Emily Rose: The Reboot

Hey Lucy, it should be big enough, it's a city race, so I'm hoping for a pleasant day weather-wise and lots of atmosphere.

Yeah, it's horrible when you feel you haven't done much with your time! But you have the excuse of needing to get well! Maybe that's my excuse too. :)

So... I'm going to start a new goal for the next 7 or so weeks until my race. I went to yoga this evening and it completely reinvigorated me, and I realised how silly it was to abandon it there for a while. It's the kind of thing you need to do a lot of to get the benefits from though, so I am setting a goal to go to yoga 4 times per week for the next 7. It will actually nicely compliment my training for the race, as all that pounding on the cement isn't exactly fantastic for your joints, so I think it will help stave off any potential injury also.

My other goal is to go for a run as part of my training 3-4 times a week (every second day). I'm under a bit of pressure to drop some weight and get fit enough to do this, but I went for a 3 mile run this morning (dragged myself out of bed at 6.30 am to do it), and overall, it was very encouraging. I was slow but not that tired after it. I could have gone a bit longer, which is great, considering I have been so out of whack this summer. Maybe the hot days don't suit my temperament, I don't know. It's gotten dull and dreary again with a little bit of drizzle and I'm suddenly a lot more energised. Crazy.

I'm not going for any work or relationship goals right now.

Foodwise, going to try for 3 healthy meals and two snacks per day. If I eat more than that at the moment, I don't care, it's just to get into the habit of having those things at least, and a lot of the time if I do stick to that plan, I only want a little bit of sugar instead of loads and loads. I'm not going to ban junk food because if I stuck to my plan religiously, I would be really hungry, as I am overweight now and I've gotten used to eating more. Hopefully as the weight starts to drop off, I'll be able to get a bit stricter but not feel I'm depriving myself and go into binge mode.

I'm a little bit depressed about all this because I feel like I already did this plan over a year ago, it worked for the most part, and then I messed up, gained some pounds back, and I have to go through the whole thing all over again. It's just like I've made absolutely no progress. I know that probably isn't true, hopefully my mental health is improving all the time, I have a lot better understanding of my mind now and where I've been going wrong, but still. It's frustrating.

Weight today was 12 stone 5 3/4 pounds. I'm not even going to call today 'day one' because day one happened over 32 years ago. It's just going to be called today.

Food:
  • porridge, chia seeds, blueberries, milk
  • spinach and banana smoothie
  • chicken, potato salad, avocado, cucumber, tomatoes, spinach, peppers
  • greek yoghurt with raisins and almonds (such a great snack, really fills me up.)
  • lentils, chopped tomatoes, onions, broccoli, mangetout, spices
  • 2 slices toast and butter
  • 2 teas and milk; 2 coffees and milk; ginger tea
  • 2 chocolate hobnobs (pack contains 14; if I could limit to 2 per day for the week, I'd be doing well. We'll see.)
Exercise:
  • 3-mile run
  • Yoga class
Good things:
  • Dad called over
  • He made me lunch for tomorrow
  • He gave me money
General mood:
Hmm. Very up and down today. The yoga this evening zenned me out a bit, but we had this team meeting in work today and I am kind of anxious about it. I mean, it's over, it's too late to be anxious about it now! I just put way too much pressure on myself. I'm far too self-critical. I really tried to not be that way, to really listen to everyone else, but there's a part of me that wants to show off and for everyone to love my ideas. I don't know, it's hard to describe. I suppose I wish I hadn't talked as much! There's a part of me that is really afraid of being myself and revealing what I think and feel around others. I guess it's that innate fear that they won't like the real me. I think I'm still a bit wounded from the girl who I was completely myself around that decided to cut me out of her main friendship circle. I am deeply wounded by that, stemming back to my school days when I was very isolated from my class. I am trying not to be that sad little girl anymore (I wasn't sad all the time, just in school) but it's taking a lot of work.

Very long post today, trying to exorcise all the junk from my mind.
 
Yoga (and Pilates!) are such a good refresh, they always put me in a positive head space.

Your goals sound great! And honestly I know it sucks re-losing weight, but you're doing something you know that works for you and you should be better armed with knowledge of where you started to go wrong. Just got to keep trucking always!! As long as you're trying you're still in the game.
 
Thanks Lucy.

Today's weight: 12 stone 4 1/4 pounds. Very encouraging.

I didn't exercise today. I was going to go to yoga but I'm a bit gassy this evening and I was frightened. Haha.

Food:
  • greek yoghurt with almonds and raisins
  • apple
  • quinoa and butternut squash salad; 2 slices of brown bread, one slice with butter, the other with hummus
  • banana
  • 2 teas and milk; 2 coffees and milk; ginger tea
  • lentils, chopped tomatoes, leek, onion, peppers, broccoli, spices
  • 6 chocolate hobnobs; a 99 ice cream cone
The lentils have wreaked carnage on my digestive system. This happens every time I start eating proper food again. It's really frustrating. I bought lamb burgers for dinner for the next few nights as I think they will suit me better. I really like lentils and chickpeas and all that stuff, but they just don't seem to go down well.

I had too many biscuits and the ice cream was probably unnecessary but I don't think it was that bad a food day overall.

General mood:
I'm feeling fairly relaxed tonight. I'm not really happy but sort of feeling okay. Probably more than okay, maybe a 6 out of 10. Nothing much else to report, have another run planned for the morning, hopefully that should help the stomach issues.

On another note, I've found myself telling people about my 10-mile run goal, which I didn't even really want to do, but I guess it's a way to keep myself on track, because I don't really want to turn around and say, 'Nah, got too lazy to bother.' So maybe I'm holding myself accountable this way.

Good things:
  • Bumped into my friend Tony at the shop and we're going for a pint in a couple of weeks time
  • Cooked dinner and prepped lunch for tomorrow
  • Was invited to go see a play on Saturday night. The play itself doesn't really appeal to me, so not sure I'll go, but it was nice to be asked.
 
Weight: 12 stone 4 1/2 pounds.

Food:
  • greek yoghurt, raisins, almonds
  • banana
  • tuna, beetroot, pasta, tomatoes, peppers, mushroom, rocket, drizzle of lemon juice
  • orange
  • 2 teas and milk; 2 coffees and milk; detox tea (I'm really beginning to enjoy my post-lunch cup of tea.)
  • lamb burger, cajun sauce, broccoli, mangetout, potatoes (The lamb burger was delicious.)
  • 4 x 38 g racer bars (like a cheap version of a snickers); 2 chocolate hobnobs
A lot of chocolate snuck its way in there. Still, stuck to my healthy meals so that's good. My stomach does not know what's going on. Apparently, if you ate a diet entirely made up of refined sugar, you would never fart at all.

Exercise:
  • 3 mile run
    Had to really really force myself to go. It was hard. I nearly started crying halfway through it. But I didn't give up and I feel miles better after it. Hehe.
General mood:
Crap right before and during the run, pretty good the rest of the day.

Good things:
  • Road race planned for next Tuesday with one of the girls from work
  • Hot yoga man's hair is lovely
  • I got a lot of annoying work tasks that have been bugging me done and out of the way today
I've decided to alter my goal slightly. So, if I do 4 runs in the week, I do 3 yoga sessions, and vice versa. I'm just struggling a little bit with the yoga classes because most of them start at 6.30 pm and it means I can't have dinner beforehand, so I'm absolutely starving by 8, and I end up snacking on chocolate before the class to keep my energy levels up. It's a bit annoying. But anyway, I will fit two more in this week somehow. I also want to get back into swimming again, probably at the weekend when I have more time.
 
Do you just get the upset stomach with lentils/pulses/beans? There's something you can pick up at a pharmacy called Beano that helps a bunch, pretty sure it's a digestive enzyme. If it's really bothering you! Stops bloating too.

Emilyrose said:
  • Hot yoga man's hair is lovely
Click to expand...
:rotflmao:

Good job on the run too, it's soooooo easy to just not work out if your head isn't in it.
 
Hi Lucy, yeah, I do think it's the beans. I had meat and potatoes for dinner the last two nights and while I still feel a bit bloated, it's not half as bad. I thought beans and pulses were good for you, but I don't see how when they upset my digestive system so much?

Weight: 12 stone 5 pounds

Food:
  • greek yoghurt, raisins, almonds
  • apple
  • tuna, beetroot, potatoes, rocket, tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms and drizzle lemon juice
  • orange
  • lamb burger, cajun sauce, broccoli, mangetout, potatoes
  • coffee and milk; tea and milk
  • large latte; 2 x 38 g racer bars; bottle of white wine 12%
No exercise.

General mood:
Obviously, the bottle of white wine isn't a great sign. It was a mixed bag of a day, I won't bother getting into it.

Good things:
  • I sorted out some money I owe.
  • I had all my main meals and snacks, even though I didn't feel like eating them.
  • I watched a really good film called Predestination. If you like time travel movies, I highly recommend it.
TGIF.
 
Weight: 12 stone 4 1/2 pounds

Food:
- greek yoghurt, raisins, almonds
- slice of brown bread with butter and marmalade
- lamb burger, mushrooms, rocket, tomatoes, peppers, beetroot, potatoes
- orange
- lamb burger, cajun sauce, fried mushrooms, tomatoes, onion and potatoes
- 4 hobnob biscuits; 3 squares lindor chocolate; Fry's chocolate cream 49 g
- coffee and milk x 2; tea and milk; love herbal tea

Exercise:
- 3 mile run

General mood:
Good!

Good things:
  • Went for a beautiful run this evening after work. It was raining and the route I took had loads of gorgeous trees and some of it was beside a pond.
  • No alcohol on a Friday night. I'm going to wake up feeling so good tomorrow!
  • Planned a night out next weekend to see my friend in a play. Should be good fun.
 
Weight: 12 stone 4 1/2 pounds

Food:
- 3 eggs scrambled, 2 slices white toast, butter
- coffee and milk x 2
- apple
- potato, carrot and courgette soup
- caramel brownie
- salmon, lemon wedge, rocket, tomatoes, grated carrot, rice with turmeric
- yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries
- bottle of white wine 12.5%; 2 cans x 500ml Carslberg; 1 pink gin and tonic can 250m at 5%

No exercise.

General mood:
I'm okay. My day was fine, I am feeling a bit annoyed though. Last night, friends suggested meeting up in our group chat, I said I was getting paid today so maybe we could meet Saturday night instead. The response was, 'I've just had pizza, I'm never leaving the couch again.' Well, okay then. I thought that was kind of a joke, but no invitation was received today. Just another example of why they all need to be dumped. I am not that upset about it really, I've given up.

Good things:
- Had a really nice time meeting the locals around the place today.
- Learned a bit about midwifery from the woman waxing my legs and bikini line - she's gone back to college to study it after many years away. She is from the Ukraine and she delivered her son 22 years ago without any option of an epidural. Still remembers the pain. Agh! She's fantastic at waxing though, doesn't bat an eyelash. It all made sense after she told me that because she is qualified as a midwife in the Ukraine but not here. She's seen it all. It was a very interesting discussion. She also said it was amazing to see a big guy with a beard weeping when his baby was born. That, to me, sums up what makes it great to be alive.
- Bought two debut books today written by young women from my home place. Great to support the local talented females and aspire to join them someday.
 
Weight: 12 stone 5 1/4 pounds

Food:
- tomato, mushroom and onion omelette with 1 slice toast and butter
- coffee and milk x 2
- banana, strawberry and coriander smoothie with a little greek yoghurt and milk
- scone, jam, cream, butter
- plum
- homemade beef lasagne with salad of beetroot, tomatoes and rocket
- gin and tonic; bottle of Corona beer

Exercise:
- 3 mile run
- 40 laps pool

General mood:
Very good overall.

Good things:
  • Did my best time on a run so far this week.
  • Met my parents this evening for a catch-up and a few drinks.
  • Really enjoyed my swim in the pool. Got a new swimming togs as well.
There is a body fat and blood pressure scanner in my gym. Sadly, my results were not great, but I will use it from time to time and see if (when!) my stats improve.

According to that machine -
Weight: 12 st 10.8 lb
Blood pressure: 134/76 (Have to keep an eye on this)
Pulse/minute: 97
Fat index: 32.9% (They recommend 20-27%. Have a lot of work to do.)
BMI: 27.4 (It didn't get my height exactly right for whatever reason, but it's over 25 regardless.)

Really frustrating seeing those shitty results but the most important thing is that I'm on the right path.

Review of week:
Weight: - 1/2 pound (Would like to see a much better result in this next week)
Exercise: 4 runs, 1 yoga session, 1 swim (Happy enough with that)
Days without anti-nutrients: 0 (This needs to improve)
Alcohol-free days: 4 (Also needs to improve)

I bought a textbook on nutrition today so that is where the term 'anti-nutrient' comes from. Knowledge is power, will enjoy working through it over the next few weeks.
 
I think you are doing awesome Emily Rose. Even though you are maybe not getting the quick results you want, you have changed your lifestyle for the better. Doesn't it make you feel good to know you are continuing to do all the exercise you are doing? You have to be proud of yourself for accomplishing that.
 
Thank you so much for your comment Northern Dreamer. Yes, it makes me feel really good! Still a bit disappointed about the lack of results though.

Weight: 12 stone 5 1/2 pounds - disgusted. I didn't even talk about all the walking I did last week as well, I really feel like I should be seeing some movement on those damn scales.

Food:
  • greek yoghurt, strawberries, raisins
  • slice of toast with butter and cheddar cheese
  • avocado, rice with turmeric, salmon darne, beetroot, tomatoes, rocket, mushrooms
  • handful of almonds
  • 2 coffees x milk; tea and milk; white tea with aloe vera
  • rest of the awful beef lasagna I made (note: yoghurt is not a good replacement for that lovely white lasagna sauce that Dolmio do to perfection) with side salad of rocket, beetroot, mushrooms
  • 2 milk tray chocolates; double decker bar 54.5 g
  • 2 x 20 ml pinot grigio can 12%; 1 x 33 ml whiskey and coke can 5%
Exercise:
Fantastic yoga class and walk there and back (about 25 minutes each way). It was a lovely evening.

General mood:
Okay, I'm getting this feeling once again that I need to apply for another job. I've given the place I'm in now enough chances to promote me and I had a really stressful, horrible day today and I really don't like it. And the worst part is that I got cross with someone who is so lovely and really didn't deserve it because I was upset at somebody else in the office. I feel really bad about it, I did apologise profusely though, I think she understood, but I don't want to do that anymore. And the thing is that I wasn't tired or hungover or feeling awful, I was just my normal self, and I still felt that anger bubbling up, and I let it take over. I don't want to have to lash out when under pressure, because I shouldn't be under this much pressure. I'm not getting paid well enough!

I do like my boss a lot more now, I think she means well, she is just probably a bit like the person described in the previous paragraph (me!) and sometimes lashes out because of the expectations weighing her down. She has been miles better this year though, she's making a massive effort, it's great. I respect her a lot more for it.

Anyway, there is one person in the office that I just don't like, I find her sneaky, jealous and underhanded in the way she goes about her business. When she drops the mask and is herself, I can see that she's a halfway decent human being, but she's so driven and focused and somehow sees me as a hindrance to that. Anyway, I just don't want to have to deal with her anymore.

So, a job came up about a month ago, but I ignored it because I wasn't sure if it was for me. Anyway, I got a new update from Indeed there about it, so they must still be looking for someone, and...I don't know. I think I might go for it.

Reasons to go for it:
- It would get me out of my living situation. Just think it's gone a bit toxic. Not in any dramatic kind of way, I just don't enjoy the house anymore.
- New location with lots of creative types around but still near to home/the city when needed. But a definite change of scene.
- Very beautiful area with lots to do, loads of lovely walks, near a beach.
- Rent very reasonable.
- New job would probably pay well and job title is impressive and would translate well to a job in London (possible plan for next year).
- I have loads of experience in this type of company and setup, but it is a marked step-up from what I was doing before.
- I'd still be able to do the stuff I have planned next year (I'm in a few clubs in the city).
- A new pool of people to get to know!

Reasons not to:
- Moving back into IT and into a really boring industry.
- Won't be able to work in the yoga place anymore.
- I have no friends living in this new place (not that I see the ones I have here that much though).
- I will really miss a few of the girls in the office.
- Residual guilt for leaving where I am now. I know they do like me but at the same time, I've waited long enough.
- I'll miss my gym and pool.
- Other stupid reasons I have for living where I am that I won't even get into.

Okay. Well, it seems kind of obvious, doesn't it? I will apply and we will go from there.

Good things:
- Very attractive man doing some drilling outside the office today. We had a nice chat. He was great.
- Loved the yoga session this evening. The teacher (female, not hot yoga man) actually lives in the place where the new job has come up, she's cool, a total hippie but I really like her.
- I am loving working through my nutrition book. It's like a proper textbook, I feel like I understand so much more about the human body already.

Sorry so long, have a lot in the head!
 
Weight: 12 stone 5 pounds

Food:
- oat bran, strawberries, chia seeds, milk (I was reading the nutritional information on oat bran this morning, what a fabulous product. Low in sugar, high in fibre, filling, just a perfect start to the day.)
- slice of toast with butter and cheddar cheese
- tuna, courgette, mushrooms, beetroot, rocket, avocado, slice of bread and butter
- peach
- scrambled eggs with coriander and slice toast with butter
- 4 snake jellies, 1 chocolate, 4 lindt squares, twix bar, Pringles salt and vinegar 40 g tub
- small latte; small cappuccino; tea and mik x 2; ginger tea; 3 ciders 500 ml 4.5%

Okay, so food wasn't really stellar. Lost the plot at the end of the day. I think it was the, 'It won't count, new month tomorrow' mindset kicking in. Still, had my 3 main meals and 2 snacks, so still kicking ass in that regard.

Exercise:
- 5k road race. I was a minute faster than my last run, very happy with that.

General mood:
So, I went on and on about applying for that job yesterday, and then *plot twist*, another amazing job came up today. And this is one that I really, really want. I feel like the last year and a half has been quite stagnant for me in terms of life, opportunity, moving forward, and at times, I've wondered if I made a big mistake last year taking a risk and doing the temping instead of going for the good job in the bank with money and security. But if it is all leading up to this job... totally worth it. I was going to tell my parents about applying for it, but no. I'm not going to say anything. And if I get called for an interview and actually manage to snag it, their faces when I tell them will be so amazing.

It is so great to have a goal. Something to really fight for. It will be such encouragement to keep on track for the next few weeks. The job application is open for another few weeks, so I definitely have time to make some serious strides and get this body looking healthy and ready for action. So now all I have to do is write the most impressive cover letter of my life and see if this is where my fate lies... I really hope so. This may sound cocky or whatever, but I think I deserve a break and I deserve this. I've worked really hard the last year and it's been quite lonely, and I hope this is where it is leading to.

Good things:
  • This job opportunity! So exciting.
  • Hung out with my friend tonight for the first time in ages. I really enjoyed it.
  • Really happy with my race time and progress in running so far. It's only been just over a week!
 
Ah I was too late to edit my post too RE your lasagne: Light ricotta or cottage cheese are fabulous instead of béchamel. Husband loves it too so it's not just me! Also, extra protein!
 
Hey Lucy, thank you! And I will try with the ricotta or cottage cheese! Yoghurt just didn't do it for me.

Weight: 12 stone 4 3/4 pounds

Food:
- greek yoghurt, strawberries, almonds
- slice of toast with butter and cheddar cheese
- tuna, rocket, tomatoes, peppers, carrot, cheese, slice of brown bread and butter
- peach
- chicken stir-fry with chopped tomatoes, shallots, coriander, cougette, aubergine, garlic, spices and rice with turmeric
- cappuccino small; 2 coffees and milk; 2 teas and milk; lemon, honey and manuka honey tea
- slice of birthday cake; 1 chocolate; 7 tortilla chips and hot salsa; bottle of red wine 13.5%

General mood:
Had a fab day in work and a nice evening.

Good things:
- Had such a laugh with the girls in the office today. I've really found that I'm more and more myself all the time. I'm not analysing all the things I do and say half as much. It's great.
- HYM is a former musician. He told me he was playing the guitar earlier today. What a ridiculous human being. I couldn't take the smile off my face when I was chatting to him today. Dreamboat.
- Got so much work done in the last 3 days. I felt like I was running on empty this afternoon, feel like my body is ready to just collapse, but at the same time, I'm really proud of how much I have achieved. I think I'm flying it in there! Still going for the other job though, better to leave on a high!!! And if the other thing doesn't work out, I'll be happy to stay there, so I can't lose, can I?
 
I think going through the job application and interview process is good practice for anyone, whether you seriously want the job or not. It's good to know you have options (and see how much other companies are willing to pay you!)

It's great you have people at work you're fully comfortable with now!! I miss my old work buddies, they're all scattered now though (I think a couple actually left the country). I think that's what I'm missing most about working, you kind of HAVE to interact with people and you find friends in people you normally wouldn't.

You've inspired me to make lasagne haha. I'm going to make it on Sunday!!
 
Haha, that's great! Post pics and maybe the recipe too? I bought a dish for it last week so I want to get some use out of it.

Weight: 12 stone 6 pounds :mad:

Food:
- greek yoghurt, strawberries, almonds
- peach
- chicken, rice with turmeric, tomatoes, rocket, yellow peppers, cucumber, avocado
- 2 salt crackers with cheese; glass of milk
- leftovers from yesterday's dinner
- coffee and milk; tea and milk
- 40 tortilla chips and salsa; 2 chocolates; slice of birthday cake
- 2 x 500 ml beer 5.0%

Exercise:
- 4 mile run

General mood:
Disappointed with the scales, especially since I'm going out for dinner tomorrow night. I'm probably eating too much but at the same time, I'm happy enough with how the food is going, so I don't want to start cutting things out. Next week, I'm going to cut out the alcohol completely and really try to just stick to my main meals and planned snacks. I really thought I'd see some results though, I've been eating loads of chocolate bars and takeaways the weeks leading up to this new plan, definitely going miles above calories, so it's a bit disheartening. Anyway, not giving up at this early stage.

Good things:
  • I think we're hiring someone new at work to help me.
  • Added a mile to my run today. It was a little bit tougher and I really had to force myself to go (straight after work, I am always pooped and hungry. My energy levels general improve after dinner) but it was fine.
  • I have a nasty rash on my lip that is healing quite fast. Definitely think it's the good food I've been eating.
 
Don't feel discouraged. I finally bought a scale a couple weeks ago and weighed myself several times over a few days and my weight flucuated between 203 and 214 pounds in a 12-hour period which just goes to show you weight doesn't always tell you much. If you are feeling good, that's what matters.
 
Thanks Alicia.

I've gone a bit off-plan the last few days, so I don't really want to document that here.

Another week has gone by, so let's do a summary.

Exercise: 3 runs, 1 yoga session, 1 swim
Stats from the machine:
I don't know if I will continue weighing myself every day, it's kind of pissing me off. I did however use the machine at the gym to get my stats again. I didn't expect much difference, but look!

Weight: 12 stone 8.1 (- 2.7 lbs from last week)
Blood pressure: 102/63
Pulse per minute: 83 (97 last week)
Fat index: 30.7% (an astounding drop of 2.2%)
BMI: 25.8 (The machine got my height wrong again, but it's a drop of 1.6)

Delighted with the drop in my body fat percentage, that is a far better indicator of how well I'm doing. It's all very encouraging. I think I am just going to stick with using that machine once a week. That's it for today, back tomorrow with full breakdown of food/exercise/etc.
 
Well done, Emily. I have decided to weigh only once a week too as the fluctuations do my head in. 2.2% drop in body fat is excellent!
 
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