bluehats diary

Woe I feel like sh-t.
Seriously considering gaining back the 50 pounds I've kept off from the 58 I lost. I think I actually felt better!
And I wasn't always worried about every dam bite I ate.
Sure I weighed 300 but why do I feel so crappy now?
When is the feeling better or better health going to begin? Am I wasting my time! Again.
 
Oh, Blue :grouphug: There is no way that regaining that 50 lbs is going to be better for you. Trying to look after your health is never a waste of time.
 
Been hard eating and even walking across a room.
The side effects make my legs hurt alot from the cramps they cause during the night so I'm very tired too.
Along with sharp mouth pains at night.
I did find some soup on sale without pieces in it with which to continue to harm my health with.
 
So 2 more bad things happened!!
I hope someday I can post a happy thing here!!!
So I've been cut off one of my diabetes meds. Ozempic.
Suppy issues I was told. Until sometime in 2024.
I do NOT want to know what that's going to do to my blood sugar, my appetite, my weight etc.
Nothing I can do anyway.

And
The scale broke!
Which I say is a bad thing.
But maybe it will turn out to be good. It never says what I want it to say anyway.
Not sure if me and my family member will split the cost on a new one or not yet.
Gee should we?
 
I guess we aren't as it would take at least $25 each to split the cost on even a cheap set.
I guess I can use my clothing fit as a way to tell?
At this time the pants I wore at 300 pounds feel like they are going to fall off in the store.
And I can't do the steps at the cheaper clothing store here. I could likely get a pair for $10 maybe less just to wear out shopping.
So I guess that's not going to be a guage.
Any suggestions?
Cause hunger isn't a way for me to tell if I ate too much or not.
 
256.2
Was able to reach my feet.
Not now.

I guess I need to face that 1500 calories is too high.
1200 then?
 
So been waiting for the feet and leg swelling to go down. It's likely not to. It's a side effect of one of my BP pills. And the leg pain and cramps from the new insulin covered now by my insurance.
I thought the feet swelling was from hot weather but it doesn't go down now and it's very cold now. I can only hope I can get my boots on or I'm stuck inside until crock weather again.
But I need to reach my feet again as I'm the person who has to check my diabetic feet. I'm supposed to get special foot care but it's not in my insurance so I need to reach them.
Not sure what to do now. I guess 242 to 256 was enough of a gain to prevent me.
Y are my meds. so important that weight gain, ravenousness, swelling, pain and cramps are better or good?
Is this a good trade off?
 
I'm not sure this is what or how I want for the rest of my life. I'm so tired.
The cramps and leg pain keep me awake on top of the hourly bathroom trips and nightmares.
And the incredibly dry dry mouth and mouth cheek and jaw pain at night.
What am I gaining? Weight and side effects but no health improvements despite many meds.
I should have went on the all vegetable diet I thought I needed before giving into meds. All meaning just vegetables. Maybe I would have not gained up to as high as I am.
But that's all probably promises too. Whatever they publish about vegetables. Sorry for going on.
I'm just so tired and hurt alot. My body hurts.
 
Sometimes I'm scared where I live.
Not because of any abuse.
But my mother literally died one night about 10 years ago of too much alcohol in her that night.
I live with a family member
who sometimes drinks heavily at night. A binge drinker I believe it's called.
So it's scary for me when this person doesn't get up until the afternoon sometimes.
I probably don't need to say why this is scary.
 
So I'm working on trying to eat a little less even tho I've been told by professionals that ppl shouldn't eat less than 1500 calories a day.
But that advice is so iffy when others told me no less than 1200.
O well.
 
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