similar to the one that´s in the rest of the apartment - I have trouble adjusting to changes, especially if they happen in my living space. I´m like an animal that gets incredibly stressed out about changes to it´s familiar environment.

I had a frustration/tiredness cry after I got home from the pool, and I sent a message to my psych nurse about seeing a social worker because I seriously need help trying to figure out how to keep at least some of my disability payments if I get that dog groomer trainee position. I WANT that job. I think I´d be great at it. But the question is, how many weekly work hours do I have in me and is it financially a safe and smart option to accept the job, or will I be cut off of disability payments, housing support, and my pensioner´s care allowance (which just barely covers half of my monthly med costs).

I´m doing laundry and the dishes and my grocery delivery came. I only bought half of the amount of frozen fruit I usually buy, but apples and root vegetables are in season and cheap now, so I can buy those instead. Rationally I know this feeling of despair will pass but it sucks when it´s here with a vengeance.
 
Floater said:
I had a frustration/tiredness cry after I got home from the pool, and I sent a message to my psych nurse about seeing a social worker because I seriously need help trying to figure out how to keep at least some of my disability payments if I get that dog groomer trainee position. I WANT that job. I think I´d be great at it. But the question is, how many weekly work hours do I have in me and is it financially a safe and smart option to accept the job, or will I be cut off of disability payments, housing support, and my pensioner´s care allowance (which just barely covers half of my monthly med costs).
Click to expand...
I feel so tiny and stupid, smaller and less knowledgeable than a child, I feel like I´m so dumb and small and inconsequential that I can only be seen with a microscope. So I think it´s time to go hang my laundry and make popcorn and watch something stupid on Disney+, because my stupid brain can´t adult.
 
I think dealing with a renovation for more than twice as long as planned, looking ahead to secure some financial security, AND thinking about seasonal availability of affordable fruit and veg is more than a lot of neurotypical adults can manage. Ehlers-Danlos alone would make life a lot harder than it needs to be. You're a lot tougher than you think: you just have a lot more crap to deal with than most people.

Have a hug if you need one: 🫂🫂🫂
 
You have had so much to deal with. Being around while renovations are being done is hell. I'm not sure I could stand it, but I know we have to some time as our kitchen floors, which are cork tiles definitely need sanding & resealing. I dread the thought! Sending you a great big hug :grouphug: & another for good luck :grouphug:
 
Thanks @Llama & @Cate 💐 Hugs much appreciated 🥰 *hugs* to you both!

I just woke up from a fucked up nightmare. In it, I was up North in Canada, taking part to a company retreat, very business-like. There was some commotion going on in the outside world, when I happened across a printed A4 with instructions to not talk about the outside world as it would only make people panic. Me and a male coworker started to gather clues how to open a colleague's passcoded phone to find out, and we did find out. A global pandemic that was everywhere, spread through water, was making people sick, rabid, or too depressed to eat and drink. We were isolated, but it wouldn't help; the vector was a necessity for life, we would get it eventually. Politicians knew, news stations knew, but the info wasn't published as it would only lead to mass panic.

Me and the coworker, now privy to this apocalyptic knowledge, had to decide whether to tell the others and risk a panic, or keep it to ourselves and look for the signs of sickness. I tried to comfort a woman whose nudes had been stolen by a coworker. It felt within my skills to deal with. But I would almost accidentally keep taking the discussion to existential topics, as death wouldn't leave my mind, as much as I wanted her to feel solace. I asked her what made her most comfortable, and that for me, it was the times in my life I had spent with animals. I told her to reminisce of such things, but then realized that with me being stuck in the company cabin, Heikki had no one to care for him during the end-of-humanity breakout and would die alone of thirst and hunger.

Thank God I woke up, it was a horrible dream.
 
The doctor went reasonably well, I was sent home with a prescription for Triptyl 10mg as a prophylactic for migraines and tension headaches, and Imigran nasal spray for attacks. Took both as soon as I got home. Let's hope that Triptyl won't cause any weight gain...

The doctor was a weird one. A tall, slobbish woman who I'm willing to bet was also autistic. She had a can of energy drink on her table and spoke in a disinterested, monotone voice with no facial expressions whatsoever. I call this the "autistic Botox": autistics often look ageless because we don't emote as much as neurotypicals and hence don't wrinkle. The doctor could have been 25 or 40, it was literally impossible to say. She sat in her chair as if she had no spine, and her hair looked like she never gave any thought to it - which is fair as she doesn't do her job with her hair. She was quite unfriendly, but in a way that didn't feel insulting. She was there today to get that bread and she did her job and I can respect that, even though her attitude was that of "a loose stool", as the Finnish saying goes. Profoundly unphazed by anything lol.

Anyway. Let's hope the meds help 🤷🏼 But god damn they are expensive...
 
What a funny experience with the doctor. You are a very tolerant person, Floater & I like your descriptions & insights. Shame about the price of the meds! I also hope they work, for your sake!
 
Cate said:
What a funny experience with the doctor. You are a very tolerant person, Floater & I like your descriptions & insights. Shame about the price of the meds! I also hope they work, for your sake!
Click to expand...
So far no luck, I'm just drooling and anxious and can't stay still...

Llama said:
You have to pay for meds even though they're prescribed? Ouch!
Click to expand...
Yeah, sadly. The state covers a percentage of the cost but the meds aren't free even if prescribed. :/ This time it looks like I wasted 50€ on shit that just makes me feel antsy and does shit to relieve the pain. 🤷🏼

The floor guy is coming back in an hour to do some finishing touches. I can't wait. It feels like Hell to stay in place.
 
I just had lunch at a Thai place near to the job interview location, 25 minutes to the start of the interview. A migraine hit when I exited the train but thank goodness I had an Imigran nasal spray in my fanny pack. I took a short effect ADHD med with lunch, and I feel quite capable and in this moment. My only worry is that my skin looks dry AF, I've been lazy with my skincare routine and as I used BB cream and powder to look presentable, it had the adverse effect and I just look flakey. But I doubt that matters much. More of a confidence thing really.
 
Sorry about having been absent, I partied hard on Friday and yesterday was spent on recovering. Tomorrow is job introduction so I gotta get my shit together, do laundry, buy lunch for tomorrow etc. I'm super nervous!!
 
Being nervous just shows you care. If it's the right thing for you it'll go great (and I think it is, if it's ok for your joints).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top