Fiera's Diary

Wednesday. Another fine morning, and a Happy Solstice! I almost pinch myself at the weather we are having, at most the AC goes on for a few hours in the afternoon and then I can open up the house again. I slept really well last night. Drifted off watching a movie (could not keep eyes open to read the English subtitles any longer) and did not wake up once.

The first hours of the day are consumed by managing the needs of the dogs. Woke up at 6:30, and here it is 9AM already. NDog needs outdoor time. KDog got a good brushing in the yard. She is not feeling well and seems to be having some nerve sensitivity or something with her back. Also her tummy. It could be the bit of donated food I put in her bowl to liven things up. I think it has rice in it, which does not agree with her.

Last night a little after 10 I took NDog out for a last potty and he came out of the foliage in the back with something in his mouth and a long tail hanging. My first thought was a rat, which of course could have been poisoned and I went tearing over to him. Fortunately he did not resist me grabbing his collar and let go of it. Once I got him safely in the house and on his leash we went back and looked I realized it was a baby opossum. It looked badly injured, but it crawled over next to the garage beneath the outdoor table. I brought NDog back into the house and inspected the poor critter further, and it moved down a bit, but then I couldn't tell if it was still alive or clinging...I didn't know how what to do. I googled for a wildlife rehab, texted them, then went down to my basement for a box and bedding to keep him safe til someone could get here. I layered up with rubber and gardening gloves and went out back with my box but he had disappeared. I looked around with a flashlight as best I could and then gave up. Hopefully it will survive. It looked like it had a bad injury, but the injury was not bleeding and didn't look fresh. Even with photo and video I a, not sure what I am looking at. So I wonder if it was already hurt prior and was in the yard as refuge. NDog was just holding it and did not appear to do anything else. In any event, I sent an update text to the wildlife rehab and called it a night. Hopefully it will be Ok. I heard only from the wildlife people at 9AM today anyway, so it would have been a long and distressing night.

Also last night on social someone asked about the status of my favorite pizza place, which sadly never recovered from the pandemic. The owner is struggling with mental illness and other issues she has not made public and the comments have been cruel and heartless. I know from my interactions with her how terrorized she feels when anyone attacks her publicly. The admins are letting the post stay up, apparently. I cannot get involved other than reporting the post but I feel sick about it.

Similarly, AN again deactivated social over a week ago and this is a long break for him. I wish I could just make everything better/easier for the people I care about.

In the meantime, since I can't, I need to use my time wisely to construct a stronger, faster, healthier version of ME. I still want to travel, and it is going to be much harder at 40+ pounds overweight. I noticed the difference in packing alone, how smaller clothes mean you have more space in the suitcase, and the clothes fit into a smaller suitcase better.

Yesterday I did eat 2nd dinner. I really wasn't that hungry and I went looking for a small snack, something to I don't know - alleviate boredom? Comfort me into sleep mode? I wanted a few potato chips, but don't have any in the house. I ended up getting some crackers from the transport stash and a string cheese. Then, 2nd dinner, all of it. 3 granola bars too. Easily a full days' worth of food. Once I started I just indulged, and I can trace it all back to the moment when I allowed myself to think that I really wasn't hungry, and I had a snack anyway. Back to the idea of a feeding window then...cutting off at 6P and then just making it to bed without putting food in my mouth. The rest of the day before that was pretty decent.
 
Thursday. Cleaning lady is here. It was nice this morning not having to do too much running around to get ready for her arrival. Yay.

Today started out warmer so the AC is on. Actually had it on overnight.

KDog keeps barking at cleaning lady working in the front of the house. He has met her before but was more timid with her this morning. Now he occasionally runs from the den with me out front to bark at her when he hears a noise. I should probably take him out in the yard for a bit.

DDog and his owners JL came by for a walk last night. It was really fun
 
Friday. Trying to have some momentum. Walked dogs this morning. Took the return pan to Shipping Store and went grocery shopping at TJ's. Fasted until 1 (except matcha). Lunch was rosemary ham with butter on a slice of multigrain, some elote salad, a few chips with pico. I made a point of putting a serving of salad on a plate next to the sandwich, because if I ate direct from the bowl I mixed it in, there is a real chance I could eat the entire salad.

Session w CB was just OK. Sometimes we get derailed with updates and don't talk about deeper, formative stuff. We spent a few minutes on the intro to Daring Greatly. I told her about comfort eating, tv/nternet binging, being tired, and unproductive, easily irritated, trouble taking a shower, just existing. We agreed that it's time for me to have an appointment with the meds doc. She also suggested one of the new glutide drugs for managing appetite/quieting the mind-cravings. I would have to talk with guru doc.

Tonight's fasting window starts at 6PM. Not sure what's for dinner, maybe eggs. Something easy.

Kinda hoping Proggy doesn't want to come up this weekend, but I think we plans on it. Maybe he can help me with some projects.

Oddly the carpet runner was wet in the basement back room while nothing else was. The only source of potential moisture was either the dehumidifier or the sprinkler. And the other rug was not wet. But it was wet all the way entire through, and it is like 6 feet long and has a rubber backing. It was super weird. Like there was an episode of poltergeist right in my basement. I just threw it in the washing machine. Wash those ghouls right outta my hair.

I am procrastinating going down and taking it out of the dryer, and unloading the dishwasher. It feels a tad warm and humid in the house. The AC unit is set at 75 because it gets too cold in here otherwise.

I think I am happy I went to the store. And DDog didn't even bark when I came home, and he seems to be learning "shhhscht" sound to stop barking. And he played fetch a little. But he seems depressed. I think he finds the AC depressing as well. He has been off his food and I think he is tired of it. Well, now that I went to the store I can mix in a bit of cottage cheese in his dinner.
 
Ok, this is dumb, but my AC has been musty stinky and I just resigned myself to it because even though I clean the fins and flush the inside with a hose each fall, there are parts you just cannot get to. But even tho I cleaned the filter really recently I decided to pull it out again and it looked like it was kindof dirty again, so I washed it with dish soap and a toothbrush. Just taking the filter out, I could notice the difference quickly. Happy now that the musty smell is gone. Wish I knew that previously!
 
Saturday morning. Will be very hot today and the sun is already blazing before 8AM. Thankfully both up and went out. KDog is starting to have difficulty going down the back stairs...I already have to bring her up the front to come in. Fortunately NDog just lays in the yard and doesn't get up and try to come thru the gate while I am taking her in. He has been here 6 weeks now and I fully trust that he is not going to try to jump the short fence either...so that does make things easier.

Both dogs have been really picky about food and as long as I get enough in them by the end of the day I am not worried about it. As long as their weight seems fine. Athe heat affects their appetites too.

Speaking of...last night I didn't make it on my fasting attempt. I cut off at 6 and brushed my teeth and tried to forget about food. Alas, the monster reared it's head around 9PM. Looked around and grabbed the rest of the elotes salad. Then, a banana with peanut butter and I tossed in some dark chocolate I had bought. Then 2 string cheese with Naan crackers. I need to make sure I have a meal before 6 which has some staying power. I hadn't had enough to eat and just snacked on some olive tapanade and a few tortilla chips at 6. Need to eat dinnner, not just snack. Anyway it is good practice and prep for the 5-day, which I still hav yet to schedule.

There is a 5K this morning which I signed up for 2 months ago. I thought I might just go walk it, but the sun and heat is a deterrent. I don't seem to have much protective layer on my skin any more...a combination of aging and a particular medical condition I guess. Yet, I need the exercise for sure.

Have realized that in my shrinking little world this week I have been reading a lot of news. That is what my dad does, not that I am following his example intentionally. Lay on the couch, sleep on the couch, watch the news because it is something which livens up the sameness of existence. Only, he is 80 and I am 54 and I am "supposed to" be living up my retirement. I think part of my problem is that I don't have a vision I am moving toward. I never really have had that clear of a picture. And I am risk avoidant. And somewhat tired. I guess my medical issues, like my vision/dry eyes, have played into it too, I always thought I could do anything I wanted. Like I had too many choices in life. Like I would be perpetually young as long as I put my mind to it.

Well it's OK in life not to understand what it's like to be in a different place before you get there. I never envisioned being divorced, what that would be like, the isolation. I never envisioned being bullied at work, or feeling shame. Or buying a house and having uncontrollable things happen. I don't know what many people's lives are like, How could I? You don't really understand it until you have lived it. Which is why people of a certain age really do have life wisdom they wish they had had when they are younger. I get it now.

I am incredibly grateful now for certain life choices and life experiences. I certainly appreciate the people who grew me and expanded my life. L comes to mind first and foremost, but then the amusement park friend, Steve the dj who grew me musically, people at work who gave me chance to work internationally, people who taught me things along the way. There also have been a few which were really bad for me, and I finally have the understanding to know when people don't belong in my life.

Which brought me to AN. How I wish things were different there, but he is on a journey which has offered more destruction than growth now. Our last few interactions were far more about him than they were about me or us. I will take the good and bad and give and take in any relationship, but when trust becomes lost and toxic disruptive feelings emerge, then, well, you have to choose whether you want that. Relationships are hard, but they are worth it when you have trust. When you don't have trust, it simply isn't worth it. Regardless of why or who did or said what.
 
I STARTED!

What I mean is - I got my butt to the starting line and I walked (jogged very little) the 5K this morning. First event in a year I think.

I was sitting here on the couch just contemplating another day exactly the same as the ones before it. Somehow, a picture, a feeling popped into my head thinking of how good I would feel after I FINISHED it. There was no doubt in my mind I could walk the 3 miles, even if faced paced longer walks have not been part of my life in since DDog left in March. The START - the act of getting there - was the real shift. Finishing and sharing goodwill and encouragement were always assumed. And it did feel GREAT to be back out there.

Maybe the biggest catalyst was this week, getting my contact lenses and supplies sorted. I needed PF drops for contacts AND PF saline to rinse them? After research I ordered two new products to help me *try* to get back to being able to wear lenses for a few hours, long enough to exercise. I had the, on hand this morning and I went for it. They did help! I am so happy!
 
Thank you Cate! ❤️

Sunday morning.

Boy I ate lot yesterday. And had evening snackies. Well, resting up led to tv watching led to snacking. I have to stay busy and break old habits.

This morning is humid. We had a hard rain last night, much needed. I have to check the basement for water intrustion and see if any of the rugs are wet. The mystery poltergeist runner was hanging outside to dry and is now thoroughly drenched again.

KDog peed on my new rug for the front room less than 4 hours after it arrived. I bought a smaller one so it can be washed or maybe rinsed in the sink one end at time. There was a pee pad right next to it, I don't know why she did it. She knows better. I told her off, firmly. Overnight she was bullseye back on the pee pad. Head scratcher. Tiring to deal with though. She is at the point where she hesistates to go down the back stairs as well as up them. The front stairs have no fence so I have to take her on a leash. It's difficult juggling the two dogs. Applications are slow and likely will remain so until after the 4th, And NDog is a special case. Pixy picked up an extra commitment for two months and there seems to be not much going on to stir up interest on social. I have less than a year history with this organization so it's kind of hard to know what it was like in the early days. I tend to think the pandemic plus the transition to transports along with certain personality traits has dulled engagement levels among the primaries.

The next transport is scheduled for Thursday. The temps are, according to a couple of websites, likely to exceed our safety threshold. I am nervous about it, especially with Pixy not being present. Also, there is no A/C in my basement, though it tends to stay cool enough, it will get warm with people and pups. Gah. I looked at buying a portable unit but there is no straightforward way to vent them outside. Also, a lack of power outlets.

Well, the concept of "avoidable accidents" seems to have taken root. This morning in my waking moments I grabbed a brand new jar of peanut butter to use to give KDog her meds. I fell asleep without giving her meds last night so I was trying to hurry. I grabbed a steak knife to cut into the inner seal and the little voice went off in my head to take my time and make sure the knife was angled away from me and my fingers were out of the way. Simple I know, but noteworthy shift from my usual approach of mindlessly plowing ahead. I am more mindful of losing time due to avoidable accidents and mistakes.

There hasn't been any contact with S and I finally looked back and saw that the last contact was the word game 9 days ago. Feeling a bit more relaxed and open, and knowing her way of viewing things, I went ahead and sent her a word game and got the same in reply. So, am just going to leave it until I feel ready to actually pick up the phone. We probably both need space.

Proggy and I agreed last night that he should not come up. It was a load off. I started getting some things organized for the transport. Pixy has been quiet and since she will miss the transport and be late to the intake I have been thinking for myself how to handle her duties. Big mistake. The moment I said we are only going to have one vet tech who will be there early and won't want to wait around and I would pair with a seasoned volunteer, she made it known that she has a very different view of how things will unfold and that we need to wait for her. Well, she is the President after all. It isn't a huge deal, it just impacts the where and when I tell everyone else to come to the intake. I am on the same page now. Communication...
 
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Got on the scale after my shower and it was quite shocking. I know it's partially due to being full of yesterdays feast. But still shocking at 186. Shocking and not shocking. I am sitting here again today without a schedule or plan for the day. So unfocused. Time is passing. Well at least I have an appointment with the meds doc.
 
Got HOT here and then a storm front blew through. Decided to go in the front room and spent about an hour going thru the little shelving unit. Office supplies, old papers from grad school, [COMPANYNAME] materials, etc. The legal stuff was in there, some detailed notes I typed in case they tried to fire me or I ended up negotiating my exit. I am grateful I have them, because time allows us to forget and even question what exactly happened. But there it is. Names, dates, facts, quotes. And the severe anxiety I was experiencing. This is the Legal stuff, which happened after the Bullying stuff. Anyway, I was able to purge some things but I kept all that. And then I took a Xanax afterward. However, it was nice getting rid of some paper for sure!
 
Stormed on and off, but got out for a little walk with the pups in between. Temps have come down and winds are way up. May be able to turn off the AC soon (yay!). Next few days look more temperate but forecast still looks worrisome for the transport Thursday. Nothing to do but wait and see.

I also tackled the hard copy journal which had been written in but not used up. There were a couple of partials and then it drops off. I cut out the written pages and discard the rest, put the writings in with my more active time frame. I found the hard copy journal to be the most insightful, deeply felt process, it is just the way that things bubble up for me. But you also cannot cover as much so it is a trade off.

I still use paper for things like working through a book, like the one I worked with Saylor. I will probably start a fresh one for Daring Greatly. I have noticed recently that I am a bit tired of self examination. Esp seeing those old pages from Ago and realizing that I have been at it for almost 15 years. It hasn't led to happiness and lasting change. What has worked to effect change is being present, consulting my heart, connecting with like minded others, and staying out of romantic relationships and intrigues. Also, cutting out the booze and quitting my toxic job. My life ismuch more boring to be sure. But I had such tumultous existence. I am still in a rebuilding mode. It is my particular challenge that I want to hang on to who I was, when who I was was not necessarily healthy. If I look at who I am today, I am healthier emotionally but not physically. Guess that will come with loving and embracing who I am now, and looking forward instead of back.

To this end, I felt ready today to purge the locked trunk where I keep costumes etc I used to wear with Jason. It's not just that they will likely never again fit me. It also just feels like I don't identify with them any more. And those, unlike other items in my physical clutter, don't need to be sold or donated. They are private and bear memories that are always and only for me. Their final resting place will be in a dumpster where they will never be used by anyone else, ever. That is my prerogative and my choice. But OK, I do think it would be fun to be able to squeeze into them one more time, for old times' sake, lol.
 
Monday

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry David Thoreau

That favorite line was quoted on a social page that I follow. It was presented in the context of decluttering, living simply. It has given me a good feeling to do the little bits of cleaning out the past couple of days. Today I have prioritized working on transport details, but that should only take a few hours. The afternoon should afford more opportunities for getting organized and more junk out of the house.

The weather is more comfortable, though the sky gods keep oscillating between cooling clouds and blazing sun. I was up around 6:20, having had a decent nights' sleep, and the dogs and I took a walk at 7:30. KDog even trotted a little, which is a sign she approves of the cooler temps.

Last night was more binging. And itching. Perhaps that was tied to the roasted veggie pizza, or the peanut butter covered banana. Or a combination. I have been eating less of both bread and nuts lately, and the itching has been been for the most part. When I go on the 5-day FMD, it disappears almost entirely. I still have the next round sitting here, but it seems like I will need to start it after the holiday. July 5 then.

It is crazy that July is almost here. I used to have such a solid sense of the beginning and ends of the year, the significance of the solstices, the setting and resetting of goals. I imagine a few things have contributed to the shift. Not the least, the necessity of looking after my dad a bit, who has far outlasted all expectations. And KDog too. And Proggy, who is really not an active sort. And being the host in my own home for the dog intakes, which requires a certain amount of work in and at the home. Retirement and pandemic. An outward active life has become a homebody. A travelling woman has become still. And yet, that is a natural part of who I am too. Just phases of life I guess, chapters. And when the inevitable happens, what will I do?

I was thinking about this as I sat in the yard, all 186 pounds of me, smoking a cigarette. I always admired ladies in their 70's who were out hiking every day and in far better shape than I have been 98% of my life. So fit, so full of life. It is a decision, a lifestyle. I thought of the camping equipment in my garage, and the question emerged as to whether that part of my life is over. It disturbed me to even think it. And yet, in my present condition, even if I had a couple of free days, would I go? Or would it be too hard? I realized that if I want an active older life, I have to make a decision. I have to DECIDE that is what I want and start working on getting there. Every day, I am making excuses, every day I am kicking the can down the road. There is so much I can be doing. I just haven't really been having the clarity of mind or vision, I have just been in a muddle.

I am thinking about closing out this Chapter and looking forward.
 
Tuesday
Well, I apparently I haven't DECIDED yet. Laughing at myself.
So here I sit, as the clock ticks and the deadline looms for some paperwork which has not come through. In a few more hours the transport will be impacted but it is out of my hands entirely. I have to continue on with preparations as though they are coming.

I have an overwhelming number of details to address and I am simultaneously feeling the impulse to leap up and start working, and the implulse to sit still and get a plan together and conserve energy. It is 7:22AM and it will be a long one potentially if I am not structured in how I go about things, Thankfully it is overcast and cool so the physical work won't be as exhausting. Things like setting up the basement, relaying the mats in the bathing area, moving tables and chairs. Nothing too hard, but when you have been inactive it does seem like a lot of wopark.

I also need to get the provisions list out to the troops and start packing what I need to meet the transport. Bowls, poop bags, trash bags, etc. It will all be fine, I have checklists somewhere. Gah. No sense in turning it over in my mind til it is time to start working on it.

Meantime, KDog does not want to get up and go out. She is avoiding the back steps which means I will need to start leash walking her out the front. This is why I do not intend to keep NDog. It is just too much. Neither one of them is eating reliably so the bowls are up and down and up and down till they get hungry enough. Might start adding a bit of canned food just to get them back on some kind of schedule.

I tried a green-lipped mussels joint supplement mixed with cottage cheese yestersay in a little cup, recommended by one of the volunteers. KDog turned her nose away from it, NDog took a hesitant little lick then turned his nose up at it too. Sigh. Another 30 bucks gone to waste.

It might be a Xanax day. No. It IS a Xanax day, I can feel it. Sheesh. I remember what my life was like without anxiety. It would be nice to just live. As much as I take ownership of my mind dances, I do know there is a genetic history at play. But exercise would do a lot to improve it. Just another reason why NDog is not the right partner for me. I lost weight and walked 3-4 times per day when DDog was here. I have gained weight and become sedentary with NDog and his foot limitations. Once again, I have to actively DECIDE to just leave them home and go out and get some miles in. I have to DECIDE to use that expensive dog stroller I bought.

Eh, this is really not going anywhere. I just maybe needed a few minutes to reset my brain.
 
In other news, the lady I turned down for NDog due to the rather formidable set of stairs in her townhome, adopted another of our dogs over the weekend. Apparently the dog is refusing to climb the stairs, which are plain hardwoods. She is all over social looking for advice. I knew it was going to be a problem. 20 stairs very steep with no landing. It has been recommended to her to put skid strips on them for traction. Well, the dog will either learn to navigate or it will be a return. Nice dog too. I hope it doesn't get injured or terrorized in the process.

While I was typing the paperwork just came thru for the transport in the nick of time. Now that it is out of the way, I can finish getting out emails and go full blast on preparations.
 
Tuesday evening

Busy day, but I got a lot of necessary organizing out of the way. Importantly, another vet tech offered to come, which will really help. We have too many newbies coming, Magpie stirred a bunch of pots and everyone said yes. lol. Well it is feast or famine in the volunteering space, and I primarily just worry about keeping people engaged and instructed. Its not so fun taking time out of your day to come and then not have anything to do, but we need some people who will literally come and hold dogs and give them a couple of cans of food until they know how to do more. It's fine. Getting organized helps me think about who to pair with who, who is good at what, and most importantly, prepares me to welcome, recognize them, and show them genuine appreciation. Other than that it is like being a wedding planner and I get lost in execution. I think it will all be fine.

So after I got the RSVP list off to Pixy, and my to-do list for the next 2 days laid out, my heart started smiling. I worked with the Sr vet tech to implement a new medical intake form. Will see how that works. All the needed provisions save 1 are covered to meet the transport. Tomorrow is shopping, getting gas, and packing the provision and first aid kits. I drive up to meet Peaches and Dad for dinner and will pick up adoption kits and leash/harness/collar sets from A off the highway. It is all coming together, and makes me feel like I have some level of handle on it all.

Helpfully, this transport does NOT fall on the same day as Cleaning Lady, which peels off a significant task from my day.

Today I talked with my Dad's gf who called. Upshot is Dad needs 2 knee replacements. Not a surprise that he needs them, but a surprise that he is considered medically healthy enough to survive them. I can only hope that this will actually work to get him up and moving again. His primary need is to lose weight, which is very difficult when you can't walk and go out to eat all the time. Peaches seems to be highly motivated. He will have the first one at the end of July and if that goes well the 2nd will occur a couple of weeks later.

Well, NDog just went out and chased a couple of bunnies out of the yard. I still worry that some day his intensity could lead him to jump the fence. Also, in this case, an intense run after eating can risk bloat. I grabbed him and walked him inside, but now I need to keep a watchful eye on him for night. He is also limping on his bum foot. Will see how he is in a bit.

in fact, I am nodding myself, so I will have to set an alarm for 20 minute intervals til I know he is good and OK.

With that, I am checking out for the night.
 
Wednesday Early,

It was a short sleep night. A 4AM email asking to meet the transport earlier die to projected high temps got the wheels spinning. I looked at options are there really aren't any good ones, so I think I will advise Pixy accordingly to accept. So worried about hot asphalt on their paws, heatstroke after a long journey, keeping my basement cool, getting volunteers to come early. I channeled my nervous energy into cleaning up the yard and will head out shopping and to get gas shortly while I await Pixy's call.

I notice how my anxiety kicks on, and I think about people like airline pilots who keep calm during an emergency. A leader can't panic. And I am the leader. But I also have lives and safety to look out for. Everything else goes out the window and we have heat emergency planning to do. I want to be rock solid on this. The most experience person, Pixy, is not going to be there, this one time, and we gambled that the worst case scenario would not happen, But it is happening. I have 24 hours to learn everything I need to about detecting and treating a heat emergency in dogs, and prepare my volunteers as well. Better to be OVERprepared than under prepared.
 
Friday Night

It went OK. Not sure when I will have time to detail it. Did post-activities all day today. Need to get the old scanner software working better or get a new flatbed scanner, it cost me a couple of hours.

Still need to rinse the food cans for recycling and process the bedding. Not tonight. We are taking July off and possibly August.
 
Well done on what must have been a very difficult day, Fiera! Taking time off sounds like a wonderful idea.
 
Thank you Cate!

Saturday 3AM

I had a hard first sleep cycle and am up for a bit. NDog wanted to go out so we did and I sat out and had a smoke. I have not been in a headspace to try quitting but I need to, and also need to do my fast. Was just busy surviving, now back to living!

Meds appointment is next week. Am very averse to trying new meds as I have such strong reactions to most.

As far as the transport, I spent all day Weds getting volunteers lined up to meet the new transport schedule. That was OK but the heat emergency coupled with Pixy's absence was a perfect storm scenario. We collected info and got it out to volunteers on how to detect and treat heat stroke. We designated an Evet and a volunteer (NDog's prior foster) who would do the run if needed. A newbie volunteer Matt, a strapping young man recently relocated, jumped right in. Faves N&P who usually help meet the transport could not make the new time for the transport but came to my house later for the intake in order to relieve some of the other folks. We were short a couple of hands but it got done. One big dog (Finet) was highly stressed and panting like mad - drinking but not eating - we were worried but we all agreed it was just nerves and not heatstroke and he bounced back after we got him to the intake, settled and fed. We were at the transport location at 11:50A (me 11:30) got to my house around 3, had the dogs all processed (bath, nails, fed, vetted and heartworm tested) all by 6. Pizza arrived at 5. Pixy arrived at 6, Fosters arrived at 6:45. P of N&P pre-loaded all the dog food for the fosters while we waited for a couple of people who are FWI to decide on dogs. Not having to load dog food myself while people were leaving was the best treat ever! The only hiccup was Pixy didn't seem inclined to get people out the door, and the rest of us were tired and waiting, but we had everyone out by 8. Pixy stuck around til 9 eating pizza and helping clean up, and I sort of had to encourage her to get on her way home. Otherwise the intake was very efficient and I actually had a more relaxed experience at the intake than usual. This in turn helped KDog and NDog upstairs to be less stressed as I was able to potty them and give KDog a 1/2 sedative. NDog's former foster went upstairs to visit with him and later I also brought him downstairs for a little visit. I even got to eat pizza, chat with the vet tech (who drove like 50 miles!) and sit down! That never happens! Another improvement was another volunteer LA who eagerly accepted a handoff of "the clipboard" where we were making notes (doesn't like tile floors, didn't poop yet, etc). LG popped over just to do the dogs' nails. Am still waiting for an update on Finet. One of the fosters which went to a home with cats turned out to not be cat friendly, and they were looking to make an emergency switch yesterday. I don't know where that went.

The biggest helper of all was Ma Nature. It was mostly overcast which kept sun from beating down strongly on dogs and asphalt. It helped my basement stay cooler. The dogs were able to walk down to the grassy area and relieve themselves. We got back to my house, had time to potty the dogs again, got inside and then it poured buckets for an hour. The fans and dehumidifier helped keep the basement comfortable. I just can't believe how lucky we got considering the forecast.

I also can't believe that I didn't fall apart and break down after the last person (Pixy) walked out the door. There was a moment Weds night where I teared up from the stress, exhaustion, and frustration and not enough time to adapt to the crisis. I had raised a red flag on the forecast days earlier and Pixy I think had too many other things on her mind and apparently didn't think we needed to prepare. I think it was denial or wishful thinking. I follow her lead usually but this was a good experience to teach me that I need to rely on my own intuition equally, especially when I am being handed the responsibility for the safety of the dogs.

I spent a good amount of time yesterday writing thank you notes. There is a group email that I sent first but I also wanted to send a personal note to several people who stepped up big time. It matters, to me, to give people that individual recognition and have them feel seen. I remember many years ago driving 35 miles on a Friday afternoon to help a group set up a fundraiser and none of the principals even said hello. Some pizza just showed up outside at one point and we weren't offered to partake. A couple of us just figured out what to do as one of them had set the event up the year before. No one from the group ever knew or acknowledged that I had even been there. In hindsight, I recognize now that I might have been a bit harsh in my judgement; after all, one of their major volunteers had suffered a stroke that day. But I never volunteered for them again after that.

Maybe not everyone has a need to be acknowledged, but I know how good *I* feel when I am. One time at work, the National Sales Meeting was held at the home office, They had the awards banquet and gave out the prizes to the top sales people. Then as a complete surprise, the then-VP made a little speech about the people behind the scenes who work so hard to support them in their jobs. They called me and the attorney I partnered with up to the stage and he gave us a gift to thunderous applause. I had another Boss do the same thing at a different meeting, when it was my last year reporting to him and I was being restructured under New Boss. It feels really good, to know that your hard work and dedication is noticed. Such a powerful feedback loop.
 
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