Emily Rose: The Reboot

Thanks for your kind words Hana and LaMa. Tomorrow is a new day and all that, and sorting out these problems does take some time, you're right.

M2, D14 amendments:
Went on crazy booze binge even after I wrote the entry and managed to drink a bottle of Prosecco and have a massive vodka with lemon juice and water after that. Literally drank the house dry. I smoked 18 cigarettes in total. Today has not been great.

M2, D15:

1. How did today go?
Well, had to stay in bed nearly all day because of all the alcohol. I don't feel too bad now, so just going to draw a line under it and forget about it and not do it anymore.

2. How was your food and exercise?
Tried to go for a run today and I just didn't have it in me. So annoying. I will catch up during the week, but sad that my exercise streak has come to an end. Anyway, can't do much about that now.

Cigs: 2.

Today's food: Orange
Orange defends against aging damage, reduces the skin's sensitivity to light.

Food:
- 2 glasses of milk
- orange
- Burst orange drink
- tube of Stackers crisps salt and vinegar
- can of club lemon
- chicken bap from the shop with coleslaw, butter, mayo, tomato, lettuce, onion and cheese
- redbush tea and milk

Weight was 11 stone 4 3/4 pounds.

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
New week, new focus. Hope it's a good one.
 
Hi Emily!

Sorry to hear that the last days weren't great for you! :(

Take your time to get rid of your addictions. We are all human, we don't have to be perfect. That said, with time, effort and patience with yourself you can grow out of them.

One of my addictions was smoking. My journey to quit smoking cigarettes was a long one, but I learned sooo much about myself on the way through all the attempts that I did. It has made me stronger. Even failed attempts are potential valuable lessons.

Will check here more often. I want to see you succeed! :)
 
Thank you so much Tri, that's lovely to hear. I am also going to try!! :D

Hey Hana, today has been meh.

M2, D16:

1. How did today go?
Feeling really down today. Had a lot of naps. Obviously depressed after my disastrous weekend. I drank a lot last weekend also, but it didn't get to me like it got to me yesterday and today. I'm a little bit shook.

2. How was your food and exercise?
I am also pissed off cos I weighed in at 11 stone 9 1/4 pounds today. I am just losing the same 1-2 pounds every week!!!!

I did get to the gym today, it helped, did the spin and kettlebells class again.

Today's food: Flaxseed
Flaxseed detoxifies and reduces inflammation.

- porridge, raspberries, flaxseed, almond milk; echinacea tea
- drifter bar and yorkie bar
- 2 slices toasted brown bread with 2 slices ham, cheddar cheese, vine tomatoes and butter
- tea and milk
- udon noodles with chicken and loads of other stuff, some prawn crackers and soy sauce/hot sauce, can of coke
- tablespoon of apple cider vinegar; redbush tea and milk

Cigs: 7

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
Nope. I need to get an email or for that phone to ring soon, before I lose the faith.
 
Hi Cate - to be honest, your comment really stung. The truth hurts I suppose, but I wouldn't be here if I was doing everything right. I'm using this diary as a tool to help me get there.

Hi Tri, yeah, I really like the gym. I go about twice a week, along with some other stuff. I don't find it that difficult to make myself go anymore.

Thanks Hana, it was!

M2, D16 amendments: Smoked 10 cigs and had a peppermint tea and a bedtime yogi tea.

M2, D17:

1. How did today go?
Today is a fairly miserable day where I live - dark and dreary all day. I got some housework done which I was thrilled about, I have been postponing it for weeks. I actually enjoy cleaning when I get into it, it's so therapeutic. My room looks lovely.

2. How was your food and exercise?
I'm playing tennis later with some friends, then going for a swim and jacuzzi session. Don't particularly feel like going at this point of the day, but I'm committed to it now, and I'm sure it's just the thing to clear the head.

I'll be honest, food today has not been what I want it to be. But that's how it is.

Today's food: Oats
Oats support healthy hair and hair colour.

- porridge, almond milk, raspberries, flaxseed; instant coffee and milk
- cream and jam doughnut cake, cadbury's creme egg
- tea and milk
- cheeseburger with spanish fries, ketchup; sparkling water with slice of lemon
- echinacea tea

That should be more or less it, really full from the burger, maybe some more tea, but nothing major.

Will update cigs tomorrow.

Weight was 11 stone 8 3/4 pounds.

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
I'm having a really frustrating time trying to get paid for some work I did before Christmas. I have tried ringing my contact a number of times now, left a few messages and also emailed, and no response. It's really annoying, and I can't get completely irate, because I have hope she might contact me for further work in future. (Although the complete lack of interaction means that looks doubtful.) I pray she gets back to me tomorrow, preferably with some work also. Don't know what's going on. Other than that, no change really.
 
General warning: don´t do more work for people who already owe you money. Random hug in case you need one.
 
Emily, I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings. I certainly didn't intend it in an offensive way.
 
Aw, thanks for the hug LaMa.

No problems Cate, I'm a sensitive soul.

Tennis was really great. Hitting something at full force does wonders. ;)

M2, D17 amendments: Smoked 10 cigs overall. Stopped in the shop on the way home and bought another creme egg and a pack of minstrels. :mad: Had a bedtime tea also.

M2, D18:

1. How did today go?
Things are finally looking up. Honestly, cleaning my room is the best thing I've done in weeks. I feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm sitting here now under my two duvets (how decadent), a little candle lighting my incense burner scented with a few drops of lavender, my pretty nightlights adorning my wall, and it is so soothing and comforting and great. My little safe haven.

I've been having trouble with this annoying buzzing in my head at night when I try to sleep for weeks now. This morning, all my ears felt hot and my head was kind of throbbing, but I believe it was my brain trying to heal me. I can hear the little buzz now sadly, but I think it's my body's way of saying, 'Hey! You need to make some changes here.' So I believe it will go away when I start doing some more great stuff.

2. How was your food and exercise?
Went to a yoga class tonight, it was really good. More about that down below.

Weight was 11 stone 8 1/2 pounds.

Cigs: 12. Going to have to readdress this again. This week just hasn't done me any good in terms of cutting down/out. But that's ok (for now).

Today's food: Sugar snap peas
Sugar snap peas defend against free radical damage.

- porridge, raspberries, flaxseed, almond milk; instant coffee with almond milk and normal milk (tried with just almond milk at first - not great)
- lemon muffin and a coffee with milk
- grilled salmon, sugar snap peas and amaranth (finally made dinner this week. Phew.)
- 2 slices toast with cheddar cheese and tomato puree
- pack of salt and vinegar crisps
- 2 glasses of red wine (ok, alcohol again, but I stopped at 2. Which is fab.)

Could have been worse.

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
Well! I have a maybe 'job' working in the yoga centre I go to in exchange for free classes. Remember that water that splashed in front of me at my class on Saturday? Maybe these are the good tidings the teacher spoke of!
This would be fantastic for the following reasons:
a) Free classes when I am completely broke
b) Somewhere to go and meet people a few days a week (I have too much time to think at the moment)
c) You can't smoke outside a yoga centre
d) Surrounded with healthy people who all look good and will inspire me
e) There's a really hot yoga instructor who gives classes there. Saw him tonight and he is divine. Always a plus to have something nice to look at when you're working for free. ;)

Anyway, that's it from me for another day. Namaste.
 
Namaste indeed :D Hope you´ll feel better having regular days for a while. Also: Are your shoulders/neck muscles very tight? That´s one thing that might cause tinnitus and the only thing you have any direct control of (other than general stress).
 
Hey LaMa - they really shouldn't be. I'm not sitting in an office chair every day, do yoga regularly and am more mobile than ever. I actually think it could be the smoking. This is probably the thing to push me to quit to see if it helps. Am planning a smoke free week from Monday on. Just can't face giving up coming into the weekend.

It does Hana, but sadly, the woman did not contact me today. I actually think I am after turning invisible!

M2, D18 amendments: Smoked 11 in the end. Had a yogi tea.

M2, D19:

1. How did today go?
It wasn't a bad old day. Nothing that strange or interesting though.

2. How was your food and exercise?
Weight was 11 stone 7 1/2 pounds.

Exercise was a tennis lesson where I did a lot of running. I was severely out of puff though, caused by too much of the wrong kind of puffing.

Cigs update tomorrow.

Today's food: Salmon
Salmon reduces inflammation, supplies building blocks of beauty.

- porridge, chia seeds, dried fruit, almond milk
- carrot and coriander soup; 2 slices brown bread and butter
- raspberry and chocolate cake; coffee and milk
- M&S milk chocolate bar and marshmallow bar; tea and milk
- grilled salmon, sugar snap peas, 1 potato

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
I applied for another job today. Might have to give up on the dream job as they are just not emailing and I can't hang about forever. The job I applied for today would actually be pretty cool as well. I always start imagining my cool new life with every job application I do. They take a serious amount of time if you do them properly though. That cover letter, my God! I have decided to apply for a job every day next week, just to try to get the ball rolling. Send it out into the ether that I am ready for a change.
 
Sending out a stack of job applications sounds like a good idea to me - might want to keep a list of very short descriptions of the places you applied to so you immediately know what you´re talking about when someone calls and you were just working on another one.
Plus: yay for a no-smoke week!
 
That's a good suggestion, thanks LaMa.

M2, D19 amendments: Smoked 11 cigs in total.

M2, D20:
Missed yesterday, so will give the main stats.
Weighed in at 11 stone 5 3/4 pounds.
Smoked 14 cigs. Sigh. Exercise was a 5k run. It was really hard.
Food was chia seeds. Chia seeds strengthen skin cells.
Food:
- porridge, chia seeds, almond milk
- roast beef sandwich; creme egg
- coffee and milk; small dairy milk; 1 sugarfree cookie
- coffee with milk and cream
- roast potato slices with oregano, roasted asparagus, tomatoes and courgette, grilled salmon, relish; tea and milk
- pack of ripples
- bottle of white wine and a bottle of rose wine. For shame.

M2, D21:

1. How did today go?
Well, obviously I feel like shit. I will not be drinking tonight, so that is already an improvement over last Saturday. Yay for progress. My head feels awful though.

2. How was your food and exercise?
Couldn't do any exercise today. I will do another 5k tomorrow though and I'm going for a walk with a friend also.

The good news is that I weighed in at 11 stone 2 3/4 pounds today. A new low. Obviously, the alcohol has a massive influence on weigh-ins, but I'm definitely making progress. I can nearly see abs.

Food was bleh.
- can of coke; cupcake
- 10" Hawaiian pizza; can of Fanta
- pitta bread and hummus

I am sooooo thirsty, so will be having more fizzy drinks later, when I can muster up the energy to go to the shop. In a horrible mode of not being able to move around but also not being able to sleep.

No cigs so far. Tomorrow is my last day of them for the week.

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
I got a message about working at the yoga centre today. I'm meeting the girl on Wednesday about it. She said it should be just Sundays and Mondays, which would be great. I also sorted out my pay for the job before Christmas, so have that to look forward to this week. Things were going so well and then I drank myself back into feeling poorly. I just can't wait to sleep tonight and feel better again tomorrow.
 
Hey lady - sorry it's been a boozey sort of weekend. My Saturday was a complete write off and I felt horribly guilty and shameful and bleh. Well done for running anyway..it seems like you're a bit of a binge drinker, is that fair?

Glad you're starting the yoga thing soon and got pay sorted. How was today>
 
Hi Sunflower. That is completely fair, haha. I have no stop button. And my tolerance has gone really high over the years, so I don't even appear drunk even after consuming a lot and I always remember everything. Which I suppose is a good thing (the remembering is anyway). But yeah, it's something I need to change obviously.

M2, D21 amendment: Smoked just the 1 cig. Had a bottle of club lemon also.

M2, D22:

1. How did today go?
I had my most sociable day in a long time and all my food was cooked for me, success at last! Ha. It was a nice day.

2. How was your food and exercise?
Went for a 5k run. Still ridiculously hard but my time was a bit better.

Weight was 11 stone 6 pounds.

Cigs 7.

Today's food: Grapes
Grapes protect DNA health, reduce water retention. Far better than wine anyway. ;)

Food:
- frittata with a few pieces of focaccia; 3 cups of tea and milk
- handful of grapes
- some fruit salad with natural yoghurt
- 4 double choc chip cookies; Wispa gold bar (ugh)
- rooibos pear and vanilla tea
- lasagne, 2 pieces garlic bread, wedges, ketchup, side salad
- mini white Magnum
- 1 Heineken beer; 1 glass of shloer (sparkling juice); coffee

It wasn't an ideal food day, but I went to a friend's for dinner, which was lovely. Bought all the ingredients for a delicious chicken jalfrezi for dinner tomorrow night and going to try to be as healthy as possible other than that.

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
My housemate told me she saw me walking up to the house after my run and that I was 'looking great'. That was really lovely to hear. She knows how much I want to get fit and she is not a bullshitter either. So I was delighted with that and I really feel like I am making progress. Very slow progress, but progress all the same. A small reduction in booze this weekend compared with the last 2 weekends also, so that is also something. I feel like the week ahead will be a good one.
 
Last edited:
M2, D22 amendments: Actually smoked 9 and had a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and water also.

M2, D23:

1. How did today go?
It was fairly low key until I went to the gym. I feel great now, really relaxed and cosy. Chilling out to some Zero 7.

2. How was your food and exercise?
Exercise was rip 60/pump. It was such a good class. I got such a buzz from doing it.

I've decided since this is realistically the last week I can take before it's time to start gung ho looking for a job (I had a horrible moment today when I realised February was next week!), I think I'm going to up the ante on the exercise for the week. So I'm going to try to do 2 exercise things a day for the rest of the week. If I don't, no worries, it's just an idea. I have signed up for a yoga class in the morning to get me out of bed and I'm planning on tennis/a swim again tomorrow night. Wednesday I plan on an 8km run in the morning and then a yoga class that night. Thursday a gym class in the morning and tennis that night. Friday a boxfit class in the gym and maybe a light yoga class that I am currently on a waiting list for. That's the general plan.

I really want to try to shift a few pounds this week. I feel I am close to making a breakthrough, but I need to give my body a little push.

Weight today was 11 stone 6 3/4 pounds. An improvement from being at 11 st 8 last week.

Cigs: 9. Might have one more. We'll see how tired I am. Maybe 2 more. I just can't get my head around quitting, so I'm hoping the extra exercise means I just won't have time to smoke as much. We'll see how that pans out.

Food today was ok. Food of the day was cumin.
Cumin supports digestion and healthy hair and nails. It was in the chicken jalfrezi.

- 3 double choc chip cookies (ok, not the best start to the day - this is why I don't keep biscuits in the house); coffee and milk; tablespoon apple cider vinegar
- smoked haddock and salmon chowder with a crusty white roll and butter; tea and milk
- an AMAZING homemade chicken jalfrezi with brown rice that I cooked myself. It was fab.
- Yogi bedtime tea

Ok, food today was actually pretty good overall. Hopefully that will be reflected on the scale.

3. Are you any closer to reaching your goals?
So, yep, as I said, this is the last week of dossing around/waiting for dream job to contact me before I just start applying for jobs every day, whether I think they are ideal or not. I've had 3 full months off, where the hell has the time gone? And it really is time to start the next adventure.

On the romance front, I've decided to keep my room clean and inviting, and just put that vibe out to the universe that I want to meet a man! A nice man who is relaxed and charming and fun. He doesn't have to be the love of my life, just a nice, cool man. Where are you my sweet prince? ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top