Floater's diary

Oh wow, that all sounds great! Annoying you couldn´t return the pants right away but at least you got some good ribs out of it. I like that you´re listening to what your body wants/needs from you.
 
LaMaria said:
. I like that you´re listening to what your body wants/needs from you.
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:Angel_anim:

So do I. It feels nice to work together with my body, not against it. Let's hope I can keep this up!

I walked to the supermarket and springtime has indeed arrived. The least fortunate are back on the streets, and I had to call the emergency number when I saw a (presumably destitutely alcoholic) man attack a woman he seemed to know, and kick and throw her groceries around with no regard for the safety of her or passers by either. I'm talking about throwing glass jars full of gherkins, kicking yogurt packages so they spread everywhere... And of course he then stole her booze too. It annoyed me that no one else seemed to even care. I get that alcs and narcs can be hard to empathize with but the woman did NOT deserve that. Not that the police will care either way, but I tried.

On a happier note: I got what I needed from the supermarket and also found RAF tomatoes (I've been looking everywhere after I had them in March, this was the first time I found any!) and bok choy! And coffee was on sale, 3 packs for 10 euros. I also got myself two cheap mozzarella balls and surimi sticks which I might eat with noodles and bok choy. I'm looking forward to tonight's cooking. The weather is lovely too.
 
Floater said:
I had to call the emergency number when I saw a (presumably destitutely alcoholic) man attack a woman he seemed to know, and kick and throw her groceries around
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That´s so scary! I never know what to do when the mumblers escalate to shouting - I really don´t know how I´d react if they got physically aggressive toward anyone. I tend to freeze when people act out.
 
LaMaria said:
That´s so scary! I never know what to do when the mumblers escalate to shouting - I really don´t know how I´d react if they got physically aggressive toward anyone. I tend to freeze when people act out.
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It's a very natural and normal response to threat to freeze. So don't feel bad about that. My criticism is solely directed at people who gawked at the scene, then happily walked away.

I have frozen in my life too, multiple times, both when I was in danger and when someone else was. I think the reason I can now function is because when I was younger I had first aid training, and after trauma therapy I just got more assertive in general.

Freezing is a response that often saves lives. It's present in all vertebreates. Stop-evaluate-escape (or attack). It's different from filming an attack and fleeing off site.

Take care. <3
 
Kudos to you for reporting the attack, floater. I don't deal with violence, either verbal or physical, very well at all. The ghouls who film & walk away make me ill. I'm glad your training has left you stronger & more able to deal with trauma. I think it's something I might bring up soon when I see a counsellor.
 
Cate said:
. The ghouls who film & walk away make me ill.-- I think it's something I might bring up soon when I see a counsellor.
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:grouphug:

It's a journey. Most of us have suffered some form of violence, it's just kept so shushed, so witnessing and acting to de-escalate is hard for anyone. Take care - and I wish you a good talk with your counsellor; I definitely have had to talk and talk and talk about this, and eventually it helped.

I had an amazing meal of cauliflower, mozzarella and home made meatballs. Trying to up the veg still, but at least I got the recommended 500g today. :)
 
It's such an exhausting process & I have put it off for ages. Thanks for the hug. I had an unpleasant experience just yesterday & am feeling a bit fragile today.
Well done on getting those veg in. Cauliflower, mozzarella & homemade meatballs sound delicious. You are taking good care of yourself.
 
Super quick update; today's meals:

Breakfast: 6 surimi sticks, instant ramen noodles
Lunch: leftover homemade meatballs with grated cheese, served cold, no sides
Dinner: a chicken leg, 2 fresh RAF tomatoes

Sooo basically running very low on carbs and veg. I plan to make pasta before bed, try to make something out of the zucchini I have lying around, and eat the rest of the incredible RAF tomatoes I bought today. Very happy nonetheless. I talked to my priest today again and had a very slow, but a very nice day in general. Took saplings from my autumn cactus and planted them as I had previously promised to one of my autism assistants who is also into plants, and tomorrow I'll get saplings from a spiderwart from another assistant to whom I gave... Uhh I think it's called velvet leaf? But saplings are being peddled hard core in this household right now.

I just love to feel good for a change.
 
I didn't have the zucchini, bit I did have the rest of the tomatoes either fresh or mixed in a pasta dish of shredded chicken leg, sauteed garlic and tomato, and mozzarella. I think I'll make a stuffed zucchini tomorrow, the only ingredient I'm lacking is shredded cheese.

Just... Feeling good about life in general. Got 500 grams of vegs in, no stomach issues, a good day. I really want everyone to feel like this, always. (Not realistic but hey, I roll this way)
 
Today has been a bit harder for some reason, not sure why. I took the dog out for her morning walk, then slept past noon, had guac with pumpkin seeds, repotted some plants, had a cup of coffee and just found down like a toy. The soil bags are still sitting on the floor, I haven't had the energy to do anything. Did manage to force down a banana and oatmeal with pb and jam, so that's good. I feel really anxious and spooky and have odd sensations in my stomach, probably due to ADHD meds.

But. I try to keep my spirits up, I've been really active these past days so maybe I just need a slower day for a change. I just caught myself Googling my physical symptoms, and that's something I usually do when I'm overly stressed and my body turns against me.

Obviously I still need to eat today. I might just make instant ramen or something. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow and clean up while the assistance comes over again. The spiderwart today's assistant brough me looks very cute in my pink hanging pot, it's the Nanouk variant, I hope it will thrive under my care.
 
Ended up ordering a burger meal. I think my body is going wired again and getting in enough kcals can make it less hyper.
 
I hope the extra cals slowed your system down a bit. Having a quiet day might just do the trick. It must be such a juggle, but you seem to be doing very well.
 
Cate said:
I hope the extra cals slowed your system down a bit. Having a quiet day might just do the trick. It must be such a juggle, but you seem to be doing very well.
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It helped, thank you. I also took hydroxyzine (it's an antihistamine), sleep was a bit broken but I feel calm now. No twitching or anxiety and my stomach has settled, too.
:grouphug:
 
Yay, managed to dye my hair and clean up the bathroom (these usually go hand in hand, because the hair dye has to be scrubbed off the tiles after rinsing it off, and once I get started doing something it's easier to just go and clean the whole bathroom). I just had my first meal of today, guac with pumpkin seeds. Assistance will come over at half past five, I'll drop the infamous pants to the post before that and buy tooth picks and a caesar salad and some kind of protein.
 
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