Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
Jenniquest
New member
The yoga retreat sounds awesome and cleansing!! Have a lovely time 
Yep, very exciting. I'm going for a week Cate.
Today I am having the laziest day. It's after 2pm and I'm still in my dressing gown typing this in bed. I actually don't really have any plans made. I have a cinema voucher that I need to use but I looked at the listings there and none of the films seem that appealing. Maybe The Favourite, but I don't think I'm in the mood for it. I watched Hereditary last night, it's such a good film. Toni Collette is amazing. I've loved her ever since I saw Muriel's Wedding, which is a fantastic film also. Very sad though.
My stomach is feeling so much better, had loads of bathroom trips yesterday, so I think things are back to normal. I actually think I had some sort of bacteria or virus, I don't think it was just constipation from over-excess at Christmas. Anyway, hopefully it is gone now. It's horrible to be sick.
I had a moment of absolute panic earlier because I couldn't find my passport. I have 3 boxes still to unpack from when I moved home and it wasn't in the one I thought I'd put it in. Luckily, I found it before I completely freaked out. I need this holiday!
My parents are going on holidays tomorrow so they'll be packing all their stuff this evening. Dad is having a terrible time trying to check-in online with Ryanair. He had put his own passport details against my mother's name, so I had to show him how to rectify that. They don't make it easy!
I'm thinking of having some sort of reward system for every pound I lose to keep me on track. I don't want to end up spending a lot of money but I just need some incentive. I might post about it here when I start my new plan.
I am actually down 7 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I gained at least 5 over Christmas, but it's a very encouraging start. I'm hoping I lose a lot on the holiday. I know I should want to keep it steady but I just really need my BMI to be back in the healthy range. I feel pretty good in general though, I'm not berating myself too much, which I think helps. I'm not hiding away from people, which is the main thing.
Today I am having the laziest day. It's after 2pm and I'm still in my dressing gown typing this in bed. I actually don't really have any plans made. I have a cinema voucher that I need to use but I looked at the listings there and none of the films seem that appealing. Maybe The Favourite, but I don't think I'm in the mood for it. I watched Hereditary last night, it's such a good film. Toni Collette is amazing. I've loved her ever since I saw Muriel's Wedding, which is a fantastic film also. Very sad though.
My stomach is feeling so much better, had loads of bathroom trips yesterday, so I think things are back to normal. I actually think I had some sort of bacteria or virus, I don't think it was just constipation from over-excess at Christmas. Anyway, hopefully it is gone now. It's horrible to be sick.
I had a moment of absolute panic earlier because I couldn't find my passport. I have 3 boxes still to unpack from when I moved home and it wasn't in the one I thought I'd put it in. Luckily, I found it before I completely freaked out. I need this holiday!
My parents are going on holidays tomorrow so they'll be packing all their stuff this evening. Dad is having a terrible time trying to check-in online with Ryanair. He had put his own passport details against my mother's name, so I had to show him how to rectify that. They don't make it easy!
I'm thinking of having some sort of reward system for every pound I lose to keep me on track. I don't want to end up spending a lot of money but I just need some incentive. I might post about it here when I start my new plan.
I am actually down 7 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I gained at least 5 over Christmas, but it's a very encouraging start. I'm hoping I lose a lot on the holiday. I know I should want to keep it steady but I just really need my BMI to be back in the healthy range. I feel pretty good in general though, I'm not berating myself too much, which I think helps. I'm not hiding away from people, which is the main thing.
Petal001
New member
Em I love Toni Collette too . I was watching her in a new series recently she was really good . Can I recall the name . No !!
Oh I would love to see the new mary poppies movie was wondering could I steal my niece .
Hope the parents got off ok . Glad you are feeling better and well done on weight loss
Oh I would love to see the new mary poppies movie was wondering could I steal my niece .
Hope the parents got off ok . Glad you are feeling better and well done on weight loss
Thanks Cate. I think it will be great for me.
Thanks LaMa. The illness helped, sad to say. Also sad to say that my stomach is acting up again. I think I might have gastritis. I had the same feeling in my stomach a couple of years ago when I got very overweight. It's a disaster.
Hi Petal. I drove my dad to the train station earlier. I was kind of sad saying goodbye to him. How silly.
Did some yoga this morning for the first time in a while, the room was really hot and I felt so ill afterwards. I think next week might be hard going. I am not exactly at my physical peak, but at the same time, all the exercise I've done in the last few years has really paid off. My arms and legs are really strong. Even my abdomen isn't too bad. It's just the belly that is a complete disaster zone. I am 'secretly fat'.
I ended up going shopping yesterday and bought a really cute dress for 8 euro and an orange jacket to go with it for 20. I tried them on. I looked fantastic except for the belly. The jacket isn't fitting properly because of the boobs. But I could see that if I can lose another stone or so, I will be looking fab. Fabber. I am really happy with my shape at the moment. Did I always have this shape or have I made it so through the yoga etc.? I'm not too sure.
I've been thinking lately about how I've lagged behind for so many years, not understanding myself, my body, my femininity, my sexuality... When I think back, my friends along the way were so ahead of me. I don't know why it's taken me such a long time to get with the program. Maybe it's because I had an eating disorder for so long. I feel I have been suspended in childhood for longer than I should have been. I think I am finally waking up though.
All of this stuff has been uprooted because I got a call today from an old friend/acquaintance inviting me over for dinner at her house. She's such a lovely girl, I met her through a work colleague and a friend of my former housemate who both shared a house with her. Anyway, I had heard that the friend of my former housemate had got engaged, but Edel also told me on the call that his fiancée is expecting a baby now, due in April! I am really happy for him, but just wondering when the fuck I am going to have something like that to share. Anyway, it's all fine, just feeling a bit... at sea.
Right. Going to mess around on the internet for a bit and go to bed. I have the fire lighting here, it's really cosy, but I don't like being in this big house all by myself. Anyway, should be a good week, only 6 more sleeps to holiday time!
Thanks LaMa. The illness helped, sad to say. Also sad to say that my stomach is acting up again. I think I might have gastritis. I had the same feeling in my stomach a couple of years ago when I got very overweight. It's a disaster.
Hi Petal. I drove my dad to the train station earlier. I was kind of sad saying goodbye to him. How silly.
Did some yoga this morning for the first time in a while, the room was really hot and I felt so ill afterwards. I think next week might be hard going. I am not exactly at my physical peak, but at the same time, all the exercise I've done in the last few years has really paid off. My arms and legs are really strong. Even my abdomen isn't too bad. It's just the belly that is a complete disaster zone. I am 'secretly fat'.
I ended up going shopping yesterday and bought a really cute dress for 8 euro and an orange jacket to go with it for 20. I tried them on. I looked fantastic except for the belly. The jacket isn't fitting properly because of the boobs. But I could see that if I can lose another stone or so, I will be looking fab. Fabber. I am really happy with my shape at the moment. Did I always have this shape or have I made it so through the yoga etc.? I'm not too sure.
I've been thinking lately about how I've lagged behind for so many years, not understanding myself, my body, my femininity, my sexuality... When I think back, my friends along the way were so ahead of me. I don't know why it's taken me such a long time to get with the program. Maybe it's because I had an eating disorder for so long. I feel I have been suspended in childhood for longer than I should have been. I think I am finally waking up though.
All of this stuff has been uprooted because I got a call today from an old friend/acquaintance inviting me over for dinner at her house. She's such a lovely girl, I met her through a work colleague and a friend of my former housemate who both shared a house with her. Anyway, I had heard that the friend of my former housemate had got engaged, but Edel also told me on the call that his fiancée is expecting a baby now, due in April! I am really happy for him, but just wondering when the fuck I am going to have something like that to share. Anyway, it's all fine, just feeling a bit... at sea.
Right. Going to mess around on the internet for a bit and go to bed. I have the fire lighting here, it's really cosy, but I don't like being in this big house all by myself. Anyway, should be a good week, only 6 more sleeps to holiday time!
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Cate
Long term member
Why? You love him. He loves you. You will miss him. That is SO not silly xoxo
Is there something you could do for your parents, Em to surprise them when they get home? Will they still be away when you go on holiday?
This retreat will be a good time for you to re-charge & reflect. Your life is still ahead of you. It is definitely up to you what you do with it & you are capable of changing your life for the better. Look for the good, hon xo
Petal001
New member
Em I think you will find your own feet and life things will happen for you give it time . Many people I know now only find love late 30s and someone close to me is having babies in her 40s. gwt out in life and enjoy it travel and have fun . It's nice you got a dinner invite .
Also don't be in a rush to leave your parents house . You are not alone living with your parents anymore . It's so impossible now for people to have their own home many are doing it to save money . It's a great idea . When is your holiday ?
Also don't be in a rush to leave your parents house . You are not alone living with your parents anymore . It's so impossible now for people to have their own home many are doing it to save money . It's a great idea . When is your holiday ?
What Cate and Petal said. Also: people we meet along the way always look like they´ve got their shit together more than we do. Part of that is people feeling ashamed about the parts they haven´t got sorted out yet and hiding them. Part is us focusing on the things we haven´t got under control and comparing only those parts to others.
Jenniquest
New member
Agree with Lama. There's a saying that goes: "Don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides." Also agree with Petal that people are waiting longer to settle down, maybe because we live longer than we used to? Kinda makes sense. Awesome to hear you are happy with your shape at the moment. That's a great feeling and an accomplishment too!
Hi Cate. I know it isn't ''silly'', maybe I just meant it took me by surprise.
I think if I leave the house in any kind of fit state, they will be happy. Maybe I could buy flowers or something for the table. Leave it with me...
Hi Petal, yep, loads of people I know have moved home, but that is to try to save for a mortgage. I am not in that zone at all, don't even think I want that on my plate. At this point in time, I wouldn't buy a house on my own. With someone else, perhaps. But I am not really a fan of buying property for a lot of reasons. Yes, you can get turfed out of a rented property at the whim of the owner, that's the chance you take. But you have a lot more freedom. If you lose your job, it is not the end of the world. You are not tied to any one location. I guess I just think the people around me are property-obsessed, whereas I see it as a noose around your neck, in certain respects.
Very wise words LaMa. Thank you.
Jenni, I always think of that when I see how people are putting having babies off. There are no guarantees in life, I guess the risks that come with having a baby later would worry me. I don't even want a 'settling down' type of relationship, just any kind of relationship would be nice.
So happy to see that Sunflower is back, looking fabulous!
In a bit of a low ebb today, I can't even explain it. I watched a film today where a girl lives the same day over and over and while I don't feel my days are all the same, the patterns are. I need this break to get my shit together. I am going for it full throttle. It really is my chance to ditch the cigarettes for good - banned from the premises entirely. Also, no coffee or tea, bread, booze, anything fun...
Haha, I wonder what sort of people I will meet there. I might hate them all. I'm not a fan of extremists. I think as someone who has lived with addiction - which is a form of extremism you could say - I think anyone that is very restrictive and severe in the way that they live sets off alarm bells for me. Obviously, I want to be healthy and look great and have loads of energy, but banning things and measuring every calorie I eat and having issues with the person next to me ordering the giant steak wouldn't really be a massive leap forward.
Even in the meditation groups I go to at times, there is a certain amount of idolisation of the Buddhists that set up that particular practice that is really bizarre. I think having admiration for people is fantastic but I would never 'follow' anyone and blindly believe everything they say. We are all on a journey. No one has all the answers. NO ONE.
I was outside in my garden earlier tonight and I was wondering about the seasons and the reasoning behind them. The trees in my garden are so beautiful in summertime and now they are stark and skeletal. They look depleted. I think there is something wonderful about the seasons. I think each one brings something different to the human experience and we can take a lot from them. Winter generally depresses people, but maybe that's because we feel we constantly need to be running around 'achieving' when what we really should be doing in winter is sitting in front of the fire chatting to the family or reading some good books. Who am I to say?
I think if I leave the house in any kind of fit state, they will be happy. Maybe I could buy flowers or something for the table. Leave it with me...
Hi Petal, yep, loads of people I know have moved home, but that is to try to save for a mortgage. I am not in that zone at all, don't even think I want that on my plate. At this point in time, I wouldn't buy a house on my own. With someone else, perhaps. But I am not really a fan of buying property for a lot of reasons. Yes, you can get turfed out of a rented property at the whim of the owner, that's the chance you take. But you have a lot more freedom. If you lose your job, it is not the end of the world. You are not tied to any one location. I guess I just think the people around me are property-obsessed, whereas I see it as a noose around your neck, in certain respects.
Very wise words LaMa. Thank you.
Jenni, I always think of that when I see how people are putting having babies off. There are no guarantees in life, I guess the risks that come with having a baby later would worry me. I don't even want a 'settling down' type of relationship, just any kind of relationship would be nice.
So happy to see that Sunflower is back, looking fabulous!
In a bit of a low ebb today, I can't even explain it. I watched a film today where a girl lives the same day over and over and while I don't feel my days are all the same, the patterns are. I need this break to get my shit together. I am going for it full throttle. It really is my chance to ditch the cigarettes for good - banned from the premises entirely. Also, no coffee or tea, bread, booze, anything fun...
Haha, I wonder what sort of people I will meet there. I might hate them all. I'm not a fan of extremists. I think as someone who has lived with addiction - which is a form of extremism you could say - I think anyone that is very restrictive and severe in the way that they live sets off alarm bells for me. Obviously, I want to be healthy and look great and have loads of energy, but banning things and measuring every calorie I eat and having issues with the person next to me ordering the giant steak wouldn't really be a massive leap forward.
Even in the meditation groups I go to at times, there is a certain amount of idolisation of the Buddhists that set up that particular practice that is really bizarre. I think having admiration for people is fantastic but I would never 'follow' anyone and blindly believe everything they say. We are all on a journey. No one has all the answers. NO ONE.
I was outside in my garden earlier tonight and I was wondering about the seasons and the reasoning behind them. The trees in my garden are so beautiful in summertime and now they are stark and skeletal. They look depleted. I think there is something wonderful about the seasons. I think each one brings something different to the human experience and we can take a lot from them. Winter generally depresses people, but maybe that's because we feel we constantly need to be running around 'achieving' when what we really should be doing in winter is sitting in front of the fire chatting to the family or reading some good books. Who am I to say?
Hear hear.
That, and going out into the woods to discover the clues that nature is already preparing for spring. Most buds are ready and waiting to break open when the weather warms up. In warm corners of gardens and forests everywhere the first hazel bushes are about to bloom. I my parents garden snowdrop, early crocus, and winter aconite are already showing their (non-)color. There´s so many subtle signs of life that you wouldn´t even notice among the abundance of spring and summer. Looking for them is one of my winter pleasures.
Petal001
New member
Hi em it sounds you have a lot going on in your head . I hope you enjoy the week ahead in the retreat .
I was listening to the radio Monday and a lady emailed in to say she was 3 stone over weight and she was pretty happy in herself but she said that since new year she is being made to feel uncomfortable in work . She says she brings her lunch to work and likes to sit and enjoy her sandwich and her yoghurt and whatever but the girls sitting next to her feel it's their right to comment on every morsel she eats as they are ill in slimming classes now since xmas . I like you would never judge what people eat .
I was listening to the radio Monday and a lady emailed in to say she was 3 stone over weight and she was pretty happy in herself but she said that since new year she is being made to feel uncomfortable in work . She says she brings her lunch to work and likes to sit and enjoy her sandwich and her yoghurt and whatever but the girls sitting next to her feel it's their right to comment on every morsel she eats as they are ill in slimming classes now since xmas . I like you would never judge what people eat .
That's cool LaMa, I never thought of it like that really.
I always have a lot going on in my head Petal.
That's tough on that woman - I think in my office, people comment on other people's lunches, but more in an 'oh, that looks nice' way, rather than a judgemental way. It's like talking about the weather in a way, just chitchat and no harm meant. When you have issues with food, you pick up on things way more though. One girl that has left did take issue with me eating salads at lunch time, even though she had a far better figure than me, but anyway, don't have to deal with that shit anymore.
Right. Off on holiday tomorrow. Bag nearly packed, I have to be up in 5 hours, so it really should be packed!!! I've decided that I will sleep on the bus and the plane, so it's grand. I am really looking forward to it but I'm kind of scared as well. I'm scared because this is the moment I ditch the cigarettes for good. I think I've maybe had 3 days in a row max for the last 7 years probably where I didn't smoke? Shit, what a long, long time of ingesting tar and horrible carcinogenics into my system. But, the human body is a fucking machine, so I'm not going to worry about the damage done. I'm still young and I feel that my health is astoundingly good considering diet, anxiety levels, blah blah. So, taking tomorrow and this week as a fresh start.
I'm really going to just use this time to take a deep breath and just go with the flow. My mum texted me earlier and what she texted brought a tear to my eye. Along with directions about leaving the hall light on (and a call last night about the heating settings!), she said, 'Bon voyage and have a great holiday. You so deserve it.' I thought that was lovely. Considering how little I contribute to our home, she still thinks I deserve it despite my messiness, laziness, moodiness and other negative traits.
I also was really delighted with how lovely the girls (and lovely guy) in the office were today - I walked in and one of the gang Rachel whooped and was so thrilled for me, and they all wished me a genuine fun holiday before I went home. It just gave me a good feeling. They are a nice bunch.
Anyway, have to get going, do the last few bits, I will drop in during the week and give you an update. Night all.
I always have a lot going on in my head Petal.
That's tough on that woman - I think in my office, people comment on other people's lunches, but more in an 'oh, that looks nice' way, rather than a judgemental way. It's like talking about the weather in a way, just chitchat and no harm meant. When you have issues with food, you pick up on things way more though. One girl that has left did take issue with me eating salads at lunch time, even though she had a far better figure than me, but anyway, don't have to deal with that shit anymore.
Right. Off on holiday tomorrow. Bag nearly packed, I have to be up in 5 hours, so it really should be packed!!! I've decided that I will sleep on the bus and the plane, so it's grand. I am really looking forward to it but I'm kind of scared as well. I'm scared because this is the moment I ditch the cigarettes for good. I think I've maybe had 3 days in a row max for the last 7 years probably where I didn't smoke? Shit, what a long, long time of ingesting tar and horrible carcinogenics into my system. But, the human body is a fucking machine, so I'm not going to worry about the damage done. I'm still young and I feel that my health is astoundingly good considering diet, anxiety levels, blah blah. So, taking tomorrow and this week as a fresh start.
I'm really going to just use this time to take a deep breath and just go with the flow. My mum texted me earlier and what she texted brought a tear to my eye. Along with directions about leaving the hall light on (and a call last night about the heating settings!), she said, 'Bon voyage and have a great holiday. You so deserve it.' I thought that was lovely. Considering how little I contribute to our home, she still thinks I deserve it despite my messiness, laziness, moodiness and other negative traits.
I also was really delighted with how lovely the girls (and lovely guy) in the office were today - I walked in and one of the gang Rachel whooped and was so thrilled for me, and they all wished me a genuine fun holiday before I went home. It just gave me a good feeling. They are a nice bunch.
Anyway, have to get going, do the last few bits, I will drop in during the week and give you an update. Night all.
So looking forward to hearing about your experience!Thanks guys.
Day 1 started out disastrously - I awoke to the ringing of my phone - the taxi driver was outside. I had slept in. I have never woken up so fast in my life. I managed to get ready in 15 minutes and we made it to the bus on time. It was not the way I wanted my holiday to start out though.
Nothing much of incident in the airport, flight over or transfer to the place I'm in. We had the most wonderful dinner this evening (wild rice with peas, carrot mash, chickpea curry, salads), it was fantastic. I also fit in a Pilates class and a visualisation class before bed. It's 9.20pm here now, I think I'm done for the night.
In the morning, there's a walk to a lighthouse before a breakfast of porridge with cinnamon and apple sauce. Looking forward to seeing the place properly.
Day 1 started out disastrously - I awoke to the ringing of my phone - the taxi driver was outside. I had slept in. I have never woken up so fast in my life. I managed to get ready in 15 minutes and we made it to the bus on time. It was not the way I wanted my holiday to start out though.
Nothing much of incident in the airport, flight over or transfer to the place I'm in. We had the most wonderful dinner this evening (wild rice with peas, carrot mash, chickpea curry, salads), it was fantastic. I also fit in a Pilates class and a visualisation class before bed. It's 9.20pm here now, I think I'm done for the night.
In the morning, there's a walk to a lighthouse before a breakfast of porridge with cinnamon and apple sauce. Looking forward to seeing the place properly.