Because it's always there, regardless of age, weather, loneliness, lockdowns, or anything else.
Great job on the tennis! How's your arm doing?
Emily Rose: The Reboot
- Thread starter Emilyrose
- Start date
Great job on the tennis! How's your arm doing?
- I am actually not that good at it myself Lingwo. But I'm enjoying it.
- Anything I can use to trick my subconscious into looking after myself better is fine by me Cate! I'll use any trick in the book!
- Played singles for an hour this evening LaMa, no twinge. So it's better.
- Hi Petal, yes, if I get in. I realised this evening that a lot more people signed up than I thought, so it might not be a done deal as of yet. Ah well, it's exciting all the same.
Today I applied to write a wellness article for an online newspaper here. It's kind of like the money diaries thing that Sunflower shared around before, except you focus on your wellness and stress levels and health instead. I just thought it would be kind of a fun thing to do, since it's something that occupies my mind a lot anyway. The worst part is that they have a comments section underneath it, and some people are really harsh and judgey about the people who write the article. At the same time, I would find it intriguing to see what people would say if I wrote one.
Anyway, I told them that I had just given up smoking and I wanted to focus on getting my health back on track after so many years wasted puffing away. I had to put my full name on the email (the article is anonymous) and I realised when I'd sent it that I had committed to something. I'd committed to having given up smoking. It was like admitting it to someone and then saying I had now quit made it a binding contract or something. I don't know, I just have a good feeling about it. If they ask me to write it, I'll have to be truthful, there's no other way really. Anyway, let's not dwell on this too much.
I also got a message on Reddit about some money-making opportunities online where you can do surveys and other stuff and earn a small bit of cash. Since I have lots of free time compared to most people, I might start looking into this. Some of them sound kind of fun. You can earn roughly 1 euro for a 10 minute survey. That will quickly start to add up. Plus I have a PayPal account now - may as well put it to use.
I came home this evening after tennis (great game - she was a tough competitor - I lost the first set 2-6, but I came back in the second and we ended at 6-6 - happy with that), finally had the front room to myself with the big TV and watched Judy. What a sad life she had and what a tremendous talent.
Anyway, that's it for now, Thursday tomorrow, week is going well overall.
- Anything I can use to trick my subconscious into looking after myself better is fine by me Cate! I'll use any trick in the book!
- Played singles for an hour this evening LaMa, no twinge. So it's better.
- Hi Petal, yes, if I get in. I realised this evening that a lot more people signed up than I thought, so it might not be a done deal as of yet. Ah well, it's exciting all the same.
Today I applied to write a wellness article for an online newspaper here. It's kind of like the money diaries thing that Sunflower shared around before, except you focus on your wellness and stress levels and health instead. I just thought it would be kind of a fun thing to do, since it's something that occupies my mind a lot anyway. The worst part is that they have a comments section underneath it, and some people are really harsh and judgey about the people who write the article. At the same time, I would find it intriguing to see what people would say if I wrote one.
Anyway, I told them that I had just given up smoking and I wanted to focus on getting my health back on track after so many years wasted puffing away. I had to put my full name on the email (the article is anonymous) and I realised when I'd sent it that I had committed to something. I'd committed to having given up smoking. It was like admitting it to someone and then saying I had now quit made it a binding contract or something. I don't know, I just have a good feeling about it. If they ask me to write it, I'll have to be truthful, there's no other way really. Anyway, let's not dwell on this too much.
I also got a message on Reddit about some money-making opportunities online where you can do surveys and other stuff and earn a small bit of cash. Since I have lots of free time compared to most people, I might start looking into this. Some of them sound kind of fun. You can earn roughly 1 euro for a 10 minute survey. That will quickly start to add up. Plus I have a PayPal account now - may as well put it to use.
I came home this evening after tennis (great game - she was a tough competitor - I lost the first set 2-6, but I came back in the second and we ended at 6-6 - happy with that), finally had the front room to myself with the big TV and watched Judy. What a sad life she had and what a tremendous talent.
Anyway, that's it for now, Thursday tomorrow, week is going well overall.
- Absolutely Cate, it is my lifeline. It is really the one good thing I've got out of Covid. Maybe there's more, but this is an obvious one.
- Yeah, I'd like to get selected LaMa (for both team and article, I guess!). I'm kind of frightened to write something like that and have it published for the whole world to read, because I think it could easily be traced back to me, but at the same time, I love writing, so why not?
I brought my dad to club night tonight, I felt like it was his first day at school, haha. I met him in the car park beforehand and sat in the car with him for a few minutes, then I had to go to the toilet, so he wanted to 'wait until I got back' before going up to the organiser with his money and starting to play. By the end of the night, he had no interest in me, and was mad to talk to the new 'friends' he'd made. Haha. It was fun though, I got a kick out of it.
There are some really nice people in the club, I'm so glad I've joined. Just tonight when everything is depressing and you're not allowed to even visit your family, it's great to have an outlet. (Like, I can play tennis with my dad at club night, but I can't visit my family home - this is how stupid the restrictions are at this point.) I just think even seeing new faces and talking to new people is so important. Everything is so samey now. To be honest, I'm lucky, cos I still have the office. I'm amazed at the amount of people I interact with because I go to work every day. I realise now how much these minor interactions mean to me.
For example:
- Chatted to woman outside this morning having my cigarette before I went into the office. She's very nice, I've talked to her a few times now. She spoke to me before about how difficult it was to navigate working from home and looking after her very young children and that she prefers going into the office for that reason.
- People in office (6 of us in today). Obviously lots of stimulation.
- New postman doing what he does best (delivering the post).
- Various chats with vendors on office phone throughout the day.
- Lunchtime went for sandwich, talked to girl at the checkout about the really nice Halloween decorations they had up.
When I work from home, I only meet my housemates.
Abridged conversation I had with my housemate tonight:
Asked her how her day was, told her about bringing my dad to club night.
Her answer: "That's probably the last one he'll be going to for a while."
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yeah, we'll be in level 4 soon."
Me: "Yeah, I think tennis at level 4 is still okay cos each court is looked on as a 'pod' of 4."
Her: "Hmm, I don't know, I think it's all going to be shut down very soon."
Me: "Well, I'm just going to enjoy it while I can I guess", and then I left the room.
Negative Nancy is someone I do NOT want to spend a lot of time with. She is just drowning in negativity. I'd much rather be in the office and having a laugh than working in my room all day alone and having my interactions with her as my only form of socialisation. (My other housemate is a lot nicer, but is not around the house as much.)
Anyway, next week, I have to return to working from home, I think one day, maybe two days, not sure yet. One day is fine. I'd prefer 4 days in the office though. It's better for my mental health, as outlined above.
I also asked the organiser about the team today - he said there's a panel that has yet to decide. I said that's cool, I'm happy to be in contention, and then he said that I am strongly in contention!!! Delighted.
- Yeah, I'd like to get selected LaMa (for both team and article, I guess!). I'm kind of frightened to write something like that and have it published for the whole world to read, because I think it could easily be traced back to me, but at the same time, I love writing, so why not?
I brought my dad to club night tonight, I felt like it was his first day at school, haha. I met him in the car park beforehand and sat in the car with him for a few minutes, then I had to go to the toilet, so he wanted to 'wait until I got back' before going up to the organiser with his money and starting to play. By the end of the night, he had no interest in me, and was mad to talk to the new 'friends' he'd made. Haha. It was fun though, I got a kick out of it.
There are some really nice people in the club, I'm so glad I've joined. Just tonight when everything is depressing and you're not allowed to even visit your family, it's great to have an outlet. (Like, I can play tennis with my dad at club night, but I can't visit my family home - this is how stupid the restrictions are at this point.) I just think even seeing new faces and talking to new people is so important. Everything is so samey now. To be honest, I'm lucky, cos I still have the office. I'm amazed at the amount of people I interact with because I go to work every day. I realise now how much these minor interactions mean to me.
For example:
- Chatted to woman outside this morning having my cigarette before I went into the office. She's very nice, I've talked to her a few times now. She spoke to me before about how difficult it was to navigate working from home and looking after her very young children and that she prefers going into the office for that reason.
- People in office (6 of us in today). Obviously lots of stimulation.
- New postman doing what he does best (delivering the post).
- Various chats with vendors on office phone throughout the day.
- Lunchtime went for sandwich, talked to girl at the checkout about the really nice Halloween decorations they had up.
When I work from home, I only meet my housemates.
Abridged conversation I had with my housemate tonight:
Asked her how her day was, told her about bringing my dad to club night.
Her answer: "That's probably the last one he'll be going to for a while."
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yeah, we'll be in level 4 soon."
Me: "Yeah, I think tennis at level 4 is still okay cos each court is looked on as a 'pod' of 4."
Her: "Hmm, I don't know, I think it's all going to be shut down very soon."
Me: "Well, I'm just going to enjoy it while I can I guess", and then I left the room.
Negative Nancy is someone I do NOT want to spend a lot of time with. She is just drowning in negativity. I'd much rather be in the office and having a laugh than working in my room all day alone and having my interactions with her as my only form of socialisation. (My other housemate is a lot nicer, but is not around the house as much.)
Anyway, next week, I have to return to working from home, I think one day, maybe two days, not sure yet. One day is fine. I'd prefer 4 days in the office though. It's better for my mental health, as outlined above.
I also asked the organiser about the team today - he said there's a panel that has yet to decide. I said that's cool, I'm happy to be in contention, and then he said that I am strongly in contention!!! Delighted.
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Petal001
New member
Oh Em the restrictions are ridiculous. We are all still in the office and no sign of us changing that soon. So long as schools are running there is no point in these other silly rules. They make zero sense tbh.
Aw I'm delighted for your dad to join the club how lovely . Good luck on the selection and on the writing article
Aw I'm delighted for your dad to join the club how lovely . Good luck on the selection and on the writing article
- Yes, I'm in Ireland. She's hard going Lingwo. I normally try to see the best in people, but give me a break like!
- Yeah, it was good fun Cate. I just think when he's so fit and healthy after seeing him 10 years ago on the brink of death (colon cancer), I want him to thrive.
- Thanks Petal. I love being in the office, we're at peak enjoyment and laughs at the moment. I'm willing to do 2 days from home - any more than that, I am not a fan of.
- Yeah, it was fun LaMa. I just think if your enjoyment of life is at zero, what's the point?
Ah, Covid, you monster of a thing.
Everyone has their own take on it. People here won't agree with me on certain topics. That's fine. That's freedom of speech, which is questionable the last few years. If you don't take everybody's concerns and considerations in all the time, that seems to be viewed as hate speech. I disagree. I think 'safety first' on every topic and aspect of life is ruining a lot of important discussions, debates, and making people feel bad, when they don't have to.
An example from not so long ago: You don't go to mass. You're not a practicing Catholic. How terrible. Now, it's almost frowned upon if you do go to mass. Neither is right.
I see people posting ridiculous stuff like, 'In a world where you can be anything, be kind', getting loads of likes and nice comments, but the person that is posting this is not actually kind a lot of the time. This is the shit we are faced with every day. I'm really sick of the memes and the fakeness and the utter crap that I am viewing day after day after day. On Twitter, on posts on online news sites, on my own internal chats.
This does not make me feel less alone or more connected with people. I really enjoy writing, and posting here, but that's because I love writing. I always have. I devoured books as a child, I love language, I love the arts, and people, and trying to understand the human condition. I think theatre and plays and films express the heightened moments in life so beautifully.
But I feel like Instagram lives are so damaging. And the shaming and finger-pointing, 'Well, if people were sticking to the rules, we wouldn't be in this position' crap that Covid has unearthed is honestly far more frightening to me than the virus itself.
I honestly think the majority are doing their best. I think it's so difficult for self-employed people now, as you don't know from one NPHET meeting to the next if you're going to be shut down or not. This is not living. And if we changed the way we think about people - about society - about the 'ladder of success' maybe - then shut downs would not be difficult. But people put so much of their self-worth into how much money they make, which is completely wrong. But the thinking hasn't changed, so the resistance to lockdowns won't change.
We're lucky in Ireland, no one will starve, the potato famine days are long gone. People are resilient, we will get through it. But moving from a capitalist society where you work hard and then you get to go to Lanzarote for 2 weeks a year, and have Christmas getting shitfaced with the family, which people seem to have embraced as a 'good life' - to be told that actually, you still have to work hard, bring in all this safety stuff, but all the perks of having money are taken away, then what is the point? Maybe I should just try to get fired, cos it really isn't worth it right now. That, to me, is why people are so fed up, angry and depressed. You sold us the dream, the dream was (and has always been) a lie.
I joined this online survey site the other day, and one really interesting question I was asked was in the ladder of success, where 10 is having an amazing job, making loads of money, with a good education, and 1 is being unemployed, with little education, where would you rank yourself? I took major umbrage to the question. (I still answered and gave myself a 7 though, FYI.) Is that how we rank people? Is this a good measure of your worth? I don't know. I think some of the 10s are really 1s. And vice versa. I think a shift in mindset is needed if you really want to tackle Covid and lock us all up for weeks on end. And I don't see that happening fast enough.
- Yeah, it was good fun Cate. I just think when he's so fit and healthy after seeing him 10 years ago on the brink of death (colon cancer), I want him to thrive.
- Thanks Petal. I love being in the office, we're at peak enjoyment and laughs at the moment. I'm willing to do 2 days from home - any more than that, I am not a fan of.
- Yeah, it was fun LaMa. I just think if your enjoyment of life is at zero, what's the point?
Ah, Covid, you monster of a thing.
Everyone has their own take on it. People here won't agree with me on certain topics. That's fine. That's freedom of speech, which is questionable the last few years. If you don't take everybody's concerns and considerations in all the time, that seems to be viewed as hate speech. I disagree. I think 'safety first' on every topic and aspect of life is ruining a lot of important discussions, debates, and making people feel bad, when they don't have to.
An example from not so long ago: You don't go to mass. You're not a practicing Catholic. How terrible. Now, it's almost frowned upon if you do go to mass. Neither is right.
I see people posting ridiculous stuff like, 'In a world where you can be anything, be kind', getting loads of likes and nice comments, but the person that is posting this is not actually kind a lot of the time. This is the shit we are faced with every day. I'm really sick of the memes and the fakeness and the utter crap that I am viewing day after day after day. On Twitter, on posts on online news sites, on my own internal chats.
This does not make me feel less alone or more connected with people. I really enjoy writing, and posting here, but that's because I love writing. I always have. I devoured books as a child, I love language, I love the arts, and people, and trying to understand the human condition. I think theatre and plays and films express the heightened moments in life so beautifully.
But I feel like Instagram lives are so damaging. And the shaming and finger-pointing, 'Well, if people were sticking to the rules, we wouldn't be in this position' crap that Covid has unearthed is honestly far more frightening to me than the virus itself.
I honestly think the majority are doing their best. I think it's so difficult for self-employed people now, as you don't know from one NPHET meeting to the next if you're going to be shut down or not. This is not living. And if we changed the way we think about people - about society - about the 'ladder of success' maybe - then shut downs would not be difficult. But people put so much of their self-worth into how much money they make, which is completely wrong. But the thinking hasn't changed, so the resistance to lockdowns won't change.
We're lucky in Ireland, no one will starve, the potato famine days are long gone. People are resilient, we will get through it. But moving from a capitalist society where you work hard and then you get to go to Lanzarote for 2 weeks a year, and have Christmas getting shitfaced with the family, which people seem to have embraced as a 'good life' - to be told that actually, you still have to work hard, bring in all this safety stuff, but all the perks of having money are taken away, then what is the point? Maybe I should just try to get fired, cos it really isn't worth it right now. That, to me, is why people are so fed up, angry and depressed. You sold us the dream, the dream was (and has always been) a lie.
I joined this online survey site the other day, and one really interesting question I was asked was in the ladder of success, where 10 is having an amazing job, making loads of money, with a good education, and 1 is being unemployed, with little education, where would you rank yourself? I took major umbrage to the question. (I still answered and gave myself a 7 though, FYI.) Is that how we rank people? Is this a good measure of your worth? I don't know. I think some of the 10s are really 1s. And vice versa. I think a shift in mindset is needed if you really want to tackle Covid and lock us all up for weeks on end. And I don't see that happening fast enough.
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Petal001
New member
Em I have disconnected so much from the social media platform. I even turned off the news app . I still spend too much time on certain things and am making a conscious effort to break that habit .
I am not on Facebook,Instagram, twitter, tiktok, Reddit, but my kids show me stuff and it's unreal what people like . I sometimes read the journal but the comments are horrendous. Life is weird here right now.
Em you are a fantastic writer . Keep doing what you are doing . Did you ever think of writing a book ,what about chronicling the life of a 30 plus living under covid guidelines !
I am not on Facebook,Instagram, twitter, tiktok, Reddit, but my kids show me stuff and it's unreal what people like . I sometimes read the journal but the comments are horrendous. Life is weird here right now.
Em you are a fantastic writer . Keep doing what you are doing . Did you ever think of writing a book ,what about chronicling the life of a 30 plus living under covid guidelines !
- Thanks for the visit Err. Yeah, I enjoy Reddit but I don't really know if it's doing me any good.
- Hi Petal, thanks for the encouragement! I guess I'm kind of chronicling my day-to-day here, but probably not, to be honest.
I had a pretty good day. No wine or cigarettes is always a good thing. I read a really interesting post on Reddit about how quitting smoking is like taking a blankie away from a child and that you're better off screaming and having a tantrum on the ground than giving into yourself and buying them again. I realise I am a broken record about this, but the internal voice that wants me to quit is getting louder and louder. It's on my mind a lot, so I guess I need to talk about it.
I played tennis with my dad today, then had to go into work to print out a play that I need to read tomorrow for a project for the drama group. I didn't mind really, it gave me a focus for the afternoon. On the drive to work, the idea of buying a clock radio came into my head. I've found lately (this morning for instance) that I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is scroll through my phone - read texts, any emails, check Fitbit stats, then here, then Reddit. 20 minutes every morning spent like that. So I bought the clock radio so that I can just turn my phone off completely at night time and not check it when I wake first thing. It's a start anyway. Plus it's really handy having a radio. It has FM and digital, which is pretty cool. The digital stations generally just have music playing all day, so I can avoid the news and all Covid discussions that way.
I think the whole of the country was out doing last minute panic shopping today. I bought a book as well (The Tattooist of Auschwitz - I am so fascinated by the concentration camps lately) and then I came home and actually cooked my dinner - and now I have been farting all evening because it's so long since I've eaten a vegetable. I'm sure you wanted to know that last part.
I have a tennis game at 9am in the morning - going to watch one episode of Unsolved Mysteries now and then get to sleep. Feeling pretty good.
- Hi Petal, thanks for the encouragement! I guess I'm kind of chronicling my day-to-day here, but probably not, to be honest.
I had a pretty good day. No wine or cigarettes is always a good thing. I read a really interesting post on Reddit about how quitting smoking is like taking a blankie away from a child and that you're better off screaming and having a tantrum on the ground than giving into yourself and buying them again. I realise I am a broken record about this, but the internal voice that wants me to quit is getting louder and louder. It's on my mind a lot, so I guess I need to talk about it.
I played tennis with my dad today, then had to go into work to print out a play that I need to read tomorrow for a project for the drama group. I didn't mind really, it gave me a focus for the afternoon. On the drive to work, the idea of buying a clock radio came into my head. I've found lately (this morning for instance) that I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is scroll through my phone - read texts, any emails, check Fitbit stats, then here, then Reddit. 20 minutes every morning spent like that. So I bought the clock radio so that I can just turn my phone off completely at night time and not check it when I wake first thing. It's a start anyway. Plus it's really handy having a radio. It has FM and digital, which is pretty cool. The digital stations generally just have music playing all day, so I can avoid the news and all Covid discussions that way.
I think the whole of the country was out doing last minute panic shopping today. I bought a book as well (The Tattooist of Auschwitz - I am so fascinated by the concentration camps lately) and then I came home and actually cooked my dinner - and now I have been farting all evening because it's so long since I've eaten a vegetable. I'm sure you wanted to know that last part.
I have a tennis game at 9am in the morning - going to watch one episode of Unsolved Mysteries now and then get to sleep. Feeling pretty good.
Cate
Long term member
What? Really? Oh, Em. That shocked me.
Getting a clock radio is a good idea & setting it to a station that plays good music is a nice way to start your day.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Emily, always enjoy your posts, and I am happy to see you sticking to it!
Mark Twain on smoking:
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake. - 70th birthday speech
...when they used to tell me I would shorten my life ten years by smoking, they little knew the devotee they were wasting their puerile word upon -- they little knew how trivial and valueless I would regard a decade that had no smoking in it! - Dec 1870
Probably not much help, but I thought it might make you smile. I had an Uncle who used to say:
Quitting for me was not too hard, the first 30 years were the worst.
You should talk about it then, and throwing a tantrum is better than smoking!
Actually I am glad you said something, that is one of my least favorite things about my new high veggie diet. Glad I am not alone...
Good for you!
Mark Twain on smoking:
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake. - 70th birthday speech
...when they used to tell me I would shorten my life ten years by smoking, they little knew the devotee they were wasting their puerile word upon -- they little knew how trivial and valueless I would regard a decade that had no smoking in it! - Dec 1870
Probably not much help, but I thought it might make you smile. I had an Uncle who used to say:
Quitting for me was not too hard, the first 30 years were the worst.
We have an entire forum dedicated to our attempts to not eat to much. A diary with some posts about not wanting to smoke doesn´t sound excessive in comparison
And since my stomach and guts have been giving me hell for weeks it´s kind of nice others struggle sometimes as well
And since my stomach and guts have been giving me hell for weeks it´s kind of nice others struggle sometimes as well
Petal001
New member
That's an interesting book Em I read it a few years ago. My daughter has a huge interest in concentration camps and the world war 2 . Have watched some excellent films on it with her .
Love you got a clock radio I have toyed with the idea of one too. Make sure you put your phone out of reach now though !
Think the smoking thing will just click for you . I hope .
Love you got a clock radio I have toyed with the idea of one too. Make sure you put your phone out of reach now though !
Think the smoking thing will just click for you . I hope .
- I woke up to Tony Bennett and Carrie Underwood singing 'It Had to Be You' this morning, it was a nice way to start my day Cate. And you would be shocked at the lack of care I take of myself on a regular basis. I'm working on it.
- Glad you get what I was saying about the veggies Rob. I have to ease into the healthier diet! And I love the quotes, thank you. They did make me smile.
- I struggle a lot LaMa!
- I don't know Petal. My strategies aren't working.
I really wanted to buy wine tonight. It's raining, my tennis game had to be cancelled, I've been cooped up in the house for most of the day, my interest in my laptop is waning. Lots of 'reasons' to give in. I didn't. I did snap at my housemate for turning off the light when I was smoking outside though. Whoops. She'll just have to get over it.
So yeah, that was a bit of a victory. I convinced myself not to because I feel so good and fresh today, and I just kept saying to myself, 'Do you want to feel like a bag of shit tomorrow?' And I decided that no, I did not want to feel like a bag of shit tomorrow. My hangovers have evolved so that I can function more or less normally, but I have absolutely no energy and want to eat salt and sugar all day long. It's a big reason for the weight gain. It's ruining my life, to be honest. I go on about the lockdowns here, but really, they make little difference on my actual mood. I mean, I have a drinking problem - the pubs being closed and not being able to socialise with alcohol is actually benefiting me. I also have enough imagination to keep myself entertained for weeks on end. And that's the truth really. My sadness has very little to do with this pandemic. But it's a reason to use for being sad, which is helpful. It's not the reason though.
Anyway, I overcame the urge this evening. I'll just have to do it all again tomorrow evening. And that's the hard part.
In better news, I won my first competitive tennis game this morning! She was the biggest sore loser ever, and when I was up about 3 or 4 games, she wanted to concede, but I got cross and told her I was there to play my hour of tennis. It soured the victory a little bit when she said just before the end, 'I've lost interest to be honest', but fuck that, I beat her fair and square. Tennis can be a psychological game too, and if her head wasn't in it, that's not my issue. I think she just got a shock because we last had a game in July, where she easily beat me, but I have improved so much since then. Today was the proof that I have really.
Her friend came along afterwards and she told her that 'her attitude on the court had been shocking', so she kind of acknowledged that she was being a bit of an asshole, so I got over it. Very happy with that though.
A bleak enough week ahead, not going to lie. But a long weekend after that, so I can make it.
I'll actually leave you with the song I woke up to this morning - the intro kind of sums it up for me at the moment:
It seems like dreams like I've always had
Could be, should be, makin' me glad
Why am I blue?
It's up to you to explain
I'm thinking maybe baby I'll go away
Someday, some way, you'll come and say,
"Its you that I need"
Maybe you'll be pleading in vain
- Glad you get what I was saying about the veggies Rob. I have to ease into the healthier diet! And I love the quotes, thank you. They did make me smile.
- I struggle a lot LaMa!
- I don't know Petal. My strategies aren't working.
I really wanted to buy wine tonight. It's raining, my tennis game had to be cancelled, I've been cooped up in the house for most of the day, my interest in my laptop is waning. Lots of 'reasons' to give in. I didn't. I did snap at my housemate for turning off the light when I was smoking outside though. Whoops. She'll just have to get over it.
So yeah, that was a bit of a victory. I convinced myself not to because I feel so good and fresh today, and I just kept saying to myself, 'Do you want to feel like a bag of shit tomorrow?' And I decided that no, I did not want to feel like a bag of shit tomorrow. My hangovers have evolved so that I can function more or less normally, but I have absolutely no energy and want to eat salt and sugar all day long. It's a big reason for the weight gain. It's ruining my life, to be honest. I go on about the lockdowns here, but really, they make little difference on my actual mood. I mean, I have a drinking problem - the pubs being closed and not being able to socialise with alcohol is actually benefiting me. I also have enough imagination to keep myself entertained for weeks on end. And that's the truth really. My sadness has very little to do with this pandemic. But it's a reason to use for being sad, which is helpful. It's not the reason though.
Anyway, I overcame the urge this evening. I'll just have to do it all again tomorrow evening. And that's the hard part.
In better news, I won my first competitive tennis game this morning! She was the biggest sore loser ever, and when I was up about 3 or 4 games, she wanted to concede, but I got cross and told her I was there to play my hour of tennis. It soured the victory a little bit when she said just before the end, 'I've lost interest to be honest', but fuck that, I beat her fair and square. Tennis can be a psychological game too, and if her head wasn't in it, that's not my issue. I think she just got a shock because we last had a game in July, where she easily beat me, but I have improved so much since then. Today was the proof that I have really.
Her friend came along afterwards and she told her that 'her attitude on the court had been shocking', so she kind of acknowledged that she was being a bit of an asshole, so I got over it. Very happy with that though.
A bleak enough week ahead, not going to lie. But a long weekend after that, so I can make it.
I'll actually leave you with the song I woke up to this morning - the intro kind of sums it up for me at the moment:
It seems like dreams like I've always had
Could be, should be, makin' me glad
Why am I blue?
It's up to you to explain
I'm thinking maybe baby I'll go away
Someday, some way, you'll come and say,
"Its you that I need"
Maybe you'll be pleading in vain
Cate
Long term member
What a melancholy start to your day, Em. I hope you wake to something more cheerful tomorrow Tony Bennett has a beautiful, relaxed voice. Do you sing, Em?
Your opponent at tennis does sound like a sore loser.
Good for you resisting that urge to drink wine last night. I'm going to do that tonight. You & I seem to be the only ones in here who have the wine-drinking habit. It's hard to shake.
Tony Bennett has a beautiful, relaxed voice. Do you sing, Em? Your opponent at tennis does sound like a sore loser.
Good for you resisting that urge to drink wine last night. I'm going to do that tonight. You & I seem to be the only ones in here who have the wine-drinking habit. It's hard to shake.