Had a really good day today! Life is going well.
I did get some 'wake-up call' photographs of myself today. I was initially horrified, but I've made peace with it. I am where I am physically and mentally, and all is still not lost. I can turn this thing around. I know I will.
I actually have some good work news. I'm moving into a different role and getting more money to boot. It might be challenging - my boss is already telling me we'll probably be having arguments - but you know what? I'm just going to go for it! I've done what I've been doing for nearly 5 years now, so a new challenge and a new opportunity for learning could be great. Obviously, in my mind, I am going to handle every difficult situation with grace and poise, which might not exactly happen, but I'm not going to let fear stop me from trying something different. My work environment has a lot of ups and downs, but when I talked to my manager yesterday, I was being genuine when I told her that I do like working there and I like the industry I'm in. I also said I have no idea what I want to do in the future, which is true to a certain extent.
I guess what I'd really like to do, and it's becoming more clear to me as time goes on, is to pursue the acting thing and start earning money from it. But I also love writing, and I would love to write a book at some point. Or play even. Or multiple books and plays. Feature articles for the newspaper. Basically, creative writing that I get paid for. I don't mind the marketing and commercial writing that I do now on a small scale. That is quite satisfying. But ultimately, I would like to delve deeper, and start getting into the topics that I am really interested in.
I also want to write an album at some point. I don't spend enough time on music at all, but I guess I figure there's plenty of life left. I can do it all! I'd also quite like a late night slot as a radio DJ at some point. I love making up playlists and discovering new music.
I don't know when I'll fit in having kids and a family and buying a house and all that, but I want that too! I have this vision that I will be able to buy my house outright, with no mortgage. I just need one small part in a Marvel movie and I am sorted. Haha.
But yeah, I had a good day, and good days mean I feel optimistic and can start visualising what I want again. I do believe in visualisation and manifestation and all that kind of stuff. Not in the way that if a bad thing happens to you, it means you made it happen, because life is always going to throw a curveball, no matter how positive your mindset. Death and sickness and tragic accidents are always there, waiting to strike at any moment. But for the general stuff of where you want to go, what you want to be, I do think your mind is incredibly powerful.
Small example. Saturday, I was planning on walking into town and stopping by this coffee shop on the way that is on the road where Alex lives. That's not why I wanted to go there, it's just about 25 minutes from my house, it's kind of a handy rest stop, and it's a nice coffee shop. So, I was getting ready to go, but I was worrying about bumping into Alex, and then I was telling myself to stop thinking about him, because I was going to meet him if I didn't stop thinking about meeting him. Lo and behold, he drove past me as I was nearing the coffee shop, and then he was parked in his car as I walked past. I was on the other side of the road (on purpose) and I did look in, but he was on the phone, hopefully oblivious. But yeah, I just have these moments sometimes, and I kind of think that I've had some part in making them happen by focusing too much energy on them.
Anyway, my energy must be quite good, despite everything, because the people I find myself surrounded with now are lovely, decent people, who seem to care for me and have an interest in me, and that's amazing. Not that it's smooth sailing all the time, but even tonight, there was a bit of a 'moment' with one of the guys, and we sorted it out, and had a conciliatory fist bump at the end, and it was great. It's the way things are meant to be, or the way I like them anyway. Sometimes you have to be honest, and say, 'Hey, this isn't working', but what I loved about what happened tonight was that after the initial minor spat, we were able to move on and that is so important. You are not going to see eye to eye all the time, even if someone thinks a lot like you. 'A lot' isn't 'the same', and that means there will be feathers ruffled at times, if you are being yourself. So, that was a good moment for me.
But anyway. Enough for today.
