bluehats diary

o and i found a way to get some exercise
since my feet n legs wont let me right now
i just make the food
leave it on the counter
(hoping the cat doesnt want it lol)
then i walk back and forth from my bedroom to the kitchen
getting 1 bite at a time
 
That's a great idea! Don't overdo it to the point where your legs get worse but it's a great way to make your food last long and get some safe movement in.
 
down another 2 pounds
but very tired
likely its the 9 meds

todays food--
large fist size meatball
i made
 
i decided to ask at my next walkin dr appt
to ask if she can try to give me enough
repeats so i only go in once a month at
the most
hopefully 3 months
because i have already 3 appts made for sept
with a few more that will be made
and im cancelling the one that drives me the most crazy
its so unsupportive i hate going
and i told them they are unsupportive
but they keep making appts
they dont seem to hear me
so i just wont make those appts
i mean i have an NP doing the same thing
whu do i have to spend my money on
duplicate appts?
its stupid
hopefully all that frees up more for food
so onwards to a better day
its not so hot in here today
even with all the fans going and doors open
cooler outside so not so hot indoors
whew
 
I hope you can organise it so that you spend less money attending appointments & be able to spend more on nutrition. Glad it's cooling down too for you.
 
Nothing wrong with leftovers. If you have so much swelling in your legs cooler weathwr should soon give you a drop on the scale again, right?
 
not good today
went back on the insulin as the dr wanted
the scales going back up
and im really hungry again
i was losing a bit of weight
but that bad hunger was gone
its all back
so disappointed
i cant fight it
its a losing battle
it feels so hopeless
 
well i dont want to do this but it seems like i have no other choice
i went back on the insulin and the bad hunger began again
so i either stop the insulin
or all the food gets gone
and since my family does not believe in food banks
the food will be trashed
i told the dr it makes me hungry and that i stopped it
and wasnt so hungry
but she didnt hear me
and there isnt other drs to go see anymore with the loss of 3 clinics here
i just dont know what else to do
i dont want to begin binging again
and i have no calling on my cell or a landline
so i cant call a foodbank to come get it
the family who sometimes stores my food for me has
no more space
i feel bad but idk what else to do
i HAVE to make sure i dont eat too much anymore
or start Binging
 
food today--
6 scrambled eggs
chili sauce on top

likely going to eat again shortly
still hungry
before the rest of my foods gone out
 
todays food--
vegetables

missed a half bag of broken walnut pieces in my garbage run
i guess they will add variety anyway
 
todays food--
family pizza 3 small slices

its depressing to be always the one who is wrong
the one who is blamed
the one who did it(whatever wrong thing happened)
and having to even find fault with yourself
to make the other person happy
all those things eventually erodes your ability to make decisions
lest somehow your wrong again
very depressing
 
been having trouble with the healthy eating issue
to eat healthy requires cooking usually
but with a highly impatient and critical family
if i dont have my ass in that vehicle
when they are ready i dont get to go
and its shopping i would miss
and with the cooking which
i admit im not good at and slow at
its harder to eat healthy(on top of the money issues)
and im off most processed canned frozen packaged foods
dont want back on it
and i cant make huge quantities and freeze the rest
its too tempting
any ideas?
(i swear they look in the patio window to see if
im cooking then decide to go shopping lol)
 
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