Floater's diary

Llama said:
Ah, so he's just a jaded asshole. Got it.
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It was absurd. He was so rude. Like, I fully agree that if there's only one bed in the psych ward it HAS to be kept free from someone suicidal or in a full bloen psychosis. But going on tirades how "people with aspergers have IQs of 150 and jobs" is just... Eugh.

I got a new doctor's appointment for 10.30 tomorrow. And left a callback request for the disability services to get their 5 cents. I think they can consult doctors but I'm not sure.
 
Floater said:
people with aspergers have IQs of 150 and jobs
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I mean... some do. Some people with two legs can run 100 m under 10 sec or a marathon under 2 hr 30 min. Does that mean he can do both of those things? I can do neither, and couldn't learn to no matter how much I trained.
 
Llama said:
I mean... some do. Some people with two legs can run 100 m under 10 sec or a marathon under 2 hr 30 min. Does that mean he can do both of those things? I can do neither, and couldn't learn to no matter how much I trained.
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Indeed. Also, those well-off autistics also tend to have their care and support needs met. Elon Musk and Steve Jobs didn't come from destitution.

Good news: I called disability services who said my case is clear-cut - I need the continued disability payments - and as I go to the next doctor (I got an appt for tomorrow morning!!!) I can tell her to call them for info! And I also called the social security provider and explained the situation and they said it will help them get a grasp of the situation once they get the statement from the doctor I'm seeing tomorrow.

In short, the doctor I saw was just an asshole.

Breakfast: rice, tuna, and scallions
 
I guess it's too early to say it's a relief but it's at least a good sign after all the duckiness. And yes, I'm leaving the d in duckiness if that's what my phone thinks. Ducks are little assholes.
 
Meal #2: two corn tortillas with 2-egg-omelette, parmesan and parsley, three dates, a glass of almond matcha latte. I had that meal a while ago and took care of stuff in between, so I'll have lentil stew with pollock for meal #3 in a moment and then go aqua jogging!
 
I actually went aqua jogging right after; anxiety hit after an hour so I had meal #3: my locker room porridge and headed home. I think I need to be mindful and not overstimulate my CNS too much - YAY for NOTICING that I was getting overwhelmed. Went to the pharmacy to buy some skin cream but saw a brand an abuser used to use and got triggered, so left without buying anything.

I have pretty intense dysphoria right now. It's always worse when I'm tired.

I'll have meal #4 - lentil stew with pollock, rye bread - and then write down some thoughts about chinchilla stuff 😂
 
Llama said:
Maybe when you're tired you don't automatically reason yourself out of/suppress the dysphoria.
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Yeah, I'd compare dysphoria to a low level psychic inflammation. It drains my mental faculties all the time, but when I'm doing well in other aspects, I can deal with it. However, when my mental fortitude is low due to stress, tiredness etc, that's when I have no more means to outmaneuver the dysphoria. Seeing a glimpse of my chesticles in the dressing room mirror felt completely surreal... Of course I'm really worried about possible future treatments; as you may have noted, I don't have the best experiences with doctors, so being so completely helpless about something that really affects my mental and physical health is a lot. But: baby steps. :)
 
I wrote a note I can leave at the doctor's or read from. Prepped bento breakfast for tomorrow: frozen mango and pineapple, almond matcha latte chia pudding (lol so hipster), four Brazil nuts and a peanut mochi, cucumber sticks, cherry tomatoes and rye bread with marg & salt beef. I'll hit the gym after the doctor's appointment and either pack post workout porridge or eat some Burger King. That might actually be a nice treat after the stress of YET ANOTHER doctor's visit.

Now having meal # 5: mango chia pudding with soy protein and yogurt, and a bottle of kombucha.
 
Llama said:
Best of luck for your appointment and have fun at the gym!
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Thanks :grouphug:

Feeling antsy so I put red lentils to soak for tomorrow and I'll make myself a bowl of polenta with asparagus and lime juice, and 200g of cottage cheese because I need protein.
 
Floater said:
Polenta with asparagus and lime juice, and 200g of cottage cheese
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Meal #6 was amazing. Well, the cottage cheese was basic but the polenta slapped 😂

I showered and put on skin cream. I'm almost out of the good stuff - A-Derma Exomega Control cream. I try other skin creams, lotions and gels but always return to this, it's just so good. At 24€ for 600ml it's not too expensive either and the bottle lasts for months. It's a lifesaver when wearing short shorts, keeps my legs from getting too badly rashed.
 
Short shorts hurt my thighs just thinking about them. And I didn't even know what chafing was until I was almost 30!
 
Llama said:
Short shorts hurt my thighs just thinking about them. And I didn't even know what chafing was until I was almost 30!
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Haha I have the pain threshold of a raging berserker so in the summertime I'm always chafed and blistered from wearing flip flops and hotpants. On the other hand, washing labels left in clothing can drive me insane. Light discomfort is much harder to process than pain for some reason, the joys of being autistic... 😅
 
God damn I have wicked DOMS! Going to take it easy at the gym today. Super nervous about the doctor. Aghh. Gotta eat breakfast now!
 
Washing labels are tools of Satan and nobody can convince me otherwise. Why on earth would you make labels that are hard to remove from clothing out of materials that cause blisters when I don't cut them out?
 
I THINK the doctor went well? Hit the gym right after. I'm getting big in all the right places.

Bought post workout BK: a cheeseburger and four mozzarella sticks.
 
I hope it did. I could understand not quite being certain after all the ducks you've seen lately. Yay for growing in the right direction!
 
@Llama I love the psychedelic squirrel pic! Which reminds me, I hope God lets my path cross with someone who has access to shrooms or LSD. I need to reboot my brain after the last past year.

Got home, fussed over how I'm going to keep Heikki nice and cool during possible heat spells, prepped red lentil stew which is almost done now and also prepped almond matcha chia pudding for later. It was such a fantastic pick-me up: quick carbs, fiber, and caffeine. I should experiment by adding some protein powder in it... Hulk pudding lol.

I bought a bottle of cola-flavored Kombucha and a 40g pack of biltong on my way home so I'll count those into meal #3, along with the red lentil stew. I have to say that I like biltong even more than beef jerky, it has 1g of sugar per 100g as compared to the 4-5g of sugar in the beef jerky. I don't avoid sugar - everything in moderation and sugar was never my pitfall anyway - but it does make beef jerky stickier, whereas biltong was nice and crisp to handle. Obviously both are crazy high in sodium so I'll be a puffball tomorrow, but so be it!

EDIT I also prepped overnight oats with protein powder, mango puré and pineapple, a side salad with cucumber, asparagus, tomato and parmesan flakes, and put rice to soak because I'll probably have some degree of a meltdown tonight due to all the stress of the past few days and it's best to be prepared!
 
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