Floater
Well-known member
Thank you. I will do my very best. If it's her time to go on, I will be there and make sure her euthanasia is indeed a good death.
She will welcome me to the next world in a few decades anyway. I love her.
Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
- Start date
She will welcome me to the next world in a few decades anyway. I love her.
Nobody could possibly doubt that. And I'm sure she'll do her best to be able to keep you company on this side for as long as she can, too.
Floater
Well-known member
Floater
Well-known member
I had therapy today. It was good. Bought beer and kiosk taquitos, they were yucky but I ate 1,5 of them. Now I'm making tomato and tuna sauce for pasta. I feel calmer than yesterday: the bloodwork has to be done, and I will spend this weekend like any other, with Nera. Worrying won't help and I need my strength to be my best self for her.
We visited R & his new puppy. He's a little beauty. He has lots of characteristics of his old dog, which is amazing.
Floater
Well-known member
I'm not OK, I'm literally worried sick. Last night I had a panic attack that went on for hours: heart palpitations, shortness of breath, pins and needles. The day itself was fine, Nera had a good appetite and no accidents, I had a friend over and visited my ex-in laws and their dog in the evening. But at night she had an accident again.
Vet tomorrow. Gotta do more laundry today and get everything prepped for taking her urine sample tomorrow
Vet tomorrow. Gotta do more laundry today and get everything prepped for taking her urine sample tomorrow
Great job keeping yourself busy during the day.
Floater
Well-known member
It's like venturing out onto planet Hoth. The temp is just -3 but the wind is harsh and it's been snowing since Saturday morning.
I'm still having an experience of a continuous panic attack. I'm so sad and scared about Nera. I'm keeping up appearances for her so I haven't been crying and have been keeping our routine normal. I'll be devastated if something is wrong in the lab tests. But - I also need to know. Only 15 hours to go before the labs are taken and a few days to get the results and recommendations. Not knowing is always worse than knowing, in my opinion.
Definitely. It sucks, but time will pass. I'm sure she's aware of your distress despite your best efforts but trying is better than not trying.
Floater
Well-known member
I had couscous and tuna sauce (instead of pasta and tuna sauce), a marinated egg, an avocado, and 2 dl of potato chips. Eating made me feel a bit calmer, I've been running on fumes lately again.
I'll take Nera out for her late night walk soon, give her a bit of extra kibble as she won't be able to have breakfast, and let's hope for an easy night. Thank you everyone <3
I'll take Nera out for her late night walk soon, give her a bit of extra kibble as she won't be able to have breakfast, and let's hope for an easy night. Thank you everyone <3
Floater
Well-known member
Nera was really energetic in our late night walk, pooped and galloped around like a horse 
I just woke up to take her pee, will try to sleep a little bit more. No accidents during the night (6,5hrs in between). I think she has gained a bit, that's great. Her sides look fuller. I feel more hopeful today than I have felt during the weekend. I hope she's not too shocked to have to visit another vet so soon...!!
I just woke up to take her pee, will try to sleep a little bit more. No accidents during the night (6,5hrs in between). I think she has gained a bit, that's great. Her sides look fuller. I feel more hopeful today than I have felt during the weekend. I hope she's not too shocked to have to visit another vet so soon...!!
Floater
Well-known member
All right, here we go.
I managed to sample her piss on my way to the vet. She had blood drawn, and the vet palpated her. She had a sore spot on her belly on the right side. The vet went to another room for a while and I noticed something was bulging on Nera's left side. When the vet came back, she confirmed what I was seeing and palpated her again. Turns out, she has a growth of 5 cm in diameter on her left side. It's fastened to the abdominal muscles, outside the peritoneum. That's not the worst news, but there's no way of knowing yet if she has metastases inside her abdomen. She had bladder ultrasound, no findings, and had her urine sampled again with a needle through her lower abdomen.
She behaved like a saint, like she always does. Every now and then she jerked from pain or surprise, but always calmed down and let the vet do her job, no restraints needed. Every time she was let go, she'd shake the stress off and wag her tail at me and the vet and the vet tehnicians. She was told she was really brave so many times.
The next step is to wait for the labs and the probably do an abdominal ultrasound to find out if there are metastases, and a needle biopsy of the growth(s). The vet tried to cheer me up by saying that nowadays there are a variety of options for dogs, from surgery to chemo. I just started to tear up and said we'll prioritize the quality of her life. The vet told me to not despair just yet, which I appreciate, but my priorities are very clear about this. Nera is 89 years old in human years and I can't put her through chemo she can't understand or consent to. The tooth operation was a different bag of beans: it was necessary, and it had an excellent prognosis. Cancer in a 12-year-old German Shepherd mix on the other hand...
Needless to say, I have been desolate. I keep up appearances for Nera, but when I went grocery shopping, I just broke down. Cried while staring at packs of chicken fillet. I'll be so alone when she's gone. Don't know when that is, but the end is not too far. I'm glad that my friends have been reaching out. I'll take Nera to see my priest - on a walkie, not in a church lol - because I want both ladies to have met each other. And another friend will visit me on Sunday. I want Nera to have as many positive experiences of loving people in her final months as possible. That will help me be brave for her, and help me by creating memories for the times when she won't be here anymore. I want her final mile to be full of love and fun.
I managed to sample her piss on my way to the vet. She had blood drawn, and the vet palpated her. She had a sore spot on her belly on the right side. The vet went to another room for a while and I noticed something was bulging on Nera's left side. When the vet came back, she confirmed what I was seeing and palpated her again. Turns out, she has a growth of 5 cm in diameter on her left side. It's fastened to the abdominal muscles, outside the peritoneum. That's not the worst news, but there's no way of knowing yet if she has metastases inside her abdomen. She had bladder ultrasound, no findings, and had her urine sampled again with a needle through her lower abdomen.
She behaved like a saint, like she always does. Every now and then she jerked from pain or surprise, but always calmed down and let the vet do her job, no restraints needed. Every time she was let go, she'd shake the stress off and wag her tail at me and the vet and the vet tehnicians. She was told she was really brave so many times.
The next step is to wait for the labs and the probably do an abdominal ultrasound to find out if there are metastases, and a needle biopsy of the growth(s). The vet tried to cheer me up by saying that nowadays there are a variety of options for dogs, from surgery to chemo. I just started to tear up and said we'll prioritize the quality of her life. The vet told me to not despair just yet, which I appreciate, but my priorities are very clear about this. Nera is 89 years old in human years and I can't put her through chemo she can't understand or consent to. The tooth operation was a different bag of beans: it was necessary, and it had an excellent prognosis. Cancer in a 12-year-old German Shepherd mix on the other hand...
Needless to say, I have been desolate. I keep up appearances for Nera, but when I went grocery shopping, I just broke down. Cried while staring at packs of chicken fillet. I'll be so alone when she's gone. Don't know when that is, but the end is not too far. I'm glad that my friends have been reaching out. I'll take Nera to see my priest - on a walkie, not in a church lol - because I want both ladies to have met each other. And another friend will visit me on Sunday. I want Nera to have as many positive experiences of loving people in her final months as possible. That will help me be brave for her, and help me by creating memories for the times when she won't be here anymore. I want her final mile to be full of love and fun.