Cate's Diary

I'm glad G was able to say no to his sister and you could avoid that breakfast but yeah I hate that sort of thing--how it can really upset a whole morning. I'm glad the day went much better after that!
 
Llama said:
Bringing over an unknown and unannounced friend when you go to visit someone is already not something everyone would be ok with but spontaneously inviting yourself and two other people to breakfast at someone else's place is something else entirely. Glad the rest of your day was much better.
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Thanks, Llama. I would never dream of doing that to someone else. L is something else.
MsBubbles said:
Trying to think how I would handle that situation of a bunch of relatives showing up on my doorstep without much warning! And doing it in a way that respects my boundaries while not being mean. All anybody could do is say "It's actually not a good time right now" and leave it at that. If the other person takes offense, that's up to them to deal with their own emotions, like grown ups. But I know it's not you with the wishy washy boundaries! You're dealing with a couple of levels of other people's stuff.
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G's sister, L seems to think she knows him much better than I do & that I make his decisions for him. She has no idea. I have been putting up with her snapping at me & making rude remarks for a while now. I wouldn't ask her for help as she comes with way too many strings attached.
MsBubbles said:
I can't imagine playing golf with a leg or foot that needed surgery. I'm impressed! I can't hit a darned thing with two regular feet/legs.
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Thank you. That made me laugh. Where there's a will, there's a way. I love golf & when I hit a really good shot I get such a thrill. I'm impressed with your skating!
liza3 said:
I'm glad G was able to say no to his sister and you could avoid that breakfast but yeah I hate that sort of thing--how it can really upset a whole morning. I'm glad the day went much better after that!
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Thanks, Liza. He may learn to do it more often. You never know. He's still annoyed with her.
G & I had a good day & our son, D called in after work & was really helpful. He gave me a couple of good ideas & offered to help any way he can. He'll call in again soon & help with rearranging some furniture.
I had better get on the move. I have a hair appointment at 10 am. Yay!
 
Emilyrose said:
Hope you come out with a spiffy new hairdo Cate! :D
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Thanks, Em. I didn't. She double-booked the time & had another person waiting. I was gracious about it & said not to worry & for her to let me know when she can do it. She messaged me later to say thanks so much for my reaction & that today was her first day back from being unwell.
Emilyrose said:
G's sister sounds exactly like my aunt. A law onto herself!
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She sure is. She's too much for me.
I ticked off quite a few thing when we got home. I postponed my CT Aortagarm until a month later so that I have time to recover a bit more from my op, but still in time before my cardio ap't.
Then I booked G in for an eye test next Friday. It's overdue & he actually thinks he needs prescription glasses now.

I have had something bothering me for a long time. I still have some money in super & it has always been hard to take any out, even though I am of retirement age. If I died G would not have enough money for a funeral for me & would probably have to go through 20 hoops to get any money from them, even as my beneficiary. I bit the bullet & rang them today & found that the process is much simpler. I then did it. That was a major tick! It takes away some worry. The money will be in our joint account so should be simpler for either of us to access. It's an account you can't take money from with a card so should be safer. It's all we have so I also need to not spend it.
Next is us both making new wills. Ours are so far out of date.
I am going to apply for an assessment to see if we can get set up for getting assistance to stay at home longer. Once again I have to get over asking for help.
I feel like achieved a lot today & I am feeling more positive about things.
Preparing for the future is sensible. Ignorance is not bliss. I also have to set up an end-of-life care plan. We both do. G & I both know how we feel about things but you need to make it clear for the medical profession (& family). I'll worry about that one later in the year.
 
Oh wow, that IS a major tick: good on you biting that bullet! Ignorance is only bliss if it's genuine and never gets disturbed. If it's stuff that that keep niggling away at the back of your mind while you try to avoid it it just causes anxiety.
 
Thanks, Llama. It has given me some piece of mind that G would be able to manage the finances more easily if I die. The local bank staff are wonderful. I feel much less anxious about it. I have also been looking at how to make a will & I think we'll do it ourselves. We will make it clear what we want done with our house (to be sold) & how that money is to be distributed, including leaving $X for each grandchild (upon turning 18.) I think I'll buy 2 kits & start making notes for the next few months & then we'll either do them ourselves or see a lawyer if we find it too difficult. I might ask the local lawyer what they charge to do one first. They were good with Mum's will.
I think I might fish out a book soon as I am done with the serious stuff for one day!
 
Those are great things to tick off the list Cate. That would feel a load off to have that acct sorted. I hope you can get the will done easy enough as well.
Cate said:
D called in after work & was really helpful. He gave me a couple of good ideas & offered to help any way he can. He'll call in again soon & help with rearranging some furniture.
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That is so good to hear! It sounds like he's waiting and hoping to be asked and is very happy to help out!
 
Wow, you're accomplishing so much, including telling L to go jump in a lake! So wonderful!!! I love hearing how English expressions change from country to country. Em called L "a law unto herself". Here we call someone like that "a force to be reckoned with" or "a force of nature". Whatever she is, I am so glad you are putting her in her place. I sort of picture her like the Baggins's who were selling off Bilbo's furniture when he got home from his adventure. I'm glad you are getting all your wills and such sorted out. That must feel so satisfying getting that updated. That's wonderful you have D to help you out with things around the house, too! Go you!!
 
Thanks, Llama, Liza, Marsia & Em. Was that only yesterday that I did that sorting out? I couldn't believe that withdrawing my money was so much simpler than the last time. I might call in at the local lawyer's office & ask what they charge to make a will. I could probably save some money by starting on it.
I love the differences in sayings too, M. Here we use most of them. I think D is glad to help. G & I have been very generous over the years with finances, leaving ourselves short & I think he is aware of that. He can't help financially but he is happy to help out if he can. I would love him to drop in more often & I would then feel more like asking him to do some of the things that we are finding a little difficult. He gave me some good ideas the other day. He's a lovely guy. We'll see him again tonight for a while at our GS's 25th.
I enjoyed the book I started yesterday, Em. It's light reading, but just what I need at the moment. Birds of a Feather, by Rhianna King. I'll let you know what I think when I finish it. I probably won't read any today as we'll be heading out just after lunch. We're going to visit A & M before the party.
 
Cate said:
He can't help financially but he is happy to help out if he can. I would love him to drop in more often & I would then feel more like asking him to do some of the things that we are finding a little difficult.
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:p Or you could ask him to help a little more often and then he might drop in more often. Until the pandemic I never ever called my mom because she never has time but now we all enjoy our weekly video chats.
 
Cate said:
I would love him to drop in more often & I would then feel more like asking him to do some of the things that we are finding a little difficult. He gave me some good ideas the other day. He's a lovely guy.
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Hopefully him helping you through this will start a new trend of him coming around more often...maybe you could make it a thing where he comes around once a month or something for a meal and he does the little things that need doing?
 
Have a lovely time at the party Cate. I think you should just ask D to help you out with those things and not wait for him to visit to do it. He's your son, I'm sure you have gone above and beyond to help him all his life.
 
I agree with everyone about starting a tradition of visiting more with D. That would be so nice! Have all his kids left home now, or could he bring them, too? I hope you enjoyed the party!!
 
Thanks, Llama, Liza, Em & Marsia :grouphug:
D's family life has been very complicated for a long time & I have tried not to complicate it any further by asking too much of him. He is much more settled & happy now & his kids are almost grown up. They haven't lived with him for a long time. As I said it's very complicated. Being together in a large venue with almost all of A's extended family, including D's ex was interesting & I think A would have been relieved that it all went well. G & I spoke to everyone & it was all quite friendly & we were comfortable. We have always really liked D's ex's brother & sister & they were both affectionate towards us. Her brother seemed a little sad that he didn't see us much. That was sweet.
A's partner, L is a physio at the hospital where I am going to have my op & she has checked her roster & will ensure she will be my physio on the day. She will also make sure I have everything I need. This woman is such a gem. I love her. She engineered the party for A & he must have been so happy at how it all went. He works at a place he loves & his bosses were at the party & you could see their affection for him. He is such a well-loved, fine human. L said they are like another family.
Seeing our son interacting with his kids was lovely too & he was very affectionate towards G & I. He mixed well & looked comfortable. To say his marriage split was not amicable is a major understatement. It was good to see that he could be in the same space for A's sake & it was lovely to see him with his kids & how much they love him.
I will communicate with him more often & stop feeling that I am putting any pressure on him. I think we have reconnected again properly.
I got chatting to a lovely young woman who A has been friends with since their first year of high school. She was there on her own. We chatted about A mainly but found so much to talk about. She reminded me very much of one of our nieces, who I adore. She has moved to Hobart & works for the police. I told her about R's partner, C who also works for the police & suggested she would really like her. After quite a while I said I would like to give her one of my hearts & showed her my little bag of hearts that I always carry around with me. She selected one that caught her eye & she was a bit emotional. She told me that she had something going on in her life at the moment & that her heart was well-timed. I didn't ask her what was going on. I never do. We then got into a long & lovely conversation about kindness & love. I made another lovely connection. She paid me some lovely compliments & I admitted that I don't take them well. She said she could see that but that I should know what a lovely, kind person I am. I feel emotional just typing that. We agreed that there can never be enough love & kindness in the world.
I was sorry that R wasn't up to coming up for the party. He's very down at the moment & fragile. I hope he can be here at Christmas as I think we will be seeing all of our immediate family with their partners. I hope C can come too, but she has her kids & mother & extended family to juggle too.
I'll finish here as this already very long! I feel much less stressed about my op thanks to L & feeling very much loved.
 
Wow, that all sounds so lovely! It's wonderful that D is surrounded in kids and people who love him and that the whole thing went so well. I think your heart-giving ritual would make an excellent movie. You could follow the lives of each person who was given a heart and see how different themes emerge and how little acts of compassion do fun and interesting things in people's lives... I really hope R feels better. Have you offered him one of your hearts yet?
 
It was lovely, M. Making & giving these hearts has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. Maybe the world just needs more love & kindness. By giving them to someone I have just met I feel like I'm opening my heart to others & sharing my love. I don't need to know why they seem to make such a difference to some people. They have opened my heart & given me confidence. They are given unconditionally without anyone feeling they need to tell me anything. I do not like being the centre of attention. This is something I can do that makes me feel good about myself as well.
R has some hearts made just for him & also selected a couple he saw unmade. I have them on top of a bookcase where I walk by them every day & anyone can see them if they visit.
I had better get moving & take my doggo for a walk as it's not raining!
 
The wold definitely needs more love and kindness and you are one of the people who make a difference. Wonderful to hear that the party went so well!
 
Thank you, Llama xo
I took Arch for a walk just before lunch & saw my mechanic's shed door open so I called in & asked him about making a bar for our stairs or where I could buy one that he might install for me (ie drilling into the rocks). He can make me one easily he said. I need to work out what size & height I need it & we worked out black steel would look best. He has heaps of that & can shape it. He's a great welder.
His wife has lent me some forearm crutches & also a toilet seat with handles for getting up & down. I haven't opened that up & had a good look yet. I have attached a couple of grab handles in our shower recess & checked to see if the shower seat fits in. If I can put my right heel on the floor I'll be able to manage it. I practised with the crutches & can manage them with my right foot off the floor. I'll have a little practice each day.
I must message L to let her know what I have after I check the toilet seat. I don't want her going to too much trouble if I can organised myself.
 
You're really on the ball and I love to see it! If you're allowed to put your foot on the floor (even without putting pressure on it) that makes for a better gait pattern with crutches than keeping it up in the air. It also tends to help with circulation. I would expect you to get a boot you're allowed to put at least some pressure on though, which would make things a lot easier on your shoulders and neck. Speaking of which: try to keep your shoulders down as much as you can while crutching along.
 
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