- Thanks for dropping by Amy, I appreciate it.
- Hugs always appreciated LaMa.
- Peace and compassion is what I'm aiming for these days Cate.
- Hi Rob. I found a job. That's about it, hehe. Thanks for your comments. I have no doubt I will not find Mr Right here, that's not really what I was getting at, but actually, it has happened to other forum members in the past!
- Hi Petal, thanks for dropping by. Update below.
Well well well. Where to start?
This morning, I am feeling unbelievably relaxed, resisted partying in town yesterday and woke up fresh and well rested. It's such a great feeling to get a good night's sleep and have no alarm to disturb you in the morning. I have some easy listening playlist from Spotify on in the background and I'm just sitting in my huge bed with a coffee and chilling.
I have a long walk and run planned and a swim this evening to get the head right for going back to work tomorrow, but those are all things I can get to at my leisure as it's still morning time.
The last few weeks haven't been fantastic. I had a few weeks of just not getting on with the person I'm closest to in the office, we had about 3 or 4 conversations where it was just a complete disaster, and I was so scared that I'd completely lost that friendship. We seem to be back on track again, it was just a stressful time with our project and lots of things were going wrong. 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone'' really seemed to ring true for me, I didn't realise how much I depended on his friendship and support until it wasn't there anymore.
I also had the wedding. I didn't enjoy it. I find them incredibly stressful and I hate going to weddings by myself. At least that's one out of the way until December.
I am back on the giving up smoking train. I read Allen Carr's book. It was excellent, made perfect sense. I kept smoking. Agh! But he makes a brilliant point when he asks, 'When will be the perfect time to stop?' And the answer is that there is no perfect time, and you need to change your thinking so that you are happy to have the nasty things out of your life. It really is easier said than done. I know I will go through an awful time if I give them up. Fighting cravings is not fun. It's the same as resisting a piece of chocolate cake, or whatever your 'thing' is. But I am attempting it once again.
I've set a time limit of 4 weeks. If, after that time, I am still miserable and not seeing the benefits, I can go back to them. This is the only way my brain will accept not smoking for any period of time at all. I also have completely overspent this month already, so I actually can't afford to buy them. I am trying to convince my brain that this is the reason why I can't have any, which seems to work better than, 'They are making you look like shit and destroying your good health, which you are blessed to have, you daft girl!'
Right. So that's the main plan. Panicking about it but I really want this. I just keep telling myself I am stronger than a nicotine craving. That I can cope with any uncomfortable feelings that come up, that life is full of uncomfortable feelings, and I have to learn how to process them.
In terms of diet and exercise, the exercise plan as outlined above is very important, as without being active, I will crave cigarettes even more. I could really feel how clogged up my lungs are when I went for my swim yesterday, the last 10 laps especially. Diet-wise, I am going to be a little bit more lenient. I will do my best to be healthy but if I need some sugar to stop me buying a pack of cigarettes, I will allow that.
My goal at the moment is to lose 30 pounds. Today is day 1 again, I weighed in at 180 pounds and 41.9% body fat. I am not quite at panic stations, but this is obviously not great. My housemate is around the same height as me and secretly uses my scale to weigh herself. I don't think she realises that it's synced up with my Fitbit so it records her weight as well as mine. She has her own scale also. It just shows you how fucked up most women are about their weight. I could tell her but I don't want to embarrass her. Or maybe I should say it?
Anyway, it turns out that she weighs 50 pounds less than me. I always thought that was around the weight I wanted to be. But you know what? I think she looks maybe a bit too thin. Like, she doesn't look super healthy to me, despite being really slim. I'm not trying to be mean here, but it just made me realise I'm chasing a weight that won't look good on me and I probably don't even want.
My weight is definitely not good at the moment, but I still feel like I have good muscle mass and if I got rid of the fat around the middle and lost some on my chest, I would look fantastic. But I think the dream of being a lithe stick figure is silly and probably unnecessary.
Anyway, I hope you don't think I was being mean about my housemate, that's not the point I was trying to get across, it was more to emphasise that my fixation on low numbers on that scale is not right.
Breakfast this morning was a coffee and whole milk and porridge with cinnamon, ground ginger, sunflower seeds, blueberries and whole milk. Yum. Will work on cooking my meals today but might indulge in some cake, will decide after my walk.
Thanks for reading.
- Hugs always appreciated LaMa.
- Peace and compassion is what I'm aiming for these days Cate.
- Hi Rob. I found a job. That's about it, hehe. Thanks for your comments. I have no doubt I will not find Mr Right here, that's not really what I was getting at, but actually, it has happened to other forum members in the past!
- Hi Petal, thanks for dropping by. Update below.
Well well well. Where to start?
This morning, I am feeling unbelievably relaxed, resisted partying in town yesterday and woke up fresh and well rested. It's such a great feeling to get a good night's sleep and have no alarm to disturb you in the morning. I have some easy listening playlist from Spotify on in the background and I'm just sitting in my huge bed with a coffee and chilling.
I have a long walk and run planned and a swim this evening to get the head right for going back to work tomorrow, but those are all things I can get to at my leisure as it's still morning time.
The last few weeks haven't been fantastic. I had a few weeks of just not getting on with the person I'm closest to in the office, we had about 3 or 4 conversations where it was just a complete disaster, and I was so scared that I'd completely lost that friendship. We seem to be back on track again, it was just a stressful time with our project and lots of things were going wrong. 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone'' really seemed to ring true for me, I didn't realise how much I depended on his friendship and support until it wasn't there anymore.
I also had the wedding. I didn't enjoy it. I find them incredibly stressful and I hate going to weddings by myself. At least that's one out of the way until December.
I am back on the giving up smoking train. I read Allen Carr's book. It was excellent, made perfect sense. I kept smoking. Agh! But he makes a brilliant point when he asks, 'When will be the perfect time to stop?' And the answer is that there is no perfect time, and you need to change your thinking so that you are happy to have the nasty things out of your life. It really is easier said than done. I know I will go through an awful time if I give them up. Fighting cravings is not fun. It's the same as resisting a piece of chocolate cake, or whatever your 'thing' is. But I am attempting it once again.
I've set a time limit of 4 weeks. If, after that time, I am still miserable and not seeing the benefits, I can go back to them. This is the only way my brain will accept not smoking for any period of time at all. I also have completely overspent this month already, so I actually can't afford to buy them. I am trying to convince my brain that this is the reason why I can't have any, which seems to work better than, 'They are making you look like shit and destroying your good health, which you are blessed to have, you daft girl!'
Right. So that's the main plan. Panicking about it but I really want this. I just keep telling myself I am stronger than a nicotine craving. That I can cope with any uncomfortable feelings that come up, that life is full of uncomfortable feelings, and I have to learn how to process them.
In terms of diet and exercise, the exercise plan as outlined above is very important, as without being active, I will crave cigarettes even more. I could really feel how clogged up my lungs are when I went for my swim yesterday, the last 10 laps especially. Diet-wise, I am going to be a little bit more lenient. I will do my best to be healthy but if I need some sugar to stop me buying a pack of cigarettes, I will allow that.
My goal at the moment is to lose 30 pounds. Today is day 1 again, I weighed in at 180 pounds and 41.9% body fat. I am not quite at panic stations, but this is obviously not great. My housemate is around the same height as me and secretly uses my scale to weigh herself. I don't think she realises that it's synced up with my Fitbit so it records her weight as well as mine. She has her own scale also. It just shows you how fucked up most women are about their weight. I could tell her but I don't want to embarrass her. Or maybe I should say it?
Anyway, it turns out that she weighs 50 pounds less than me. I always thought that was around the weight I wanted to be. But you know what? I think she looks maybe a bit too thin. Like, she doesn't look super healthy to me, despite being really slim. I'm not trying to be mean here, but it just made me realise I'm chasing a weight that won't look good on me and I probably don't even want.
My weight is definitely not good at the moment, but I still feel like I have good muscle mass and if I got rid of the fat around the middle and lost some on my chest, I would look fantastic. But I think the dream of being a lithe stick figure is silly and probably unnecessary.
Anyway, I hope you don't think I was being mean about my housemate, that's not the point I was trying to get across, it was more to emphasise that my fixation on low numbers on that scale is not right.
Breakfast this morning was a coffee and whole milk and porridge with cinnamon, ground ginger, sunflower seeds, blueberries and whole milk. Yum. Will work on cooking my meals today but might indulge in some cake, will decide after my walk.
Thanks for reading.
