Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
Thank you LaMa.
Ah, thanks Cate. You did do better. Full steam ahead is right.
Hey Petal, no one home tonight, so pancakes would have to be made by myself alone,
. I'm not that pushed anyway.
Right. Ended up going out last night 'for a few' for my birthday and only got to sleep at 3 am. Absolute disaster. Exhausted all day in work. They got a cake for me and everything, it was really sweet, but I couldn't muster up much enthusiasm because of the lack of sleep (and booze). It was really obvious how much better my mood is when I get a good night's sleep! Must remember that!!!!
I also decided to give myself a birthday present this year of healthy, clear lungs. No cigarettes today. Feeling confident. I know the next few days will be harder but I have thought long and hard about it, and I'm ready for whatever excuses my brain comes up with, and I'm going to eviscerate them. Hahaha. I feel panicked already.
My stomach is in a heap from my period, I've been in the bathroom half the day. The pints probably didn't help, but even before any alcohol yesterday, my whole system had gone completely crazy. It's like I was pregnant, I needed to pee every 10 minutes. Can periods affect your bladder? Ugh, it's tough being a woman at times, let me tell you. It's kind of funny that the word 'feminine' brings to mind daisies in a field and pretty dresses, when certain aspects of being female equate to a stinky, smelly, horrible time in the bathroom. Haha, anyway, that's just where I'm at tonight, sick of my stomach being in absolute ribbons and feeling bloated and horrible.
My parents still aren't home, they left my present on my seat at the dinner table for me and had the fire lighting, which was lovely. I don't know if I have the energy to wait up for them, might head to bed now. Looking forward to feeling slightly less icky and sick tomorrow. Night all.
Ah, thanks Cate. You did do better. Full steam ahead is right.
Hey Petal, no one home tonight, so pancakes would have to be made by myself alone,
. I'm not that pushed anyway.Right. Ended up going out last night 'for a few' for my birthday and only got to sleep at 3 am. Absolute disaster. Exhausted all day in work. They got a cake for me and everything, it was really sweet, but I couldn't muster up much enthusiasm because of the lack of sleep (and booze). It was really obvious how much better my mood is when I get a good night's sleep! Must remember that!!!!
I also decided to give myself a birthday present this year of healthy, clear lungs. No cigarettes today. Feeling confident. I know the next few days will be harder but I have thought long and hard about it, and I'm ready for whatever excuses my brain comes up with, and I'm going to eviscerate them. Hahaha. I feel panicked already.
My stomach is in a heap from my period, I've been in the bathroom half the day. The pints probably didn't help, but even before any alcohol yesterday, my whole system had gone completely crazy. It's like I was pregnant, I needed to pee every 10 minutes. Can periods affect your bladder? Ugh, it's tough being a woman at times, let me tell you. It's kind of funny that the word 'feminine' brings to mind daisies in a field and pretty dresses, when certain aspects of being female equate to a stinky, smelly, horrible time in the bathroom. Haha, anyway, that's just where I'm at tonight, sick of my stomach being in absolute ribbons and feeling bloated and horrible.
My parents still aren't home, they left my present on my seat at the dinner table for me and had the fire lighting, which was lovely. I don't know if I have the energy to wait up for them, might head to bed now. Looking forward to feeling slightly less icky and sick tomorrow. Night all.
Cramping has a proven influence on gut activity so I wouldn´t be surprised if it irritated the bladder as well. Best of luck on the abstinence of tar and nicotine - remember your reasons for wanting to stop and keep reminding yourself the cravings will stop soonest if you don´t give in even once!
xoxo CateHi guys, thanks for the comments.
Haven't really felt like posting lately. Nothing has really changed, not feeling particularly good or bad, just plodding along. Well, maybe that's not true. I have a lot going on in my heads, it's taking up a lot of energy, so I'm finding that I'm tired at around 9 o'clock every night and I just go to bed.
(I meant to say 'head' but 'heads' feels more accurate.)
I've been listening to some chakra clearing meditations at night, I love them.
I have had the desire to buy wine and drink it secretly in my room the last two nights but have resisted the temptation both times. So I just go to sleep instead.
I don't feel very depressed, it's more a latent sense of despair. That sounds very dramatic but it's probably true. Maybe I don't really know how I feel.
I'm getting loads of attention from men lately, which I enjoy. A man at the petrol station today was really looking at me, not in a creepy way, but looking all the same. I wish I could get out of 'look but don't touch' mode. It's lonely.
Haven't really felt like posting lately. Nothing has really changed, not feeling particularly good or bad, just plodding along. Well, maybe that's not true. I have a lot going on in my heads, it's taking up a lot of energy, so I'm finding that I'm tired at around 9 o'clock every night and I just go to bed.
(I meant to say 'head' but 'heads' feels more accurate.)
I've been listening to some chakra clearing meditations at night, I love them.
I have had the desire to buy wine and drink it secretly in my room the last two nights but have resisted the temptation both times. So I just go to sleep instead.
I don't feel very depressed, it's more a latent sense of despair. That sounds very dramatic but it's probably true. Maybe I don't really know how I feel.
I'm getting loads of attention from men lately, which I enjoy. A man at the petrol station today was really looking at me, not in a creepy way, but looking all the same. I wish I could get out of 'look but don't touch' mode. It's lonely.
Cate
Long term member
When you are feeling better about yourself that mode may switch around. Keep enjoying those looks, Em.
Thanks guys.
Feeling a bit better today, probably because I have a long weekend ahead! The joys of it!
Don't have much planned, but that's okay by me. Had a very hectic week so I am happy to just sit in my cocoon and watch some films/read and spend time with my family. I think my uncle is staying with us on Sunday night, so it will be nice to see him.
Going to make another attempt to give up smoking this weekend. I have to keep trying. I want them out of my life.
Not much else to report, my food was atrocious today, but back on track tomorrow I hope. Will probably start logging here again. I might give the scales a break for a while, as they are not cooperating. It sometimes puts me off when I am doing well with my diet and I don't see a change. So I might just stop weighing for a couple of weeks and see how that feels. I might just do the jeans test to see if I'm losing. I have a few pairs of jeans that I have been wanting to fit into for years now.
I'm going to leave you with this epic song by Selena Gomez, it's my jam:
Feeling a bit better today, probably because I have a long weekend ahead! The joys of it!
Don't have much planned, but that's okay by me. Had a very hectic week so I am happy to just sit in my cocoon and watch some films/read and spend time with my family. I think my uncle is staying with us on Sunday night, so it will be nice to see him.
Going to make another attempt to give up smoking this weekend. I have to keep trying. I want them out of my life.
Not much else to report, my food was atrocious today, but back on track tomorrow I hope. Will probably start logging here again. I might give the scales a break for a while, as they are not cooperating. It sometimes puts me off when I am doing well with my diet and I don't see a change. So I might just stop weighing for a couple of weeks and see how that feels. I might just do the jeans test to see if I'm losing. I have a few pairs of jeans that I have been wanting to fit into for years now.
I'm going to leave you with this epic song by Selena Gomez, it's my jam:
Petal001
New member
Hi em just posted a bit of a similar post to your posts about tiredness ( not men looking at me lol mores the pity lol ) . Perhaps it’s in the air . Have a great bank holiday and kick back and enjoy the family . I bought a lovely piece of ham to cook on Sunday .
Hope you feel better soon and yes I agree the scales can be a foe at times .
Hugs
Hope you feel better soon and yes I agree the scales can be a foe at times .
Hugs
Thanks Petal, hope you enjoyed the ham.
Cate, I had a smoke free day yesterday, went drinking tonight which makes it impossible. Will try again tomorrow.
Had an interesting night out tonight. I’m so ready for the next thing. I had a great chat with a guy where we both acknowledged how lost we used to be and how great it is to be inching closer to being found. I’m ready to be found.
I normally talk about negative stuff here but I am amazed every day by how self-assured I’ve become. I am able for most things. I think I have so much to offer. Also, went to the gym and swam today and felt great. I like this feeling. Even though the night did not go the way I hoped it would.
Cate, I had a smoke free day yesterday, went drinking tonight which makes it impossible. Will try again tomorrow.
Had an interesting night out tonight. I’m so ready for the next thing. I had a great chat with a guy where we both acknowledged how lost we used to be and how great it is to be inching closer to being found. I’m ready to be found.
I normally talk about negative stuff here but I am amazed every day by how self-assured I’ve become. I am able for most things. I think I have so much to offer. Also, went to the gym and swam today and felt great. I like this feeling. Even though the night did not go the way I hoped it would.
That´s great to hear!
Don´t tell yourself that too often or it will become true. Hard is not impossible. My dad stopped smoking when he was 26 or so and once told me he still wanted a cigarette every time he had a beer - even though he was in his 40s at the time. He never relapsed though.
You’re right LaMa. I have abandoned giving them up again. I have cut down a lot, so there’s that. But I think I’m trying to tackle too much together and it’s overwhelming.
Thanks Petal. Yeah, he was nice, he hit it off with someone else though! Ah well.
Feeling a bit blue. I am going to do a half marathon in September, started training yesterday. I need to have something on the horizon to keep me focused. Did loads of exercise this weekend so taking a break tonight. Might go see ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. Or else go home and slump in front of the computer. Choices, choices.
I went to a meditation group last night, I really liked the leader, he just seemed like an amazing person. The group is a bit unnerving when you are the new person, because they keep asking how you feel, is it working, does your heart feel lighter? It actually kind of upsets me because it’s exposed to me how heavy my heart is. It’s unearthing a lot of emotions. I guess that means I need to keep going. It’s like therapy in a way. I don’t like feeling upset like this though. But maybe it’s time to stop burying my head in the sand.
I’m also looking for a place to live. I am ready to go out into the world again. I’m never going to move home again, this is the last time. It’s what I’ve needed but enough is enough.
Thanks Petal. Yeah, he was nice, he hit it off with someone else though! Ah well.
Feeling a bit blue. I am going to do a half marathon in September, started training yesterday. I need to have something on the horizon to keep me focused. Did loads of exercise this weekend so taking a break tonight. Might go see ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. Or else go home and slump in front of the computer. Choices, choices.
I went to a meditation group last night, I really liked the leader, he just seemed like an amazing person. The group is a bit unnerving when you are the new person, because they keep asking how you feel, is it working, does your heart feel lighter? It actually kind of upsets me because it’s exposed to me how heavy my heart is. It’s unearthing a lot of emotions. I guess that means I need to keep going. It’s like therapy in a way. I don’t like feeling upset like this though. But maybe it’s time to stop burying my head in the sand.
I’m also looking for a place to live. I am ready to go out into the world again. I’m never going to move home again, this is the last time. It’s what I’ve needed but enough is enough.
I didn’t end up going to see it m2m. I’ll get there eventually.
Haha, I understand that LaMa. I’m going again tonight even though I feel it is completely disturbing my mental state. Time to start dealing with things!
Had an absolute nightmare week in work, literally everything went wrong. Important sheets of paper blew out the window. It was bad. We got through it but I really hope that’s the end of the hardship for a long, long while.
It’s been very hard to stay upbeat, I’m getting quite caught up in my past. I don’t like it. The days are going so quickly, it’s frightening. I hope that this is all part of the process of getting to a peaceful and happy place in my life. I do have some lovely people in my life, which is something I suppose!
I feel like I need to start making progress soon though, really feel I’m in a hole right now.
Haha, I understand that LaMa. I’m going again tonight even though I feel it is completely disturbing my mental state. Time to start dealing with things!
Had an absolute nightmare week in work, literally everything went wrong. Important sheets of paper blew out the window. It was bad. We got through it but I really hope that’s the end of the hardship for a long, long while.
It’s been very hard to stay upbeat, I’m getting quite caught up in my past. I don’t like it. The days are going so quickly, it’s frightening. I hope that this is all part of the process of getting to a peaceful and happy place in my life. I do have some lovely people in my life, which is something I suppose!
I feel like I need to start making progress soon though, really feel I’m in a hole right now.