Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
Yeah, I am seriously thinking about it LaMa. The only trouble is affording holidays and extras like weddings and stuff. Week to week is no trouble. Plus people will think I'm insane. But anyway, it's what I think that counts, right?
Today was fine. Did some Christmas shopping, had a nice carrot cake in a lovely cafe, played tennis. The weather is very cold.
This evening, I organised some stuff for the drama group and did a survey online. I've made over 6 pounds now with the surveys, which is pretty good.
I feel like I got a good rest this weekend. I was tired today after my shopping trip, so I came home and went for a nap for an hour before my tennis game. I actually felt exhausted when I woke up and didn't feel like going, but I got into it in the end. I don't feel too exhausted now but I hope I will sleep well tonight.
Food today wasn't bad, I got my exercise and some walking in, and I have a really nice lunch prepped for tomorrow, plus some yoghurt with walnuts and blueberries as a snack. I'm having dinner at home with my parents tomorrow night, so I'll have a proper dinner too.
The plan for the morning is to get up and go for a run. I'm in the office tomorrow. Not looking forward to getting back to it, but at the same time, it's only another few weeks and then 12 days to reevaluate things before I launch into another year of it. I will definitely approach some recruitment agencies in the New Year and try to get this show on the road. I had a look at part-time positions posted online last night - the pay is pretty bad for standard work, so if I could get into a professional setting but work part-time, that would be the dream. That's really what I'm aiming for.
I'm going to be as positive as I can about this and basically manifest my way into that perfect part-time job. I mean, the question you have to ask yourself is, why not? Why the hell not? The amount of negative programming we're given about doing anything slightly risky is really to the detriment of everyone. The worst that can happen is I realise I need more money and I get something else. But I have to try to do something different than what I've been doing. I was at my lowest weight of the last 10 years when I started this journal 4 years ago and I wasn't working at all. So there's some food for thought.
Today was fine. Did some Christmas shopping, had a nice carrot cake in a lovely cafe, played tennis. The weather is very cold.
This evening, I organised some stuff for the drama group and did a survey online. I've made over 6 pounds now with the surveys, which is pretty good.
I feel like I got a good rest this weekend. I was tired today after my shopping trip, so I came home and went for a nap for an hour before my tennis game. I actually felt exhausted when I woke up and didn't feel like going, but I got into it in the end. I don't feel too exhausted now but I hope I will sleep well tonight.
Food today wasn't bad, I got my exercise and some walking in, and I have a really nice lunch prepped for tomorrow, plus some yoghurt with walnuts and blueberries as a snack. I'm having dinner at home with my parents tomorrow night, so I'll have a proper dinner too.
The plan for the morning is to get up and go for a run. I'm in the office tomorrow. Not looking forward to getting back to it, but at the same time, it's only another few weeks and then 12 days to reevaluate things before I launch into another year of it. I will definitely approach some recruitment agencies in the New Year and try to get this show on the road. I had a look at part-time positions posted online last night - the pay is pretty bad for standard work, so if I could get into a professional setting but work part-time, that would be the dream. That's really what I'm aiming for.
I'm going to be as positive as I can about this and basically manifest my way into that perfect part-time job. I mean, the question you have to ask yourself is, why not? Why the hell not? The amount of negative programming we're given about doing anything slightly risky is really to the detriment of everyone. The worst that can happen is I realise I need more money and I get something else. But I have to try to do something different than what I've been doing. I was at my lowest weight of the last 10 years when I started this journal 4 years ago and I wasn't working at all. So there's some food for thought.
Why not indeed. You're clearly a hardworking, competent woman who interviews well: even if things don't work out you can get yourself back on your feet. One of my many uncles once quit his fancy job to become a truck driver. He enjoyed it for a while, then realized it wasn't a great fit long-term, and went back to his old job. Only happier than before, because he'd got that "what if?" out of his system.
- Thanks Cate.
- That's a cool story LaMa. It's great that he gave it a try anyway.
- I figure that's what's after happening to you Petal? I'll be wary, haha.
I actually had a good day in work today, but definitely going to have a think over Christmas about what I really want. I do think I should leave, but at the same time, I don't want to rush into anything that's not going to improve my life. I do have flexible hours in this job that gives me room to do a lot of stuff - I think the workload is just pissing me off at present. But anyway, good to get the wheels turning.
Myself and two of the girls from work are booked in for a boozy Christmas brunch in a few weeks time and I'm also trying to book a get together for the drama crew (a mini one), so it's all happening! I love Christmas. Nothing organised with my main bunch of friends yet - I wouldn't be surprised if I don't see much of them this year. Covid is putting a bit of a spanner in the works with that one. Still, I won't be negative about it. I'll keep an open mind that someone will organise something and we'll get to see each other. It's awkward cos only a max of 6 can meet in a restaurant/gastro pub over the Christmas period, so it means including some and excluding others. I don't think we'll have the usual house gathering that we normally do this time. I think some of them are a lot more wary than I am about getting Covid and that's totally fine.
I played tennis with my dad this evening and he said my mother's hands are red raw from hand sanitiser because she went into town shopping today and obviously put that rotten stuff on her hands every time she saw a dispenser. Like, there's being safe and then there's just going too far with it. Ah, poor Mam. She's still not feeling 100%. I had to go home yesterday evening and she sent me a lovely text message today telling me I'd really cheered her up and that I brought great energy into the house. It was very sweet. I am a little bit worried about her.
She called the hospital yesterday about getting her scans done and the person she spoke to said they keep getting urgent cases, which means she keeps getting moved down the list. She phoned her GP then about it, and the GP has written a letter to one of the surgeons who might be freed up at this time of year to do more scans, as there are less surgeries taking place. So fingers crossed she gets the call soon. I think she just needs to hear them say that everything is alright. And if it's not - we'll figure it out.
My mother is really a great person. Don't get me wrong, she annoys me and I give her an awful time, but she's always there for me when I need her. She is very kind to people in general. Sometimes they are not always kind back, and that really hurts her. But she never lashes out at them, and she is always willing to give someone a second chance.
Anyway, that's it for now. Peace out.
- That's a cool story LaMa. It's great that he gave it a try anyway.
- I figure that's what's after happening to you Petal? I'll be wary, haha.
I actually had a good day in work today, but definitely going to have a think over Christmas about what I really want. I do think I should leave, but at the same time, I don't want to rush into anything that's not going to improve my life. I do have flexible hours in this job that gives me room to do a lot of stuff - I think the workload is just pissing me off at present. But anyway, good to get the wheels turning.
Myself and two of the girls from work are booked in for a boozy Christmas brunch in a few weeks time and I'm also trying to book a get together for the drama crew (a mini one), so it's all happening! I love Christmas. Nothing organised with my main bunch of friends yet - I wouldn't be surprised if I don't see much of them this year. Covid is putting a bit of a spanner in the works with that one. Still, I won't be negative about it. I'll keep an open mind that someone will organise something and we'll get to see each other. It's awkward cos only a max of 6 can meet in a restaurant/gastro pub over the Christmas period, so it means including some and excluding others. I don't think we'll have the usual house gathering that we normally do this time. I think some of them are a lot more wary than I am about getting Covid and that's totally fine.
I played tennis with my dad this evening and he said my mother's hands are red raw from hand sanitiser because she went into town shopping today and obviously put that rotten stuff on her hands every time she saw a dispenser. Like, there's being safe and then there's just going too far with it. Ah, poor Mam. She's still not feeling 100%. I had to go home yesterday evening and she sent me a lovely text message today telling me I'd really cheered her up and that I brought great energy into the house. It was very sweet. I am a little bit worried about her.
She called the hospital yesterday about getting her scans done and the person she spoke to said they keep getting urgent cases, which means she keeps getting moved down the list. She phoned her GP then about it, and the GP has written a letter to one of the surgeons who might be freed up at this time of year to do more scans, as there are less surgeries taking place. So fingers crossed she gets the call soon. I think she just needs to hear them say that everything is alright. And if it's not - we'll figure it out.
My mother is really a great person. Don't get me wrong, she annoys me and I give her an awful time, but she's always there for me when I need her. She is very kind to people in general. Sometimes they are not always kind back, and that really hurts her. But she never lashes out at them, and she is always willing to give someone a second chance.
Anyway, that's it for now. Peace out.
Thanks LaMa.
She's actually in hospital now. We still don't know what's wrong but she's being looked after and I think she's a lot happier being in there and getting closer to the problem being uncovered. I was very upset yesterday but I am okay today. The worst thing is that we can't go in to see her because of fucking Covid. I am so ready for this shitty year to be done.
Today wasn't too bad a day. I didn't get through much of my list of tasks but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and I should end the year with all my tasks done and dusted, ready to start 2021 fresh. Thank God I have a long break.
I'm actually not feeling well myself. I'm extremely agitated. I get this weird slur in my voice when I get tired and I am close to burnout, if I'm being honest. Mum going into hospital has nearly tipped me over the edge. I've had to go into bed the minute I've got home for the last two evenings. I manage to switch off for half an hour or so, then my brain is back on overdrive. I'm not too worried about it, I just need a break. I wish I was feeling better going into this night away with SG, but what can I do? Hopefully I get a nice sleep tonight. I'm working from home tomorrow, which actually suits me. I need to post off a present and get organised for my trip away.
So yeah, I'm pretty much doom and gloom at the moment. Christmas is fast approaching. I have booked a table for some of the drama group and myself for next weekend in a lovely bar in town for some food and a few tipples. That should be great. So lots to look forward to really.
I'm trying not to worry too much about Mum, but obviously I will be devastated if there is something seriously wrong. I can't do this without her! She's my rock.
I had to drag myself out of bed to go to club night this evening, but exercise really helps. Even when I have no energy for it, it seems to give me energy. I felt a lot better after the hour and 20 minutes or so of play. It's nice to chat to other people as well. I had some great shots! I have backslided a little with the break, but it's coming back slowly but surely. There were a few new faces tonight as well, which is always good.
That's it for now, I might check out some cheesy Christmas movie now and try to go to sleep early.
She's actually in hospital now. We still don't know what's wrong but she's being looked after and I think she's a lot happier being in there and getting closer to the problem being uncovered. I was very upset yesterday but I am okay today. The worst thing is that we can't go in to see her because of fucking Covid. I am so ready for this shitty year to be done.
Today wasn't too bad a day. I didn't get through much of my list of tasks but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and I should end the year with all my tasks done and dusted, ready to start 2021 fresh. Thank God I have a long break.
I'm actually not feeling well myself. I'm extremely agitated. I get this weird slur in my voice when I get tired and I am close to burnout, if I'm being honest. Mum going into hospital has nearly tipped me over the edge. I've had to go into bed the minute I've got home for the last two evenings. I manage to switch off for half an hour or so, then my brain is back on overdrive. I'm not too worried about it, I just need a break. I wish I was feeling better going into this night away with SG, but what can I do? Hopefully I get a nice sleep tonight. I'm working from home tomorrow, which actually suits me. I need to post off a present and get organised for my trip away.
So yeah, I'm pretty much doom and gloom at the moment. Christmas is fast approaching. I have booked a table for some of the drama group and myself for next weekend in a lovely bar in town for some food and a few tipples. That should be great. So lots to look forward to really.
I'm trying not to worry too much about Mum, but obviously I will be devastated if there is something seriously wrong. I can't do this without her! She's my rock.
I had to drag myself out of bed to go to club night this evening, but exercise really helps. Even when I have no energy for it, it seems to give me energy. I felt a lot better after the hour and 20 minutes or so of play. It's nice to chat to other people as well. I had some great shots! I have backslided a little with the break, but it's coming back slowly but surely. There were a few new faces tonight as well, which is always good.
That's it for now, I might check out some cheesy Christmas movie now and try to go to sleep early.
Thanks Cate and LaMa.
Well, she's out of hospital! She got the all clear from all her tests but the sad part is that there is no real solution to her problem. She's going to consult with a nutritionist she knows who is meant to be very good, so we'll see. She's suffered from constipation since she had me, more or less, so it's really tough on her. At least it's nothing more sinister than that! She was a bit rattled on the phone earlier. I told her just to focus on the great news she got and we will sort the rest out in time. Anyway, huge relief! I'm still a bit worried about her but hopefully she'll be around for a long, long time yet.
I had a tennis game this evening, I played out of my mind. One of my shots was so good that Italian Guy, who was playing on the court next to us, stopped and applauded me. Hahaha. Delighted with myself. I couldn't believe how great I was playing. And this is off the back of a really bad week for sleep, loads of stress and just a general bad feeling. So imagine if I get to a good place! Very exciting.
I'm all set for my trip tomorrow as well. I am a bit nervous about it, but I think it should be fun. I hope we get on okay. I could kind of do with a nothing weekend but maybe this is the best thing for me. And now that Mum is out of hospital, I should be able to relax and enjoy it a lot more. I guess this will be a good indication of how I really feel about SG. He hasn't really set my heart on fire just yet, if I'm honest. But anyway, I'm going. Haha.
I went for a short swim after my tennis game - it was a bit much to be honest, so I only managed 20 laps. I got a great idea for a story when I was in the pool though. I've had the idea already but I managed to develop it further while swimming up and down. I'm a bit worried about my toe as well, I don't know what's wrong with it, but I could barely walk on it after I left the pool. Maybe I did something playing tennis, not sure. The tennis elbow has not come back yet, which is great! Honestly, I just had such a good evening on the court tonight.
That's kind of it really. Want to try to go for a run in the morning before we go - get the energy levels up. I really need a good sleep tonight. I just want a really fun day tomorrow and chillaxed evening and nice dinner and good company. I think a deserve things to go well!! What a year it's been.
Well, she's out of hospital! She got the all clear from all her tests but the sad part is that there is no real solution to her problem. She's going to consult with a nutritionist she knows who is meant to be very good, so we'll see. She's suffered from constipation since she had me, more or less, so it's really tough on her. At least it's nothing more sinister than that! She was a bit rattled on the phone earlier. I told her just to focus on the great news she got and we will sort the rest out in time. Anyway, huge relief! I'm still a bit worried about her but hopefully she'll be around for a long, long time yet.
I had a tennis game this evening, I played out of my mind. One of my shots was so good that Italian Guy, who was playing on the court next to us, stopped and applauded me. Hahaha. Delighted with myself. I couldn't believe how great I was playing. And this is off the back of a really bad week for sleep, loads of stress and just a general bad feeling. So imagine if I get to a good place! Very exciting.
I'm all set for my trip tomorrow as well. I am a bit nervous about it, but I think it should be fun. I hope we get on okay. I could kind of do with a nothing weekend but maybe this is the best thing for me. And now that Mum is out of hospital, I should be able to relax and enjoy it a lot more. I guess this will be a good indication of how I really feel about SG. He hasn't really set my heart on fire just yet, if I'm honest. But anyway, I'm going. Haha.
I went for a short swim after my tennis game - it was a bit much to be honest, so I only managed 20 laps. I got a great idea for a story when I was in the pool though. I've had the idea already but I managed to develop it further while swimming up and down. I'm a bit worried about my toe as well, I don't know what's wrong with it, but I could barely walk on it after I left the pool. Maybe I did something playing tennis, not sure. The tennis elbow has not come back yet, which is great! Honestly, I just had such a good evening on the court tonight.
That's kind of it really. Want to try to go for a run in the morning before we go - get the energy levels up. I really need a good sleep tonight. I just want a really fun day tomorrow and chillaxed evening and nice dinner and good company. I think a deserve things to go well!! What a year it's been.
It's crazy all the systems that can get messed up by pregnancy and birth. I know a woman who lots a good bit of her hearing due to two pregnancies. you don't learn about risks and side effects like that during sex ed. Glad to hear it's "just" constipation though and nothing more sinister. I get neurological symptoms in my legs if I can't go for more than two days. Absolutely ludicrous. And rarely happens, thankfully.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Emily, its been a while, I am woefully behind. Good that your mother is ok, that sounded worrisome.
My skimming of your posts of late makes it sound like you are generally happier than a few months ago, despite the occasional agitations, hope I am right. Your turkey by Christmas idea really took off, how are you doing? Lost any part of that turkey?
Best of luck with SG, have fun!
My skimming of your posts of late makes it sound like you are generally happier than a few months ago, despite the occasional agitations, hope I am right. Your turkey by Christmas idea really took off, how are you doing? Lost any part of that turkey?
Best of luck with SG, have fun!
- Wow Cate, that's really eye-opening. I was telling my mum that (in general terms) but she's just a bit down right now.
- Yeah, I guess if you're a longterm sufferer, it gets pretty annoying LaMa.
- Thanks Petal. The toe is fine again, haha.
- Hi Rob, lovely to see you here. I don't think you're right that I am happier unfortunately, but I will be doing a huge evaluation of the year that was and work out a better plan for 2021. The turkey is still very much intact I'm afraid. At least it hasn't grown in a few months now, but I'm barely keeping it contained.
I'm feeling a bit low. I'm worried about my mother - she just looked so sick and frail this morning when I was leaving (I stayed at home last night). She always wants to be thinner and she has lost weight, but not in a good way. No muscle tone, just looking a bit sick. She's very down. It's hard for me when she is down. It's like she got bad news at the hospital, when she was actually told that all is well.
Dad thinks the Covid thing has got to her as well, she's not meeting people enough, and she's gone way too much into her own head. It's worrying. She's very up and down sometimes. This is definitely a down period, after a long time of feeling very content. I bought some cool blue kyanite stones in the market a few weeks ago, I gave them to her this morning and told her they were magical healing stones, but they only work if you believe in them. I hope she gives it a go at least.
I just want work to be done. Have really annoying meeting to get through tomorrow, one horrible excel thing to get done, then it's mostly plain sailing for the rest of the week. Don't care anymore, OVER IT! Definitely leaving next year. Although, to be fair, my boss texted me today to ask how my mum was, which is nice, and is one of the good things about her. Work Colleague wrote a tone deaf email to everyone today about how it's actually been a really good year in a weird way, and I was just angry. I just feel like we were so close and he's actually happier that he hasn't seen me for most of the year. That makes me feel like shit. I know that was not his intention, and he could have been alluding to anything in his personal life, which I don't know a lot about anymore, but I really felt like it was a slap in the face. Also, he saved some man from drowning at the weekend, and the way he told the story was the biggest humble brag of all time. What a fucking douche. I was so bitter, I was nearly going to ask was he not frightened of getting Covid off the man. But I managed to hold it together.
I think I'm just OVERWHELMINGLY disappointed in people this year. Maybe every year, but this year, I've really gotten fed up. I'm just so hurt that I didn't get one text or message about my mum. And that's not just Work Colleague, a few more in work knew she was in hospital last week and didn't ask me either. People are selfish as fuck. I 100% will always ask people if I know things are rough. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but anyway, my work 'family' is a sham, and I'm getting out.
- Yeah, I guess if you're a longterm sufferer, it gets pretty annoying LaMa.
- Thanks Petal. The toe is fine again, haha.
- Hi Rob, lovely to see you here. I don't think you're right that I am happier unfortunately, but I will be doing a huge evaluation of the year that was and work out a better plan for 2021. The turkey is still very much intact I'm afraid. At least it hasn't grown in a few months now, but I'm barely keeping it contained.
I'm feeling a bit low. I'm worried about my mother - she just looked so sick and frail this morning when I was leaving (I stayed at home last night). She always wants to be thinner and she has lost weight, but not in a good way. No muscle tone, just looking a bit sick.
She's very down. It's hard for me when she is down. It's like she got bad news at the hospital, when she was actually told that all is well.Dad thinks the Covid thing has got to her as well, she's not meeting people enough, and she's gone way too much into her own head. It's worrying. She's very up and down sometimes. This is definitely a down period, after a long time of feeling very content. I bought some cool blue kyanite stones in the market a few weeks ago, I gave them to her this morning and told her they were magical healing stones, but they only work if you believe in them. I hope she gives it a go at least.
I just want work to be done. Have really annoying meeting to get through tomorrow, one horrible excel thing to get done, then it's mostly plain sailing for the rest of the week. Don't care anymore, OVER IT! Definitely leaving next year. Although, to be fair, my boss texted me today to ask how my mum was, which is nice, and is one of the good things about her. Work Colleague wrote a tone deaf email to everyone today about how it's actually been a really good year in a weird way, and I was just angry. I just feel like we were so close and he's actually happier that he hasn't seen me for most of the year. That makes me feel like shit. I know that was not his intention, and he could have been alluding to anything in his personal life, which I don't know a lot about anymore, but I really felt like it was a slap in the face. Also, he saved some man from drowning at the weekend, and the way he told the story was the biggest humble brag of all time. What a fucking douche. I was so bitter, I was nearly going to ask was he not frightened of getting Covid off the man. But I managed to hold it together.
I think I'm just OVERWHELMINGLY disappointed in people this year. Maybe every year, but this year, I've really gotten fed up. I'm just so hurt that I didn't get one text or message about my mum. And that's not just Work Colleague, a few more in work knew she was in hospital last week and didn't ask me either. People are selfish as fuck. I 100% will always ask people if I know things are rough. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but anyway, my work 'family' is a sham, and I'm getting out.
Korrie
Moderator
Girl I feel you. I'm so sorry about your mom! The covid is getting to my parents heads too. They are in their 60's but act like they are going to die for sure if they get covid and have refused to visit anyone in months. The general population as a whole seems to have lost their minds.