bluehats diary

Don´t feel embarrassed, Bluehat, most of the people on this site have some kind of food they "can´t" have at home because they´d eat all of it in one sitting. For me it´s... well, all sweet things really. You´ve got it tougher right now because more different foods seem to trigger binges for you, but what is now need not always stay that way. Keep taking good care of yourself and who knows what things will look like a year from now?
 
8 minutes cycling
legs are good so far
happy about that

2 bags of snack doritos 290
(they are at someone elses place)
wasnt feeling well for supper
 
Sorry to hear you´re not feeling well - be careful when skipping meals if you have blood sugar issues. But your legs getting more endurance is great!
 
8 minutes bike and feeling good
(2 minutes is warm up, 2 minutes is cool down
so only 4 minutes with any kind of speed)
i tried a time with no cool down once
and wow i never knew what real dizziness was
lol

2 cups crockpotted ground beef 800

tomatoes the beef was done in? ( i dont know
how much ends up being countable as calories
eaten done this way)

doritos 450

my liquids usually is water
 
new questions i ask myself

why am i afraid to have a simple sandwich
or a bowl of oatmeal?
why cant i have my number 1 fav. food anymore?
(spaghetti and meatballs)
what am i afraid of?
why am i so abnormal?
 
bluehat said:
tomatoes the beef was done in? ( i dont know
how much ends up being countable as calories
eaten done this way)
Click to expand...
Normally all of it. The only thing that disappears during the cooking process is water, which of course doesn´t have calories.7
bluehat said:
new questions i ask myself

why am i afraid to have a simple sandwich
or a bowl of oatmeal?
why cant i have my number 1 fav. food anymore?
(spaghetti and meatballs)
Click to expand...
Those are very good questions. Why can´t you? Could you have them if someone brought them to your home and sat down to have one portion with you, then leaving and taking any leftovers?
bluehat said:
what am i afraid of?
why am i so abnormal?
Click to expand...
The thing I am afraid in such circumstances is losing control. Because when I lose control I feel - or at least felt - like I was this shameful, worthless thing, not quite human and not worthy of love, attention, or even real food. Not of that is true though. Losing control just means... that I lost control. That something was more than I could deal with in that moment. And if someone gets dealt more than they can cope with they deserve kindness, compassion, and help, even if the same thing might have been easy for someone else. So... while I don´t know why you are afraid I do know that if you are abnormal than so am I. And many, many other people.
 
no bike
no meal
just grazing and napping
and trying to drink alot
of water
feels awful from the neck up
 
LaMaria said:
Well, drinking a lot of water is something. What did you graze on and how much did it end up being?
Click to expand...


i didnt calculate any calories
or measure anything
not feeling well but
it was some macaroni salad
cheeseies
chickpea salad
 
Y´know what? That doesn´t sound so bad. Definitely not a binge and mainly real food. Sorry you aren´t/weren´t feeling well.
 
i'm hoping by coming here i can prevent a binge.
i just brought in a few days worth of food and
wanna keep it that way
but im sick with dread because i have
to have an encounter tomorrow
with the family that i binge after seeing
but i dont want to binge.
 
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