bluehats diary
- Thread starter bluehat
- Start date
What PLB said.
bluehat
Well-known member
bluehat
Well-known member
dear diary
i still feel like the recent death is somehow
my fault
in the sense that the nice person in my life
(who came to her home to find
her SO dead) resents me as she was with me
that day at the hospital for my presurgery tests
i feel like i wasnt worthy she should have been
with him not me maybe she could have done
something to save him
and feeling this way myself causes more guilt
for being so selfish and thinking that way
and idk what to do with these feelings
i feel so bad for her and feel like she
resents me and wishes she was with him
that day
and it was only for 5 hours we were out
and her world crashed
why didnt i just go alone
(sorry not food related
but sometimes i think life events
do become food related)
i still feel like the recent death is somehow
my fault
in the sense that the nice person in my life
(who came to her home to find
her SO dead) resents me as she was with me
that day at the hospital for my presurgery tests
i feel like i wasnt worthy she should have been
with him not me maybe she could have done
something to save him
and feeling this way myself causes more guilt
for being so selfish and thinking that way
and idk what to do with these feelings
i feel so bad for her and feel like she
resents me and wishes she was with him
that day
and it was only for 5 hours we were out
and her world crashed
why didnt i just go alone
(sorry not food related
but sometimes i think life events
do become food related)
Life events can definitely become life related. And I think it's normal to worry about what might have been. But that doesn't make this your fault in any way. If she hadn't come with you she might have gone shopping or simply been in another room for an hour and not noticed anything until it was too late. People can be irrational while grieving and I can imagine her (wrongly) blaming herself for not being home but that doesn't mean she's right. Big hug and I hope you both find ways to deal with those difficult feelings.
bluehat
Well-known member
dear diary
i totally agree with the non dieting thing
and ive been against eating meals or foods
according to a clock
but always being hungry doesnt allow for
mindful eating
i dont really like artificial outside means of
how to eat such as a plan saying eat this or that when
but being always hungry seems to call for
some kind of outside limits since i dont feel
them myself (fullness)
so maybe im right back to eating x number
of calories but just however and whenever i want them
im not sure anymore and seem to have come to
a standstill or block
i have to get past it because i will weigh more
if i dont do something
and i dont have the clearance to exercise yet
i totally agree with the non dieting thing
and ive been against eating meals or foods
according to a clock
but always being hungry doesnt allow for
mindful eating
i dont really like artificial outside means of
how to eat such as a plan saying eat this or that when
but being always hungry seems to call for
some kind of outside limits since i dont feel
them myself (fullness)
so maybe im right back to eating x number
of calories but just however and whenever i want them
im not sure anymore and seem to have come to
a standstill or block
i have to get past it because i will weigh more
if i dont do something
and i dont have the clearance to exercise yet
bluehat
Well-known member
the 1st one is scheduled for the 17th
at which the surgeon will find out if
he needs to do a 2nd one (which would
really be the 3rd one)
im not sure if i find out that day or
at the 1 week follow up appt.
I'm sorry. Still: best of luck.