Fiera's Diary

Ha ha Cate. 😄

Well we had a tornado warning with various tornadoes spawned from a front, and it was such a ridiculous snapshot in time I have to describe it.

Usually I get down in the basement with KDog. Except she is having trouble walking and certainly can't get down the back stairs. And then we aren't supposed to walk on the new concrete so I am watching the radar and warnings like a hawk to decide whether it is going to REALLY be necessary. The sirens went on and then off. On and then off. Then they went on a third time and the warning named my neighborhood specifically in 10 minutes and that did it. KDog got scrapes on the "good" back foot (the one without stitches) from her hind end falling, and who knows what it did to her hips and back. But she walked straight to the shelter room and laid down. I went and got NDog. Hoped the basement wouldn't flood, as many in the have during the past week and we are having heavy downpours. Hoped the damaged maple wouldn't come down on the house. Hoped the hail wouldn't damage my car, which is not in the garage because the apron was just poured. Seriously it was comical the number of concerns I would not typically have had....but it all came out fine. I managed to bring KDog the long way around to the front of the house and the temporary ramp there was easier for her to climb up. She is now resting after having her foot scrapes rinsed with saline and a nice glob of peanut butter with her pain meds.

Sure glad that's over though.
 
Thursday

I passed out last night, not sure what time, but amazingly NDog let me sleep this morning til past 6. I was sure without a bedtime potty he was going to get me up at 2AM. Thanks NDog!

NDog is listless and bored without access to his beloved back yard. In another day or so I may be able to bring him through the garage to the yard as long I can block off the back porch landing area with the patio furniture. With all the rain and cooler temps I probably need to give it extra time to cure before walking on it. The guy said that the dogs' nails can nick it if we go too soon. Yesterday was an emergency though and safety > concrete. It's overcast and looks like rain but I might take the pups up to the forest preserve or a park just to get them out of the house. Also need to stop at TJ for a few things.

Today is also a catch up day. Yesterday I ran out of matcha in the fridge, both types of dog food in the kitchen, soap in the dispenser, and dishes started piling up in the sink because I needed to unload the dishwasher. Spent too much time looking for that darn key! Learn Fiera. Avoidable accidents, and avoidable nuisances too. Most of that is now caught up, intermittently while working on this post.

Now. Breakfast today is stellar. Smoked salmon, capers, cold poached egg, toasted whole wheat English muffin with cream cheese. Well not stellar for weight loss. But stellar for appreciation of the bounty I am blessed with. Thanks Universe.

Also, grateful for the awareness that the fatigue I have been struggling with may be viral or immune. I hadn't put two and two together, but there has been an increase of nerve pain and muscle discomfort for two weeks since the stress level kicked up over the import. Not just mood. Feels like I am over the worst of it. I need to continue to take it easy as much as possible. Proggy and I go out of town 20-23 and then I go to my Dad's for his surgery on the 26th for 4 nights. I simply cannot do everything I want to do, and I MUST ask for more help - and get more organized - for the transports.
 
"I simply cannot do everything I want to do, and I MUST ask for more help - and get more organized - for the transports."
Good thinking :)
 
Friday

Mid morning I take KDog to meet the new sitter who lives in a ranch style home with no stairs. Rips my heart out to think of her being in a strange place, even for a weekend. But we just have to see how she does. There is the sitters old dog, who I am pretty sure KDog has met before, and then there will be two younger dogs there the same weekend. I know that the new sitter drives long distances to go to a very good vet and also a well known dog massage therapist so I am not worried about the care. She even watches the old sitter's own dogs. It's just....KDog hasn't stayed anywhere totally new in many years. Crying a bit on the inside but hopefully she will have some enjoyable moments as well. And it is necessary to try if there is any hope of me visiting Irish friend in the next couple of months.

The dogs had a potty earlier but are waiting for me to take them for a post-breakfast walk.

Sort of weird that it is Friday already, I feel like this entire week was missing time. Its hard to rationalize the fatigue of being "not sick" yet not well. The getting organized part of the last post is really key, and sometimes I am so muddled. It's really an argument for me to get back to the basics with diet (food choices, intermittent fasting).

Hung some pee pad base layers outside to dry and put another one in the washer. I do use disposables on top but these larger ones protect the rug in case she misses a bit. Will do some actual laundry after that. Last night folded the kitchen towels but spent the evening researching ancestry records to try to help Proggy. It is difficult to stump me, but for the life of me we cannot find anything involving his mom or her family from 1930 to 1946 and she had a first marriage in there we don't have a date or location for and he needs the certificate/license. Will keep at it. Sometime census records have misspellings etc. There is something about the search that can keep my brain engaged for hours though, so I welcome the chance to do something focused.

The concrete guy just showed up on my back porch and it really startled me. They took away the framing boards and some hostas that were dug up. I didn't have the bandwidth to replant them after all. Just too tired.

Took NDog for a walk and then let him out in the back yard for the first time in a week or so, since I went up to my dad's on Saturday. He went to a favorite spot in the shade next the garage and immediately laid out in the grass. That dog sure does love laying in the grass. It was a good decision to not place him in a condo.

I spent my time picking up detritus from the project. Bits of slopped rocks and concrete which could cut little doggy feet. Not 100% but the odds are now much better. The sun was blazing and iI could feel it burning my pale, unprotected skin. And sweating bullets. It's going to be a ball buster of a swampy day. For now a few clouds moved in and a light rain is falling. I need to go get in the shower and then take KDog to her appointment with New Sitter.
 
Meet with New Sitter was ok. I have never been a fan of homes that sit at ground level for myself, due to damp and critters, but I admit it was really simple for the dogs to go in and out. We had another tornado warned storm last night and when Proggy texted that the channel he was watching called out my neighborhood in the path in 20 mins, I started the process of getting the dogs down to the basement again. KDog did fine going down and walked in to the safe room and plunked down. Smart girl. Gave them leftover transport cookies and a squeaky toy to distract NDog, who was clearly a bit stressed out. After the storm primarily went around us we came back up. NDog of course went straight up the back and KDog made it out of the basement fine but slipped coming up the front steps and landed in a froggy position. I simply cannot lift her and she can't do it on her own anymore. I have got to find a solution and quick. Maybe we will just use the main floor bathroom as a bunker until I get a ramp built. We never get tornado warnings so I didn't expect it to happen again the very next day.

Ma Nature surely is playing catch up with the rain after drought earlier this summer. SB texted me that the corn near the lake house is doing very well, which was reassuring.

I spent Thursday Eve and most of Friday looking for ancestral records for Proggy. He was in a frustrated mood last night and complaining about having to fill out a form to get some records from FL, using a link I sent. I just explained that I had completed the form on his behalf and was about to send it in when the warnings about misrepresenting who you are in order to obtain documents (as class 3 felony) made me rethink that. He berated me for not just doing it and opined that completing it on his behalf was not the same as falsifying something. I got angry and told him that I had just explained WHY I was not comfortable doing it, using my own best judgement and safety concerns, and then he is going to give me a hard time for that? "F--- You" Proggy, I said. I know he is frustrated with this process and also has been dealing with headaches this week. But he crossed a line and my temper flared. I am sure we will clear the air this morning. I don't like that I said that to him though. I wish I had handled it with more patience and grace.

Well, as usual I woke up this morning craving a first-thing cigarette. It is so stupid. I don't usually have trouble stopping once I have started but then again I was on W at the time. I guess if I can get myself on even a low dose it would help. I tried it twice in the past week and didn't like the increase feeling of tension and anxiety I felt.
 
Well I took some measurements and am also waiting to hear back from a guy who built a ramp for his doggo. Am not sure if I think the front or the back. Doing the front may be the quicker solution as I have not got the back figured out and I have this vague notion about expanding the deck and also putting in a raised platform for the patio set. Figuring out the layout and also whether other things are needed (do the fence and electric first for example) is not something I want to rush. But the front stairs are significantly higher than the other owner's and I could end up with a super silly long ramp. Not looking for ADA compliant, but whatever the slope of his example is, looks about right for an elderly doggo. My guess from the photos is he has 2.5 tall stairs and a 12 foot ramp, which I would have to scale up to nearly 20 feet long. And I might need to add hand rails. At that point it becomes a more permanent structure in which case I might as well build something in the back which will be more convenient during winter months.
 
Sunday:

I did apologize to Proggy yesterday when we spoke. I spoke in flash anger and used words and tone which were not the way I want to treat anyone.

The carpenter spent about an hour here. I think by the end it was clear that building a platform off the south corner has been ruled out. We also realized that he was thinking of building a ramp for the dog whereas I want a ramp I can be on WITH the dog when she gets to the point she needs support for her hind legs, He wants to come back with plywood and lay it out. I hope he does come back...I think he will. Maybe. He was a good looking man of a certain age who rode up on his motorcycle. Just saying, it doesn't matter but it has been ages since I felt the stirrings of attraction and it catches me by surprise. Maybe if I wasn't 50 pounds overweight and entirely out of shape this experience could tip me towards being interesting in meeting someone. But, my whale blubber is a sort of protective sheathing which keeps me out of the emotional turbulence of the realm of attraction. If I don't find myself attractive or desirable, certainly nobody else will (or should). I have some,inner carpentry to do.

Continuing on that thought path, I am thinking about how long I have been at this now, this business of making traction and the losing it; expanding outward and shrinking inward. Expansion and contraction of the ego, of self care, of self love, of trying to be a better person. If I haven't managed to do it (and stick the landing) in over a decade, at my age, what are the chances I am ever going to level up?

I spent a good chunk of time today cleaning, with little to show for it. Another day rolls by on the calendar. I thought of AN today and I still cannot do it. I thought of S and I cannot do that either. My world is getting smaller. CB suggests that it may be that I am getting healthier and I am shedding the toxic people. And honestly I don't mind it being quieter while I rest up and heal myself. I just hope that there will be a sustainable level of energy and interaction in the years ahead, Maybe I am just still in the in between.

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In exciting news, I THINK I have solved the problem of the AC unit smell. It has been such a sad, smelly, unfortunate situation. I clean the filter every week or so and that helps but it never goes away. I clean the coils every fall and spring before I put the cover on. And I vacuum the fins on the inside. But I was using my new wand scrubber in the kitchen today and a lightbulb went off to try scrubbing the fins since it has these nice long bristles. And oh..you could see the dusty moldy whatever come off. Now I put it back together and AT LAST am breathing air the way that air should smell. NOT moldy. I sure wish I had figured that out months ago. But I will not forget it now!

Maybe more likely to invite someone in now lol. It was so stinky.
 
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Monday

My brother and I have been exchanging the daily word puzzle, which is a great step forward for someone who did not communicate/return calls/etc for months at a time. I feel like it's a function of depression improving over time, thought he has been making an effort overall with my dad too, evidenced by him coming for a visit last winter. He however sends it in the morning, when he typically also walks to the beach, and sometimes sends me a photo. Today was a work day and "ching" went my phone at 6AM my time. I don't want to mute him in case of an urgent need at some point, and I don't want to have him put it off til later and then forget. Plus any negative feedback however so small might sent him back to being incommunicado. So, I will explore the settings on my phone but for now I just take it as my alarm clock and get up and try to be productive before the morning heat kicks in. Today KDog walked almost a full mile (I left NDog home so she could really take her time) and choose her route. She likes it when it is just us, and so do I.

So the day is off to a good start. More laundry; am closing in on the last which is the couch pillows. Actually folded the shirts, and by some miracle, had all the socks come out with a mate and paired up. Another thing accomplished was sorting through the old towels, keeping a set and then guest towels and putting the remainder down at the dog washing station. Also pulled old flannel pillowcases out of the cedar chest and will turn those into flapkins or dirty laundry bag for travel. If it doesn't have a purpose it can go. I told Proggy I am ready to give away stuff like old skis rather than try to sell, just to get them out of the house.

There is a faint moldy smell still from the A/C. Probably only 15% of what it was. I had been concerned about risk of using coil cleaner on the inside fins, not sure if that could get into the air we breathe. But mold is not healthy either. Maybe peroxide and water. Need to read up on it a bit.

This morning I tried on the 2 new extra large skorts I had ordered. They will do the trick for now, though my lower thighs do look like fat girl thighs in them. Well, when I make up my mind to make it a priority, I will lose the weight. I hate that I had to buy clothes in a larger size again, my wardrobe is a guessing game and packing is a nightmare. But, I love that I bit the bullet and have some things I can wear that I don't have to try on before I can travel this coming weekend.

I am off to TJ to get produce and goodies, post office to mail a check to order a book. So nice to be off to a quality start.
 
Things are going well today. Not sure if the energy shift is from the down time/space, the reduction in moldy smelling air, getting beyond the "virus", or just general momentum. I had a nice southwestern salad from TJ for lunch. It is not low cal, they put tortilla strips and cheese in it along with the dressing. 600 cals per package and I ate 3/4 of that. But right now anything veggie based is healthier so I will take it. I have Amish chicken breasts to make on the grill later, yum.

The wx is sunny and hot but drier and there is a breeze. In the shade it is downright pleasant. When it is time to start grilling, the house will afford some shade.

Have connected with the two other dog owners and decided that a narrow ramp shared with the stairs is unsafe. The woman who built a solid add-on to her deck lives not far away and I will go see hers and talk with her hubby who built it. Mr motorcycle man wants the job but I am not sure how far his skills and experience reach (i.e. rebuilding my back porch/deck to the extent I think would be the safest outcome might be beyond his experience). I don't want to plunk down bigger money/scale without further vetting. I simply need to ask and I may get a deck contractor out here in addition for a 2nd opinion. If things go that direction I will pay the motorcycle dude for his time and consulatation.
 
"So, I will explore the settings on my phone but for now I just take it as my alarm clock and get up and try to be productive before the morning heat kicks in."
I have my phone settings on Do Not Disturb, between 10.30 pm & 7 am. My "favourites" can ring me during that time, but I don't hear any text messages or FB messenger messages from them or anyone else. That works for me :)
 
Cate said:
"So, I will explore the settings on my phone but for now I just take it as my alarm clock and get up and try to be productive before the morning heat kicks in."
I have my phone settings on Do Not Disturb, between 10.30 pm & 7 am. My "favourites" can ring me during that time, but I don't hear any text messages or FB messenger messages from them or anyone else. That works for me :)
Click to expand...
Thanks for the tip! That is a good idea. If it's an emergency he can call me.
 
Tuesday

I had a sleep donut hole last night. Woke up from my second cycle at 8:30 and had an hour to take care of the dogs, shower, and get to the vet with KDog for toe suture removal. It was just enough, I coasted into the parking lot at 9:29. Thankfully the traffic was light.

After, I went thru a Starbucks drive thru pick up turkey bacon sandwiches for me and KDog. And coffee. I took KDog to the forest preserve and it was so sweet and pleasant, just her and me, like the old days, and I felt happy. Just another indicator that having another dog in the mix is too much complication while KDog is aging rapidly. I want our time to be ours, she deserves it and I want to do what is best for her. I haven't even tried out the stroller yet, because I have been unwilling to either leave NDog home or shortchanged, and I cannot handle him and the stroller and KDog all at once by myself. I cannot lose focus for one second because if he gets loose he will be off and running.

Mosquitoes are plentiful now after the rains we had last week. I need to locate the bug spray before Proggy and I head out of town for the weekend. I sure hope we get nice weather and have a nice time. We both need it. More than two full days of dog free time. I just hope KDog does OK at the sitters.

My dad's knee surgery is in about 10 days. I have been avoiding thinking about it, because there is enough ME stuff to focus on. The last few days have been good, fixing little things here and there, brainstorming improvements around the yard, catching up on laundry. Healing. Breathing. Feeling a bit more present in my body. i had an entire weekend at home without anyone demanding my time and attention. This is the "vacation" I have been needing, in a way. I didn't need to travel, so much as I needed alone time.
 
Update on the A/C. I am feeling very upset. I figured out how to remove the louvre from the blower output path so I could give it a good cleaning, even though it looked like it was fine from the usual dusting. Behind that is a sort of tunnel of styrofoam which goes down into the body of the beast. And some foam framing. And that ladies and gents is where the evil has been lurking all along. Blowing spores with full freedom into my den for who knows how long. Is *this* part of the reason I have been feeling "tired"?

I spent about 45 minutes using bleach wipes and a bristle brush to get what I could. I could reach a section of the fan wheel and cleaned and spun and cleaned and spun the best I could, I dropped 3 wipes inside and was very glad that I was able to fish them out with a wooden spoon as quickly as I did. Its a very heavy window unit which is permanently installed, and nobody seems to service those any more. But the only way to really get at the innards is probably to get it professionally serviced anyway.

As an Eff You, when I turned the unit back on I got a faceful of whatever was loose but not removed. Should have stuck the dyson hose down there. My sinuses hurt but I am more upset at knowing I wasn't able to clean 100% of it. The filter is for the intake, not the output, I am sitting in the front room now until I can gather myself to go back there and vacuum everything with a HEPA. I probably need to wash all the curtains and quilts and of course the carpet. But knowing that this is something I can't address on my own when needed is kind of upsetting. No repair man is ever going to be as fastidious as I would be with cleaning it. Stupid position to be in. Also, I have the same model in the dining room so I need to check that one as well.

Well, at least NOW I hope I have gotten to answer, even if I don't like it.
 
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I checked out the dining room A/C unit and it is the same. Both of these units are not very old but they are both permanently mounted. I will just do the best I can with what I have learned and see how long the mitigation lasts. For now, the outdoor temp has cooled to comfortable with a nice breeze and I was able to open up the house. Have a bit of a headache.

Not sure why I am feeling avoidant now about going to the house with the dog ramp. I think I feel overwhelmed with what started as a small project with a handyman and is now a $8K +/- project if I do a full porch/deck rebuild. Meanwhile the past two days KDog has been getting more walk time in. I also got the dog stroller out for them and NDog at least went in it. KDog would not get in it. But I will be patient about it. I did enjoy the feeling of walking with it, and could envision getting my 3 mile walks back.

Back to avoidance. It comes down to decision making. Decisions that are expensive and difficult to undo, or may not have a financial payoff, are challenging. You can collect only so many data points and then you have to choose. And time has taught me that it is better to just get on with it. So I am trying to keep that philosophy front and center and see if I cannot get to a decision before we go out of town this weekend. There is also the uncertainty about hiring someone I know nothing about for a big job. A little job, I didn't mind. A big job I need more info, and I am uncomfortable with going back to him after he spent an hour with me and asking for more qualification. But I simply have to. It is a big investment. So, I know what I need to do. I just need to execute.

KDog begrudgingly just decided to eat the dinner I made for her earlier, so that's good. I am trying to get both dogs on more of a schedule.

I am feeling a bit tired now too, so after I go see Bob, I will call it for the day.
 
Wednesday

Woke at 8 and felt OK but tired now already. Not sure why, anxiety has been up a bit. KDog woke with bad tummy gurgles and not sure if she will be sorted in time for us to go out of town. I started her on meds right away and will limit her diet but...sigh...timing is not good.

Maybe my lack of energy is due to snacking on so much cr*p yesterday. I ate an entire box of mini ice cream cones yesterday afternoon. In the evening I ate fiesta corn salsa with corn chips and some potato chips, chocolate, feta cheese, string cheese, nuts and cranberries. Some dinner. Today I had a poached egg for breakfast and egg salad for lunch on a slice of multigrain.

It is not that hot out but the sun feels hot. Since KDog was not relaxed I put the A/C on to make it more comfortable. The landscaper was just here, so that,is out of the way. I have laundry to pack and turkey to cook. Thankfully NDog doesn't need special attention to go to his sitters, just food.

Saw a freebie of two patio rugs and a couch so picked those and tossed in garage. Wood is a bit worn but cushions are nice and in good shape. I also need to fill up,the gas tank and washer fluid.

Oh, tomorrow is cleaning lady day too. Gah.

Also supposed to read/discuss chapter of DG with Proggy tonight. Maybe that will wait til weekend.

Feel like napping. Crazy. Hopefuly 2nd wind will kick in.
 
Well, it never kicked in. More virus-y stuff. KDog is on oatmeal and turkey again so now I need to go back to store and get more turkey I think. I am too tired so it will have to be in the morning. Silly me yesterday, I only got 2 pounds because I thought it would be enough and it was $7 a pound for the extra lean t breast. Tomorrow will be a long day for sure and only if KDog is making #2 properly can we even think about taking her to a new sitter. Am going to keep her on the metronaidazole for the duration. It seems to help.

Me, I am going to make a relaxing tea and go to bed early. There isn't much else I can do. Cleaning Lady arrives at 9. NDog will go to his foster sitter around 3. KDog and I will depart around 6 for New Sitter, then I will head to Proggy's. It will all be OK somehow.

I haven't figured out the dog ramp/deck thing. My brain was not working full speed today. I should touch base with the guy tomorrow.

Blabbity blah blah. I didn't do the reading for Proggy yet either.
 
Thursday

Cleaning lady has come and gone. Walked the dogs and KDog seems to be doing all right. I checked in with the sitter and she is OK giving KDog the modified diet. So, plans are moving forward. Just a bit tired/sleepy. Have been up since 5. Not packed yet but it makes a world of difference having purchased new shorts and skorts recently. If I had more time I would get a mani/pedi and get my hair colored/cut, but I will simply avoid sandals and stick a bandanna on my head. Rock and roll 😄

We really need this getaway but we haven't planned much out. Am thinking a daytime drive tomorrow about an hour past our cabin, maybe a short hike and working our way back for dinner and sunset in the city on the bluff. Nitecap at the distillery. Saturday is the summer fest at the winery with music and art. Sunday I will try to get Proggy to take another short hike. He talks a good game but he really is not much of an outdoorsy person. I miss my old friend BG for that, we had some nice times.

Caught up a little bit on my bank reconciliation and took a look at my portfolio and savings. I am on track as far as overall cash burn but inflation is a bit of a wallop. Meaning the cash burn is going to outpace the plan if I don't have investments and dividends to replace it. I really don't understand why the portfolio has not recovered from the pandemic as the market seems to be doing well. I think guys have had me for 2 years as of the end of July, so it's time to do an audit. I don't even need to grow I just need to meet inflation and I will be Ok.

As I was telling my brother recently, I no longer have a vision for my retirement. Moving to Phoenix seems like a stupid move, given the water situation and the extreme heat. The high desert of Oregon is also more scorching than ever. Florida continues to have humidity and alligators and is very flat. I just may be better off keeping my place in the midwest, with maybe a little getaway cottage if the prices come down. I might not mind being in a condo as a primary residence if I had an escape place. I suspect that Montana, the Dakotas, Wisconsin and Michigan are all going to become increasingly popular as the climate shifts...as well as Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire. And Canada, if you can get it. I can't. Unless I marry a Canadian. Which is a bit difficult when you can't even bring yourself to go on a date or stop feeding your face for that matter. No, dating is a year, or years, away.

Time to jump in the shower and then scoot out with NDog.
 
Phew. It was a fun weekend away with Proggy, and just want to get some details down.

Thursday night, arrived around 8:30 at Proggy's, we had a couple of weekend kickoff cocktails and watched a little tv. Friday..slow morning start, took time over coffee and went thru Proggy's family photos looking for clues. Went out for omelette before getting on the road around 12:30. Arrived at rental 3PM local time. First thing we did was ride bikes down the road to the park and I showed Proggy the campground I stayed at with KDog last year. We drove up to the major town, had dinner at a brewery which has excellent food. Caught a bit of free street music but it was not what we were looking for...after walking around town a bit and also passing on the old folks music at the bandshell, we walked over and hung out on the bluff, talking and watching the sun go down. There were no clouds so it was pretty standard and then at the very end it became a glorious large red orb and Taps rang out. Lovely. We thought about going for a nitecap but we thought better of it and walked out of the bar, just heading back to relax at the rental instead, had a nightcap there and sank into the comfy bed.

Sat AM went for coffee and took it to the beach, which was relatively empty that early. Popped up the road to Panera for more coffee and a pecan braid for Proggy. After showers and leftover omelettes we headed to the winery for the main event. Sun was blazing but we brought lawn chairs and sat in the shade. We browsed the art vendor tents and I purchased a watercolor of pines on a hillside in winter. We danced a number in the main tent. Food trucks offered an acceptable pulled pork sandwich. We headed to dinner afterward, strange little native place where we ordered salad, calamari, and bang shrimp. Paasable. We went back the the rental for a bit and then grabbed the guitar and headed back to the beach to watch the sunset from the dunes. Just lovely. We weren't quite ready to call it a night so took a drive to south tree town where Proggy thought some music things were happening, We caught the tail end of an extremely talented clapton-based band for free, because it was so late into the show, and found a great new venue I know we will visit again in the future. It was a day of highlights. Proggy turned me on to a nflix show about a night agent so we drifted off to that in the comfy bed.

This morning was coffee and final omelette leftovers, then we went for a drive after checkout. Went to a couple of wineries to just see what they were about, and ended up stopping at the one where I had loosely wanted to have my 40th bday party. Perfect weather to sit in the shade under a tree, listening to music, relaxing, talking and not talking, just trying to soak in some more free time before having to head home.

KDog did fine at new sitter and NDog tried some new food he likes at the foster sitter, so I will switch him over. We are all ready to sleep.
 
Indeed it was, and we wished it was a week! Ha!

One thing I quickly realized, as the world of responsibilities melted away, is that there really has been no break. I have observed it before, but you never really know how deep the relentless stress goes until you feel it lifted. I have been rearranging my life for at least 7 years now to meet my Dad and my dog's needs. Add to that my friends and my house's needs and some mysterious medical problems. It has been a lot of survival. Getting on that bike and just living in the present, was a perfect slice of freedom. I also know that I have a lot of work to do - still - to get my life back on track from years of travel, toxic work environment, avoidance, and losing myself in guys and booze. AN would call those "infrastructure" topics. I felt so much more at peace and present in my body. It helps to rent a place where you don't have a moldy A/C smell, where everything is clean and fluffy and new, with gorgeous weather, and a setting where you can just be at peace.

It is going to be hot and sultry here the next few days. Took dogs for separate walks this morning and I could feel the perspiration rolling down my chest and back. We will take another walk later after the sun goes down. Meantime, I have free time until I talk with CB around 4 today. Yesterday I spent most of the day working on Proggy's family research - something I enjoy, I am like a dog with a bone, looking for clues in photos and searching for things online. Today I will be getting ready to spend 4 days at my Dad's. His knee replacement is scheduled for Thurs. Hoping this will lead to better things for him eventually, he will have the 2nd one done if the first one goes Ok. He is not the best as follow up/rehab, but apparently he and Peaches are both eating better in preparation for his surgery.

OK, gonna go put together a to do list. Also, I need to get on the scale, It will not be pretty....
 
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