bluehats diary

You could do worse than yogurt and cottage cheese. Hope you find a way to swim, it is good low impact exercise.

You seem to be trying hard to find a healthier way, good for you. Keep it up.
 
todays food--
same things

forgot to get a weight first thing
i will try again tomorrow
 
getting this huge anxiety every time i eat
because of the blood sugar so high
and easy weight gain
not sure what im doing about it yet
 
been thinking about the weight loss thing
it doesnt make sense in a way to lose weight
especially in people me being 1 of them
who gain it back plus some
it truly happens to people
its not just a theory
so why do i want to weigh more?
 
alligatorob said:
I don't think everyone who loses weight is condemned to regaining it. I sure hope not.
Click to expand...


ya i hope not too
i have read that 92 to 95 percent of ppl who
lose weigh gain it back plus more
so i guess we can always hope to be in that 5 to 8 percent that dont
 
bad eating day
first one of those in awhile
so i have to nip it in the bud NOW
so its not going to be weight gained
it was an awful lab day
its horrible the set up now
i know how hard it was for me
in line so long not being to sit down off my swollen feet
but
it looked so hard on the older ppl in the long line
idk what they have against ppl sitting down
and you can see them struggling to breathe
in their masks
its too sad
i know a person who just doesnt go out
unless they absolutely have to
the person is elderly and just isnt healthy enuf to stand in the lines
and barely eats to stretch the food out
that makes me mad
not at the person but at the long lines
the person wont let me help though
so anyway i got a weight finally first thing one morning
so when the weeks up i will get it again
actually tho i snuck a weigh in and it was already up
half a pound in just a few days
i guess we see when the weeks up
bye for now
 
well actually it was wed i did the weight
so i did it
and its up 2 pounds
i dont eat too much anymore
even a bad day isnt eating too much
its just the wrong foods
and 1 day shouldnt do this
im at a loss
i dont know why this is happening
ive cut out carbs mostly
as my np said will help
ive cut calories as most people say
will help
i guess i cant do anything else
its just going to keep going up
im down to 1 meal and 1 snack
what more can i do?
and eating 3 ,eals or 2 meals just makes the gain faster
so i dont believe that myth that you need to eat more
to lose weight because your body thinks your starving
and grabs the food to store it
if thats true then why did it make the gain faster
im stuck and the more i try the worse it is for me emotionally
because trying isnt helping so im getting more and more upset that
im powerless over this
 
todays food-
a few slices of reduced deli meat
it was 3.33 and the edges were bad when i
got down a few slices
so i tried a bite but it tasted bad
so later went to the store with another
person who was already going
(so i didnt need to pay 5 bucks again for the ride)
and all the 1.67 would buy was a bag of chips
the veggies were 5 dollars a pound with
tomatoes weighing a pound each
being the softest raw veggie i can eat
and im not fast at math to do the figuring
on if there was one that would come out at a 1.67
but then i also wouldnt get many calories
just another bad day i guess
 
i have what i hope is good news
i havent shared it yet because
its new and i hope not just a temporary thing
but here goes
i greatly reduced my insulin
and my hunger is greatly reduced too
(im not sure this is good for my blood sugar)
but that endless hunger is so much less
i may be actually feeling real needing to eat hunger now
like when i get up im hungry
normally i was but when eating it didnt stop
now when i get up i can say ok im hungry
but i shud be
and if i dont eat right away it goes away
IT GOES AWAY
and i can eat when my foods ready
without feeling like im starving and ravenous
Is this too good to be true?
idk but im enjoying it
im so excited

about the diabetes though
i cant just ignore it
not treating it
so im going to go to a dr
and ask for a medication
and not a weight gaining
hunger causing one
hopefully
 
im still not getting that horrendous hunger
its looking more and more that it was insulin caused
i just need to get a new weight in a week maybe
to see if it changes in a better direction too

todays food-
2 boiled eggs
i will eat some chicken later
or a few peppers


and i did go to a dr
she wants me to keep on the insulin
i was too afraid to say im right off it
(im watching my levels closely to make sure
it doesnt shoot up too high tho)
unless it goes up real badly im staying off it
we have the right to decide what if any medications
we put in our body
i feel as tho she didnt listen tho
when i told her about the hunger and weight gain and the fact that
even increasing the insulin several times hasnt brought it down
and i was pretty upset when she said to stay on it
but she doesnt know i was
so it wasnt a good appt

but on the brighter side
she did prescribe me an injectable used
for diabetes and weight loss
its taken weekly
so maybe some hope?
 
i wanted to say that
the few biggest things i did to stop binging
just in case it helps someone else
first i had to get the tempting foods out of where i live
then foods i knew i couldnt control
which was mostly everything
but vegetables
i had to make a safe foods list
and just have those near
and also for awhile i kept my food at another
persons place
except the safe foods
and the other thing was minimizing contact with
a trigger person
meaning that i eventually figured out that seeing a certain person
triggered me to binge
i may have done more there may be more i just cant remember them right now
i may have written in this diary more too
some things i did
anyway i hope this helps
 
I think you are a very kind & thoughtful person, blue. You have your own struggles, yet here you are thinking of others & how your experiences may help someone else. Good for you. I'm glad you are limiting your exposure to the person who triggers those feelings. Take care of yourself as best you can, xo
 
food today--
2 eggs
leftover family beef
can of icing

not feeling well
i cant get my sugars down
ok the can of icing wont help
but since when did i make sense
im debating on going to the other walkin
to see whatever drs there and ask for a med for blood sugar
since i dont want to take insulin
maybe idk
im just very very tired and feel awful
the dr the other day didnt hear me
when i tried to say i dont want to use insulin
hopefully a different one will
 
the other walkins closed too
theres only 1 walkin for thousands and thousands of the people here
that dont have their own dr
so im left alone
no dr to see
id go to the er but the cde i saw said not to go there
that the dr at the er isnt giving good treatments for diabetes
where does this leave me now?
just dont treat my illnesses?
its going to come to the point where an ambulance
will take me if i cant get my sugar down
the insulins not bringing it down
i guess i have no options
this is unbelievable in canada
and id venture to say im not the only one
i hope i get to come back to post here again
 
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